Chapter 56

I’ve never seen Cillian as jealous as he was when I came home with the bright, red ring on my finger. Hell, I think bringing him home to Boris for the first time was less tense than the way he froze up and stormed off to his room.

He came back later to apologize, but I think Kai was the one who made him do that. Kai couldn’t have been happier for me. He practically jumped into my arms when he saw it and then did the same to Boris.

Even though we are already technically married, I think seeing the ring made it real for all of us. It matches the red in Aiden’s stones perfectly, and I already know I will never want to take it off.

Which leads to the reason for my anxiety now. I’m on the jet with Cillian, headed someplace where I know he will ask me to marry him. I’m slightly afraid there is going to be a competition for who gave me the better ring. I have already thought through all the scenarios.

I could wear Cillian’s on my other ring finger, but that could also cause jealousy. I could take turns with them on each finger, but I never want them to think that the reason I switched fingers is because I’m mad at someone or favoring someone else.

Kai and I went for a drive last night and he asked me about it. He helped me see that we have all been through so much, so it shouldn’t matter what finger I wear the ring on, as long as I wear it.

Which is a joke because all three of these boys can act like jealous toddlers at the drop of a hat.

Cillian’s hand squeezes mine as the plane begins to land. I can feel his excitement humming through him like a live wire. Whatever he has planned, I know it will be perfect.

I was only half kidding when I said that they had to ask me. Hearing they had already married me just felt weird when I wasn’t the one to agree. I can see why they did it, but it was still a shock.

It was then, when we were all in the car together that I realized something. For so long, I doubted my self worth. I doubted who I was capable of becoming and the lengths I would go to for the ones I loved. There was always a lingering doubt that at some point I would no longer be good enough.

But then, in the car, when we were all together as a family, the fire behind us lighting up the night sky as a clear symbol that our enemies were vanquished, I finally realized something.

Everything I had ever hoped for in life, I had. Two men who love me unconditionally. A son who adores me as well as his fathers. A family that would fight for and with us until the very end.

Stopping the car in the middle of the road was dramatic, but that lightbulb just flicked on so brightly that I couldn’t help it.

That’s when I decided I wanted two proposals. I wanted to make a big deal out of the love that we share, both individually and together. I wanted to show it off with a wedding my eccentric best friend would plan to perfection. And now I’ve gotten myself into a mess because I have no idea what I am going to do when Cillian proposes with his ring.

We quickly deplane, and the familiar scent of a land I once called home washes over me like the caress of a wave.

“Killer, why did you bring me here?” I ask, looking around the air strip.

He only holds out his hand at the bottom of the steps, smiling up at me, sadness bleeding into his expression.

“I once made some pretty big mistakes, and I want to rectify that with you.”

My fingers tangle with his as he pulls me in for a kiss. “Are you ready to see where I was all those years that you thought I was gone?”

A knot forms in my throat. I want to know, but I also don’t want to revisit those places for myself.

Cillian’s thumb grazes my cheek before his lips press to it softly. “Trust me, Love?”

So I nod my head and try to push aside the lingering anxiety.

First, we stop at Jerry’s Ice Cream Pub. Yes, it is a pub that also serves ice cream. Cillian and I would come here often with Enya to snag a cone on warm summer days. I always got vanilla, Enya would get strawberry, and Cillian would get his disgusting toothpaste flavor.

I never told him that I hated it for two reasons. The first was because Enya loved it. They would each finish half of their cone and switch so that they could get both flavors. When Enya wouldn’t come with us because of ballet, Cillian and I would switch. I got used to the overly minty flavor with time, but I never once said no when he asked if I wanted to switch.

Which is why when he hands me his half way through, I take it while giving him mine. We walk through town, a few of the shops tugging at long lost memories.

“Where to next?” Hiding my grimace as I try to ignore the smell of the mint burning my nose.

Cillian watches me carefully before pulling me to sit with him on a bench. His head tilts, and I mirror his expression. “What?”

“Why did you never tell me?”

“Tell you what?” He drapes my feet over his lap and snags the cone from my hand, giving me back my vanilla.

“You know, the first time we all went to Jerry’s, I asked Enya what you liked. She told me you liked almost anything but hated mint chocolate chip.”

My mouth nearly drops to the ground because I have been doing my best to keep this a secret for almost fifteen years.

He chuckles, shaking his head. “I knew she loved it, but the first time we went without her, I didn’t even think when I handed you the cone to switch flavors. I was just so used to doing it with her. I was going to take it back, but you surprised me. At first, I thought maybe the flavor was growing on you like I was.”

