Chapter 39

Noah~

I had her within reach, and knowing that she wasn't lost to me entirely had me ready to drop to my knees and beg without her even having to ask. She didn't like the idea of me and other women any more than I did, and this was all about her pride. I'd left her alone to come up with her own conclusions about my behavior, and that's where I'd gone wrong the most. Had I just fucking explained myself, then we wouldn't be in this goddamn mess.

"I'll do whatever you want me to, Shea," I repeated. "With the exception of divorce, naturally."

"I just want to be able to believe you," she finally admitted.

"Are you sure about that?"

Her brows furrowed a bit at my question. "What do you mean?"

"If that's really what you want, then you'd give me the chance to prove myself," I reasoned. "How can I prove how much I want and love you if you won't let me be around to do that?"

I watched her shoulders sag, and it really was a motherfucker to see her so upset and beaten down, especially when it was mostly my fault. I kept talking big about honoring my vows, but I'd been doing a shit job of cherishing her like she deserved. It was a huge responsibility to be in charge of someone else's happiness, and it was a huge burden when you failed at that particular job.

"I don't know how to fight you," she sighed tiredly. "Not when you don't fight fair."

"I'll never fight fair when it comes to you, lass," I informed her. "If you think that I don't mind getting my hands bloody for my family, then you'd be surprised at what I would do for you."

"You hurt me," she finally confessed. "From the very beginning, you've been doing nothing but hurting me, and it started when we first met. It started with you telling me that there wasn't much to me."

"And that was my mistake," I granted. "The people that are close to me or have worked with me a long time know that my accent only comes out when I'm being sarcastic or close to losing my patience. Of course, you couldn't have known that about me, but I hadn't been thinking of that at the time. When I said those words to you, they'd been because I'd just seen your co-worker all over you, but also because I'd been being facetious in that regard. I'd said it because I hadn't been expecting much from you, but I'd gotten the opposite instead. When I said that there wasn't much to you, I'd meant that you were already turning out to be more than I had bargained for." Her eyes began to water again. "I'm not sure that you realize just how fucking beautiful you are, baby."

"Don't do that," she whispered brokenly.

"What? Tell you the truth?"

"Tell me everything that I need to hear," she clarified.

Instead of going in for the kill, I asked, "Can I show you something?"

She nodded. "Yeah."

I turned around to show her the white gauze between my shoulder blades. "Take the bandage off, though be careful."

I could feel her gasp on my skin. "What happened? Did you get hurt?"

"Just take it off, lass," I ordered.

I stood still as Shea reached up to gently peel off the bandage, and when I felt the last of the material pulled from my skin, my wife let out another gasp. "Oh, my God."

"I told you that I made sure that I'd never forget how much I loved you, and this was how," I told her. "That's our family crest with your name, and it's the only tattoo that I will ever have."

When I turned back around, it was to Shea looking up at me, her dark eyes wide, wounded, and nearly sending me to my knees. She looked like I'd trade the rest of my life to see her smile at me only once, something that I had yet to see from her. The only time that I'd ever seen her smile, it'd been up at another man while I'd stalked her from the hospital parking lot. That was a cold truth to have to swallow, and it was also a painful one.

"Baby, I'm sorry," I finally told her. "I'm sorry for every second that you haven't been able to feel how much I want and love you. I'm sorry that you deserve better than me when you're never going to get it." I stepped to her, cradling her face in my hands. "I will never let you go, Shea. Only over my dead body will that ever happen."

"Christ, I don't even know what the right answer to that is," she remarked, sounding more tired than I'd ever heard her before.

"The right answer is that you'll give us a second chance," I replied.

"Ethan and I don't talk anymore," she said, surprising me with the change of topic.

Eyeing her, I removed my hands from her face as I asked, "Why not?"

"Because I refused to explain how I suddenly woke up married to you one day," she answered. "I was even contemplating switching to nights."

"Because he hurt you?" I asked the question through gritted teeth, jealousy churning horribly in my stomach.

Shea shook her head. "I was going to work nights to avoid you," she admitted. "Not working with Ethan would have only been a plus." She let out another tired sigh. "We're not friends anymore because I chose my parents and their privacy over his curiosity."

"I can understand that."

My wife shook her head. "It's more than that," she said. "It's because you're you."

I cocked my head. "Meaning?"

"You're Noah Murphy," she chuckled humorlessly. "How many people in my life am I going to have to protect from you?"

"All of them, lass," I answered honestly. "If anyone tries to harm you, offends you, makes you feel uncomfortable, or simply gets your lunch order wrong…I'll annihilate every single fucking one of them."

"That's a lot of responsibility," she remarked quietly.

"And you should take it seriously," I warned her.

"How?"

"By taking what I feel for you seriously," I advised her. "Even if you don't feel it, I love you, Shea. So, if you want the people in your life to survive our marriage, then you'd better understand that, even if you don't believe it."

She didn't say anything for a while, and it was enough to make me think that I'd lost her again. We had a lot of damage that we had to undo, and while I knew that I was up for the task, I wasn't sure if she'd ever be. Falling in love with her had changed the entire game for me, but I was very aware that my wife wasn't in love with me, and therein lied the biggest problem between us.

"I just want to be happy," she finally said. "I just want a normal life, with a normal job, and a normal routine."

I straightened to my full height as I stared down at my wife. "Well, you'll never have a normal life, with a normal job, and a normal routine," I informed her. "However, if you let me, I can make you happy, Shea. You just have to stop hating me for two seconds, and then you'll see that I can make you happy."

After a few seconds, she said, "I have only one condition."

It felt like my knees were about to give out with that little bit of hope, but I wasn't foolish enough to agree to any conditions before hearing them first. I knew my wife well enough to know that anything could be coming out of her mouth next, and I wasn't about to add another mistake to the list that I already had going.

"What is it, lass?"

"Do not ever threaten my job again," she answered. "I like my job, Mr. Murphy. I enjoy helping people, and it feels rewarding to make a difference. Yeah, the hours are long, the schedule is a bit hectic, and it comes with a lot of stress, but it's a job worth having, and I'm good at it."

"I can only agree to that if your safety while working at Donza isn't compromised," I replied truthfully. "If you promise to be careful, I won't stand in the way of your career, lass."

I watched her let out a huge sigh of relief. "I…I can do that."

"However, I have a condition of my own," I told her.

My wife immediately stilled at that. "What is it?"

"Do not call me Mr. Murphy ever again," I ordered.

Her dark eyes widened. "But…but you told me not to call you Noah anymore."

"That was when you were breaking my heart, lass," I chuckled. "Since that's not the case anymore, you'll call me Noah."

"So, then…that's the proof that you need to show that I'm trying?"

I stepped to her, placed my hands on her hips, then pulled her close to me. "For starters."

"Noah…" she whispered breathlessly.

"Show me that you forgive me, baby," I told her, my fingers digging into her hips.

"As long as I'm the only one," she said, making a complete one-eighty on our vows.

"Shea, it's always been just you," I told her honestly.