Chapter 9

NINE

ALEXA

“Alexa,” Mom greets with a warm smile.

I lean to hug her but try my best to keep my distance, or else she’ll know. The maneuver proves challenging, but I manage, and she doesn’t seem to notice.

As I pull back, Mom looks extra relaxed and tanned. Maybe, I should have thought this through properly because she’s about to get the shock of her life.

“Hi, Mom. You look nice and tanned from your holiday.”

“It was unusually warm for this time of the year,” she informs me, then reaches her hands out. “Would you like me to hang your coat?”

“Um, I’m actually a bit cold, so I might keep it on until I warm up.”

“Of course, sweetheart.”

I follow her to the dining room, where Dad is already sitting at the table. The moment his gaze falls upon me, his matching emerald eyes light up. Oh, how I wish I could capture his warmth for just this moment, knowing I was about to bust his happy bubble.

“Alexandra,” he calls softly. “Look at you. College suits you.”

“Ah. Thanks, Dad.”

Like with Mom, I embrace him without him noticing my stomach. He offers to take my coat, but again, I lie and say I’m cold.

“Mom said the trip was amazing.”

“It certainly was,” he answers with a grin. “We sailed out on a yacht. Something we haven’t done in years.”

“Wait, did you buy it?”

“You know your father too well,” Mom teases, placing a glass of red wine in front of me. I stare at the glass, surprised she even served it, but I’m guessing it’s something fancy.

“Try the wine. It’s from this new winery, and I’d love to get your opinion on it before I invest,” Dad politely asks.

My phone buzzes in my pocket, perfect timing since drinking the wine is something I can’t do. It’s bad enough I drank when I was pregnant, not that I knew at the time. The guilt, though, still weighs heavily on my mind despite the research I’ve done on alcohol and pregnancy. It’s not something you should do, given everything passes to the baby. When I panicked at the conclusion I’d hurt the baby, a call to Dr. Callahan reassured me it’s fine. However, no more until after birth and breastfeeding.

“Sorry, Dad. I just need to check my phone, I’m waiting for something.”

Beau

You still alive, or has Lex banished you to a dark castle forever?

Me

I’m alive, but maybe not for long. I’ll call you after.

“Is everything all right?”

“Um, yes.”

“Alexa, try the wine your father brought back from Italy. It’s quite something if I say so myself.”

I stare at the glass, knowing all too well there is no way out of it. I won’t drink the wine, so there’s no choice but to tell them the truth right now.

“Uh, Mom, Dad,” I begin with, scratching the back of my neck until my skin stings. “I need to talk to you about something.”

“Please don’t tell me you’re dropping out of college.” My father jumps in. His tone changed as if he was trying to control his anger. “I thought you wanted this.”

“I do want this, and it’s not what you think. I may need to drop out for a bit. I don’t know. I’m not sure what the rules are and—”

“Alexandra, you’re making no sense. Just say whatever it is you need to say.”

With every fiber in my being, I force myself to stand up as my parents watch me in confusion. Slowly, I untie the belt around my coat, then, with shaky hands, remove my coat while my pulse races.

Mom is the first to notice. Her expression quickly morphs to shock as she covers her mouth with her hand.

As for Dad, he continues to look me in the eye. At a slow and agonizing pace, his eyes drop until then stop at my stomach. His face, unlike Mom’s, is completely blank. Like a ticking time bomb in front of me, I wait for it to detonate, preparing for the absolute worse.

“I… I… don’t understand what is happening, Alexandra.”

Dad is never speechless. He either says how it is or keeps his opinion to himself. There is never an in-between.

“What’s there not to understand, Lex?” Mom’s tone is far less patient. “She’s pregnant.”

“But… I don’t understand.”

My eyes fall to the ground as my chest caves, the heaviness too much to bear at this moment. I’ve let them down. All their hopes for me are crushed at this very moment, and that’s by far a heavy burden to carry.

“I’m sorry, Mom and Dad,” I begin with just above a murmur while trying to control my tears. “It was never supposed to happen this way. Please don’t tell me I should have gotten rid of it… please don’t.”