I laugh, taking a long seductive lick of my perfectly sweet vanilla.

“You left an impression,” I say with a wink.

He huffs jokingly. “I watched as you would take lick after lick, scrunching your nose up every time as if you were trying to hold your breath and not taste it.”

“You jerk,” I say, swatting at his chest. “Why did you keep trading with me if you knew?”

That gorgeous, rare grin spreads across his face, the one I dreamed about coming back to me one day. “I was curious why you did it, and when I realized it was probably so you didn’t hurt my feelings, I wanted to see how much that meant to you.”

“So you were testing me?”

He shrugs, finishing up the last of his cone. “I guess so,” he says with his mouth still full. “You know I didn’t really have friends, it was just me and my parents and then you and Enya. I think part of me was trying to figure out why and how long it would take for you to tell me the truth.”

I take the final bite of my cone and dust off my hands. “So, why do you think I did it then?”

His dark hazel eyes sparkle when they look into mine. “Because you loved me. Even then when we were just kids and didn’t know what it meant. You loved me.”

I lean forward, propping my elbows on my thighs as I scoot closer. My chin rests on my palm while I stare at him. This boy I loved before I even knew what love was.

“I think you’re right,” I whisper. “Since the day I met you, I don’t think a minute went by where I didn’t love you. Even when I was angry, hurt, sad, or scared, you were still my first love. You always will be.”

“Come with me.” He stands, walking us through the town center. We toss a coin into the fountain in the middle of the square, and then he is pulling me to the meadow that rests on the side of a cliff. There is a large fuchsia plant that he brings me to with a blanket on the ground beside it.

It’s beautiful, the red and purple petals freshly bloomed. I loved that these were Enya’s favorites. I would cut them down to put in bouquets for her recitals, and Cillian would do the same.

It was always a bit of a joke with us because, since these flowers bloom upside down, the bouquets always had to have a backing that cradled the flower instead of allowing it to stand up like a rose.

Enya always had a knack for loving what was unique.

As my fingers trace over the flowers, they stop when I reach one in the center. On it hangs a black ring, curved along the edges to wrap around a single band with a red stone on either side.

My hand goes to my mouth as I let out a gasp and turn to find Cillian on one knee.

“Nessa, you were my first love, and I have known for quite a while now that this is where I wanted to ensure you would be my last. This field is where I would go every time I came back into town to check on you. I would walk through the flowers and let the smell of them remind me of every moment I held you close. I would stake out the town and watch you interact with everyone before going home. Then, I would perch up in that tree and keep watch over you at night.”

He points to a tree off in the distance, right behind where my old house is.

“This field is coated in the blood of anyone who ever tried to harm you while you slept and everyone I could get my hands on that ever wished you dead.”

My gaze travels across the flowers and a smile forms on my face as I realize what he did.

“I would slit their throats then toss them over the edge,” he says with that menacing smile I have truly come to love. “I would watch when the world became too much for you, and you would run out to these cliffs and scream into the wind. There were times where I stayed only a few feet away from you just in case you ever thought about jumping off.”

Thinking back, there were a few times I almost tried. What stopped me was the scent of him. Sunshine mixed with wild flowers. I would tell myself that if he was watching me from above, then he would be disappointed if I gave up.

I fall to my knees in front of him, tears in my eyes as he picks the ring from the flower, takes the one off of my finger, and threads them together so that they fit perfectly.

“Kai told me you were worried that there would be tension because of the rings.”

Cillian tilts my head with his finger. “When Boris proposed, I wasn’t jealous. I was mad at the jeweler for giving Boris your ring before they had the second piece ready. I wanted to make sure they fit together perfectly the first time you saw them. I’m sorry if I made you worry.”

A soft sob breaks from my lips as I wrap Cillian in a hug, knocking him to the ground as I squeeze him tight. His embrace wraps around me like a shield, surrounding me so that all I know is love.

“It’s perfect,” I breathe when I sit up, hovering over him. He smiles up at me, tucking some of my hair behind my ear.

“Yes, you are.”

Our lips meet again, and this time I relish in the feel of him against me. He tastes like every dark thought I have ever had and smells like sin. And still, his heart is gentle and kind just for me.

The way his hands roam my body tells me he is still my Cillian. The boy I ran in these fields with, the one who held me when I cried and was there for me even when my own family wasn’t.

He isn’t the unhinged psychopath he tries to get others to believe he is. He is Cillian, and he is mine .

“Together,” I say into his mouth.

“Together,” he whispers back.

Maybe this is the only vow I truly need from them, the promise of forever in each other’s arms.