31. Cross

“It smells like smoke.”

Without looking, I launch the closest thing to me at the door. My loaded gun.

A ridiculously pleased chuckle rolls through the room. “Missed me.”

Sin. Oblivious to simple things like boundaries.

Careful not to disturb a dreaming Leni, I slowly maneuver to sit against the headboard, sticky sheets clinging to my legs. “Keep it down, will you?”

In a matching leather jacket and pants—and nothing else—Sin lounges atop my dresser, knees splayed wide, size fourteen feet kicking. A mischievous smirk dances across his face as he rolls a plump, juicy plum between his palms. “Usually, sex improves moods,” he drawls.

“Quiet,” I hiss, freezing for a sign Leni’s woken up. But she only inhales dreamily as she snuggles deeper against my, leg coiling around mine. Snores. “Didn’t I lock the door?”

Sin delights in my annoyance, crossing his legs with childlike glee. “How should I know?” he asks, peeling a sticker off the purple skin.

I spot the hole where the doorknob used to be. “Really?”

The gleam in his eyes betrays his innocent shrug. “So I wanted to see you. Shoot me.”

“I’ll need my gun back for that.”

“Finders keepers, losers bleeders.” Taking a bite of the plum, he makes a show of slurping the flesh, catching trails of sweet juice off his chin with his tongue.

Women are sighing in chorus somewhere, fainting, spontaneously ovulating, I’m certain of it. Unfortunately, Sin is too. The former bedmate of every Grecian queen and king, he revels in his effect on people.

I yank the sheets up past Leni’s bare shoulder and then a bit higher. Block both their views, lest the two most beautiful creatures in the world decide they ought to be together instead.

Would anyone blame me if I sat Sin in front of a pond and let him go full Narcissus?

“You look like a mess,” Sin remarks, wiping his juice slick hand on his bare chest. “Did she keep you up all night? What a minx.”

“Don’t call her that.” But yes. Twice, she sunk into me, her mouth landing on mine, those frosty eyes glazed with a need I’d been eager to sate.

“That’s a no,” Sin pouts. “Is that why you look haggard? Blue balls?”

Blue heart. I scratch the stubble on my jaw, flicking my attention to the windows. We’ve spent the entire day in bed. “I couldn’t sleep.”

Old fears lived on. What if she forgets me? What if she wakes up and screams? Stares at me with vacant, terrified eyes.

Worse, what if she does remember and says goodbye instead of more?

Does it matter?

The cruelest irony: the only person to remember me, must forget me. Non-negotiable. Draven will come for me, like a hellhound on the hunt.

And I’ll gladly greet him at the River Styx provided that Leni is far, far away.

“Rune ordered soundproof panels,” Sin shares. “Express shipping. I’ll show you how to place them to funnel the noise directly into his room. Drive him fucking mad.”

I drop my head, heart thudding at the splay of blue on my lap. “I don’t need them.” I sound bitter.

“Oh, you certainly do. I’m in the other wing and I heard—well, I can’t precisely remember because of your …” He taps his fingers on his chest, signaling my gift. “But I vaguely recall noise. You like to make them scream, huh?”

“Give me the gun.”

“Really, I’m not mad.” Sin sucks on his fingertips. “After hearing you get robbed the other day and then the screaming for a week. I’m overjoyed the spymaster found a bedmate. You think she’ll share?”

“I won’t,” I snarl, forgetting to whisper.

Sin makes a face, a small crease marring his inhumanely attractive features. The sparkle in his purple eyes dulls slightly, a sigh puffs out his mouth. “You’re gone for her.”

Why deny it? “Yes.”

“In that case, this bed has to go. Bangs the wall on every good thrust. Contrary to popular belief, the solution is not carpeting, but proper weighting. Add it to my honey do list. I have a bedframe supplier that only takes off for the sabbath.”

“She’s not staying.” She can’t.

“Sure, sure,” Sin croons, smile wolfish.

“Can you fix it?” I ask, rubbing the ache in my chest. “Can you make it disappear when she does?” He can manipulate emotions, if he could just lessen the already burgeoning desolation.

Sin’s charm thins, and his eyes take a hollow aura. “To take away love … please don’t ask it of me. It is too deep, too entwined with the sense of self. It could corrode your mind, destroy all of you.”

