Chapter 22

Twenty-Two

The next morning, things are not so perfect. After getting my hand stitched, my parents catch me sneaking back into the house only a few minutes before dawn. Mom notices my gauze-wrapped hand right away. I try to feed her the excuse Becks and I came up with, that I went out for a run because I couldn't sleep and tripped and punctured my hand on a spiked fence post when I tried to catch myself. But the excuse is weak at best and doesn't hold up to my parents' scrutiny. So when my lie falls apart, they ground me for two weeks by taking away my phone, banning me from the computer except for school related work, and informing me the only places I can go for the next weeks are our house, school, and the shop. No afterschool workouts at Peet's Gym, no hangouts with Ensley, no dinners with Becks. I want to argue, but how can I when they are justified in their actions? So I take the punishment with a somber nod and start to get ready for school.

"Can you pass the milk?" I ask Mom a little later that morning when we are sitting at the kitchen table after I've had a shower and changed into clean clothes.

Frowning, she picks up the carton and hands it to me. I make the mistake of reaching for it with my bandaged hand, and her frown deepens and her eyes well. My heart squeezes. I love my parents. I want to say something to make the situation better, to take away the wounded look on her face, but there's nothing to say to make this better. She knows I'm not telling the truth, and the truth is the one thing I can't offer her right now.

We eat the rest of our breakfast in silence, then she leaves to do some early morning work in the shop before it opens. Dad comes into the kitchen as I'm rinsing my cereal bowl, being careful not to get the fresh wrappings wet. When I look up at him, there's disappointment shining in his eyes, and I can't even blame him for it. I've been lying and feeding half-truths to them for weeks, and that isn't us. We don't lie to each other like this, but the crux of the matter is that even if I wanted to confess that I entered Chaos and put myself in danger, the magical gag would keep me from doing so.

The weight of their sadness and disapproval is crushing, wiping away any lingering joy from my night with Becks.

When I finish and turn to leave and head to Nightlark, my dad stops me.

"Are you in some sort of trouble?" he asks, his voice gruff yet filled with concern.

I don't want to lie to them anymore, but I don't have a choice.

"No, nothing like that. Everything's okay, Dad."

I can tell immediately that he doesn't buy it. "You can tell us anything, Locklyn. We'll always be on your side. If you've gotten yourself into something you can't seem to get out of, we're here to help you. I hope you know that."

Dad's reassurances hit a little too close for comfort, but he'll never have any idea how badly I want to confess to him right now. I have to swallow around the giant lump in my throat before I can talk. "Yeah, Dad, I know. I'm fine, I promise," I lie, and then force a smile I'm sure isn't very convincing.

Dad heaves a sigh. It's obvious he knows I'm hiding something. "Then I guess we'll see you directly after classes today," he says, a not-so-subtle reminder that I'm grounded.

I nod and slip by him, grabbing my backpack on the way out of the apartment.

If my morning wasn't hard enough, the stares from my classmates as I walk down the hallway to my locker later remind me of my embarrassing confession the night before. I'm tense as I wait for someone to bring it up, throwing my own insecurities in my face. My words the night before were like chum in the water, and I'm expecting the sharks to start circling any minute.

"Hey," Shayla says, coming up beside me at my locker. I flinch away from her, bracing for condemnation, but when her brows pinch at my reaction, all she asks is, "Are you all right?"

Some of the tension leaves my body when I look into her concerned hazel eyes. She's not turning on me. She's not here to ridicule me.

"Sorry. I'm just on edge this morning. But I'm all right," I say as I heft my bag over my shoulder and then shut my locker.

She smiles and nods, her delicate braids swinging gently with the movement. "I get it. Last night was intense. You had me really worried there for a few minutes. I'm glad you made it through though." She takes a step closer and lowers her voice. "And I wanted to let you know that what you said last night under compulsion . . . it was actually pretty cool."

Come again?

I look at Shayla, searching for any hint of insincerity, but her face is open and free of malice. She's serious.

"What do you mean?" I tentatively ask.

"It's just that you're not the only one that feels that way, but no one wants to admit it. I get you're probably feeling pretty exposed right now, but you should know that it was nice to hear I'm not the only one who thinks those things, is all." She shrugs almost awkwardly, and it occurs to me right then, for maybe the first time ever, that my fears and insecurities might not be unique to me, that I'm not the only one out there who struggles with self-doubt.

Shayla is a powerful panther shifter. I'm not sure what type of magic she has, but her reflexes are sharp and she's super strong. I would never have guessed she feels insecure about herself, but something I said last night resonated with her, and that blows my mind.

