Chapter 5

Warmth greets me, my body relaxed and fully sated as Boris wraps his arms around me from behind. I nuzzle my head back as he presses his nose into my neck. Peppering kisses along my shoulder, we wake up together.

It's strange to think that I never thought I wanted this. I assumed I was destined to live the life my father laid out for me, and that did not include morning cuddles or sweet kisses. Sometimes, I still can't believe this is my reality, even if it's unconventional.

That's the thing though, everyone around me is unconventional and unimaginably happy, so I refuse to let society dictate what my life should be like.

I spent way too long listening to someone else instead of following my heart, and my heart says this is home.

As I think back to us building this house together, I almost laugh. We had the best time picking out colors for the walls, pretty and rare items to showcase around each room, and creating a kitchen any five star chef would be proud of. However, my favorite thing was and always has been our bedroom.

We have an extra large bed that could easily fit five people, but instead it's filled with fluffy pillows and blankets. And in this cozy little area we seem to have created, never once have we slept more than a foot from each other. Not even when I got food poisoning a few weeks back.

Boris moved pillows and blankets so he could easily go to and from the bathroom with me. He held a bucket in front of me every time I was too weak to walk to the toilet and rubbed my back gently until I fell back to sleep each time.

I was like that for two days, but he never left my side. That was the moment that I decided weddings and vows didn't matter to me. I don't need a piece of paper to tell me that Boris will stay with me in sickness and in health, he's already proven to me he will.

I hum as Boris' fingers travel lower, finding me wearing nothing but his t-shirt.

"Are you trying to kill an old man?" he asks in my ear, the bass of his voice vibrates against my back in a way that makes me want to curl into him.

"Just trying to keep that heart rate elevated. I hear cardio is important for people your age."

I chuckle as a playful smack lands on my ass.

"Watch it, young lady."

"Never." I turn in his hold and kiss his lips, throwing my leg over his hip. I can feel his smile pressed to mine, and it makes me giddy. How is it that a man old enough to be my father can make butterflies erupt in my stomach every time he smiles?

"Good morning," I say as I nuzzle his nose.

"Good morning." His lips find mine again and I lose myself in his touch. I think of how his fingers worked over me last night.

He promised to make up for lost time while I was out on my mission, and he definitely delivered.

The memory of a pair of dark eyes in the shadows flickers into my mind. I let Cillian watch us. Watch me. My heartrate kicks up as Boris leans back to stretch, and I roll the other way, trying to gather my thoughts.

I let Cillian watch and I didn't say anything. He was gone before too much happened, but he definitely got an eyeful. I remember that stupid, challenging expression he gave me, as if he were daring me to say something or be embarrassed.

That's the thing though, Cillian doesn't know me anymore, I'm not that shy girl who was easily shamed into hiding away. He has no idea who I grew into over the past three years. So much happened after he left and I thought he died. So much I don't even think I could tell him.

"I'm going to go get breakfast started. I sent Kevin home for the weekend because I wanted alone time with you." Boris rolls out of bed, leaning down to press a kiss to my forehead. "I hope the kid likes pancakes."

"He loves them," I say on instinct, remembering how much he loved having me over for breakfast whenever his mother made pancakes. He would practically bounce in his chair when he ate them.

Before those breakfasts with them, I never really cared much for the sweet bread, but Cillian's expression with each bite and the smile he wore convinced me to give them another chance.

"Good," Boris says as he begins to get dressed. I must get lost in my memories because one minute he's across the room putting on clothes, and the next he's by my side, running the back of his fingers over my cheek like I'm something precious.

"I love you."

I sit up and wrap a hand around his neck, pulling him in for a kiss. "I love you most."

???

Trying to gather my thoughts feels a lot like trying to clean clothes in muddy water. I throw on a large hoodie and a pair of boxers Boris set aside for me. He has the softest underwear, and I swear if I wouldn't get judged for it, I would refuse to wear any other kind of pants.

My hair is tossed up in a messy bun, and I decide against socks because our heated floors feel too good under my toes today.

Alright, just go downstairs. They're probably having coffee and chatting. No one is dead, probably.

As I walk down to the kitchen, I have a bad feeling that this is going to be my new morning mantra for a while. In fact, I find a little part of myself hoping it is, and that freaks me the feck out.

I think I want Cillian close because he was my safe space for so long. From eleven to twenty we were inseparable. Having him here feels right in a strange way.

