Chapter 8

At Valen’s words, I jerked my arm from his hold and scooted sideways in an effort to get as far away from him as I could. I kept going until I no longer felt the couch at my back and scrambled to my hands and knees. I knew I was likely flashing him my bare ass since I hadn’t wanted to put my worn panties back on after my shower last night, but all I cared about at the moment were the words that replayed over in my mind. “You have to kill her.”

Valen hadn’t said he would, but he had also wanted to know how to stop the mating process, or whatever the hell it was. He didn’t want me. Or he didn’t want any mate at all, but the end was the same. Valen didn’t want a mate, and the only way to get rid of one was to kill her. To kill me.

“Stay away from me!” I held up my hands after I made it unsteadily to my feet. I backed away quickly, heading toward the only place in the whole nearly empty loft that might hold a weapon. I edged around the counter, keeping my eyes on him the entire time as my chest heaved. He stood silently, his arms crossed over his chest and his face carefully blank. Damn him. How could my potential murderer stand there looking so damn sexy in a pair of low-slung sweatpants, his hair hanging around his face? He made me think of a street fighter with those muscles on full display. If this were a few hundred years ago, he would look like a knight.

I chanced breaking eye contact to look into the first drawer I reached, yanking it open, only to see that it was empty inside. Fuck. I darted my eyes back up to see he hadn’t moved a muscle, and his breathing was still slow and steady. I could have sworn, though, that his eyes held a glint of amusement.

The next drawer held a plastic spatula and spoon, the next a few eating utensils, and finally, in the fourth drawer, I found a set of wickedly sharp-looking kitchen knives. I took out the largest carving knife and held it in front of me, pointing the tip in his direction.

“I won’t be murdered easily,” I promised, lifting my chin in a false show of confidence. There was no way I would be able to win a fight against this man. I tightened my grip on the knife, hoping to still the visible trembling.

He dropped his arms and took a step toward me, any traces of amusement long gone. At his sudden move, my fear spiked. Deep inside me, my insides twisted with terror while my heart raced out of control. I squeezed my eyes shut and tried to steady my breathing, but it didn’t help. I soon felt the trembling of the floor under my bare feet. As hard as I tried to control my fear, to stop what I knew would happen if I couldn’t, the tremors grew stronger. I found myself in a loop of being afraid for my life and sheer fright of what I was capable of, each emotion amping my ability for destruction.

I let out a whimper, fear for what I was causing overriding my fear of Valen at the moment. Suddenly, strong arms wrapped around me, tugging me into the broad chest I had been admiring just a few short minutes ago. The warmth and comfort of his embrace began to calm my racing heartbeat. As he soothed my frayed nerves, the tremors of the building slowed to a stop.

Valen was speaking in low tones I could barely make out through the rushing of blood in my head. It wasn’t until my breaths were slow and steady that I noticed I had subconsciously matched my breathing to his. Still, he just continued to patiently murmur in my ear with his deep, gravelly voice.

“You’re okay, Kallista. I’ve got you. No one is going to hurt you. I swear it on my life. You’re okay.”

The low rumbling soothed me more than anything else ever had. “I’m sorry,” I muttered against the warm, bronzed skin of his chest.

“Don’t be sorry. I get it. You were frightened, and you had every right to be after what you heard. But, Kallista?” He paused, waiting, and I gave him what I knew he wanted. I pulled my face away from his chest and blinked my tears away so I could look up at him. “I will never hurt you. I won’t let anyone else hurt you, either. Okay? I swear it.”

I studied his expression, looking into his emerald eyes, and could only detect sincerity there. “But you don’t want a mate.”

He stayed silent for a long moment as he took me in. Finally, he spoke. “I never wanted to be close to anyone, Kallista. I have spent my entire existence trying to stay as far away from humans as I could. I’m dangerous. I destroy lives, sometimes without even meaning to. Hearing that I have a fated mate I never even knew was possible to have…” He stepped away from me, and I immediately felt the loss of his warmth and strength. I watched him warily as he ran his hands through his long hair and looked down at the gray cement countertop.

Finally, he looked back at me, skimming his gaze over every inch of my body. His perusal left me with the sensation of having his hands touching me, gliding over my skin, grazing all my intimate areas, and making me feel heated flutters low in my belly I had never felt before.

“I’m scared, Kallista. I could hurt you, and that would finally destroy the last shred of humanity I have left inside of me.”

I wanted to reach out and touch him. There was something about seeing his raw honesty as he left himself vulnerable that made me want to wrap my arms around him and show him he was wrong. I looked down at the knife in my hand. He had comforted me even after I held a weapon and threatened him. I didn’t need anyone to tell me he was a good man; his actions had shown me since the beginning. I didn’t know his story, but he was full of honor and kindness.

“I can hurt people, too,” I whispered as I stared at my reflection in the carving knife. “I’ve scared my parents badly enough that they thought I was a danger to myself and everyone around me. I can destroy, too.” I set the knife gently down on the counter and turned to face him. “I’m scared of what I am.”

He looked at me, tilting his head to the side as he studied me. “What are you?”

