Chapter 46

Having my mom accept who I choose to be is like a huge weight lifted off my shoulders. She trained with me for nearly four hours last week after everything happened, and I have a schedule to work on something new each day with everyone in the family.

As much as I want to know all of these skills, and be as proficient as each of them at everything, I’m aware I will need to narrow it down a bit.

I love fighting with Damien and Alexi. That is probably one of my favorite areas to train in. Lev teaching me how to get out of some tricky knots was my second favorite, but probably more so because Nessa was so excited about it. Since it was a skill that didn’t have me learning to hurt anyone and was solely to save myself, she was definitely a fan.

Akio and Adrian have been walking me through different explosives. Their training has been limited with them not wanting to expose the girls to the depths of this life just yet, but they are excited to be part of teaching me new things.

It’s been incredible to see how much Ami and Ani are improving with them. All of us have started to learn a good bit of sign language to help them too, since Ani has begun to prefer it over talking. I enjoy it though because she and I have always been close, and the more signs I learn, the more she acts like we have our own secret language.

True to her word, Nessa has trained with me every day, even if it’s just shooting a clip at the range before we go to bed. I like that I don’t have to keep this part of me a secret from her anymore. I know she was just trying to protect me, but I want to be able to protect her too.

There may come a day when I don’t feel ready to be on the front lines with them, and I know that I can always tell them that and take a back seat with Lev to help with the drones.

He’s taught me all about the different kinds of tech he has created with them, and I have to wonder if he’s secretly Iron Man. For some reason, I can just see him in a hot rod red and gold suit that he made to help protect us all.

That’s been the common theme. No one has a skill that they don’t use to protect others at some point. I haven’t been taught to take advantage of people, I’ve been taught to protect. Cillian said something about us all living in the darkness of the underworld, but I can’t help but think he’s wrong. They may not live in the light, but they do good things. I want to help them see that.

The girls we rescued from the boarding school have been coming to some of the sessions with me. Maree has taken mostly to Dr. K though, and I wouldn’t be surprised if she goes to school to be a psychologist. Storm has bonded a lot with Laney, and they seem to spend a good amount of time together. Rhea hangs out with Lev a often when she and Rick are fighting, but lately she’s been following me for some reason.

I can hear her and Rick bickering often, but they always seem to work through it. When I was heading to a session with Dr. K yesterday, I overheard her say something about how their trauma bond can be volatile because they’re each other's trigger just as much as their comfort.

I didn’t mean to hear it, but now that I have, I think I understand what she means. I could correct Rick on his form while fighting and he takes it well, but if Rhea does it, it’s like his brain shuts down.

She’s the same way. Today, we were hacking into a secure military server in Russia, just to see if we could, when Rick tried to show Rhea a shortcut. Her mood darkened immediately because of the way he phrased it. Suddenly she was lashing out at him which caused him to yell in return. It ended with her throwing her headphones across the room and tears swimming in her eyes.

As soon as she relaxed, Rick was there to comfort her, looking like the perfect couple that would weather any storm and nothing like the spark that activates a short circuit in each other's brains.

Dr. K has talked about my own trauma bond with Nessa, and how we need to be careful about getting too attached in unhealthy ways that make us rely on each other with unrealistic expectations. I see that a lot in Rhea and Rick.

“I’ve got some footage everyone needs to see,” Lev announces, walking into the kitchen where most of the family is seated.

“What is it?” Nessa asks as Boris presses a button and a large screen descends from the ceiling.

“When did you have that installed?” I question.

“This is where we tend to do a lot of business. I thought it would be helpful.”

Lev plugs in a cord that connects to his computer, bringing up surveillance footage.

“This place is unlike anything I have ever seen,” Lev says as he walks us through the orphanage where Ronan is holding nine children.

Well, teens. They’re all almost eighteen.

White walls line every room and surface. The kids are all wearing black shirts and shorts while security wears gray. It appears more like an institution in this show Cillian and I have been watching. One where they lock up a supernatural being, only for them to turn against them and melt everyones brains during their escape.

The recruits walk like robots, as if even their movements have been tailored to fit a specific mold. But nothing is more terrifying than when Lev pulls up video footage of a room that looks too normal for the situation.

There are books on shelves, and a small grocery-like aisle set up near some art prints on the wall. It’s strange, trying to simulate too many scenarios in one area.

That’s when someone starts to speak. All nine children stand at attention like soldiers. Blank faces stare ahead, their posture a mirror image of the person next to them. All of the girls’ hair is identically cut, and the boys’ buzzed heads shaved down to the same length.

“Blend in,” a guard orders, and it’s like a switch is flipped. In an instant, they go from soldiers to normal looking teenagers as they stroll about each section of the room. Some flip through books as if interested in the contents, others grocery shop, and some stop and stare at the art on the wall as if they were in a gallery.

“Holy shit,” I gasp, hardly realizing the words slipped out.

“Ditto,” Cillian murmurs beside me. “That’s not right.”

