Chapter Five

AFTER TWOweeks of meeting Josh each morning, Tyler had slipped into a routine that got him up while the moon still hung over the streets of Cinnamar.

Barely pausing to turn on a light, he’d shower, shave, and pull on running shorts and one of the baggy T-shirts he usually kept for off-season training camp.

Keeping quiet, he’d head to the kitchen, accompanied by Mr. Poops.

The marmalade tabby had nominated himself as Tyler’s sous chef but in actuality wasn’t much more than a warm, squeaky kibble addict who demanded food first and then rewarded him by rolling around on his back and watching with huge, devoted orange eyes as Tyler cooked and fed himself woefully healthy food.

Usually by the time Nadia made it to the kitchen, Tyler would be drinking a second glass of OJ with Poops purring on his lap, soaking up the affection. Tyler would chat with his sister for a bit as she ate her plate of eggs or waffles, and then head to the school track, wolfing down a big banana on the way like Josh had told him.

He’d never been a morning person, but for some reason this cheerful rhythm had put a fire under his tail. As a web designer, Nadia worked from home, so he did her errands after the run on the way home from the Hamilton track.

Just having a routine to follow and Josh’s friendly face to look forward to had made a huge difference. All day long, the run kept him pleasantly sore, and he’d even started doing some minimal weight training at Hamilton in the afternoons after school got out, when the teams were at practice and he had the whole place to himself. Josh even had him stretching now, although to be honest sometimes the stretching gave him a boner because of the associations.

Best of all, he hadn’t had a panic attack in six days.

When Tyler pulled out of the drive, the sky was still deep blue, and the headlights clicked on automatically. When he parked at Hamilton, Josh met him with a happy wave.

It felt like magic. Each night, he went to sleep satisfied and woke up psyched.

Today, the early morning air was foggy as Tyler and Josh ran side by side around the rubberized track. The rhythmic sound of their footsteps, accompanied by the muffled hush, wove a soothing cocoon for them.

“Hey, remember that time in high school when Nadia tried out for the cheerleading squad?” Tyler asked, his breath coming in short huffs. “She just knew she had it in the bag, but during her audition, she turned left instead of right and took out half the girls with her.” He snickered.

Josh chuckled, shaking his head and grimacing. “Yeah. Messy! But Nadia didn’t let that stop her. She just laughed and picked herself right back up. Spirit in spades, for sure.”

“She’s always been like that,” Tyler agreed, a surge of affection warming him. “Like our mom. She never lets anything get her down for long.”

As they continued their run, Tyler couldn’t stop stealing glances at Josh. He’d always been attractive in a boyish way, but seeing him now—grown, fit, confident—stirred up stuff Tyler hadn’t felt in… well, a long time. He felt alive, or at least as alive as you can be with a battered ego and a heart that stutters.

Still, there was more to it than just physical attraction. Tyler admired this guy so much—the way Josh carried himself, his kindness and courage with the kids, standing up for his coworkers. Nadia had mentioned something—apparently some local nutjobs were hassling the school librarian, and he had a sense that the bullying and scrutiny weighed heavily on Josh. He wished he could help somehow, return the favor.

Josh never wavered. He didn’t coach by demanding things or scolding his students, but by doing the thing he expected from others. If you want kids to try, you show them what trying looks like. If you want a team to win, you play harder. If you want bullies to back down, you face them.

“Your pace has improved a lot. And your stamina, since our first run,” Josh said, pulling Tyler out of his thoughts.

“Not that much.”

“That much. Maybe it’s your big banana.” Josh did have a dimple, after all.

Tyler opened his mouth to joke but then hesitated as he searched for the real words. “I just want you to know that I really appreciate these morning runs. Coming out here every day has helped more than you can imagine.”

“Good. Of course. I got you,” Josh replied with a quick smile.

“Thanks.”

“You’ve come pretty damn far in a couple weeks, Fantana. Someone might start to think you’re a professional athlete.” His dark blue eyes sparkled.

