Chapter 31

A familiar cry wakes us in the night, followed by the bark of a dog. In an instant, Adrian and I are out of bed and in Ami and Ani’s room. The familiar glow of the purple night light they picked out shines enough for us to see Ami trying to comfort a crying Ani.

Our dog, Bella, sits at the foot of her bed, watching her carefully. The girls have been getting better in a lot of ways, healing and figuring out who they are as kids now. However, when the nightmares hit or the panic sets in, they can easily force themselves to hyperventilate. Bella has been helping with that.

She’s aided them both with the nightmares as well as teaching Adrian and me when the girls need us to intervene or when they can work through it themselves. We now know a decent amount of sign language because of their speech delays, but they still try to talk often, which is encouraging.

I have to admit, when I see Ani with tears streaming down her face as she hiccups on a sob, my heart shatters.

“Hey, my sweet girl,” I coo.

Without hesitation, she leaves her sister’s side and opens her arms, coming directly to me. I know better than to talk to her when she’s feeling this overwhelmed, so I look at her sister as Adrian pulls her to sit in his lap. She’s crying too, but we can tell it’s because of her sister and not her own nightmare.

“It’s okay,” I sign, over and over. Bella nudges my arm so that she can press her face on Ani’s shoulder, and we sit there in silence as we let the wave of fear wash through us all.

When her breathing becomes more stable, I look into her eyes.

“You okay, Ani?” I ask and sign at the same time.

“Yes,” she says before signing ‘trapped place, need outside’.

I smile and lift her into my arms. One thing that has helped them both when the nightmares hit is taking them for a walk outside. We don’t usually have to go far, but just a short time under the stars or in the dim light of the morning seems to help them. It reminds them that they are free and we will keep them safe.

‘Safe’ I sign to Ani when we get outside. Adrian does the same to Ami who hugs him tight around the neck and rests her head on his shoulder. Bella follows at our side as we walk around the expansive yard. Thankfully, the weather is nice, the bite of cold seeming to be just what we all needed to snap our senses back to the present.

“Ani okay now?” Ami asks before yawning.

“Yes,” Ani replies. It’s quiet, but we all hear it as she clings to me. “I okay.”

Something settles in my heart every time she allows me to comfort her, to love her. I never knew how much I would want to be a dad, but now, I couldn’t see my life any other way. These girls are deserving of all of the love in the world, and we will give it to them, even on the days when it’s hard.

Adrian and I knew adoption would be a lot, but Dr. K prepared us well. She helped us learn about ourselves as well as the girls and their traumas. Through all of the struggles has come this beautiful sense of family I never thought I would find.

Ani leans her head on my shoulder, letting out a long sigh as we walk back inside. “Safe, Baba.”

My eyes go wide, stopping in the doorway to look back at Adrian. We have been teaching them to call me Baba and Adrian Dada. Dr. K thought the repetitive speech patterns would be easier for them, but this is the first time Ani has called me this.

“Dada, safe,” Ami says, her eyes falling closed on Adrian’s chest. Tears spring to both our eyes as we hold our little girls, feeling like this was all meant to be. I hate knowing what they've experienced up until this point and wish it hadn’t happened to them. But I am grateful to get to be a part of their second family and their healing journey now. I plan to give them the whole world if they let me.

“Baba loves you,” I say, placing a gentle kiss on Ani’s head.

Sometimes traveling between Russia and Norway sets Ani or Ami off, but I think this time, they may actually feel more at peace. They love their aunts Laney, Evie, and Nessa, and they ask about them, Azazel and his daddy often. I think they know that we will keep them safe, but these people are also their home.

I only hope we can help provide this for the rest of the kids too. Not that we can adopt them all, because we can’t. But I’m determined to help find them a place to call home with people who love them for exactly who they are, trauma and all.

And I think I know just how to make it all happen.