Chapter 16

Kai and I walk the perimeter of the property, something we started doing every morning together after breakfast. I’m not quite sure how it started, but it’s been almost a week of having him with me, and I’ve loved the company.

Sometimes we talk to fill the silence, needing the distraction from whatever the latest shit show is. But most times we don’t speak, needing the space to think, like this morning.

I know, I know. You’re probably shocked I can keep my mouth shut at all. Believe me, I was stunned too. I guess losing a kid will do that to ya?

I shake off those dark thoughts this morning. Out here is where I try not to be sad. Not because I don’t think I’m allowed to or anything, but because I just need a break from the overwhelming feelings.

Nessa has been struggling; we all have, but I’m hoping things will get better soon. Last night, Kai went into her room while she stared out the window at Aiden’s flame. He’s done it a few times now, but she never spoke to him until last night.

“Did you know I had a sister?” Nessa says. Boris and I are sitting out in the hall, listening as always. The first time she did this and asked to be alone, I couldn’t bring myself to go far. I tried to give her space, but it wasn’t what I wanted or needed. Being away from her made that pain I feel in my heart so much worse.

So, I just sat outside the door. After a minute, Boris did the same. I asked him if he felt the same, but he said it was different for him. Being away from Nessa felt like he was breaking his promise to her, so he said that at least if he was close and she called out for him, then he could prove he was going to be there.

“No, I didn’t know. What happened to her?” Kai asks gently.

There’s a long pause before she answers, causing Boris and me to look at each other in shock. She has hardly talked to us about Enya, much less a stranger.

I guess Kai isn’t much of a stranger anymore.

“Ronan killed her. Right in front of me. I held her as she took her last breath.”

Her voice sounds so raw with emotion. I ache to wrap my arms around her just like I did back then. But I won’t let her know I’m here. Not yet. With the short amount of time he’s been with us, Kai knows Nessa better than most. I trust he’ll say the right thing to comfort her.

“That guy’s a real dick.”

I can’t help the snort that escapes me, but that’s not the sound that has me inhaling a gasp. It’s Nessa’s laugh. While it isn’t loud, I hear it. The melodic sound spreads throughout my entire body.

The kid made her laugh. I’m totally getting him more Twizzlers for that.

Pulling out my phone, I put in an order for a hundred packs of the red rope candy to have on hand.

“That he is,” she agrees before the room goes silent again.

“He um… he told me that I would make a good leader one day. Said I reminded him of himself. I got scared after that because I didn’t want to be anything like him.”

Turning my head in the shadows so I can peek into the room, I see Nessa reach her hand out to rest it on his shoulder. They are face to face, their eyes locked.

“You are nothing like him, Kai. Nothing. I knew that man growing up. He has always been the definition of evil. You are far from that Kai, so far from that you aren’t even on the same planet.”

He shrugs and hangs his head. “I don’t know about that. I’ve killed people, done a lot of bad things.”

Nessa’s lips lift slightly. “I’ve killed a lot of people, does that make me like him too?”

Kai looks up so fast I swear the kid almost gives himself whiplash.

“No, you’re nothing like him.”

Leaning back and picking up her cup of tea, she nods. “Exactly.”

More silence passes as we sit there, the air a little less oppressive than yesterday. And even though my ass is starting to go numb, I can’t find it in me to care. Nessa laughed for the first time in days. She smiled, really smiled at him.

“Before they took us to the camps, I was in a foster home. It wasn’t the worst situation, but it wasn’t great. I was expected to take care of the kids—Pokey being one of them.”

“Is that why you sleep on the couch with him most nights?” Nessa’s voice is steady and without judgment.

“How did you know that?”

She shrugs as I wonder the same thing.

“Sometimes, when I can’t sleep, I’ll check on all of you. I go to each room that is unlocked and count every face to know that you’re all here. Seeing you guys safe brings me some comfort. It reminds me that even though I lost something great, I also did something right.”

I don’t know how Boris and I sleep through these nighttime adventures of hers. Flicking my gaze over to him, I suspect it was just me who didn’t know this.

Stupid old men and their sensitive sleep habits.

“Do you ever wish you could take it back? Erase that day?”

She shakes her head at him. “Not once. I knew it was dangerous to hold onto something I could potentially lose. Now, I just have to decide if all this is worth risking any of them. Being reminded of that pain again makes me want to keep everyone at arm's length.”

“You don’t keep me at arm's length.”

She smiles again, and dammit if it doesn’t make me feel like I’m on cloud nine, despite her words.

“For some reason, I can’t. I think it’s because I saw you try to step in front of that bullet. Putting up a wall in front of you feels harder, like you don’t deserve it because of what you tried to do.”