No, bad Nessa. Focus on the mission. That's it.

Finding out my father is involved in this mess was like icing on a shite cake, and now I have to process this before said shite goes down.

I have no issue killing my father even if he weren't involved, but the fact that he started trafficking children is enough to prove to me that he deserves to be six feet under. And Cillian deserves to be part of that too, especially after my father took everything he loved away from him.

I close my eyes tightly and pause, forcing those memories out of my head. I can't think about that day right now. I won't.

When I open them, my resolve hardens. Cillian is not the boy I once knew, and I'm no longer the girl he once loved. The best thing we can both do is focus on the mission at hand, which is saving these kids and maybe killing my father in the process.

My mind calms as I walk into the kitchen to find Boris and Cillian… laughing. It's not Boris' fake laugh either, it's a full on belly laugh.

What in the alternate universe is this?

Stunned, I stand there, my mouth likely hanging open. Cillian notices first and winks at me, pulling me from my statuesque state. Boris lights up when I step into his arms, pressing a firm kiss to my temple before he releases me to get back to flipping pancakes.

"Cillian was just telling me about the time the two of you decided to play hide and seek, but you both thought you were supposed to be hiding."

His face tilts with a smile and I laugh, remembering that day.

"Oh my gosh, you mean the time our parents had the cops and the entire Irish mafia hunting for our asses while you hid in the cellar and I was in the barn with the chickens?"

Cillian nods, chuckling. "That's the one."

I'm kind of surprised when I find no hint of bitterness in his tone. He's being genuine as he shares that with Boris. I have no idea why that makes my insides turn to jelly, and for some other reason I'm not willing to admit, it causes my cheeks to run hot.

I turn away to keep them from seeing the grin on my face as I set to making everyone's coffee.

"Evie, Alexi, and Damien are on their way over to talk about the mission and what they overheard on the bug Cillian planted," Boris informs me as I hand him his cup of espresso.

"Do you know if they got anything off of it?" I ask them both as I start Cillian's Americano.

Cillian shakes his head. "She didn't say much to me, but Alexi called his father. I think they want to talk about it all in person so we can come up with a plan."

I nod as the espresso finishes brewing and pass him his drink, knowing exactly how he likes it without having to ask. Our fingers brush briefly, sending electricity zinging through me, but I ignore it and keep my hands busy while making myself a latte.

"I told them I will be joining in on this one," Boris informs me.

That brings me some relief. I didn't want to do the long nights and stakeouts without him. If this job has taught me anything, it's that having a partner you can trust and rely on is fundamental. I don't know if I can trust Cillian yet.

"Great," I say as I take the first sip of gloriously roasted caffeine. Cillian's brows furrow, and I can see he wants to say something. But he keeps it to himself when Boris hands out plates piled high with protein pancakes, fruit, syrup, and a shite ton of bacon.

My mouth waters at the sight of the salty substance I'm sure will kill me if a bullet doesn't first.

Worth every bite.

I hurry and steal a bite of it first, savoring the flavor as a moan slips from my lips. Boris smiles at me while Cillian chokes on his pancakes.

"She is very easily pleased with food," Boris announces. This time Cillian turns red, and I know just where his thoughts went. As much as I'm easily pleased with eating, he knows I also love to be the meal.

???

When the doorbell rings, I practically run to it, excited to see my friend. However, when I round the corner, Cillian is standing there with the door wide open, hugging Evie as she and two of her three husbands step into the foyer. She gladly accepts it. I try to hide my shock, but she notices right away.

Since when do either of them hug people willingly like that?

She shrugs. "He sort of just grew on me."

I shake my head as I move to hug her and she accepts. Evie, nor I, are very touchy people, but there's something about the touch of a friend that brings comfort even when it's simple and short.

Friendships in this world are hard to come by though, they're a special sort of gift I will always cherish.

I step back and Cillian throws an arm around her shoulders, making my teeth grind together.

"Heard you got some news for us, Boss Lady."

Alexi stands there, looking at Cillian's arm like he might break it. And Damien, Evie's other husband, is looking at me. One of his unhinged smiles breaks out and he rushes towards me, bear hugging me and swinging me around.

I try to hold back my shock, but realize what he's doing mid swing. Damien could see I didn't like Cillian touching Evie, so he's going to see how Cillian responds when he touches me.

"Hey there, Sunny," I joke with him and watch Cillian for a reaction out of the corner of my eye.