The sob rises inside my chest, expelling like a violent wave crashing against the shore. Mom moves quickly, embracing me tightly. The smell of her perfume brings back nostalgia. A simple scent that reminds me of my entire childhood.

“Sweetheart, we will get through this. You are not alone.”

She strokes my hair, trying her best to soothe me. Yet Dad is still eerily quiet. With tear-soaked eyes, I glance up to see him staring at the table. His expression is still blank, not a single ounce of anything.

“I know you’re disappointed in me. I’m disappointed in myself. I love college, and I finally decided I wanted to study medicine. Now, I don’t know what I’m supposed to do. Find a job because I need to raise this child alone.”

“Alone?” Dad butts in. This time his emerald eyes have turned into a dark shade. “Who’s the father?”

I swallow the lump inside my throat. Perhaps the bomb didn’t go off earlier, but it sure will now.

“Someone I haven’t been with in a while. He’s not in my life.”

“Who?” Dad grits.

“Hunter Cash,” I choke. “Just say how you feel, Dad. You’re disappointed in me, and now I’ve ruined my life.”

Dad doesn’t respond. He stands up and walks out of the room without a word. Not long after, we hear the slam of the door to his office. The sound is enough for me to begin crying again.

“I couldn’t do it, Mom. I couldn’t terminate this pregnancy. I’ve done it once and never want to go through that misery again.”

“Alexa,” Mom says softly. “We would never ever expect you to do such a thing. You’re almost twenty-one. You’re an adult. I know how scary it is to be young and expecting a child with a man who isn’t in your life. I also know how hard it is to lose a child. Did I ever tell you that you were a twin?”

“A twin?”

Mom nods with a pained smile. “I was just about to cross over to the second trimester when we lost him. A boy, just like your father had always wanted.”

“I’m so sorry, Mom,” I whisper.

“It was never meant to be. The pain never truly goes away, but I’m blessed to have you and your sisters. And soon, another grandchild.”

“Oh, Mom,” I sob.

She holds me for the longest time, and it’s exactly what I needed all along. There is no greater love than the love of a parent. I just hope I can be everything to my child that she has been to me.

“You give your father some time to adjust, okay? He will come around. He always does with you girls.”

“I know. But Mom? Just so you know, I’m not going to tell Hunter about the baby. He has his own family to raise. I don’t want to complicate things for us.”

“Alexa, you may feel this now but may change your mind later. It’s important for both parents to be given an opportunity to raise the child. They don’t have to be together, but a parent should never be deprived of the opportunity. I just want you to think about that.”

“C’mon, Mom. Hunter is having a baby with Kathy. I don’t want my child to be second best while he plays happy families with someone else.”

“I understand. I wouldn’t want that either. I just want you to think about it. That’s all I’m asking.”

We talk for a long while, but it’s inevitable I’m going to have to go to Dad’s office and talk to him before I leave. As I walk down the long hallway to his office, I take deep breaths, inhaling and exhaling, just to calm myself down. My knuckles tap softly against the door, but he doesn’t say a word. I enter with caution to see him staring out the window.

“Dad, please talk to me.”

Silence.

“I… I need you to say something. Anything. Be angry, be sad, just talk to me, please,” I beg.

“Alexandra,” he warns in a stern tone, but then his face falls. “I’m trying my best here to be the father you need. Not the man you’ve loathed during your teenage years.”

I walk to where he is standing and wrap my arms around him, desperately needing him to hold me tight. At first, I feel him tense, then he hugs me tight, and once again, my tears flow as the emotions overcome me.

“Please don’t cry, sweetheart,” Dad murmurs as he kisses the top of my hair. He pulls away but keeps me close. Staring into my eyes, he wipes the tears away from my cheeks. “I will always love you, no matter the circumstances. You just have to understand this is a shock to your mother and me. It was the last thing we expected from you.”

“I know that,” I agree with a nod. “It’s the last thing I expected from me too. I just need you to know I didn’t do this on purpose to hurt you. I was stupid and naive. I wasn’t thinking straight and—”

“You don’t need to go into any more detail. I think we all know how pregnancies happen, and we can stop this part of the conversation right here,” he insists.

