Chapter 24

"One mile out," Alexi says as we all strap on our gear. Lev could find no signs of backup coming to the area. It has only been about fifteen hours since I left, but it feels like it has been days.

I barely see the small bunker building come into view before we are immediately greeted with gun fire. Our team fires back, taking down the two guards outside. That should only leave two more if they do not have any backups.

Evie and Alexi run point while Damien follows behind with his men. As we approach the building, Gray comes out from behind the door, hands in the air.

He always struck me as the weak link. But when he burnt Nessa's feet for trying to run away, I stopped hoping that one of the guards would assist us in escaping.

"Take him to the cellars," I order Damien's men. Havoc appears, a glint sparkling in his eyes as if he were buying a shiny new toy.

"I've got him," he says, taking him back to the vehicles.

The sound of a loud machine whirls below, but I have no idea what it is. As we get closer, I realize I haven't seen Green.

Sure enough, rounding the corner I find him with a saw, drilling into the thick glass to get to Cillian and Nessa. Red coats my vision as I fire my gun, bullets whizzing past the team and making Alexi grab Evie to cover her with his body. But I know these walls are stone, so I don't worry about stray bullets.

I hit Green in each leg, then each shoulder, forcing him to the ground where his tool falls and cuts off.

He rolls over to look up at us, laughing his head off.

"I want a piece of him," Cillian yells. My head whips towards them. Nessa is in his arms, appearing pale and lifeless.

"She needs a medic!" Cillian stands as we all grab onto the glass where Green was drilling and pull the piece aside to get to my family.

Mine .

The word consumes me. It is then that I realize I could never let either of them go.

Alexi tries to glare at me, pissed I scared him with Evie, but he knows I would never hurt her, even in my frantic state, so I brush it off.

Is this what Cillian feels like when he gets a new plan in his head?

It makes me understand the kid a little more. Cillian stands as soon as I get to him, handing Nessa to me.

"Do you have medical here?" He is frantic, eyes wide with panic and fear. "Her breathing has been shallow, and she hasn't moved in a while. She's burning up."

"Doc is here with everything she could need. Come on," Evie says, gesturing for us to get the hell out of here. It is a small bunker and perfect for someone to ambush us in, or even seal us down here.

If they didn't already have that saw here cutting through the glass, I don't know how long it would have taken us to get to them. It could have been too late and our girl never would have seen the light of day again.

Thankfully, we make it back up to daylight, and Cillian squints dramatically. I want to hold Nessa a little longer in my arms, but I can feel her body heat through my gear, and her lips almost look white.

"Hang in there, Lisichka ," I whisper. Doc gets out of the van as soon as he sees me. He opens the door and I find lines already set up for her, all he needs is an IV.

Cillian rushes to my side. "He good?" He gestures to Doc and I nod to him.

"He is the best, and a family friend."

Doc has been with me since we met in college. He was a medical student, and I was a business major who needed connections. After I saved his life from some drugged-up bastards, he swore his loyalty to me and our organization. He is one of my very few friends.

"Lay her here," he tells me, gesturing to the bed. The stark white sheets are almost the same color as my girl, and it scares me. Her clothes are tattered and burnt, so I cover her with a sheet as soon as I lay her down and Doc gets to work securing a line.

Cillian stays at her feet, watching everything and nothing all at once. Nessa doesn't move when Doc inserts the line in her arm and starts fluids and antibiotics. It makes my throat swell with emotions. The same ones I see written all over Cillian's face.

His eyes fill with unshed tears, but he hardens his face in determination as Doc gets to cleaning her wounds. I am familiar enough with the procedures to know he has already given her pain medications that will likely keep her asleep while he works. It is not a luxury most can afford, but he knows I will pay any amount to ensure she is comfortable.

"How is she?" Evie asks, appearing by Cillian.

"She is weak, dehydrated, and septic," Doc says. "However, I have everything I need to make sure that we see her through it."

Evie looks at Nessa, then me. "I'm sorry I sent you into that trap. If we would have waited for more–" Cillian stops her.

"No. This is my fault, my burden."

"Cil–" Evie tries to reach for him, but he pulls away.

"No."

I give her a nod, letting her know I heard her apology. She walks away then, and I see through the windows that Alexi has an arm around her, walking her to their car.

"We should be good to move," Doc says to the driver. "Get in." He gestures to the seat next to him and Cillian hesitates. I know he thinks he doesn't deserve to be by her right now. He is killing himself on the inside to punish himself for what happened to her. But it isn't any one person's fault. Other than her father's .

"You cannot apologize to her if you do not get in the van, Kid."

He looks at me and swallows. But after a moment, he nods and climbs in, his fingers encasing her hand as he sits at her side.