Before I can respond, her boyfriend, Owen, comes up next to her, throwing an arm over her shoulder. She glances up at him and smiles, and he drops a quick kiss on her lips before turning to me.

"Hey, Locklyn." He gives me a quick nod. "How's the hand?"

I blink back at him as he waits for me to respond. I don't pick up any negative vibes from Owen either. I thought for sure I'd lose the new friends I made after my confession last night, but maybe I was wrong. Wrong about my friends, and wrong about myself.

"Does it hurt?" Owen prompts when I don't say anything.

"Oh, right. My hand," I say as I shake my head to clear my thoughts. "It's not too bad. Becks took me to get it stitched up last night. They don't think I'll have permanent damage."

Ensley joins our group at the tail end of my sentence. "You saw Becks last night?" she asks, tucking a strand of her purple-streaked hair behind her ear.

My cheeks heat. Ensley tried to take me to get my hand looked at, but I turned her down. She has to think it's strange that I saw her brother last night after she dropped me off.

"Ah, yeah," I say, choosing not to elaborate. I'm not ready for her questions just yet.

I haven't seen Becks yet today, and I'm both looking forward to and also dreading our first interaction post-kiss.

What if he has doubts like before? What if he wants to ignore the whole thing happened?

Her eyes narrow and I can practically see the wheels turning in her head.

"Did you guys hear about Tenn?" Owen asks, unknowingly coming to my rescue.

We all shake our heads and Owen blows out a breath of air, his face somber. "It's bad. They found him on the edge of Woodwinds Forest. It looks like he'd been beaten."

Ensley gasps. "Is he okay?"

Owen shakes his head. "He's in a coma."

Tenn is a Chaos competitor. In fact, now that I think about it, he wasn't at the trial last night and he should have been. He made it through the last round of cage fights.

"That's not all," Owen says. "One of his buddies claims that Tenn wanted out of Chaos. That he wasn't planning on attending the trial. He left his house just before midnight last night and wouldn't have had enough time to get to Jagged Mountain in time to participate."

My eyes widen as the game master's words echo in my mind. Once you enter Chaos, there's no way to self-eliminate .

"Does anyone know what happened?" I ask, a sick feeling settling in my gut.

"No, but the timing is suspicious. Students are saying something happened to him because he tried to pull out of Chaos."

I let that sink in.

"This Chaos stuff is getting serious," Shayla says. "I heard from Freya that Jules actually lost her eye, and her parents are pulling her out of school because she won't tell them what happened."

"Like, for the day?" I ask.

Shayla shakes her head. "No, like for good. They're going to send her to some shifter school up north to finish out the year."

Surprisingly, I don't really get any pleasure out of hearing Jules is transferring when a month ago that would have completely made my day.

The first bell rings, letting us know we have fifteen minutes to get to class.

"Oh shoot," Shayla says. "I have to grab a book out of my locker before class. Catch you guys at lunch?"

"I'll come with," Owen says, and with a wave they're both gone.

Ensley and I turn in the other direction, my mind swirling around Tenn and what happened to him. Was it truly because he didn't show up to Chaos last night? I'd assumed the game master's warning was hollow, but what if it wasn't? What if there are real consequences to missing a trial and Tenn just paid?

But then again it could have been something else altogether. A fluke attack of some sort and the timing is just coincidental.

"Something's up with you," Ensley says, shaking me from my thoughts about Tenn and Chaos.

"What? Nothing's up," I say, and glance away. I can't look at Ensley without thinking about Becks right now, and it feels like what happened last night is written clearly across my face.

"Hmm. No, something is definitely going on with you. My best friend radar is pinging. Do you care to share with me now, or are you going to make me pull it out of you?"

When I look over at her, Ensley regards me with slitted eyes, watching my face carefully. I muster the most innocent look I can, but she's not buying it. I'm saved from having to answer when we turn the corner, and someone calls my name. When I glance back, Becks is jogging toward us. My heart starts to pound so hard I worry it's going to burst from my chest.

When he reaches us, he makes a move like he's going to pull me into his arms, but then stops himself and takes a stilted step away.

Clearing his throat, he rubs the back of his neck. "Hey. I tried to check on you this morning but couldn't get a hold of you."

Suddenly shy, I duck my head, willing my face not to start heating. "My parents didn't buy the story of me falling on a run. They confiscated my phone. I don't get it back for a couple of weeks."

Wincing, he nods. "That sucks."