“Thanks to you,” Tyler replied. His eyes stung, so he turned to watch the track ahead. “Couldn’t have done it without you, Ayres. I mean it.”

Josh chuckled and pushed ahead a bit, forcing them both to work just that little bit harder.

As they rounded another lap, Tyler bit his tongue. He was fighting hard against the growing attraction he felt for Josh, because he was afraid of what it meant—for his career, for his future, and for their time together as long as he could make that last.

In general, Tyler had always acted on impulse, jumping into situations and then figuring out the mess after. But the past week especially, he’d struggled like hell to keep his natural urges in check. For whatever dumb reason, running alongside Josh each morning made him feel like maybe, just maybe, something might work out between them.

If Josh wanted it, that is. He wasn’t so sure.

Josh bumped into him, his damp arm sliding along Tyler’s. “What’s up?”

“You’re so quiet this morning.” Tyler shook his head. “Everything okay in your neck of the woods?”

“Uh, yeah. Yeah, we’re good.” Josh sounded stiff and looked away, focusing on the track before them.

“If something’s bothering you, you can talk to me. You know that, right?” Tyler didn’t want to pry, but he hoped Josh felt like he could share whatever was bugging him. “If I can help at all.”

“Of course. Just… I don’t know, school politics. Work crap. Nothing worth you worrying about it,” Josh replied, his voice hesitant and guarded.

“Work? Like coaching? You seem pretty amazing, from what I seen,” Tyler pressed, hoping to break through Josh’s defenses.

“Thanks. It’s just… complicated.” Josh sighed, still not meeting Tyler’s gaze.

“Complicated how? Maybe talking about it might help,” Tyler encouraged gently. This had to be the library thing preying on him. He wanted to be there for Josh, just as Josh had been there for him.

“Maybe some other time,” Josh finally said, shaking his head. “Right now, let’s just focus on the run. Getting somewhere good, huh?”

“All right, but remember, I’m here for you if and when talking makes sense.” Tyler couldn’t help but wonder what the real trouble was. Maybe this library mess was worse than Nadia suspected. He’d do some digging today after Dr. Bailey.

Josh nodded, guarded gaze on the ground. “I appreciate it.”

“For that matter, we could also just hang out and take your mind off. You know? Meet up and do something that doesn’t involve running? I mean, I love this, but even meatheads can have a life off the field. Buddies. You know.” Asking it out loud made Tyler feel pitiful.

“Uh, sure. That sounds… nice,” Josh replied hesitantly, a hint of surprise in his tone.

“Cool.” Tyler beamed and pressed the advantage. “You mentioned you like hiking, right?”

“Love it.” Josh’s face brightened for a moment before he quickly hid his enthusiasm behind a neutral expression.

Something was definitely eating at him. “Perfect. We could go on a hike this weekend. Palomar, maybe. Even Mesa Grande or out in the desert. Great trails around here.” Tyler tried to sound casual, but his heart galloped at the thought of spending more time with Josh.

“Maybe,” Josh said noncommittally, looking thoughtful. “We got games all season. My schedule at this time of year is….” He didn’t finish the thought.

“Play it by ear,” Tyler reassured him. He decided to change the subject, hoping to ease some of the odd tension. What kind of school politics could there be out here in the boonies?

Josh seemed to pick up on his frustration and changed the subject. “So, I been doing a little research on cardiac rehab. Nothing nuts, but in general. Interesting, as it happens. I found some exercises that might help.” He shrugged. “Not that I’m an expert or anything, but if I can help.”

“I appreciate you taking the time.” Tyler’s heart swelled with gratitude. “It means a lot.”

“Duh. I just want you to get better, Tyler,” Josh replied softly, finally raising his guarded eyes.

“You’re the best.” No matter how many walls he had to bust through, Tyler was determined to get to the bottom of Josh’s weird funk.

Josh made a goofy face at him. “No, dummy. According to ESPN, you’re the best. The Tightest End in the USA.”

