4. Joker

Chapter 4

Joker

The ride to Skylar's parents was quiet and strained. I didn't talk to her and ignored any effort she made. I drove like a bat out of hell to get her there as quick as I could, too. I had to. I didn't have a choice. The feel of her hands wrapped around me, her body pressed up against mine, and her legs cradled against my hips were just too much. Even now, knowing she's freshly out of high school, I still want her. I'm still hard. What kind of sick fuck does that make me? She's so damn young. For all I know, she could be illegal. Just an hour ago, I was ready to fuck her against the wall. If Bull or Breaker didn't kill me, I figure I would have been arrested for it. And Skylar? She didn't tell me shit. I'm pissed off, upset because I wanted her— want her still—and crushed because I know that no matter what, she can never be mine.

Parking against the curb of the street, I wait for her to get off. I need her body away from mine. After tonight, I will have to guard myself. I can't let myself get close enough to touch her. "Get off," I bark, when she doesn't make a move to leave. I can feel her body jerk, and I close my eyes against the pain. I know I'm hurting her. I have to. If I don't, she'll know just how weak I am around her. I can't allow that.

"Torin, do you want to tell me what's wrong?" She lets out a sigh when I don't respond. I don't even turn around and look at her. If I was smart, I'd drive off. I want to make sure she makes it in the house, though. I can't leave her out here unprotected, even if I should. Hell, right now, I figure I'm the biggest threat to her and the stupid girl doesn't even realize it. Skylar's still trying to play at being an adult. Christ. "Are you seriously not even going to talk to me? Don't I at least deserve to know what I did wrong?"

I pinch the bridge of my nose and try to force myself to be quiet, but I fail. "You know what's wrong, Skylar. Quit playing stupid. You're going to college, planning on being a doctor. You have to be smarter than the cluelessness you're trying to pass off right now."

"What are you saying? Are you pissed about my career goals?"

Tiring of this bullshit, a snarl escapes. I get off my bike and spin around to look at her. I'm standing so close that I know she can see the full extent of my frustration and anger. We're right underneath the streetlight and it likely is highlighted under the light. I've been told I'm an intimidating man when I'm pissed. I've always used it to my advantage. I can tell I'm scaring Skylar, and a part of me is glad. She jumps back as if she's afraid I'm going to hurt her. That's probably smart. If I give in to the hunger ravaging my body, it will hurt her. She stumbles and is about to fall in her attempt to escape my wrath. I reach out to catch her, but immediately let go of her. Just that small touch is enough to fill me with desire. I can't allow that.

"If you want to play stupid, go ahead, but you should have told me you're just a damn kid. I shouldn't need to explain it to you."

"I … it didn't really occur to me. I mean, I figured you would think I was a little older, but you didn't ask me how old I was, Torin. You can't act all upset about it now. Not knowing didn't stop you from doing …"

I laugh at her, but it's a cold, emotionless sound. "Doing what, Skylar? Can you even say it?"

"I didn't do anything for you to treat me like this."

"You should have told me you were a child!"

"I'm not. I'm seventeen. I have a job and I work damn hard. It's not like I'm some immature brat who is dependent on others, you know!"

"Jesus," I growl in disgust. "You don't get it at all. You are a kid. You can't even vote for Christ's sake. You were letting a man, almost twice your age, do things to you that he has no right to do."

"I wasn't letting a man. I was letting you! I happen to like what you did to me."

"Skylar," I warn, but she ignores me.

"You do have the right to touch me. You're the only man I've ever given that privilege to. I wanted what happened between us. Just because I wanted to slow things down, doesn't mean that I don't want more with you, because I do."

"You can want it until hell freezes over. You and I are never going to happen."

"Why not? Because you're in your thirties?"

"I'm twenty-nine," I rumble out.

"That's not twice my age, Torin."

"It's damn close and while we're on the subject, stop using my name. There's nothing between us and there never will be. Call me Joker."

"There will be. You can't deny the fire between us. You want me, Torin, and I sure as hell want you."

"You're too damn young to know what a fire is, Skylar. Fuck, I can't believe this mess. I knew you didn't know what you were doing. I should have figured it out, maybe I'm the stupid one."

