Chapter 46

Dinner was a surprise, but what got me more was the devotion both of my men seem to have to keeping this baby.

I place my hand over my stomach. It's too early to feel anything, but I know they're in there kicking around. It's weird to think that something so small can have such a big impact on our lives without even being here.

Boris went out to help Alexi on a job, and Cillian is sketching in his room. I love that we have our own spaces here. My room faces the front lawn that is set up with a stroll through garden- like space. Little twists and turns are carved around small water fountains and large blooming plants for as far as the eye can see.

I can't wait to rescue these kids and bring them here. I want this to be a safe place for them to find joy in the little things. Butterflies flying around, bees pollinating, and the trees blowing in the wind. It's peaceful. So much so that I find myself smiling when the sun hits my face.

If I can make this promise to save a bunch of kids I don't know, then maybe I am capable of keeping a vow to protect my own child. Right?

My head spins as so many emotions swirl inside—joy, fear, hesitation, hope. What if this baby brought light to this dark world of ours?

I sent a text to Evie asking if she wants to come over. Originally, I wasn't planning on telling anyone about being pregnant, but I feel like I need to now. I need to sort through this with someone who isn't in the situation.

She responds saying she's on her way, so I make us some coffees while I wait. When she comes in, she glances around with a smile.

"This place suits you."

I blush. I love the house that Boris and I created together. However, the more time we spend here, the more at home I feel. There's something extra cozy about it that I couldn't seem to find back in Russia.

"Thanks, I really like it here."

Norway kind of snuck up on me, but I understand why it's said to be one of the happiest countries. The landscape is beautiful, even if it is cold most of the time.

I hand her a cup of coffee and sit beside her in the large window bed space.

"So, what's up?" Evie asks, eyeing me over her cup. Neither of us are big talkers, and it's rare that we get to hang out without there being something to plan for.

"Can't a girl just want to hang out with her friend?"

I'm chickening out even though I am anxious to word-vomit all of my feelings. I know I could call Dr. K about this, but there's something about my best friend that just feels right.

Evie shakes her head. "I know you, Ness. Spit it out. Are these boys being dumb again?" The way she jumps to my defense before knowing anything is precious. Evie is a fighter through and through.

I sigh, knowing there's no going back now.

"I think we need to call in Laney. She'll kill me if I talk about this with you and don't include her. Especially after everything that has happened."

I pull out my phone as Evie laughs, agreeing that our friend would probably talk us to death with a famous lecture of hers. When I hit the dial button, an awkward silence fills the space until our friend answers.

"Girl," Laney shrieks, "are you even alive? Why haven't I heard from you in like a week? I demand a bubble bath chat asap! Damn, Ness why do you look like you're equal parts glowing and exhausted?" Laney's cheery voice brings a grin to my face.

"I kind of need to talk to both of you," I say solemnly.

Their gazes lock on me and I take a deep breath.

"I'm… pregnant."

Silence.

Like, bone chilling silence.

Then, a screech reaches my ears, making me startle so hard I almost drop the phone.

"Shut up! You crazy fudge-doodle, I thought you were dying! This is amazing news. When are you due? I call getting to plan the baby shower!"

My lips lift, but they can both sense my hesitation.

"Ness?" Evie asks, resting a hand on my shoulder.

"It was an accident and… I don't know if I want to keep it."

They don't say anything. We just sit there for a few minutes in the deafening quiet. I beg for a sign of what to do now, but nothing seems to come.

"I think I understand," Evie says finally, and Laney nods on the screen.

"We both do."

Tears fill my eyes, and I shake my head, willing them to go away. I don't want to cry.

"Girl, if I were there I would give you the biggest hug ever." Laney looks like she might actually try to jump through the screen as Evie folds her legs underneath her.

"What do the guys think? Do they know?"

"They want to keep it." I heave a sarcastic laugh. "Can you imagine? Alexi will have a half-sibling, which is beyond weird for me to think about," I say, cringing slightly at the idea.

"They showed me the nursery they designed and even have a list of names. It's all so overwhelming, and I just don't know what to do. I never wanted to be a mother, and the idea that I already am terrifies me."

I keep going, pouring all of my thoughts and emotions out so that maybe they can help me sort through them. It feels good to get it all off my chest. Some of these things I just can't say to the guys, but they need to be purged from my brain.

"And the worst part is that now I am scared that if I don't keep the baby, they'll never forgive me."

Covering my face in my hands, I curl in on myself. I can't look at them right now.

"I think everything you're feeling is normal, Ness," Evie says.

"Yeah, I mean we've gone to pretty extreme lengths to not have kids," Laney adds. "I can't tell you what to do, but I can tell you that I'll be here to help."

I laugh, thinking about the schedule the guys made up that include Evie and Laney helping out every few weeks.

"Boris said you would say that."

"I'm sure Alexi will want to know his sibling," Evie says, nudging me.

I laugh but can actually picture it. Alexi holding the little baby with that crease in his brow that says he has no idea what to think about it.

"Thank you guys." I sniffle and wipe my eyes with my shirt. "I think this really helped." My friends are amazing. There's a reason I call them my chosen family—they never let me down.