“Piss off.” Tyler changed tack. “Actually, Dr. Reynolds mentioned that I should try a Mediterranean diet. You know, lots of vegetables, grains, whole foods… that kind of stuff.”

“Seems like a good idea,” Josh agreed with a nod.

“Right? And it’s always more fun to cook for someone else,” Tyler hinted. “Maybe we could give it a whack together sometime?”

“Well….” Josh hesitated, his expression hard to read. “I don’t know about that. I’m actually a pretty rotten cook, to be honest.”

“Hey, same,” Tyler laughed, hoping to put him at ease. “But that’s part of the adventure, right? We already know we’re good at tandem training.” He indicated the track around them.

“True,” Josh said, his tone cautious and guarded. “Let me see.”

“Of course.” Tyler sighed. Something personal was eating away at Josh. Maybe it was more than the library deal. “Look… I know something’s bugging you. I’m here if you need help. Deal?”

“Thanks,” Josh murmured, offering a weak smile. “I appreciate that.”

“Anytime.” Tyler dropped it. Josh would open up when he felt ready.

The silence stretched between them, not unpleasant but definitely awkward. A vague, unspoken something hung heavy in the air over the pound of their feet hitting the track. The surrounding landscape seemed to mirror Tyler’s disappointment. The silvery green colors of the early morning now appeared clammy, and the muggy air made him wish he’d just stayed under the covers.

Oppressive unspoken tension, but Tyler kept his mouth shut. Anything he said would only make things worse, obviously. He couldn’t force Josh to open up, but it was hard not to feel frustrated by the distance between them. Even the isolation of the track, the two of them so removed from the school, the town, and their actual real lives, felt fake and impersonal.

Tyler had always hated television cameras for the same reason. Some loud flack barking questions stuck a piece of equipment in your face and you were supposed to chat with it like a friend, a fan. The team had sent him for media training and interview coaching, but staring into a lens always felt so bogus.

He loved his fans. He volunteered for charity visits and school talks. He knew how much sports and fame meant to kids struggling in a small town. He’d been one not so long ago. Nevertheless, he couldn’t stand all the technical TV flimflam that was supposed to bring him closer to people trapped on their couches.

Josh was two feet away and might as well have been on the other side of the moon. Jogging in tense silence next to a man he genuinely liked—more than liked, even—and not addressing the big gay elephant in the room felt the same.

Without warning, Josh stopped running, walking to a halt. Tyler went back to him, still confused but trying to give him whatever space he needed. In the parking lot, the students had begun to show up in earnest. Tyler just waited, watching Josh’s handsome, worried face.

Finally, after what felt like an eternity, Josh broke the silence. His voice wavered with the vulnerability he’d been trying so hard to hide. “There’s something I’ve been meaning to ask… but I wasn’t sure how to bring it up. But you did. Well, not exactly, but I think you’ll get it.”

“Hey,” Tyler whispered and bobbed his head as if giving permission for anything, everything Josh wanted. “You can tell me anything, okay? I’m here for you too.”

Josh swallowed hard and wiped his flushed face. “It’s about Hamilton. Not just me, even. The library.”

“Nadia told me a little bit.”

“Banning books. Like, diverse books. Black, Brown, LGBT, Jewish, you name it. All the stuff you’d expect. Pretty gross. Local jerks.”

“Oh. Oh jeez.” Tyler nodded. He knew all about small minds in small towns. Assholes sprang up like weeds anywhere you let them. “Whatever you need. Count me in.”

“We’ve been under a lot of pressure from the kind of people who have strong opinions and lots of time to meddle, and Principal Carver thought that if you—maybe if you could say something or do something supportive, it might help. It’s just….” He trailed off, seemingly unsure of how to continue.

“Something?” Tyler’s heart pounded. Protective anger washed through him, churning in his belly. “You just have to ask. Josh, I’d say anything you want. I mean it. I got a publicist who hasn’t done jack in three months. Team publicist too. What kind of thing? Name it, buddy.”