Go insane or be without Leni? “Doesn’t sound so bad.”

Sin frowns. The first beautiful frown to exist. “Was she worth the pain? The ten days in Hades?”

“Why ask when you know the answer?” She’s worth the lifetime of pain. Worth the lifetime of running, of striving to kill a man I’m cursed to protect. Worth the never-ending heart-wrenching feeling that I have a partner, a lover, happiness just out of reach.

Tantalus.

Out in the hall, steps thunder past. Lev is the only one big enough to shake the doors.

“He’s jealous,” Sin drones, searching his plum for untouched flesh. A wave of ease hits me in the chest, fuzzy and mellow, makes my heart hover. I glare at Sin, but he’s already pulling it back. “It comes off the leash sometimes.”

Gifts that must be leashed. Gifts of death that have shaped me into the ideal man for Leni to leave.

“I’m sorry,” Sin utters. He’s not talking about his gift.

The bottom of my stomach drops.

“Why is it every time I’m disheveled, you’re around, Sin?” Leni asks, voice rough with sleep. She pushes to her elbows, sheets rolling down her back. She doesn’t bother the seduction expert with a single look, just nuzzles her face into the groove of my hip and thigh. “Morning.”

Sin’s grin is feral. “I suppose it’s luck, mostly.” He arches a trim brow at her. “So, the tattoos go all over, huh?”

I follow his gaze to the streak of waves dancing across her shoulder blade, a tattoo we never got to. After she came on my mouth and fingers and her nerves vanished.

Finally, Leni pats the frizz of her hair and peers over her shoulder. “Sin?”

“Yes, princess?”

“Get out.”

His perfect purple gaze snaps to mine. “You heard her.”

A plum pit smacks my jaw as Sin coos in his ancient, all knowing tone, “Mind my advice, spymaster.” He bows to Leni, elegant as a swan. “Princess. Always a pleasure.”

Behind him, the door bounces off the frame. Whatever Sin did to break in has wrecked it. A gap to the hall remains, letting in the sound of pans preparing breakfast in the kitchen, but Leni doesn’t seem to care.

She’s languid, crawling onto me, naked skin sliding across mine as easy as water over sand. “Mmm,” she purrs. “You smell good. Like syrup and something”—she shoves her nose into my ribs—“fruity?”

“Plum.” I let my eyes slip to her, red rimmed and stinging, and force a smile. “I didn’t find a syrup tattoo.”

“Because everybody loves syrup. Liquefied sugar. It’s a delight.” Her lips mark a path from my second rib to my collarbone, work across the black on my throat.

Playing with her hair, I close my eyes, my head hitting the headboard, blood simmering with heat and need. “Leni.” A warning.

“Cross,” she returns, as if to say, stop me, if you don’t like it.

She kisses my jaw. “I dreamt of you.”

I freeze, look down at her like I’m seeing a mirage. I can’t imagine anyone ever dreaming about me. Remembering me beyond this plane.

“We were sitting in this adorable bistro, waiting for ridiculous overpriced fruity drinks and I got bored.” Her teeth locate the raging pulse in my neck and tug. “I decided to tell you everything I wanted to do to you and you did your little move.” She twirls her fingers at the sky. “Made everyone look away, and I stopped telling you and I demonstrated instead.”

The sheets pull back, and then she’s running her mouth down my chest, my stomach, lower. She looks up at me through pale lashes, the pinnacle of playful, of teasing.

“I want to go everywhere with you.” It slips out swiftly, like a blade after a trying day. Guts me.

Her smile is pure gold. “Let’s start with somewhere and branch out.” Her tongue flicks the valley of my hip, sends a shudder down my spine.

I throw my legs off the bed and stand, causing Leni to tumble backward. She laughs. “I didn’t mean now. Get back in bed.”

“I’m not leaving,” I return hoarsely. “But you can go anywhere.” I grab a shirt and pants from the dresser, blind to their color, their fabric. “You’re free. Give Draven my name.”

A brief pause. “I’m never talking to him again.”

I yank on my shirt, bile stinging my throat, heat searing the backs of my eyes. “Then write it in a note or send him my coordinates. Make it easier for me.”

“Cross—” Confusion crowds her voice. “What are you talking about?”

