Chapter 28

Nessa wakes up breathing heavily, sweat covering her body. Her arms reach out for the both of us, and instantly we are there. It destroys me on the inside to know that I am the reason for some of this pain. Her fear of me walking away has only caused more stress in this situation.

I want to prove to her that I meant what I said, I am not going anywhere. But I do not know how else I can do that, other than making sure to be here every time she wakes up.

Her head drops to my chest, and Cillian wraps himself around her. I can feel her shaking slightly, so I take her hand and hold it close.

"I think I need to talk to Dr. K sooner than I expected."

Her voice is soft, and I feel Cillian pull her closer.

"Who is Dr. K?" he asks.

"She is our therapist," I tell him. "Alexi hired her a few years ago and now she sees anyone in the organization when they need it. I believe she works very closely with Evie and as of late, Arrow as well."

Cillian huffs a laugh. "I've never heard of a mafia with a shrink. Kinda hilarious if you ask me."

Nessa elbows him in the ribs.

"Hey," he whines, rubbing at his side.

"Don't be a baby."

"I was just surprised, that's all."

He tries to get closer to her, but she makes him work for it.

"Just because we are mafia doesn't mean we have to suffer," I say firmly. "We can be mentally healthy while still maintaining our position at the top of the food chain."

I believe that too. I was surprised when Alexi eventually confided in me about hiring a therapist. I already knew, because I watched where his money went, in case I was raising a brat who thought he could have whatever he wanted. Rather,he spent his earnings on intelligent things, and I always respected that he sought therapy on his own.

When Alexi told me he hired her, he appeared embarrassed that he needed help, and it hurt me to see my son ashamed for taking care of his mental health. I have done my best to de-stigmatize that in this household and organization as much as possible ever since.

When Nessa finally relaxes between us, she turns to look at Cillian out of the corner of her eye.

"Dr. K is an amazing woman, and you'll not talk about her like that. She's a professional, and I've seen the lengths she has gone through to help Evie. You should be thankful she worked with Alexi too, or you might not be alive after you touched his wife."

He groans. "It was just a hug."

Nessa scoffs. "It was you being a shameless flirt and taking things too far."

He nestles into her neck, and his leg brushes against mine when he wraps it around her. I thought that him touching me would bother me, but oddly it does not. Especially when I feel Nessa relax more next to me.

"Fine. You're right, Love."

"I know."

I watch him bite her neck, a soft smile spreading across my face when she laughs lightly.

Maybe this will not be such a difficult transition after all. There was no question when we came home if Cillian would be in our bed with us. Somehow, it is almost as if we expected this. The bed and shower fit us all perfectly. In the few days we have been home, the space has never felt cramped or like it is all too much.

Cillian may have been a surprise, but deep down it is as if we always knew something was missing.

"I will call Alexi in the morning to figure out her schedule and have a time arranged for you. He is her liaison in the organization for the time being."

She kisses my chest. "Thank you."

My fingers run through her hair. I am so proud that she came to this conclusion on her own. While I was hopeful that the brunt of the trauma would ease once we arrived home, I think I knew she would need more.

I never want to force Nessa to do anything, but I always try to create a way for her to see the best things for herself and encourage her to find the most appropriate path for her to heal and grow.

She falls back to sleep quickly, Cillian following her soon after. It is not often that I stay awake and watch her, but tonight I feel the need to see her breathing. It soothes a part of me I was not aware of until I was standing in that forest waiting to get back to her.

I made a mistake trying to leave instead of listening to what she really needed. I should have just asked for time to think. It would have made me realize that there was no way I could live without her. And not just in a simple way. I need her in my arms every morning and in my bed every night. I need her to have meals with and talk about my day. But most importantly, I need her to love me the same way that I love her.

I was a fool to think I could live with anything less and an arrogant asshole for trying to force that on her.

The thing is, I do not hate seeing her with Cillian. Even in the bathtub, the idea that he could add to her pleasure only made me appreciate him more.

When she asked us to come for her, there was no hesitation in me. I still stand firm on the fact that I do not wish to be intimate with Cillian. But having him make her feel good so I get to see all of those expressions on her face as she comes undone is thrilling.