I look up at him and my stomach flips. Over the last several months I might have thought I caught him staring at me a time or two with a hint of longing, but I easily talked myself out of believing it. But now Becks' emotions are reflected on his face, clear as day, and all the feelings and sensations from the night before come rushing to the surface.

"So, ah, how's the hand?"

"Better." Lifting it, I open and shut my fingers a few times as if to prove that it's in working order.

I'm very aware of Ensley's gaze ping-ponging between us. Becks has yet to even acknowledge her presence and I'm sure she thinks this interaction is kinda odd.

I clear my throat, shifting my weight from one foot to the other. "So, um . . . did you sleep well last night?"

Groan . That was such a cringy thing to say. We got home so late that he, like me, probably didn't even get any sleep. But I can't take it back now.

The corners of Becks' mouth twitch, but he manages to hold a straight face. "I had a decent night's sleep." He moves a little closer, and I'm hit with his delicious scent, vanilla with a hint of burnt cinnamon. "I had some pretty good dreams actually. How about you?"

"Me?" What were we talking about again?

He takes a half step forward, his voice dropping an octave and his gaze flickering to my mouth before jumping back to my eyes. "Did you have good dreams last night?"

"I, ah . . ." Did the temperature in the hall just jump a million degrees?

Reaching out, he lightly circles my bicep. He's so close I have to tilt my head back to keep eye contact. "I wanted to talk to you about . . . things."

Becks drinks in my features, looking like he's memorizing each contour and slope of my face. I've never been looked at like that before, and in that moment I fall for him a little bit more. My worries about him not being into me anymore are swept away like dust particles in the wind and I just stare back, soaking up as much of him as I can.

I swallow. "Things?"

"Yes, what things ?" Ensley asks, and I jerk my head in her direction to see her grinning at us with a smile as wide as the Cheshire Cat.

"Yo, Becks! You ready for Saturday?" comes another voice from behind Becks.

The spell is broken, and releasing my arm Becks turns away and toward one of his vodenball teammates, Tyler, who's coming down the hall toward us.

Becks greets him with a quick nod. "Yeah. I'm ready for this weekend."

"Sweet," Tyler says and then slaps him on the back. "Wanna get in an extra practice later?"

"Yeah, sure. After classes?"

"Awesome. Let's go find Owen and see if he's in."

Tyler takes off, fully expecting Becks to follow. With one last lingering look he says, "We'll talk later," and then takes off.

I watch him stride down the hall and disappear into the sea of bodies.

"So that's it," Ensley says, and when I look at her she's still wearing that same maniacal smile. Looping her arm through mine, she drags me toward the nearest bathroom.

"That's what?" I ask, playing stupid.

She shoots me a knowing look, and after she strongarms me into the bathroom she checks the stalls to make sure we are alone. Satisfied they're clear, she turns toward me, a smirk on her face as she crosses her arms. "You and Becks totally locked lips."

I stare at her in shock, sputtering nonsensical words before regaining some sort of composure. I can't believe she just put it out there like that.

"What makes you say that?" I say, trying to keep it under wraps, but my friend knows me too well and can see a lie coming a mile away.

"My brother didn't even know I existed back there. You guys totally kissed. Just admit it already."

My cheeks heat, and Ensley, the sly little mind reader that she is, notices and gasps. "You didn't just kiss, you full-on made out, didn't you?"

Unable to hold back any longer, I crumble.

"Okay, fine. We kissed."

The squeal Ensley releases is piercing and makes me question if she's part banshee. I cover my ears until she stops.

"Finally," she says. "I was getting so sick of watching the two of you dance around each other. It was like a bad sitcom at times."

"Hey," I protest, but Ensley keeps going.

"So tell me everything! Where was it? How did it happen? And most importantly, was it good? Everyone probably thinks Becks is a fantastic kisser, but is it bad that I'm kinda hoping he's sloppy so I can tease him about it forever?"

I scrunch my nose at her.

"Ew. It's your brother. How can you ask that?"

She waves me off. "Whatever. I'm over it, so you should be too."

I put my hands over my face. "I seriously can't talk about this with you."

Just then the warning bell rings and Ensley groans. "Horrible timing."

Awesome timing .

"Don't think you're worming your way out of this," she says with a reproachful finger pointed in my direction. "We're picking this up at lunch."

Not if I can avoid it.

I make a noncommittal sound, but the gleam in Ensley's eyes tells me she isn't going to drop this, and so I know come lunchtime I'll be spilling my guts.