"Missed you Nessy," Damien says as he ruffles my hair. We have always been close, but he is pushing it with the hair.

I look at Evie and she shakes her head, clearly catching on. Damien sets me down and throws an arm over my shoulders to mirror Cillian. They glare at each other for a minute.

"So, what's the drama?" Damien asks, as subtle as a pissed off bull in a china shop.

"You tell us," Cillian says, pulling Evie closer and making me want to bare my teeth.

What the feck is happening in my brain right now?

"How about I tell you." Alexi steps forward, removing Cillian's arm from Evie and pulling her to him. "Touch my wife again and I will slit your throat."

Cillian swallows, his face subtly changing as he realizes he isn't the only predator in the room, even if he does his best not to let his fear show. And touching one of the leaders of the largest criminal organizations in the world while her husband is in the room is probably not the best idea.

After all, we pair up with those we can believe will protect us. How ruthless would a man have to be in order to win the affection of one of the leaders of the underworld?

Damien may look sweet, but I've seen him behead men with a sword by accident, and then make a joke about it. Alexi's violence is never far from the surface, but he'll wait for his wife's approval prior to making a move. Evie is one of the best trained assassins in the room and could bring Cillian to heel in a second. The three of them are a deadly combination to interfere with. And Lev may not be here, but he has the power to wipe your existence from the earth with his super computers.

When Boris walks in behind me, Damien notices right away and sticks his hand out for a fist bump before squeezing me and allowing Boris to wrap an arm around my side.

During the whole exchange, Evie and I stare at each other. I'm not normally a girl's girl, but with her it's different. Evie found me when I was starting to give up on life. She gave me a family and a future.

I don't feel threatened by her and Cillian, she has more than enough men on her plate with three husbands. I just don't like how he touches her or how easy their friendship is when he only used to be that way with me.

I shove that jealousy aside though because I have no business feeling that way. Things are different now, and I need to accept that.

Boris' fingers tangle with mine as Evie looks around the room.

"Well, if these men are done with their little pissing contest, think we can get down to business?"

I laugh, gesturing to the living area with a few couches and a large bean bag Damien always seems to claim. Sure enough, he hops right onto it, and Alexi stands to the side as Evie sits in front of the coffee table. Cillian, Boris, and I take up a spot on the couch across from her to look at the papers she's spreading out.

"Your bug was good," Evie tells Cillian. "They haven't found it yet, from what we can tell, and he met with a buyer after the party. Lev was able to use his drones to get us a lot of info on the location they discussed."

Lev, her other husband, is a tech genius as well as a skilled artist. Evie places pictures of shipping containers onto the table, along with six photos of men.

"Their conversation made it seem like tomorrow night, a shipment of kids would arrive here." Evie points to the south end of the shipping yard. "This is a property owned by the Prime Minister, he uses it for illegal trade in all sorts of things."

She throws down a pile of missing persons reports next.

"These are people who allegedly worked for him a few months ago. They all went missing around the same time, which happens to be when a new buyer came to town. We think we might know who it is, but Laney is still working on that information."

Laney is another close friend. Well, she's practically family now too. She and I often get drunk and call each other while taking bubble baths. I have no idea how the tradition started, but I love it.

"I don't want her involved in this if we can help it. She has enough going on right now with Arrow's mother, and I want her men focused, not distracted."

Evie looks up at me, a frown marring her face. "I don't know, Ness. Lying to Laney is like…"

"Don't lie," I tell her, putting my hand in the air. I don't like lying to those we are close with. "Just don't offer information until they have their stuff sorted out. Please."

She nods and looks back at her men. Damien and Laney are practically best buds so this might be a big ask, but he nods.

"She has enough going on right now," he agrees.

"Alright," Evie says, shifting some of the reports. "I think you should go in here. From what we can tell the shipment should land on the south side of the port. If it's safe and possible to track it, we might be able to find more kids. If not, save whoever you can. Try and capture some guards we can interrogate for more information."

I nod in agreement.

"If those kids are in trouble, I plan to save them then and there," Cillian says with a bit of bite in his tone.

In less than a second, the nice and friendly Evie is gone, replaced by the woman I know well. "If you can follow them, and they are safe for the time being. We might be able to find all of the kids at once and therefore save them all ."

Evie stands up, putting Cillian below her as she uses her commanding voice.

"The mission is to save them all , Cil. What happens if we get these kids and they kill the others just to prevent them from getting caught, and they go on to start this all over again somewhere else?"