"You all need a shower," Doc says, breaking the silence between us.

I shake my head, a short laugh escaping me, but Cillian doesn't even look up. I jerk my chin at Doc, asking to switch seats. He moves immediately, allowing me to slide right next to Cillian. I rest a hand on his shoulder and squeeze.

He might not be ready to talk, but with my men, I have found that simply being a solid presence can be enough.

"I thought we were going to lose her," Cillian finally says, his voice thick with fear.

I pull his shoulder, bringing his gaze to meet mine so that he understands the seriousness of what I am about to say.

"I will never let that happen, Kid. We are family now." I squeeze his shoulder tighter and he nods.

"Together?" he asks.

"Together."

???

We arrive at the hospital and Doc gives us both a look I know too well.

"I am not leaving her side," I state simply. However, my friend is no longer afraid of me. He knows I need him alive and well, so he is one of the few who will stand firm against me.

Just when he goes to speak and a few of his trusted nurses take the stretcher with Nessa on it behind two doors, Cillian steps in. "I'm going with her," he says, pushing the doors open. Doc stands in his way.

"This is a sterile room."

I can see the muscle in Cillian's jaw tick, and as he starts to raise his hand, I grab his shoulder.

"Stop," I command. He freezes and turns to shoot me a venomous glare.

"I am not leaving her." He growls, his body shaking with barely controlled rage.

"If you go back there, you put her at risk," Doc says, the only words capable of stopping us in our tracks.

"How?" Cillian asks sharply.

Doc's eyes soften. "She has an infection, a severe one. You're full of dust, dirt, and Hades only knows what else."

Cillian's muscles begin to relax ever so slightly as he begins to understand.

"I'm not going far, then." Doc nods immediately.

"I agree, you should stay close." That has us both stiffening. "Not because she is at that high of risk, but because I do not want her to wake and worry."

"Doc," I grit out, losing my patience.

He sighs. "Go to the suites. I will have my nurse call the moment we are done."

"Until then?" Cillian questions.

Doc pats him on the shoulder, and to my surprise, the kid lets him. "She is going to be sedated while I carefully clean her wounds, wrap her fingers, and ensure the burns on her feet don't need skin grafts. The bruising on her abdomen indicates that there is a possibility of internal bleeding. I need to run some tests to make sure it is not serious. I cannot do these things with the two of you posing an infection risk and the danger to my life each time I do my job in a way you might not agree."

He levels Cillian with a hard stare, and I blow out a long breath. I would micromanage his every move and Cillian would question every time he laid a finger on Nessa. At the end of the day, I trust Doc with more than just my life, I trust him with my family.

"Let's shower, Kid. I know where to go."

"I will have supplies sent up for Cillian's wounds." Doc points to Cillian's fingers which are bloody from chipping away at the wall.

Cillian nods, and I put my hand on his shoulder to guide him in the right direction until he begins to follow.

It is not my hospital because we needed to get to one closer to our current location, but I have contacts here. I send a message to a business partner and make my way upstairs. This hospital is state of the art and used by some advanced trainees who created a full program here dedicated to advancing medical technology. It is set up kind of like a school on some of the upper floors and contains a few suites for guests to stay in.

It's not till we are through the doors of the larger hotel-like suite that he finally looks at me.

"We almost lost her," he chokes out. He is not crying, but I see the way he fights back the tears.

I will not be able to stay composed if I have to watch him fall apart. "You shower first. I will get us coffee."

"You and I need to have a talk, Old Man." His nostrils flare in frustration, and I pinch the bridge of my nose in response.

"Yes, we do. However, while she is away from us, I am not capable of having this conversation."

He walks up to me, crowding my space. "Then, as soon as we are done here, we go to her. Both of us. And we don't let anything pull us away again. Deal?"

I have so many questions for him, so much more I need to know and understand. Almost everything about this situation between the three of us confuses me.

However, one thing is crystal clear. She needs us. Both of us. And I need to be there for her.

So, as much as I wish to fight with this kid and yell out all of my confusion and frustration so that someone can help me make sense of it, I hold back.

Nodding, I take a step to the door.

"Showers. Then coffee. Then when she is in my arms again–," Cillian clears his throat, clearly agitated by the comment. "Our arms again."

He nods his approval, and I want to roll my eyes but refrain. "Then I will have this conversation with you."

I grab the door handle and turn, but before I can leave the room, he stops me.

"She asked about you every time she woke up."

Emotions threaten to choke me.

"And every time I assured her that you would be there. Don't make me a feckin' liar, Old Man."

Before I can make my escape, the bathroom door slams shut. I knew I had hurt her, caused her fear and pain. But I have a feeling that those worries of hers run much deeper than I ever could have thought. And I regret ever walking away.

