Chapter 18

Everyone around me is celebrating, and I don’t fully understand why. It’s a welcome distraction though, and I find myself smiling because everyone seems to actually be happy.

Nessa doesn’t have that lost look in her eyes I had gotten so used to seeing, and Boris and Cillian aren’t quite as attached to her as they were before. It’s almost like they can sense she doesn’t need them quite so close.

The kids around me clap and run around, playing with a seemingly endless supply of noisy party decorations. If I were more tuned in, I’m sure my head would hurt.

Dr. K said I deserve to be a normal kid, but it’s times like this where I don’t feel normal. I don’t want to run around and play games, I want to sit here and make sure that everything goes well.

Taking a bite of the soda bread Boris taught me to make, I have to hold back a groan.

“Isn’t it the best?” Cillian says before stuffing the entire piece in his mouth.

“I didn’t know bread could taste like this,” I admit.

“Just wait until we make it with stew. When you dip it in, it sucks up the broth so perfectly and makes it even better,” Nessa says while Cillian chews loudly.

“I can’t wait,” I say with a smile. “Thanks for teaching me to make it.” When I look at Boris, his chest puffs out the slightest bit with pride.

“You caught on fairly quickly,” he says.

“Quicker than you did, Father,” Batman adds in.

Boris rolls his eyes but I can see the wariness in him. I get the feeling he doesn't open up much by the way he hardly speaks. I think it was a big deal for him to try and teach me something.

“Maybe I just had a better teacher,” I quip, making Batman scoff in disgust.

Everyone laughs, and Boris seems pleased with my response. It makes me happy to do that for him.

After everyone finishes their meals and most of the kids are asleep, I help do the dishes. One by one, everyone joins in to tidy up. When everything is clean, Evie nods to me, determination shining in her eyes.

“You ready to tell us about these other camps?”

I swallow, feeling a lot of pressure over this, but Boris comes to my side and gently places hand on my shoulder in support. “If you are not ready, we will wait.”

I take a deep breath, letting it out slowly.

“No. No more waiting. They deserve to be set free just like us.”

Boris squeezes my shoulder before letting go. “Alright then, if you are sure.” I nod and he gestures to the table.

Lev sits down and pulls out a computer from the bag around his chair while Laney gets out a sparkly pink notebook and matching pen. Akio and Adrian took up kid watching duty, but the rest stayed to come up with a plan. Dr. K decided to go to bed early, and while no one has heard from Doc today, Batman insisted he needed the break.

We all get comfortable before Damien brings over a plate of cupcakes for dessert. Nessa stills, and Boris and Cillian go completely rigid. When her face blanches, I make a move to check on her, but Damien interrupts.

“Thought we could all use a snack,” he says, oblivious to the whole table holding their breath for Nessa’s response.

Her eyes seem to glaze over, marking this as my cue to intervene. I stand, taking the tray from Damien who eyes me skeptically before finally picking up on the mood. An unreadable expression crosses over his features as I take the treats into the other room.

I don’t know the reason for their icy response, having never seen people act so anxious over a sugary treat. I'll be asking someone about that later, for now these treats need a place to be devoured.

I know there are a few older kids still awake in one of the larger rooms. When I enter with the tray, their squeals of delight let me know I made the right choice.

When I make my way back down to the dining area, voices reach me first.

“You okay, Love?” I hear Cillian ask before I enter, causing me to pause.

“Yeah,” her voice is so soft. “Yeah, it just reminded me of-”

“We know,” Boris says.

“I’m sorry Nessy, I totally forgot.”

She clears her throat. “It’s okay, Sunny. Let’s just get to business.”

I make myself known then, walking in and sitting back in my chair.

“Thanks, kid,” Cillian says before holding out a hand for a fist bump. I return it as I look at Nessa. She smiles at me, although it doesn’t reach her eyes, but I nod, knowing she was trying to say thank you.

I might not know what just happened, but just like with the kids, I feel like I can sense what these people need before they even have to ask. Like we’re all on the same wavelength.

Lev looks up from typing as Damien scoots his chair as close to him as he can and wraps an arm around his back. You can see their love for each other as clear as you can see Nessa’s for Boris and Cillian.

I’ve never known people to take on multiple life partners, but I get the sense that is what family is here. They all love each other unconditionally, which is so rare that I can’t help but want to see more of it.

The way they all support each other is something I have only ever dreamed of.

“Alright, Kai,” Lev says, snapping me from my thoughts, “tell us what you know.”

Sitting forward, I rest my arms on the table. “The guards would talk about training up, which meant if you did well you could earn a spot at the nicer camps. Private rooms, personal bathrooms, everything like that could be earned. There is even a level you can reach where you get to pick all of your meals.”

I think back to the way some of the guards would try to motivate me to earn it, but I was sure to mess up just enough that they wouldn't take me from the others.

“I say this because a lot of these kids are sixteen and only know foster care, which makes their current setup a literal dream. Some won’t care what they have to do to earn it if it means they have a warm bed to sleep in at night.”

Everyone seems to understand where I’m going with this.

“So if you bust in there and start killing everyone, these kids will fight back. They won’t look at you like a rescue team, they will see you as someone in the way of the life they earned.”

Damien raises his hand like this is some sort of middle school class and I’m the teacher. I have no idea how to respond to that.

“Just say it, Damien,” Evie says with a sigh.