Alexi stands behind her, having her back in the decisions she makes. As do I. These kinds of operations are tricky. They require finesse and timing. If we can find all of them together, it will give every kid better odds at survival.

Cillian's jaw ticks, his breathing growing heavy. Without thinking about it, I place my hand over his in his lap.

"We need to save them all, Killer."

His eyes move to mine and soften slightly. I know kids being trafficked is a hard subject for him, but we have to do this right.

After a minute, he nods in agreement and I remove my hand.

"What do we do about the guards?" I ask, turning my attention back to the plan.

For the next four hours we go over every detail of the plan for the day. Once the tension seems to leave the room, it's actually very productive. Boris has some good ideas about the perimeter, and Alexi brings up some points about logistics of a three man team since Evie and her crew have to stay back.

When we finally wrap up the meeting, I think our plan is pretty solid.

"Can I talk to you for a sec?" Evie asks before leaving.

"Of course." I lead her to the balcony on the third floor, and we sit on the chairs by the table, where I tend to enjoy having my morning coffee while Boris and I read. It's peaceful.

"Soooo," she drawls. I knew this was coming.

Ever since she saw the way I looked at her with Cillian's arm around her, she knew.

"Do you know who he is?" I ask and she shakes her head. "He's… we were supposed to get married. He was the first boy I ever…"

Memories of the two of us rush through my head. Running through tulip fields, laughing until my stomach hurt, snuggling up around a campfire on Cillian's family's property. The words to describe what Cillian was to me get stuck in my throat, like the feeling of acrid smoke tainting all of our memories together and the sounds of cries I will never forget.

"Holy fuck," Evie breathes and I nod, looking out over the fields, trying to forget that burn of ash in my nose that seemed to linger for months.

"Yeah."

"Does Boris know?" Her tone is gentle and non-judgemental.

"He knows most of it." I remove my tied up messy bun and run my finger through my hair, letting it fall in my face to shield me from the world for a second.

"Are you okay?"

"I thought so. Great, even. I thought my life was finally coming together, but now I don't know what to feel. I thought he was dead."

I take a chance and look up at Evie, but whatever she's thinking, she's guarding it well.

"What do I do?" I ask quietly, not sure I'm ready for the answer.

"Ness, you know my answer, but I don't know if you're ready for it."

I'm not. But I need someone to say something before my heart actually rips itself in half.

"Please."

It's not a word I use often. Evie knows that. She knows me. Sometimes I feel like she knows Laney and me even better than herself.

"Why do you think you have to choose, Ness?"

My shoulders sag in relief because that is the only thing I wanted to hear. Evie found three husbands, Laney found two partners, and I was here struggling with understanding how that worked while hoping in the bottom of my heart that maybe, just maybe, it could work for me too.

"I'm afraid they might force me to."

Evie stands up, moving to my side and pulling me to stand too. "If I have learned anything from my experiences, it's that love chooses you. It's never what we expect and definitely more than we think we deserve, but it's ours. We just have to claim it."

I try not to let the tears in my eyes show. This woman is fierce, strong, and everything I ever hoped to be. She figured it out. Can I?

"We have to fight for it, Nessa. If we don't, the world surely won't."

I take her hands and squeeze them in mine, trying to make her feel just how much that means to me. I don't think that can be my life though. Boris doesn't seem like the type to share, and I don't even know who Cillian is anymore.

"Thank you."

"I'm always here, girl. No matter what."

I smile at her, I'm so fecking lucky I have a place in this found family. A voice clearing breaks the silence, and at first I think it's Cillian, until Alexi opens the door and steps out.

"Think I could have a word?" He gestures to me. Evie looks between us and I nod.

"Sure," I say, letting go of her hands. She walks up to her man, pressing a hand to his perfectly tailored suit and kisses his cheek.

"Behave," she warns.

"Only for you, Princess."

The woman practically melts into a puddle before disappearing. Needing to break the growing tension between Alexi and me, I ask, "What do you want to talk about?" as I gesture for him to sit.

He undoes the buttons on his suit jacket before taking a seat, and I sit across from him.

"I wish to speak to you about my father."

Well feck, I'm dead.

I knew Alexi would want to talk about me and his father at some point, but I had kind of hoped that day would never come.

"You are aware of his job, our lives, and who he is," he begins. "You know what you're signing up for, and I am not here to warn you away or tell you to stay. However, I will say one thing."