There are so many things I want to try so that she can experience all of the pleasure we can bring.

Not just in the bedroom, but in life in general. When I have to work away, she will always have someone with her, and it will be the same when Cillian is sent on a mission. She will have an extra person watching her back, which is something I never had with my late wife.

I made a mistake bringing her into this life. She was innocent and sweet and did not deserve the end she met. Not that I did not love her, but my love for her was partially a convenience. She was already aware of my world and understood the part I played in it. Yet, part of me still knows to this day that she never accepted that piece of me, she preferred to just pretend it was not there.

Now, with what I feel for Nessa, I see my previous marriage for what it was—comfort and convenience. I wanted someone to share my life with, and she loved the lavish things and easy relationship I could provide her.

We did not discuss work unless it was me expressing the need for her to be extra safe or have excess security. She would nod and agree, then pretend the conversation never happened.

After her death, every time I looked in my son's eyes it was as if she was right there. I felt like a failure, and still to this day I feel the same. The mother of my child died because I was blind to our circumstances. That she would become a target to get to me. I regret that deeply because her innocent life was taken, and my son was left without a mother, ultimately putting a strain on our relationship.

It took a long time for me to accept that I cannot go back and change the past, as well as a few sessions with Dr. K. Honestly, the way she has made a difference in this organization and our entire family has been immeasurable. She tried to say that Alexi purchasing her a car and a house here was too much, but I would buy her ten homes anywhere in the world if it meant she stayed with us.

She helped me realize that while I loved my late wife, I was not enraptured by her.

With Nessa it is different. She consumes my soul like a fire, greedy for every inch of surface it can cover. It is as painful as it is beautiful to watch.

As I lay here, I cannot help but be thankful for my life. I thought the universe was against me, but I think it is just finally giving me back some of the peace I so desperately craved for years.

The sun begins to rise, peeking through the blinds enough that I know my son will be awake. He has a very strict routine.

I slowly and carefully untangle myself from my girl, and she immediately twists until Cillian is holding her. His eyes open and I nod to the door, letting him know I am going to step out for a bit. Nessa wants to get back to working today, but we made her swear to take it slow.

Her ribs are very tender and her feet are still recovering from the burns. I know Cillian was careful when rubbing them last night, and she seemed to enjoy it.

As much as I wanted her to be able to soak in the bath for an hour, I knew it would increase her risk of infection for it to last much longer than twenty minutes. But I did what I could with the time I had, and I think it had the desired effect.

Just thinking about Cillian's fingers brushing against mine as they slid inside her has me adjusting myself. The image he painted of her taking us both at the same time shockingly turned me on.

And now I am about to call my son with a massive erection.

I shake my head at myself as I walk to the kitchen, intent on making an espresso in order to give myself time to calm the fuck down before I phone anyone.

Eventually, when I take a seat at the island, I am composed enough to contact Alexi. It only rings once before he answers.

"Father."

"Hello, Son."

"I was wondering when you were going to call. We only have two cells in our new building and it is becoming increasingly difficult to keep one of your hostages alive."

I pinch the bridge of my nose. Alexi has the two men who hurt Nessa in their new club basement. My mind definitely put that information on the backburner while we helped Nessa heal.

Damien insisted on doing renovations to the torture chamber in their building and said that they will have to keep the prisoners at his new sex club in the city that will be a front for a lot of newer operations.

"My apologies, I will speak with Nessa about it today. She has said she would like to get back to work. I will see if torture is something she feels ready for tomorrow."

There is a bout of silence. "You know I will ensure they are breathing until she is ready, even if that is not tomorrow."

My son may be particular, and he may have a lot of hard edges, but like me, there is nothing he would not do for his family.

"I know that, thank you."

"You are welcome. Now, why did you really call?"

Just like Alexi to get straight to the point.

"She would like to speak with Dr. K."

The words are like a weight off of my shoulders. I knew she needed this, but I did not realize just how much I needed this for her.

"I will inform her. As far as I know her schedule is open later today."

"Just tell her to call Nessa when she is ready. For now, plan for us to be at the club tomorrow. I have a strong feeling my little fox will be ready to play, even if she has to have others help her."