Josh looked up at him. “Well, something positive about books. Or tolerance. Even diversity at the school. Inclusion and not being stupid bigots.” He shrugged, his eyes hollow and haunted. “I’m sorry. It’s just so gross. I feel gross even asking, but someone is going to get hurt.”

“Don’t apologize,” Tyler urged. “Swear to God, that’s an easy one. That’s personal for me anyways. I can’t stand bullies.”

Josh’s mouth and brow tightened. “It’s just I know you’ve been staying out of sight. Since the accident, I mean. Recuperating. I didn’t want to mess with any of that. Put you in the line of fire. But it’s getting ugly.” He looked across the field at the school and the town beyond.

“Oh. Got it.” He did. Now he understood. Josh had been protecting him, not dodging him. “Are they only after the Hamilton library?”

“Mmh. Yeah. Well, so far.” Josh wiped his forehead. “Look, last thing you need is more drama. And I didn’t want to impose or make you feel obligated.” His eyes seemed to search Tyler’s for understanding.

“Hey. Joshua. Hey. I am your friend.” Tyler squeezed his shoulder. His mind raced as he flicked through favors he could use and calls he could make. “Seriously. I’m glad you told me. Are you kidding? Believe me, I’ve had people ask me for way, way, way worse. Like illegal and immoral worse. You’re not imposing, and I’d be honored to help you, the library, and the school. I’d do anything for you.”

Josh looked startled. “Thanks.”

“Frankly, it’s the least I can do, and the Swells will be ecstatic. Football grunt standing up for literacy? This is a win-win from where they’re sitting. We’ll nuke them. Watch. You’re not alone, Josh. You say the word, I’m here for you, remember?”

“Thank you,” Josh whispered, a grateful smile breaking through his anxiety. “Your support means… a lot, Tyler.” His searing blue eyes were teary and unguarded.

Tyler almost kissed him then, or something just as scary or foolish. He almost gathered Josh into his arms and held him the way he wanted. Surely Josh felt this too. Instead, he smiled back at Josh, hoping this moment of vulnerability had taught him that Tyler could be trusted.

Just as Tyler was about to suggest they finish the last couple of laps, his phone buzzed in the pocket of his shorts. He fumbled for it and saw Boris Jarlson’s name flash on the screen. With an apologetic glance at Josh, he reluctantly answered.

“Mr. Jarlson. I was just talking about you.” He tried to keep the irritation out of his voice. He hated being pulled away from Josh right now, but Boris wrote the checks.

“Fantana! How’s our MVP’s recovery coming along?” Boris boomed, not even bothering with a proper greeting.

“Recuperation is going well, thanks. I found this sports medicine genius who’s been kicking my ass every morning before sunrise.” He pointed at Josh, who rolled his eyes but grinned at the compliment, with the dimple no less. “Back in the gym, even.”

“Good, good. Only the best. Whatever you need, kid. I’m just calling to bust your balls.” Boris sounded distracted. Then again, he might be calling from the golf course or one of his ex-wives’ condos. He was always somewhat distracted.

Tyler held up a finger at Josh to let him know it would take a minute. “Funny enough, I was just singing your praises. Well, the Swells’, but by extension, yours too. I’ve got a lead on some good local PR for the team.” He winked at Josh.

A yelp and a stumble from the other end of the call. “Stupid thing.” Boris wheezed at whatever it was as he moved around. “Here’s the deal. The coaches and I were talking over you too. I’m just sharing the love. Nobody is you, huh. Tightest End in the NFL, right?”

“Right.” Tyler nodded. He knew his rep as a player in the league. He wasn’t as great as Gronk or Travis Kelce, but he was getting closer all the time. What Jarlson missed most was the merchandising and licensing. They’d even tried to trademark that sleazy “Tightest End” slogan until Tyler’s agent threatened them. The Swells used Tyler as a beefcake poster boy every chance they got. With Tyler in his thirties now, winning games was gravy.