His eyes narrow in a challenge, but I narrow mine right back. If he wants to doubt my intentions, fine. But this is not a time I will bow to his authority or demands.

"If you hurt him, this life of yours will cease to exist."

I clear my throat as he stares at me.

"There's something we need to get straight, Alexi."

He stiffens at the use of his name, and I sit up to prove that I will not fall under his commands.

"You will not tell me who to love, and you will not threaten me with death like it's something I was ever truly afraid of."

My fingers tighten on the edge of my chair, trying to keep my voice low and neutral.

"I have proven my love for your father time and again, and so long as he continues to love me, I will be here. But if things go south and we part ways for any reason, you will stay out of it. I will not break my best friend's heart by coming for her husband. Got it?"

His face turns red, but I hold up a hand when he tries to speak.

"I have no intentions of hurting your father. I love him more than I ever thought was possible to love another human. I love him like I love the feeling of freedom and the comfort of home. He is mine . So make your little speeches, but understand I am not just another woman to him and he is not just another man to me."

My voice raises at the end, but something I said must have helped him see this isn't a game to me. We have a house and life we've built together. That's not something you just give up on or throw away. At least, not to me it isn't.

"Good. We understand each other then." He stands abruptly, and I tilt my head to the side. "I needed to ensure you were serious before I allowed him to use my ballet tickets."

I snort out a laugh as we walk back inside. Alexi is all hard edges and sharp lines, but when he relaxes those qualities turn into art you just can't take your eyes away from. He can make you feel protected with just one look. He's one of very few men in this world that I trust.

After we make our way down the hall and say our goodbyes, my body sags in relief when the door shuts at their departure.

We spent hours planning, and now all I want to do is go relax in a bubble bath and maybe read a book. Boris has already gone to his office, so I head towards our room, intent on doing absolutely nothing for the rest of the day since tomorrow will be all about the mission. My muscles ache just thinking about it, but the hope we can shut down this organization soon keeps me moving forward.

That is, until a dark figure moves out of the shadows to stand directly in my path.

"What do you want?" I ask Cillian, trying to make it clear in my tone that my brain is done for the day.

That stupid grin splits across his face and I have half a mind to slap it off. But then we would fight, he would get too close, and I wouldn't know what to do.

Not worth the risk.

"Just curious why you got so jealous over me hugging Evie?"

I cross my arms over my chest.

"I think you're confusing jealousy with annoyance."

He shrugs, prowling closer. "Okay then, why were you annoyed?"

Rolling my eyes, I say, "Because it's unprofessional to flirt with your boss. Much less in front of her husbands. You know they could kill you, right?"

Cillian scoffs, biting his bottom lip.

"Might be fun to see them try."

Shouldering my way past him, I stomp back towards my room.

"Just admit it, Sweetheart. You don't like it when I flirt with her, don't like it when I touch her, and you haven't stopped staring at me since…"

I whirl on him, shoving him backwards as my anger shoots out of me as sharp as a bullet from a gun. I'm torn between wanting to cry and wanting to yell, and I don't fecking know why.

"Yes, I was jealous. But guess what, Cillian?"

Crowding his space, I take note of how he watches me warily, all the carelessness and ease falling away, leaving something vulnerable in front of me.

"I already made my choice. I found love in a world that tries to ensure that all we know is suffering." I shove him back again. "I found peace and acceptance and a family here."

Cillian stumbles, his brow furrowing as he watches the hurt rise in my chest. Looking at him is agony. Those eyes hold too many memories that threaten to break me every time they soften.

"I can't live without them. I can't live without him ."

And I mean it too. My life would be empty without Boris. I got used to the emptiness when I thought Cillian died, and I never thought anyone could fill that void. Boris never completely took it away, but he made it bearable. He made life worth living again.

"So you can live without me then?"

Anger and pain lace his voice as he spits the words like venom although the look on his face betrays him, his body sagging in defeat, as if he were about to fall over from the weight of his emotions.

I turn away, unable to look at him while I do what I know I need to do. I need to build a wall, draw a line, and put something between us that's too difficult to break through.

"I've been living without you for three years. What's a little more?"

The words taste like ash on my tongue as my heart burns in a way I never knew it was capable of. It's almost worse than losing him because this time, I'm the one that just shoved the knife into his chest.

I hear a thump, but I refuse to look back. If he fell to his knees, I'd change my mind in an instant, run into his arms and take it all back. But I can't do that. I made my choice, and now I have to live with it.