I stuff my foot into my jeans, toss a set to Leni, and dig for my belt. “It’s your first chance at freedom, a future. And Gods curse me again, I want you to be happy.” My voice croaks on the word. Happiness has hurt me better than I ever imagined it could.

I keep searching for my belt, push through my closing throat. “Visit a bistro, sit in the window and eavesdrop. Go to the beach. Make a city bend to your will.”

As I speak, the room seems to close in on me, the air heavy with the weight of the decision before us. Uncomfortable pressure builds in my chest, ready to destroy.

“I am not interested in waving,” Leni retorts stubbornly. “I don’t want to go anywhere else. You make me happy. I want to spend time with you. I want there to be us.”

I consider slamming my hand in the drawer. Over and over. I turn to her, keeping my expression flat. “Well, there can’t be an us, can there?”

Her mouth clamps tight. Intense stillness drifts over her body.

She’s in my shirt again.

My heart goes into painful overdrive, hammering my ribs. “Whenever we’re together, I end up on my deathbed, don’t I?” I growl, hands shaking as I scramble for my belt. “And if I prefer not to suffer eternally, then I need to be live in the realm’s shadows, answering for sins you didn’t commit.”

Her stare turns blistering, frosted ice glistening, threatening to melt. “But I …”

“You knew it would be like this,” I interrupt. Sorrow and resignation are lead weights on my shoulders. I turn away from her again. “You made the plan. Your parts over. Now it’s my turn to fight. And if you stay, you won’t be just collateral damage. You’ll be leverage I can’t afford.”

I hate how true it all is.

Silence eclipses us. The curse throbs, but doesn’t punish me for yesterday’s distraction, as if it knew all along, I’d hurt myself worse than it ever could.

Leni breaks the quiet with a whimper, “But … I love you.”

Every inch of my body coils taut. I’d rather take ten bullets to the chest than hear it. “You don’t. I’m convenient and I wasn’t the monster you expected. That’s it.”

“Cross.” She sounds wrong, quiet, and broken.

I slam the drawers shut, fuck the belt. “For the record. I loved our time together. As fleeting as it was.”

“No.” She’s angry, boiling up.

I wait for a threat. The kind of threat I’d have given a week ago. I’ll rip out your heart, haunt you all the way to Tartarus, delve inside your every atom, and ruin you with the taste of me.

Instead, I hear a sharp inhale and can’t look at what I know are tears streaming down pink cheeks.

“Rune will secure a passport for you.” I shove my feet into boots, grab my gun. It’s sticky. Fucking Sin. “He can book flights, too. You have the freedom to go wherever you want. First class. And we’ll provide you access to the Blackguards’ accounts, so money won’t be an issue.” I slam another drawer and stare at the plain depthless pine.

I’m dressed, armed. There’s nothing else keeping me here.

I linger. Listening to her gasping sobs, too much of a coward to face her. Too weak. “Try to just forget it ever happened. I—” I hook a finger in the hole on the door. “I’m sorry I can’t do that for you.”

Sorry, we’ll both be stuck with this feeling.

A pillow hits my back

“You are a monster.“ Her tone leaches icy rage. Enough to worry me. I turn.

She’s on her feet, looming despite her small stature, tears tracking down her cheeks, blue bangs in her eyes, hands fisted.

I hope she punches me.

Leaves a fucking mark to match the burn on my heart.

After a charged breath, she growls, “If you open that door, I will follow you.”

It’s not an ultimatum or a curse. It’s a promise.

One she’s already beholden to, frantically tearing on the sweatpants I got her, the belt, my belt, getting dressed to give chase.

Plenty of creatures have made such a vow. Hollow and baseless.

For the first time in my immortal life, I feel more prey than predator as Leni confronts me.

“I will,” she insists, chin wobbling. “I’ll follow you. Hide with you, fight with you, break the curse. That’s my choice. You said I’m good at running, did you mean it?”

My eyes sting, I tuck my lip in my teeth. “And you said you were tired of running.”

“I’d do it for you.”

“You’d never be safe.”

“That’s true with or without you. Cross, I—”

Glass ruptures behind her as the entire wall of windows shatters. Leni throws her arm up in defense, body crumpling. I launch forward to grab her, ignoring the sting of a hundred cuts on my arms, my face. They’re not a concern.

Not like the grenade sliding across the floor, spinning, clicking.