"You are aware tomorrow night is the club's opening, correct?"

"What better way to test out your sound system. After all, you need to know if it is up to par for the opening anyway. Do you think it can handle the job of covering our guests' screams?"

He huffs a laugh, which is a big deal for him.

"That is true. I will have Evie contact Havoc. He really knows how to make them cry out. He booked a room for Laney, Arrow, and himself, but I think we can make this quick. One of the men will not last long, and the other will likely give us everything we want without having to lay a finger on him."

I grit my teeth. "He laid a finger on her. He aided in burning her feet so that she could hardly walk. I plan to do much more than that to him."

Alexi understands what happens to men who touch what is ours. It has always been the Bratva way that we do not cause harm to our women, and those who touch them pay for it with their life. We may be bad men, but even we have standards.

"I will have everything properly arranged."

I down the last of my espresso and set the cup on the counter. "Thank you, Son. See you tomorrow."

Over the next few hours, I busy myself in my office, wanting to let Nessa sleep and rest as much as possible. It's coming up on tax season, and all of my legitimate businesses actually need to pay up. Getting all of that paperwork started now is important.

We still funnel a large portion into the Bratva, but we pay enough so that the government stays off of our backs. They say they use our tax money to give back to our country, but I call bullshit. Alexi and his family help those in need. They are the reason the homeless shelters in the area are no longer crowded.

Damien helped set up a recovery center for those with addiction while Alexi offers incentives to businesses that help fund it. In short, they found a way to motivate the community to take care of each other without taking away from anyone's hard earned money.

Don't get me wrong, we still take portions of their money in order to protect their businesses. Crime is heavy here, especially in the city, but Damien tortured enough people publicly that once the Bratva name is covering a business, very few will dare to touch it. And those that do are made examples of.

I get so lost in my work that the next time I look up, I realize it's nearly ten in the morning. I need a shower, but I need to talk to Nessa first.

When I reach our room, I find her cuddled up next to Cillian as he plays a game on his phone. She seems to be sleeping peacefully.

"How long have you been awake?" I ask him, sitting on the other side of the bed at our girl's back.

Setting his phone down, he turns slightly towards me.

"A little over an hour. This woman sleeps like the dead."

I chuckle. "That will happen after orgasms and pain medication."

"Or just orgasms if you're doing it right." Cillian winks at me and I roll my eyes. "Do we need to talk?"

This kid can read me well. "Yeah, I called Alexi. He had some information I need to share with both of you."

Cillian nods as he rubs up and down Nessa's back, then rolls her over slightly before peppering kisses across her jaw and down her neck. She squirms, extremely ticklish when he rubs his nose over her collar bone.

"Killer," she groans.

"Come on, Love. We need you to wake up."

She shakes her head before covering her eyes with her hands.

"What time is it?"

Cillian glances at me before looking back at her, and I know instantly he is going to cause trouble.

"Almost two in the afternoon."

Sure enough, Nessa gasps and he pulls her to sit up. When her eyes dart to the clock, she smacks him in the chest. Watching them together at times is like watching siblings fight.

"You asshole," she grumbles, adjusting the hair tie that holds her loose bun.

He just laughs. "Boris said he had news, so I needed to make sure you were awake and ready to hear it."

Her eyes fly to mine as she all but scrambles out of the bed. I can tell she is sore, but it is nowhere near as bad as it has been the past eleven days.

"Is it the kids? Did they find them?"

The hope on her face is enough to crush me. When I shake my head and that light in her eyes dies out, my chest aches.

"Not the kids, but I believe it is the next best thing."

She nods eagerly, and they both give me their attention as I relay what Alexi told me.

"I heard them talking quite a bit," Cillian says. "They should know a lot about the children and how this whole system works. Gray mentioned he knew who was in charge when the trafficking first started. He was also informed about how leadership is beginning to change since many are starting to turn on this woman."

I nod, taking all of this information in as he voices his suspicions. It is clear that Nessa's father is now calling some of the shots, but what we need to know is who the other players are and how to get to these children.

"So all I need to know now is are you feeling up to a little torture, Lisichka ?"

She looks at Cillian, then me. "I am more than ready."