???

I gaze out the window at the beautiful landscape before me. The hospital is fifteen stories high, and I am in the middle one where the cafeteria is, getting our second cups of coffee now that I am freshly showered.

I drank the first before I brought the kid his cup, and when I stepped out of the bathroom Doc had his nurse call to say it was going to be a little longer but that everything was okay.

I could not find the strength to sit with Cillian in silence and just wait, so I offered to get us more coffee. He merely shrugged when I asked if he wanted one.

Sitting still was not an option, so I got up and left, my mind racing with so many thoughts. It was as if my body was moving on auto pilot, like I was stuck in a frenzied daze. I know I got us the coffees, and at some point, I walked over to the large windows, but I can't remember the in between.

Did I even pay for these?

Heat radiates in my hands, reminding me that I am still holding the fresh and very hot coffee, but it is as if I cannot come back to myself enough to set them down.

As I look out across the vast scenery, all I can think about is the past and try to pinpoint the moment it all went wrong. I was too naive as a child to wish for the mundane and too cocky as a teenager to hope for a modest lifestyle.

However, when I lost my wife, I prayed for freedom from the chaos. But I ended up punishing myself by never pursuing it because it was something I believed I didn't deserve after I had failed her.

In the silence, I began to yearn for the white picket fence and a basic routine. I wanted what you saw in romantic comedies. A home full of laughter and happiness. Dancing in the kitchen with a woman I loved for no reason at all and staying up late just to talk about our dreams.

By the time I had realized that time had passed, my son was grown and I was alone. An old man in a home full of pretty things no one would ever be able to appreciate with me.

But then she came through like a hurricane, shaking up my life until I had no choice but to let her in. And once I did, it was like I reached the eye of the storm. Quiet and peace found me and I was able to find happiness again. The thing I had been praying to the gods of the universe for had presented in the form of a redheaded spitfire that calmed the chaos raging inside of me.

All of a sudden, I saw those white picket fences again, and I found someone to laugh with. To share my life and dreams with. She gave me peace, so I vowed to find a way to give her the same.

Whether it be the plethora of expensive bath bombs, the hundreds of dresses I have had made for her. Or holding her in my arms until she believed she was safe, swearing to cut down any monster that threatened her happiness. I promised to hold onto this dream again because I had found her .

I knew from the moment I met her that she was unique. Nessa was not fragile and did not wish to be pampered, but she let me do it anyway. She did not shy away from my work nor the dark side. No, Nessa stood like a force that dared me to push back. And every time I did, I was reminded of who she is.

Mine.

I finally had the thing that I asked all of the gods of the universe for. And yet, I tried to walk away like a selfish idiot because I got scared.

It feels like it was months ago that this happened, but Evie informed me it has only been 6 days. Not even a full week.

My hands begin to burn under the heat of the coffee, but I don't set them down. I just continue to stand there, punishing myself in the only way I know how.

"Father."

A throat clears beside me and I jerk in surprise. Although he doesn't say anything, I see that stupid ass smirk on my kid's face.

"What?" I ask sharply.

He shakes his head. "You and I are alike, remember?"

I finally register just how badly my hands are burning and set the cups down on the table in front of me before turning back to Alexi.

"Is that supposed to mean something to me in this moment?"

"You were thinking. And punishing yourself."

He looks pointedly at the two drinks I finally grabbed covers for.

"Your point, Son?" I ask, growing impatient.

"You need to talk."

I laugh because my son is the last person I want to talk about my love life with. Or my problems in general. I was never the best father, but I have been trying to make up for that recently. I am certain that being a good father is not speaking about your problems and fears with your child. You are supposed to be the strong one. The man they look up to.

Except, the way Alexi looks at me reaffirms that is far from the truth, even if it was what I was taught. "This is not something I can talk about with you." I raise my hands in surrender, knowing he is going to insist. "Please, do not push me."

He assesses me, looking me up and down before nodding and pulling out his phone.

"This is not a topic I feel comfortable to discuss with you," he states.

"Alright?" I look between him and the phone before blowing out a breath.

"So, I called someone who I believe can help."

He hands me his phone, a call already connected. "I do not need to talk to a therapist about this," I tell Alexi as I bring the device to my ear. It is not that I don't believe in therapy, more that I feel the need to gather my thoughts together before I share them with a professional.

"Well, thank fuck I'm not a therapist then." My nephew's voice startles me.

"Arrow?" I question.

"Sure is. Heard you're having some lady problems."

I scoff, and Alexi smirks at me. "You can thank Evie." Then he turns and heads out of the room.