“Thank you.”

He motions for me to take a seat while he pours himself a drink. I note he’s pouring more than usual, but I don’t blame him under these circumstances.

“So, you want to study medicine, huh?”

I fidget with the fray of my jeans again. A bad habit when I’m bored on anxious. It didn’t matter. These jeans will probably be the last time worn since they barely button up anymore.

“That was the plan.”

“And that will still be the plan. You will come back home, stay with us. We can help with this baby, so you can continue studying. UCLA has an excellent medical school. You might need to defer a semester or two, but this is not the end of the college journey for you.”

“Really? I can still study what I want?”

“Of course,” Dad informs me. “Having a child doesn’t mean everything has to stop. It will be more challenging. I won’t lie about that at all.”

“But moving home,” I begin with, unsure what to think. “You and Mom just got the place to yourselves. I can find my own place.”

“Sure, eventually. But for now, it’s best you come home.”

“I was planning on finishing the school year since it’s only three more months. Then head back for the summer.”

“I think it’s a wise decision you made.”

By the time Mom checks on us, Dad is on his second drink. Also, I think Mom drank the wine she was offering earlier. Either way, who am I to judge? The things I’ve done while drunk don’t exactly make me a saint, either.

Mom insists we eat dinner, which I welcome since I’m starving. After dessert, I say goodbye to head back to the dorm. As much as they wanted me to stay, I have an early class tomorrow, so it just makes sense.

With my parents now informed, my next hurdle is my sisters. This, I wish I had alcohol for.

I knock on Beau’s door, praying he’s alone because I just need to see him.

The door opens, and of course, he’s in his gray sweats with no shirt. His abs are cut to perfection, a six-pack with every ab defined.

Great, just what I need. A hot guy in front of me while I’m literally in heat.

“Don’t you own clothes?” I ask, walking past him to lie on his bed.

“How did the night go?”

“Fine.”

“Fine?”

“Yeah, fine,” I repeat in annoyance.

“Okay, so why the mood?”

He hovers over me, crossing his arms while waiting for me to answer his question. I side-eye him, only catching a glimpse of the tattoo on his hand.

Why must he have tattoos? Were tattoos always hot?

“Were you expecting someone? Is that why you’re dressed like you’re ready to make someone come?”

Beau bursts out laughing. “Oh, Alexa. Are you jealous? Because jealousy does look cute on you.”

“Whatever,” I mutter. “So?”

“No, it was warm, and Joel is out with twins. If it goes well for him, I may get booted out sometime.”

“Great excuse.”

Beau leans down and lays beside me on the bed. Okay, just breathe. Pull the parachute in case of emergency. Exit, quick and fast. That’s the plan.

“What’s with you these days? You’re so up and down. Is it the pregnancy hormones or something?”

“How do you know about pregnancy hormones?”

“Millie. Will would vent, and I’ll leave it at that.”

“Yeah, they’ve been weird.”

“So, you don’t like me seeing other girls since this seems to be the core of our arguments.”

“I just don’t understand why you’re such a manwhore.”

“Thanks,” he muses. “If you want me to stop seeing girls, I will. I’ve done it before.”

“Yeah, for like two weeks,” I drag.

“Alexa,” he breathes, his soft voice stirring even more desire inside of me. “You just need to tell me what you need.”

“I… I need…” Just as I’m about to tell him I need to orgasm like never before, a weird sensation flutters in my stomach. I’ve felt it before but not like this.

I gasp loudly, clutching my stomach.

“What’s wrong?” Beau panics.

Unsure of what is happening, I grab his hand and place it on the spot where I felt it. “Tell me if you feel something weird.”

“Like what…” He stops mid-sentence. “Oh my god, what the hell was that?”

“I think the baby kicked!”

“That was a kick?”

“I don’t know. I have no idea what they’re supposed to feel like. I assume it is,” I rush in excitement.

And the moment could not have been any more beautiful. My baby was kicking for the very first time, and my best friend was with me.

As perfect as it felt, the dark cloud soon hovered above me as it always does…

Beau is not the father.

And I’ll forever be tied to Hunter Cash whether I like it or not.