She stares into her cup as Kai watches her.

“Good.”

“Good?” she echoes.

“Maybe because of that, you’ll listen to what I think.” He scoots closer so that their knees are almost touching. “I know what life is like keeping everyone at arm’s length. Even Pokey, I try to keep him at a distance because I want him to be able to leave me one day and have a life of his own. But trust me when I say this. The love here is different from anything I’ve ever felt. It’s something that would be impossible to let go of.”

He sighs heavily. “That’s the thing with punishing ourselves, or keeping people at arms length. If we let it go because we are scared it could be taken away from us, then it’s like we lose it twice. We lose our chance to have loved and lost, and all we feel in the end is loss that we can’t explain.”

Nessa’s brows pinch as Kai reaches for her hand and takes it in his.

“So, I decided something for myself. Instead of questioning it and being afraid it’ll disappear, I’m going to hold onto it until my last breath. Even if these days are all the love I’ll ever know, it will have been worth it.”

Nessa seems at a loss for words, and so am I. This kid isn’t just a natural leader, he’s brilliant. Emotionally and intellectually.

Kai stands, patting Nessa on the shoulder. “I’m going to help get Pokey into a shower.”

“What’s his real name?”

Kai freezes. “I’ll tell you if you promise never to use it. His dad would always shout it as he beat him. He’s terrified of it, so none of us use it.”

“Does he want to pick a different name?” Nessa asks. Kai pauses, taking time to think about her suggestion.

“Probably.”

“Why don’t you ask him? Whatever he chooses, that is what it’ll be. We can even get papers made to make it official.”

Kai smiles, bending down to wrap Nessa in a hug. “Thank you. I think that will help him a lot.”

“Where did the name Pokey come from?”

Kai laughs, rubbing the back of his neck with embarrassment.

“When I first met him, he would poke me with sticks to get my attention. At first it annoyed me until I realized he couldn’t say my name. He had a hard time saying the K sound, and he didn’t want me to be angry at him for saying it wrong. I started calling him Pokey as a joke. It just sort of stuck since we didn’t know what else to call him.”

Nessa laughs under her breath.

“I don’t need to know the name his parents gave him, I just need to know the one he wants to be called.”

Kai stands to his full height, looking down where Nessa remains seated. That may not seem like much to an outsider, but Nessa letting anyone tower over her isn’t natural for her. It’s a sign of trust and respect.

“Be prepared for him to ask to be called Spider-Man then.”

Another laugh, this one even more full. “I’ll call him Peter.”

“I actually really like that. He will have a secret identity, maybe it will make him feel a little safer.”

“Peter it is then, so long as he agrees, of course.”

Kai takes Nessa’s empty cup and brings it to the sink before turning back to her. “I never knew people like you existed. I’m lucky to know you.”

And with that, he leaves the room. I get a glimpse of Nessa blinking back tears before he walks around the corner and looks back at us.

“I think she’s going to be okay,” he says in a whisper. I have a feeling he knew we were there the whole time.

“Because of you, I would agree,” Boris says, surprising us both.

“I’m just being there for her, like everyone else.”

He tries to shrug it off, but I get the feeling that this means more to him than he is letting on, and diminishing it isn’t something I’ll let him do.

“You make her feel safe, that is a big deal in this world,” I say.

“Guess that makes us even then.”

As he walks away, Boris places a hand on my shoulder. “He deserves so much more than we can ever give him.”

I nod in agreement.

He may deserve more than what we have to offer, but I still have this feeling that I want to try and offer him the world, and I think maybe we can give that to him one day.

A life attached to us may not be what he wants though, not with all of the sorrow and shadows that wind around us in the darkness of the underworld. But, maybe one day, I can find a way to give him everything he deserves.

“Hey, Cil,” Kai says, dragging me from my thoughts.

“What’s up?” I look over at him, watching him scan the trees around us before turning to face me.

“I have a weird feeling that something bad is about to happen.”

The worry in his features is evident, and it seems he’s been keeping it to himself because I didn’t see it until now. Until he wanted me to.

“Whatever it is, we’ll face it together.” It’s a vow to him as much as it is to myself. I have a family now, and these kids are slowly becoming part of that.

“That’s what I’m afraid of. I don’t want Nessa getting hurt again.”

I’m usually an asshole. I know it; everyone knows it. But with Kai, I want to be someone different. I want to be someone he can rely on to say these things to without fear of being dismissed. The way he cares for Nessa after the horrors he’s been through makes me want to be better for him.

“Pain is just a part of life. As long as we’re there for her, however she needs us, that’s what matters.”

He puts his hands in his pockets and looks down at the grass, kicking a few leaves.

“What if we aren’t here to help her through it?”