I will not lie, if he wanted to talk to me about my relationship dynamic, I would have likely said no and continued staring out the damn window. But his wife seems to know what I need before I do sometimes. It is strange, but something that makes me adore my daughter-in-law.

But my nephew is different. He and I are not very close. He knows I care for him, he has just kept his life separate from mine.

Maybe that makes him the best person to talk to about this after all.

He is with Laney and her partner Havoc. I do not fully understand it. It is clear to them that these concepts of more than one person in a relationship are new to me, and everyone so far has been helpful in explaining it, so long as I do not come across as judgemental.

At first, I was. Everything about what they were doing seemed wrong. To me, it felt as if the women were disrespecting their men and telling them that they could never be enough. But Evie helped me see that was not the case.

I am still struggling to understand it all, though. What I do know is that she loves them all with her whole heart, just as they love her and each other the same way. And the same goes for my nephew and his boyfriend and girlfriend.

"I am trying to understand," I admit.

"What is it that you are struggling with?"

I do not know the words to use, but Arrow is one who will allow me to say what I need without humiliating me for getting it wrong, so I say it.

"I am not bisexual," I grit out, frustration making me grind my teeth.

Silence.

"Arrow?"

"Still here." I can't tell if he is laughing or clearing his throat. Maybe both? "Did someone say you had to be bi? Nessa is a female right? I mean, if she isn't that's fine, I just feel bad she didn't feel like she could open up."

"What?" I am beyond confused right now. "Nessa is a woman."

"Okay," he sounds confused. "So what does your not being interested in men have anything to do with it?"

"Because she loves another man."

I almost knock over the coffee with the way my arms shoot out in front of me in frustration.

"Um." He clears his throat and then pauses. "Alright."

"And I am not bi."

"I never said you were." Rustling sounds over the line as if he were changing positions or just as irritated as I am. "Why do you keep saying that?"

"Because I do not want to be with the man she loves."

I want to hit something. It is as if he does not understand anything I am saying.

"Ohhhhhh," Arrow drawls, finally getting it. "I don't get it."

My fist slams down on the table in front of me.

This is not going well.

"How does something like this work without the men also being together?" I shout, my feet moving until I am pacing in front of the windows like a caged animal at a pet store. I have no doubt the people around me are staring, but I really cannot be bothered to give a shit at this time.

"Won't there be jealousy? Will Nessa constantly feel like we are playing tug-of-war with her? How do you sleep at night? Do we take turns in different bedrooms and I have to suffer nights without her, or do you just do your best not to touch each other in bed and keep her in the middle? How do dates work? Should I want to marry her, do I have to marry him too like Evie and her husbands did? What the fuck is a collar and how is that different from marriage?"

Okay, I might have let myself go off on a tangent.

Arrow starts laughing, loudly.

"Slow it down there, Uncle. You have gotten way too in your head about this."

That is equally not helpful and helpful.

"Explain," I bark out, trying not to scream in utter frustration.

"Look, believe it or not, I felt a lot like you do in the beginning."

"I AM NOT BISEXUAL!" I yell because Arrow is, and that is not something I wish to explore.

No disrespect to him, it is just not me and I do not want to be pressured to doubt myself.

He chuckles. "You have made that clear. I was referring to the confusion of it all."

"Oh." I sit down in front of the table and try to focus on his words instead of my warring confusion. I need the thoughts in my head to settle before Nessa wakes. I have no intention of leaving her again, but I cannot function like this.

"First, your relationship is what you guys make it. My dynamic with Havoc and Laney would have worked out if Havoc and I weren't into each other too. And that was a battle on its own. With Laney, I guess it clicked for me when I realized Havoc's love for her added more to her life than I was capable of providing alone. That was when I recognized it wasn't just about me. It was about the woman I loved and giving her everything she deserves."

I look down at my feet as I imagine not being bothered by Cillian's presence in our lives. Instead of fighting him or being worried he will take her away, what if I collaborate with him to find ways to make our girl even happier than I could do alone?

"That makes sense."

"Uncle, if you don't want to be with Cillian, you don't have to. There are no set rules. Make your family what you want it to be. It may be hard to see it with Alexi because he grew up with Damien and Lev. There was trust there from the start. But you have to trust that you and Cillian will make this work and continue to work on it together. Jealousy is a choice, but you can reassure insecurities to help prevent it."

We talk for a while, and Arrow helps me get my mind in order. I needed a distraction to prevent myself from spiraling while we wait, and it seems that Alexi knew just when to push. I hang up with Arrow when I get a message that Nessa is out and being set up in a room with an extra-large bed and a view.

Now that the confusion has begun to settle, I finally feel like I can go to her. I need to convince her that the promise I am about to make is real.