Boris chuckled and sighed. “All sort of plans, we got, but nobody wants to bug you. What I’m saying is, Miratto is doing fine, but he ain’t you, huh? Crossed eyes and a flat ass.”

“Uh, no. I guess not.” He scowled. He saw Josh noticing it and wished he could explain or reassure him. He closed his eyes and tried to focus on the smell of the grass, the pleasant soreness in his legs, the warmth of Josh close beside him.

Boris got to the point. “Any chance you might be ready before end of the season?”

The abrupt question squeezed Tyler’s chest like a giant callused fist. All the pressure of returning to the NFL and walking away from Josh held him tight and shook him. Here was the real reason for this friendly call from the owner.

Tyler started to pace, just to keep his muscles moving and his mouth shut. In the background, he could see Josh’s worried eyes, clearly picking up the vibe from Tyler’s half of the conversation.

Boris pushed harder. “All I’m saying, the hot second you’re ready, the Swells are eager to get you back out on that field. Even if it’s just a couple plays in the last game, some camera time for the fans. A wave and a couple passes. Nothing strenuous, but to show you’re back, all new and improved.”

“Uhh, loud and clear. I’m still working with my doctors and my genius, Mr. Jarlson. I can’t promise anything definite.” Tyler knew full well what Boris wanted to hear. “But believe you me, I’m really putting in the hours, sir.”

“Good man! Just remember, we’ve got your back, kid. And your front,” Boris said, his voice soggy with insincerity. “Take care of yourself, but don’t forget where you belong.”

“Sure thing, Boris,” Tyler replied, biting back the urge to snark. He hung up and shoved his phone into his pocket with more force than necessary.

Josh touched his arm. “You okay?”

Tyler nodded. “I’m thirty-three years old and he still calls me a kid. Captain Fantastic, my ass.”

“Hey. Hey. We’re okay. You’re going to be okay. I promise. Cross my heart.”

As they continued their run, Tyler couldn’t shake the looming feeling of uncertainty. He knew he couldn’t put his life on hold indefinitely, but the thought of leaving this, of going back, was almost unbearable. For better or worse, San Diego was dead ahead. For now, he decided to focus on the present and cherish every second he had left. He would help Josh and fight for the library while he got strong enough to do whatever the hell came next.

Tyler nodded. “Look, I know I’ve got to do what I’ve got to do with football and all, but right now, it’s you and me.”

Josh glanced over at him, a small smile playing on his lips. “Okay?”

“What do you say?” Tyler grinned. “Let’s plan something off the track, away from our morning runs. You know, hang out.”

“Really?” Josh hesitated for a moment before nodding. “Sure. I’m in. Absolutely. Though hiking might be a bit ambitious at the moment. Any ideas?”

“Actually, I was hoping you’d have some,” Tyler admitted, chuckling. “It’s been a minute since I spent any real time around this place.”

“Well….” Josh squinted at the horizon, “We could go to Hearthstone. Or I know this little tourist trap farm stand about thirty-five or forty miles up the interstate. They got fresh peppers, weird crafts, and the best jalape?o cornbread you’ve never had. Some food trucks. If nothing else, it’s great people-watching. Not anything fancy, but maybe a quick road trip?”

“Road trip!” Tyler smacked his arm. “Perfect. Maybe I can pick up a couple healthy ingredients. Is cornbread on a Mediterranean diet?”

“We’ll get you hooked up.” Josh looked dubious but happy.

Even if Josh didn’t know it, Tyler planned to spend every second he had left in this town living his life the way he wanted. He couldn’t remember the last time he’d gone out with someone because he liked them, instead of staging racy pictures for his publicist to post on Instagram.

They finished their run, and Josh walked Tyler back to his car. “How about Saturday, then?” Josh thumped his hood as Tyler climbed inside.

Tyler rolled down his window to say, “Well that, Mr. Ayres, is a date.” He winked at Josh and pulled away, grinning to himself, before Josh could react.

Halfway home, he realized their road trip was exactly that: a date. He had a date with Joshua Ayres.