I shrugged my shoulders and held my hands out at my sides before letting them drop again. “I don’t know. I was adopted as a baby. I just know there’s something inside of me. Something… dark.”

I shivered at the thought I hadn’t spoken out loud before. My parents had done an excellent job of breaking my love of darkness. For so long, I had believed the darkness, the shadows, to be comforting. The darkness was my friend. When I started showing signs of being dangerous, of evil living inside of me, my mother had done everything she could to ‘fix’ me. I came to fear the dark instead.

“Hey,” Valen’s fingers came to my chin and pushed gently, lifting my face up to meet his gaze. “There’s no way you are dark. I have seen some of the worst beings on Earth, and you are not one of them.” He grinned, but it quickly faded as his lips turned down. He studied me with a frown. “When you became scared, and the floor started shaking, you squeezed your eyes shut. But I could have sworn your eyes had changed.”

With shame, I closed my eyes and turned my head away as far as I could without him actually letting me go.

“Kallista.” At his unspoken demand, I glanced back at him. “Tell me.”

I waited a beat as I tried to figure out how to say the words. “My eyes…” I swallowed hard, then let the truth spill from me. “When I get upset, my eyes change to black. If I can’t get control of my emotions, the room will shake,” I whispered. “One time, I made the ceiling break into pieces. It almost killed my mom.” And the priest they brought in to perform the exorcism, but I couldn’t bring myself to admit that part. “My parents believe I am possessed by a demon,” I admitted, shame and agony filling every part of me.

Instead of being repulsed by me or even scared the way I would have expected, Valen started chuckling. Then he started laughing so hard he had to grip the edge of the counter to keep himself from falling over. I was shocked into numb silence, my jaw hanging open as I watched him lose his mind.

As he continued to laugh, I began to frown, and then I crossed my arms with a huff. “I don’t see what’s so funny,” I muttered.

Valen finally straightened up with one arm wrapped around his ribs as if he’d given himself a stitch in his side from laughing so hard. He swiped his thumb under one eye and gave me a grin. “No, I don’t suppose you would.”

Without saying another word, Valen suddenly began to change.

Before my eyes, his bronze skin tone grew slightly darker, a little grayer. Horns suddenly grew from his head through the dark hair, wisps of shadows swirling around them. Giant wings that resembled those of a bat appeared behind him, a little taller than he was and touching the floor at his bare feet. Those, too, had shadows swirling around every inch of them. They were solid; I could see that, but at the same time, it was as if they were the shadows. Insubstantial, yet… not.

“Valen?” I breathed his name in wonder at the sight. Perhaps I should have been screaming and running away in terror. But after the way he cared for me and the gentle way he’d held me, I had no room in me to be scared of him. Instead, I was fascinated as I itched to reach out and touch the shadows. He was my every girlish fantasy, every thought I’d had as I stared into the darkened closet when I was five years old. I had a fleeting sense of sadness that he was only now coming to me and hadn’t been there to save me from my childhood the way I had prayed for.

It wasn’t until my wondering gaze finally made it back to his face that I gasped and took a step back. It wasn’t from fear, just shock. “Your eyes…”

“Do I scare you, Kallista?” He growled low, a menacing tone that made shivers run down my spine, but not from fear.

“No.” I shook my head slowly without losing eye contact. “Your eyes, they look just like mine do when I…” I swallowed hard and tilted my head. I was suddenly scared to know the answer because I had spent my entire life being told I was one thing, and now the truth was finally in front of me. And from what I was looking at, my mother had been right all along. “What are you, Valen?”

“What do you think I am?” He took a step toward me. Movement from the corner of my eye had me looking down to see a thin, whip-like tail move back and forth. It had a small, pointed end, almost like a spade. Just like the horns and wings, it was made of those same shadows. I had a feeling that all he would have to do was will them away, and every part of him would just go back to normal.

“You’re a demon, aren’t you?”

“Very good, little girl,” he said in an almost mocking tone. “You know that you are, too. Right?”

I shook my head, then nodded. Then I shook it again before shrugging helplessly. “I don’t know.”

In an instant, the same Valen I had met the night before was back. All the proof that he was something other than just a man was gone from sight. I blinked as my mind tried to process all the new information over the last few minutes. I was tempted to ask him to bring back the shadows but squeezed my hands into fists instead.

“I think that you are, at the very least, part demon. Either your birth mother or biological father was a full demon. It makes sense.”

I shook my head, denying it even if I could feel in my heart that he was right. “Why is that what makes sense?”

“You can make the Earth tremble. Your eyes change when your demon is close to the surface.” He stepped closer. “We are mates.”

“I’m a mate you don’t even want,” I shot back, still hurt over his earlier words.

He grunted, not denying it. A white-hot pain bloomed in my chest, and I had to work hard not to show any outward signs. I fought not to bring my hand up to rub there. Instead, I turned away from him and walked back over to the couch. I picked up the blanket from the floor and began to fold it. Despite everything I had learned so far that morning, nothing had changed.

“I need to get back to my apartment.”

Valen’s low words, gritted between clenched teeth, had goosebumps rising on my arms. “You aren’t going anywhere.”