"Was I that bad?"

I use my hand to scrub my face, hating that I'm inflicting pain. I can see it written all over her face. I want to stop, but I can't. I have to push her away before I get weaker where she's concerned. Still, I can't bring myself to tell her that the best kiss I've ever had in my life was bad. That's just a lie that I can't let pass my lips. I sigh, giving an answer that I know will hurt her more. An answer that will put an end to whatever it is she's feeling toward me.

A lie that will rip away the dream that had begun to grow in my heart.

"I like my women more experienced. Any woman I claim needs to know how to give me what I want in bed. That's why I called a halt to shit back there at the bar in the first place." I can see tears shining in her eyes and it just looks wrong. Instantly, I want to take the words back, but I know that for both our sakes, I can't.

"I'll get better. You can teach me," she whispers, being so brave even through her tears. I want to take her in my arms. Apologize and tell her she is perfect—the answer to every dream I've ever had. The only problem is that doing that would be wrong. She's too damn young. My breath stalls in my chest as she walks up to me, closing the distance between us. I watch as she trembles in front of me. Shame, hunger, and anger swirl inside of me with a force so strong that I'm not sure how I remain standing. "Don't push me away, Torin. I might be young, but I know what I want, and that's you."

"You don't even know me. You're just horny because I'm probably the first man who has ever had his mouth on your tits. It's called lust, and it will pass."

"I've made out before," she says, rolling her eyes. "What we shared is different and you know it."

The urge to ask her who the fuck has put his lips on her, touched her in ways that should only belong to me , is so strong, but I push it away. Instead, I go back to my bike and hop on it.

"This conversation is over."

"No, it's not. We're not done, Torin."

"Yeah, we are," I correct her, my voice as cold as I can make it.

"You can't just end us without seeing where we could go, especially because of my age. Seventeen is not so young. I'll be eighteen soon. I'm basically old enough to get married without permission, you know."

I shake my head immediately. There, right there, is the evidence that she's just a kid. We made out, and she's already bringing up marriage. Does she really look at me and see a fucking white picket fence?

"I'm not getting married ever , Skylar."

She huffs, giving me an almost menacing frown. "I wasn't proposing, dummy. I was just saying?—"

"You can't get married without permission unless you're eighteen."

"Oh? Well, it's not like it matters. The point is, I'm old enough to make a living and take care of myself?—"

"Is that right? So, you're saying Mommy and Daddy aren't footing your college bill?"

"They offered but?—"

"Exactly," I mutter, interrupting her. "I'm done with this conversation, Skylar, and I'm done with you. I need to get back to the club."

"Yeah, I heard. You have a date. Apparently with your own fan club. If I'm guessing, I'd say the leader of that crew would be Layla."

I hide my wince as I hear the pain in her voice. I wasn't aware that Skylar was that knowledgeable about the club. I guess I should have known better.

"That's right," I confirm. "I'm going to have a real woman take care of something you started when you didn't have a right to."

"I could take care of you, Torin. I want to," she whispers, letting go of her pride.

I close my eyes, my heart aching. "Just go, Skylar." Some of my pain leaks into my voice. She'll know this is hurting me too, but there's nothing I can do about it.

"Torin, I'm only nine months away from being eighteen. If that's what you want, you just need to wait for me."

I don't answer her. I'm practically holding my breath until she finally decides to walk away. I look into my side mirror to find her staring right at my back. Helplessly, I watch as tears roll down her face. I can't wait to make sure she gets inside safely. If I do, I may forget everything and kiss her tears away. I take off down the road at breakneck speed, making it to the club in record time. I immediately park and go inside, marching straight to the bar and grab a full bottle of Jack. I look around, scoping the place out.

Layla is standing there beside Cherry. Skylar wasn't wrong. Layla usually is my woman of choice, but tonight, I can't. My gaze settles on Cherry. Her hair is a darker red than Skylar's, but maybe if I get drunk enough, I can pretend she is the woman I really want. The woman who isn't quite a woman or a kid for that matter.

No, she's just everything I've ever wanted, and will never have.