“Are they capable of being saved at this point?” Havoc asks, not really looking for an answer. No one gives him one as we stare at the exercise playing on the screen.

They are given orders which are followed without thought. You can see they hardly have time to process the directions before their bodies move exactly as they are told. Like little puppets. Or dolls.

Just like Ronan calls Nessa his little doll.

Nausea churns in my stomach, threatening to overflow as I picture Ronan having control over my mother in the same way he has taken control of these kids. My hand finds hers and she squeezes, making me think her mind is creating the same images in her head as I have.

“Mom,” I say warily, but she shakes her head.

Glancing back, I see Dr. K holding a hand over her mouth in shock. That’s when I know to be worried.

“Can we still save them?” I ask her. When her eyes connect with mine, I already know the truth.

Silently, she shakes her head. “This level of brainwashing would take years to undo, if we even could. This is far beyond my level of expertise. It could be possible, but I will need to reach out in the field and find someone who has experience.”

Dread seems to consume the room as Evie pulls out a computer of her own. “Who do you know that could undo this?”

Soon, everyone has a computer or some sort of device as we try to think through this mission. Ronan said this would be impossible, taunted us with how to find them, and now we can see that saving them is going to take nothing short of a miracle.

While I believe in these people because I was once saved, this is something so much greater. I want to help these kids, but I have a bad feeling about what we’re about to get ourselves into.

=====

Another week of planning and everyone decided it was time to make our move. When Lev got word that the teenagers would be sold off within the next month, Evie and Nessa said we were going to make our move.

Dr. K helped set up a place where the survivors will be able to go to be deprogrammed. She was able to find a specialist in the field who agreed to see the kids through treatment, no matter how long it took.

I, however, have a horrible feeling about all of this. Ronan told us where to go. He baited us.

And we’re all aware that we are walking directly into a trap. I should want to be on the front lines with Nessa. I should want to protect and defend like I’ve done so many times, but admittedly, I’m just scared.

“ Misha , are you okay?” Boris asks me quietly as our large van pulls up just outside of the security of the orphanage. I won’t lie to him. I won’t lie to any of them.

“Not really.” I shrug. Boris nods his head, keeping his words just between us.

“It is okay if you wish to stay back today. You have the trackers to watch, and Lev can always use backup in the van. Besides, you know it would make your mother more than happy to have you out of harm’s way.”

Blowing out a breath, I nod in agreement. It makes me sick to stay back, but it would be worse if I went and ended up being a distraction. “Yeah, okay.”

Boris wraps an arm around me and pulls me close for a side hug. I return it, leaning my head on his shoulder and drawing a little comfort from his strength. When we break apart, something he always lets me lead, I feel a little bit better.

“Thanks, Pops.”

He ruffles my hair, smiling at me. “I will always have your back. Now, I think it is time to get this over with so that we can go get some ice cream.”

“Not toothpaste ice cream, right?” I say with a disgusted face as I remember Cillian having not one, not two, but three bowls of the stuff last night.

Boris’ nose wrinkles in disgust. “Definitely not.”

The van comes to a stop and we get out to meet everyone. Lev is inside his little work zone in the back, surveillance pulled up already while he types away.

Rhea is with him, her headphones on. The light for Bluetooth connection is blinking, letting me know it’s just for show and that she only has them so no one talks to her.

I chuckle under my breath, climbing into the van and pulling up the extra seat. Boris is informing everyone that I’ll be hanging back, which has Rhea removing her headphones.

“Let me go in his place,” she offers, jumping down from the car and walking over to the group. A few of them exchange looks, but eventually they agree.

She and Rick got into a big fight just before we left, and he decided to stay back. I wonder how he will feel now. While I know Rhea can defend herself, the idea of her going in makes me even more sick with worry.

“If she’s going with them, I’m going to need extra eyes on the monitors,” Lev informs us, pulling me from my thoughts.

I nod, settling in and getting the screen set up just the way I like. I arrange the feeds so the hallways all sit at the top and the exits at the bottom with the rooms in between. I can track what is happening faster when my eyes know exactly where to look because everything is organized. Alexi, aka Batman, taught me how being prepared can give you the advantage you need during these missions.

No one will tell me the story behind his nickname still, but I feel like he actually enjoys it when I call him that. The man I once thought of as cold and calculating has actually been an amazing big brother.

Two arms wrap around me from behind just as I pull up the trackers on my phone and set it in front of me.

“You okay?” Nessa asks quietly.

I squeeze her arm before turning in her embrace to hug her. “I’m good. Just nervous. I can’t explain it, but I feel like he has something else planned and we are missing it.”

When we separate, she bobs her head. “He could be planning something, but I trust our family.”

It’s on the tip of my tongue to ask if she trusted them when she got shot, but I don’t, because I wouldn't bring that up to her in a moment like this. Or really ever.

So instead, I hug her again, trying to show instead of telling her that I need my mom to stay safe out there. I need her to come back to me.

“Together?” she asks under her breath.

“Together,” I agree. “Always.”