Ah, this makes more sense. He is afraid she will lose us and then be lost herself.

I sigh and pull on the ends of my hair, making it stick up in all directions. “I won’t lie to you, kid. We’re planning to take down a bad man with more connections than we could be aware of. There’s a lot of risk to what we do every day, and there will always be a possibility we don’t all come back.”

He sniffles and I step closer. Still not looking up at me, he kicks at the grass again, digging his toe into the dirt.

“But like you told Nessa, we have to hold onto the good while we can and deal with the bad when it comes, right?”

He finally looks up at me, his face flushed and red. “I don’t want to have to say goodbye to anyone else.”

Without thought, I pull him in for a hug.

What? I can totally be sentimental.

“I will do everything in my power to make sure you never have to.”

His arms wrap around me tightly, squeezing until I can hardly breathe, but I don’t try to move away. In some ways, maybe my heart needed this too.

When he finally loosens his grip, I let him step back first. Dr. K walked us through a few methods for helping the kids if they decide to hug us or show affection. She said it was important that we let them lead, so long as we were in a mental place that allowed it.

I think it has been really helpful for Kai to know that we aren’t going to pull away from him.

“Thanks,” he says gently as I pat him on the back.

“I could always use a hug.”

He shoves at me playfully. “You’re clearly starved of attention.”

I laugh, shoving him back. “I am in desperate need of validation,” I joke with my hand over my heart.

Kai grins at me before looking towards the road. A large truck is coming up the main road. We both quickly recognize it as our food and supply truck.

“Race ya?” I say, taking off before he can answer.

It isn’t long before he passes me, then he turns and jogs backwards with his middle fingers up while dashing to help the driver bring in our delivery.

Such a good kid.

I, on the other hand, am out of breath and panting before I make it to the truck. I struggle to bring in a few things, but before I head out for another load, the driver says it will only take one more trip.

“I’ll go so you can head out,” Kai says, jerking a thumb over his shoulder at me. “Clearly this old guy needs a break.”

I glare at him, only half joking with the threat in my stare. Okay fine, I’m totally joking, but he can’t know that yet.

When he comes back, he has a brown paper covered box in his hand with red writing on the top. “What’s that?”

Kai shrugs. “The driver said it was in the mailbox down the way and he brought it up.”

We have a mailbox?

Dread fills me as I look at the words across the paper.

To my perfect little doll.

My stomach bottoms out as Kai reads it. “I told you something bad was about to happen.”

“How does he know where we are?” I ask more to myself than anyone else.

Kai shrugs, his face draining of all its color.

“I have no idea, but if he knows, we aren’t safe here.”

His eyes dart to the door, then the window, his anxiety building with each passing second.

“Kai,” I say gently, but he doesn't stop looking at every entrance as if someone were about to pop out and shoot him. “Kai!”

His eyes widen as they snap to mine. “Open it.”

“Let’s take it to Nessa first.”

He shakes his head and tries to grab it from my hands, fear bleeding through his eyes. “What if it’s a bomb? Or…or something worse.”

I pull it out of his reach. “What’s worse than a bomb?” I try to joke, but he isn’t having it.

“You can’t take that to her. You can’t! What if it hurts her?”

Just then, Nessa steps into the room. She looks better today, but I think she heard us.

“What is–” she starts before Kai pleads with her.

“Please don’t open it, just throw it away or burn it. Please.”

She takes his hands in hers. “I’m okay, Kai. This isn’t anything we haven’t dealt with before. If someone leaves notes, it means they don’t have the resources to get to us. We have too many people here guarding the property.”

Kai’s worried gaze meets mine as I hand Nessa the box. When she releases his hands, she turns her understanding, kind gaze towards his frightened one.

“We don’t keep secrets here, that’s how people get killed. I know this life is new to you, but we protect each other by making sure we all have the same information.”

“What information?” Boris asks as he walks in.

Nessa is staring at the inscription, and I motion to it.

“We’re about to find out.”

Boris reads the words before angrily plucking the package from Nessa’s fingers and tearing it open.

“How do you know that isn’t a bomb?” Kai yells, hands going up in defense.

Boris scoffs. “It is too light to be a bomb.”

“Old Man,” I say gently as he rips at the packaging. “Take it slow.”

As if he just realized how reckless he was being, he sets the box down on the counter and begins carefully peeling back the edges to reveal a flash drive and handwritten note.

His face looks like he is going to be sick, eyes snapping up to meet Nessa’s as he hands it to her. Being the nosy fecker I am, I lean over her shoulder and read it along with her.

My perfect little doll,

You thought you could outrun me. You must have forgotten that I am king of my world, and I have eyes everywhere.