"I'm glad we could help, but please don't put the pressure on yourself that they won't forgive you. You don't know what they'll do, but you know that they love you," Laney says.

"Also, don't tell Akio until you know if you want to keep it. He'll order so many clothes that the child will need two closets. Between him and my guys, my closet is so full I might have to start donating clothes."

"I never thought I'd hear the day when Laney DeLuca complains about having too many clothes," Evie jokes.

We laugh and spend the next two hours talking about life. I catch Laney up on everything happening here, and Evie tells us about how the island school is doing. We all offered to go back and teach some classes. As soon as we find these kids, we're going to take a big family trip.

When Evie leaves and I say goodbye to Laney, I feel lighter than before. A new found contentment settles into my chest. Before I can overthink it, I dial a number. I know I won't be able to go back after this call.

"Hello?"

"Hey, Doc. I think I need your help."

???

I haul bags of groceries into the kitchen and get to work. Boris should be back in about an hour, and Cillian just went to the gym on the other side of the house, so I know I have a little bit of time.

I mix the batter carefully, but I still manage to make a mess of everything around me. Flour and eggs are all over the counter. I had a little bit too much fun creating this recipe and can't wait to see what the guys think.

When I cook with Boris, he usually spends the whole time cleaning behind me. Based on the disaster the kitchen is right now, I think I might need him before I ever attempt to cook again.

Cillian comes in and glances at the mess with a chuckle just as I finish icing three cupcakes to perfection.

"What's this, Love?"

I bite my lip and smile up at him. "I made you guys something."

He looks from me to the cupcakes. It's such a cheesy way to do things. But ever since I saw the idea online, I just felt like this was right for us.

Cillian reaches out to grab one, but I smack his hand away.

"Not until Boris gets home."

Right on cue, I hear the door open.

"Is this what I think it is?" Cillian asks close to my ear. Unable to hide my smile, I nod.

Suddenly, I am lifted off of my feet and spun around in the air.

"Damn, I love you."

"What are we celebrating?" Boris asks, entering the kitchen.

I look between the two of them. "Do you want to know what we are having?"

Boris cocks an eyebrow as he eyes the counter. "Cupcakes for dinner?"

I shake my head, and Cillian walks up to pat Boris on the shoulder. "You can be so thick sometimes, Old Man. Our girl is trying to tell us if we are going to have a little mini Nessa running around, or a rambunctious boy none of us will know what to do with."

Boris' eyes widen, and I can't keep the grin off of my face. My cheeks actually hurt. I don't think I have ever smiled this hard before.

" Lisichka ?"

I give him a nod and he runs to me, scooping me in his arms. He plants a kiss on my lips so sweet I know this will be ingrained in my mind as a core memory for the rest of my life.

"Are we really doing this?" Cillian asks.

Boris sets me back on my feet, and I turn to take both of their hands.

"Together," I say, placing their hands on my stomach.

"Together," they promise at the same time.

We each reach for the dessert I made when a ringing sound fills the room. First, my phone. Then, Boris', and then followed by Cillian's.

We all pause as I answer first. "What is it?"

"We found them. Lev has eyes on them now. We need to hurry, it looks like they could be packing up camp."

Evie's in full mission mode, and my mood turns from sunshine and joy to black as night in a heartbeat.

"He has eyes on the kids?" I ask for confirmation. We have seen heat signatures, and heard of these children, but never once have we laid eyes on them.

"Yes! He's counted at least twenty, but it's getting dark and it seems most of them are in the bunkers already."

We all rush to the bedroom and grab our go bags before running to the cars. Evie texts us a meeting location just outside of the perimeter they‘ve established. We decide against bringing my car because of how loud it is even if it is the fastest.

Instead, we jump in Boris' black Audi Q4 Sportback e-tron with bulletproof windows and doors.

Boris calls Evie when we get in the car, and we come up with a plan as Lev explains the layout. Security seems tight, but there are windows where we can get onto the property. Everything is set up in a circular pattern, the training areas scattered along the outside and the kids seem to be staying in bunkers made from shipping containers. There are a few stable buildings that sit above the containers as well, which we can use as vantage points.

We decide to infiltrate the inner circle of buildings with a two man team of Damien and me, along with Azazel guarding our backs.

Once we're in, Cillian and Boris will pick off the outer security on the south end while Alexi and Evie do the same with the North side. Lev's going to keep an eye on the perimeter and let us know if anything changes.

The heat signatures aren't showing up well, which means they must have an additional measure in place we can't see. We'll have to be extra careful and rely on what Lev can see in the dark.

When we arrive, we do our best to remain silent as we get our gear on. Boris and Cillian stress over the fact that my bulletproof vest doesn't cover my entire stomach. Then, I remind them we have the upper hand, and I'm the best sharp shooter of the group, so they finally relent.

I wish we'd gotten the chance to have our moment to celebrate. I even wrote the name I liked the best on a piece of paper on the plate for them to open after they found out the gender.

Right now though, these victimized kids are not safely tucked inside my belly and need someone to fight for them, so that is exactly what we're about to do.

Soon, we'll have these children safe and sound back at the house, and then I'll tell Boris and Cillian that they're going to be fathers to a baby…