Chapter 14

"Twenty million and you leave tonight."

The car goes deadly silent. Part of me hopes he takes the deal. However, a bigger part of me hopes he turns out to be the man that I think he is.

Cillian signals to take the next exit, without a word or even a breath. He pulls over onto the side of the dark road. For a minute, his car idles there as he stares out the front window with two hands on the wheel.

"Twenty million?" he questions, and my stomach sinks. "How would you get me the money?"

The part of me that hoped he would take it and run regrets everything I just offered. But if it is this easy to get him to leave her, then he is not who I thought he was. And he definitely is not the man Nessa thinks he is.

"I could have the funds wired to you within a few days. Half now, half when I know you are well and gone."

He runs his hands through his hair and then turns to face me with an expression I have not yet seen from him. Our eyes lock for longer than any normal human interaction, but I try to level him with my seriousness.

Then, he laughs. Clutching his belly and drawing up his knees, he breaks out into a hysterical fit of laughter. Actual tears form in his eyes as he continues, and I have no choice but to sit here and wonder if I am sitting in the car with a psychopath, or if this is normal behavior for someone of his upbringing.

"Oh," he says, practically wheezing. "Dammit, Old Man. You had me for a second. I thought you were serious."

I look around, wondering if we might be on camera of some kind because this is not normal behavior. "I am serious."

All of the laughter, the smile, everything vanishes faster than I could snap my fingers, and a new man sits in front of me. His face is growing red with what I can only assume is rage.

"Do not insult me. Do not insult her like that."

He moves over the console, pressing his body into mine while giving me no choice but to lean against my door.

"If you think what we have is worth twenty million dollars, then I'm so sorry to break it to you, grandpa, but it's worth infinitely more than that."

A breath of relief I was not expecting escapes me before I can control it, causing Cillian to grin.

"Damn, Old Man." He sits up and puts the car in drive, turning around to get back home.

"You really had me there again. Your poker face is excellent. Is that how you got so rich?"

I think I am going to get whiplash from this kid.

"I got rich by brokering thousands of deals for the drug trade across multiple countries while also running fifteen legitimate international businesses."

He whistles. "Such a hot shot. No wonder she fell for you."

I cannot tell if he is being sarcastic or just his normal psychopathic self.

We sit in awkward silence for the rest of the drive as we finish our shakes. The closer we get to the house, the more I think of her. The way her eyes widened when I found them in the bathroom together.

Cillian may think he is sneaky, but I could feel his eyes on us the other day when I was feasting on my girl on the couch. Just like I could feel him there tonight. A body in the rafters. Those dark eyes were so focused on our girl I don't think he noticed when I began watching him back.

Our girl. Fuck. Is she really ours, or just mine?

I saw the slight tick in his jaw when I touched Nessa. He is possessive, but not to the point that he pulls me away from her. Something I am confused about because the moment he walked into my house, I wanted to stand between him and Nessa so that he could not look at what was mine.

Cillian is different, he puts Nessa in front of himself. Not like a trophy to show off, but because he is aware of who she is and the gift she holds with her presence.

It pisses me off as much as it makes me happy.

The way he went down on her, touching her and getting a feel for everything she liked so quickly was something I never thought I would enjoy. But I did. It was very evident how much I enjoyed it. I just could not understand why.

Getting to watch her face from afar when she came undone was like a gift and a form of torture all in one. As much as I wanted to be the one between her thighs, I also loved watching every inch of her react to him.

But the scared look in her eyes at the end unbalanced me. I expected her to be putty in his hands as he helped her to the car or back to her seat. I expected her to pull me close and cling to the both of us for support on the way out.

I did not expect her to look hurt and fearful or to bolt out of there, leaving us behind. Just like Cinderella did with her prince.

Which has me concluding what Cillian already understood. I let her have what she has always wanted, and she was scared I was going to take it away from her.

As we pull up to the house, Cillian pats me on the shoulder before getting out and letting himself inside. I take my time though, knowing she is waiting for me, and I am not quite ready for the conversation we are about to have.

I expected tonight to go so many ways, but this was never one of them.

???

I take a deep breath as I lift my hand to knock on the door to our room. For a moment, I hear nothing as I strain my ears to listen for more. There is a split second where my heart rate picks up and panic starts to set in at the thought that maybe she left. I don't think I could live life without her.

Before my brain can spiral into a whole host of ‘what ifs', the door cracks open slightly and a sense of relief washes over me. She does not come out though. In fact, she doesn't even look at me.

I feel a crack beginning to form in my heart. On the one hand, I am glad she is still here, in our room and waiting for me. On the other, I am terrified that what we had is ruined forever and that we will never be us again.

When I look through the doorway, she's already walking back to our bed, crawling in, wearing a pair of my boxers and one of my shirts.

Nessa scoots into the center and folds her knees up, red eyes looking at me when I finally step through the threshold. She does not say anything, simply watches me.

"Why did you do that?" she asks eventually. Her voice is so quiet, hoarse even, as if she had been yelling.

"I could not bring myself to deny you something you wanted."

She scrunches her brows and a scowl forms on her face.

"I never said I wanted that."

As I take a seat on the edge of the bed, she moves back, putting more space between us. Sighing, I stare down at my lap.

"You may not have used your words, but when I look at you, looking at him, I can see your love for him, Nessa."

I rarely use her name, she is always my little fox. But not now. She needs to know I am being serious.

"I love you , Boris. I have loved you for the last year and a half. There is no life that I see myself living without you in it."

She glares at me, none of the usual ease and comfort between us. We never fight and this is why. Neither of us likes to be angry, and we work hard to not let anger come between us.

"I never said I want to be out of your life," I tell her honestly. "But maybe my role in your life needs to be different. He came back from the dead. I think that is a sign that he is who you should be with."

The words taste like acid on my tongue, bitter and painful.

"You're delusional if you believe the universe decides our fate. We decide. We choose."

I think about that for a minute, letting her words sink in. She is not wrong, but I know what she is doing. There is no world where we go to sleep in each other's arms tonight as if nothing has happened.

Something in our relationship has shifted, and I need to accept that. Even if I have to do it for both of us.

I will not force her to stay with me because I am what is safe or what she is comfortable with. It is clear who she needs right now, and my season in her life has come to an end.

I close my eyes and take a breath, hoping I can put on the mask I wear with so many others right here because it is the only thing that is going to get me through this.

"Do you love him, Nessa?"

Her mouth opens, but no words come out.

"It's okay if you love him. You always have, and part of you always will. I love and respect you too much to get in the way of that. I can step back and let you explore your feelings towards him."

Standing, I take my favorite pillow from the bed.

"I promised you everything you could ever want, and I will not go back on that promise."

"I want you to stay." Her voice breaks as tears stream down her face. Her hand reaches out for me. "You said together. We are supposed to do this together."

My chest aches. I think I may actually be able to feel it tearing to pieces as she reaches for me again. My breath stutters, and I turn away from her. If I touch her, I won't be able to walk away.

"Together might need to look different, Lis …"

I almost do it, I almost call her Lisichka and break both of us even more. But I hold back because I can't ruin that name for either of us. She will always be my little fox. Cunning, brave, fierce, strong. But she deserves to have her chance at happiness, even if it is not with me.

"Boris." I hear my name through clenched teeth and flinch. "You…" she hiccups and I roll my lips together, biting them to keep from saying anything. "You're breaking your promise."

Her breath is shaky, but she doesn't move to stop me. Maybe she knows my restraint would break, maybe she knows that all she needs to do to have the man her heart really wants is to let me walk out the door.

So I do, for both of us.