You were promised to me, and I never give away what is mine. I will give you one chance to come to me freely as my wife or I will continue to take everything from you.

Your world as you know it will come crashing down around you, and I will make you watch as the life leaves the eyes of everyone you love. I already took your sister and the abomination you were carrying, would you care to test me again?

I hope this little home video will prove to you how serious I am, and that I am just getting started.

See you soon, my little doll.

Nessa’s fingers shake, her body growing weak. She falls into me, but Kai is the one to wrap an arm around her.

“I told you I didn’t want her getting hurt.” His eyes slice daggers into my chest.

He tries to get Nessa to look at him by shaking her shoulder, but she is frozen in shock.

“How could you ask me to protect her when you can’t even do it yourselves?” Kai spits at Boris.

Boris is the picture of calm and collected as he looks at Nessa. She slowly rises to her feet and grabs onto the counter for support, pulling herself from Kai.

“I’m okay,” she says weakly.

“That’s bullshit and we all know it,” Kai says, his voice slightly more gentle than the one he used with Boris. “If we’re going to be upfront and transparent about everything then maybe let’s not start lying now.”

Nessa nods, her eyes still staring blankly off into space. She blinks a few times, the haze of memories clearing from her eyes before she glances over at him.

“I’m not hurt, I was trying to remember if I saw him that night. I believed it when you said you did, but I wanted to know for myself.”

I slowly walk to Nessa, giving her no choice but to fold her body into mine. “And?” I ask gently.

“I saw him.”

Boris joins me at Nessa’s side and presses a kiss to her head. “Tell me what you need, Lisichka .”

Nessa takes a deep breath before turning in my hold to face us all. “I need him dead.”

“His head will be yours,” I vow.

“He will die at your feet, my little fox.”

“I'll help cut him at the knees,” Kai says, making us all look at him. “What? You said together and I agreed. Seems only right I get to help take down my mortal enemy who also happens to be yours.”

Nessa smiles, reaching out to hold one of his hands. “You're right. When the time comes, you'll be there too.”

It’s silent for a minute before Kai's glaze flicks to the flash drive sitting on the counter.

“What do you think is on that?” Kai asks, gesturing to the flash drive.

Nessa takes it, lifting the device as if to scan it herself.

“He killed someone, so I bet this is his way of showing me.”

“Who?” I ask.

Nessa shrugs as I keep an arm around her. “Probably my father. My contacts told me they helped my mother to a safe house they set up. He won’t find her there, I’m sure of it.”

“Who are your contacts?” Kai asks.

“Two friends I know I can rely on. They’re trustworthy.”

Kai doesn’t seem to believe that. But it’s clear he barely trusts us at this point, so I’m not really all that surprised.

“We need Lev to review this, and then come up with a plan. Kai said there are more kids out there. We need to find them.”

Nessa looks so fierce as she says this, her earlier shock completely gone. Nothing like the woman in a wheelchair from a few days ago.

“Whatever you require,” Boris says, kissing her temple once more before leaving to give Lev the flash drive.

“We need to be careful with these kids,” Kai says. “We need to talk about how to handle them. This is different from saving me by a long shot.”

“What do you mean?” I question.

“They’re older, the places they are being held are nicer. This has been going on longer than you know, and some of them have been training for nearly fifteen years. They won’t trust someone coming in to save them. Not when this is literally the only life they know.”

Nessa and I exchange a look. “How do we get them to trust us?” she asks.

Kai lifts a shoulder. “I was hoping maybe your friend Dr. K would have some ideas.”

I have a feeling our helpful therapist won’t be leaving us anytime soon. In fact, it feels like this really is our new home now. All of us. I could never see Nessa leaving, especially with Aiden buried here, and I honestly don’t want to either.

This is an incredible house, and the kids here will need support for a long time. They’ll be safe to leave and explore as they wish, but I think they like knowing they have a place to come home to. Especially one as nice as Boris and Nessa made it for them.

Damien and Alexi are building a huge gym on the north side of the property that all of the kids have been begging to use as soon as it opens. I think they’re getting antsy not having much to do. We’ve assigned them chores around the house and have some computers they've been using for school work, but they need more to do.

I can practically feel them humming with energy every time we step into a room, mostly the older ones. The younger ones have taken to playing games, even though a few fights have broken out. Ani and Ami do not hold back when toy dinosaurs are involved.

Maybe Kai was right, maybe something is coming and this is just the tip of the iceberg.

Normally, I’d shrug this kind of stuff off, but I don’t think I can stand by and wait for things to happen. After all, none of us are the types of people that know how to stay still. We need to start looking at making the next move and quickly. I just hope that whatever is on that flash drive doesn’t hurt my girl.