“Okay, so how can we make them see that coming with us is the better choice? Do you think they will believe us if we tell them that a better life doesn’t have to be earned?”

I shrug because I have no idea. All I know is it’s going to take one hell of an effort to convince them.

“If it were me, it would take a lot, but I think I’m different. A lot of older kids tried to get to this level. I stayed because I had people to protect.”

Nessa looks at me with a proud expression, and it gives me so much strength I feel like my heart might burst.

“So what will motivate them?” Damien asks out loud.

“Money.” Batman states.

I shake my head when an idea dawns on me. “Wait, I might have something.”

I think back to how this team earned our trust when it hits me.

“The hot bunks!” I shout, causing everyone to startle and stare at me. When I realize they’re as lost as a bunch of sharks on land, I explain further.

“They aren’t punished with violence there. Instead, the guards make them spend their day in a hot bunk, like an intense sauna you can’t leave. It would be manipulation for sure, but I think we can do this to help them trust us.”

“Do what?” Havoc asks while Laney’s pen hovers over her notepad as she also tries to understand.

“If we go in and get the kids out of those bunks first, then take them to the others to vouch for us, it could be enough to win their trust.”

“Kind of like how I saved you,” Nessa says as it clicks.

“Exactly.” I tap my fingers as more ideas come to me. “You could leave some of the guards for them to kill too. Give them weapons after showing them the gun is loaded. That would also get them to believe you.”

Boris nods approvingly while Cillian has this psychotic gleam in his eyes that should probably scare me but really just makes me want to laugh.

“One problem,” Nessa adds, making everyone look at her. “You keep saying ‘we’ and that isn’t happening. You can help us plan, but you have to stay back here where you’re safe.”

Nausea bubbles in my throat as I process her words. “What?”

“Kid, it’s not safe out there,” Cillian adds.

“We cannot promise your protection.” Boris' words hit the hardest because they are the most firm, his voice ringing with authority, making it clear he is one of the ones in charge even if he is the most quiet.

I stand up, my chair nearly tipping over behind me as it screeches along the floor. Nessa flinches, and I know I should feel bad, but what the fuck ?

“Y-you said I get to choose.”

Damien shakes his head dejectedly as Batman stands, buttoning his suit jacket.

“Throwing a tantrum will not get you your way here, Kai.”

“I am not throwing a tantrum,” I say, slamming my fist into the table. “I’m the one telling you how to set up your entire mission, only to get cut because of what? My age?”

Laney stands and eyes Alexi. Her pink unicorn top should calm me down a bit, but I know better than to think that just because she dresses like a princess that she’s the nice one. Alexi takes a seat again after she gives him a look.

“Kai, we need your help here. We will always need your help. You said that it was important to get to these kids, right?”

Some of the anger in me calms at her gentle voice. “Right,” I say thickly.

“Think about it this way for just a second. We go on this mission to get them out, and you get hurt or worse . How do you think we would all feel? Not only that, but what would the kids we are trying to save think? They could assume we are just like their captors, using child soldiers to do our bidding.”

I make the mistake of looking at Nessa then. That scared, hollow look is back in her eyes. She gave up so much to protect me—put herself between me and death. Put me before her baby.

Sitting down with a resigned sigh, I feel the whole room relax. I’m still hurt, but Laney has a good point.

“Okay.” My voice feels raw, but I agree and try not to feel dejected.

I give them all the information I can think of when it comes to possible locations. I tell them flight times and how many guards have been reported to be there. Between the two other camps, I don’t think there are more than twenty kids combined, but that is still a lot of lives we need to save.

Even if I have to sit at home like the kid they all think I am.

When we have exhausted all avenues for immediate answers, Damien begins rubbing Lev’s shoulders. We already knew this wasn’t going to be an easy task, but Lev thinks it might take a few months if we’re lucky.

“I think it’s time to turn in for the night,” Damien says to us and we all agree.

I stand to head to my room off the kitchen when Boris stops me. I pause by my door as everyone filters out, leaving just the two of us.

“I hope you can understand that we are not trying to punish you or take your choice away. I do not know what would happen to Nessa if you did not make it or if you were hurt, and I think you are one of the main things helping her right now.”

I shake my head and release a breath. “I get it, it just sucks, ya know? I felt like I was part of the team until I got booted off, and this is the only thing I know I’m good at.”

“Not everyone on the team is on the front lines at all times. We have some people stay back to protect what matters here, Lev works in the van most of the time, and it is often someone stays back with him. Just because you are not there with a gun in hand, does not mean you are not important to the team.”

My lips lift gently in response. I have seen Boris interacting with the team a lot, but it’s rare that he takes the extra time to comfort them.

“I believe you will find something you are great at, and I am happy to help with that in any way I can.”

“Really?” I ask, eying him. He is strong for an older guy, with very well developed muscles. “If you mean it, then teach me to fight so that I can join you guys one day.”

His head falls back, and he shakes his head as he mumbles. “I walked right into that one.”

Looking around the room to ensure we’re alone, his gaze meets mine before he nods.

“Alright, but this stays between us.” He holds out his hand and I shake it, the feeling of not being good enough sliding off of my shoulders.

“Thanks,” I say, opening my door and catching sight of Cillian’s wide grin just around the corner.

I guess nothing really stays a secret around here for long, but I’m just glad that maybe one day, I can belong. Until then, I’ll fight to show them that this is what I want.

I want to be part of this family.