Chapter 19

CHAPTER NINETEEN

W ith Ruthven gone, Evan perched himself on the edge of Bonnie's bed, relief washing over him. Perhaps it wouldn't be so strange, he thought, for a man to visit his cousin's chambers, but with Alaric's absence and the fact that she looked like she had just been in the bathing tub, his presence there would surely raise some suspicions.

"Ye truly should stay away from him," Evan mumbled, his elbows resting on his knees as he let his head fall in his hands. For a moment, he sat there, slowly sinking into a well of guilt that threatened to swallow him whole. He had been the one to drag Bonnie into this. He had been the one to put her in danger in the first place.

But what would happen if I hadnae involved her in this? She would still be in Ruthven's clutches.

She would have been safer, though, knowing nothing about the plan. Evan should have found a different way into the castle, one that didn't involve her at all.

Too late fer that now.

When he felt the mattress dip next to him, Evan looked up to see Bonnie there, taking a seat next to him. Slowly, she unclasped her cloak and folded it neatly, placing it by the foot of the bed, and then simply sat there in silence next to him, one hand coming to rest on his forearm in a gesture of comfort.

Just as slowly, Evan placed his own hand over Bonnie's and after a moment of hesitation, laced their fingers together.

"Believe me, I dinnae wish tae be around him," Bonnie assured him. "An' I promise ye, I will stay away from him as much as I can. But I couldnae reject his invitation. I was the one tae suggest it in the first place."

With a frown, Evan turned to look at her. "Ye were?"

"I panicked," said Bonnie sheepishly, giving a small shrug. "I had tae tell him somethin', so I told him the first thing that came tae mind."

Evan couldn't help but laugh, shaking his head in disbelief. It was just his luck to be caught up in something like this. "Well . . . dinnae fash. I'll be there."

"I ken," Bonnie said, fingers squeezing around his. "Thank ye, Evan. But I can also take care o' meself. It isnae the first time I must deal with a terrible man."

"It isnae?"

Bonnie shook her head, hiccupping as she drew in a deep, steadying breath. "After me faither an' maither died, the clan was given tae a cousin until either I or me sister would wed. But Faolan, me cousin . . . he didnae wish tae relinquish his power. He wished tae keep the clan fer himself. An' he . . . he forced me an' Cathleen tae dae horrible things. He wanted us tae hurt innocent people, but we couldnae dae it. I'm lucky that me sister is alive . . . that we all are."

Evan listened to Bonnie's story in silence, his heart aching at the thought of everything she must have gone through. She was such a sweet, compassionate woman that Evan couldn't imagine her ever hurting someone else. And now, instead of her troubles finally being over, she had been thrown into another violent and dangerous situation she could not escape.

"I'm sorry," Evan said, for lack of anything better to say. I'm sorry fer makin' ye dae this. I'm sorry fer puttin' ye in danger. I'm sorry fer everythin' that has happened tae ye.

"It's alright," Bonnie assured him with a tentative smile. "We must all endure hardship."

Evan wished that wasn't true. He wished he could protect Bonnie from it all—everything that could cause her pain, everything that could harm her.

"Yer parents . . . what happened tae them?" Evan asked.

Bonnie drew a shuddering breath. She parted her lips as if to speak, but no sound came out at first, as though the mere thought of speaking about them was painful.

Evan couldn't understand that. It was difficult for him, too, to speak about his parents.

"They were murdered in a village raid," she said after a few moments of silence. When Evan looked at her, her eyes shone with unshed tears. "It should have never happened. I was simply stubborn an' wished tae stay at the village market longer. We were meant tae be gone by the time o' the raid. Had it nae been fer me, they would still be alive."

"Bonnie . . . it wasnae yer fault," Evan said, but even as he spoke the words, he knew Bonnie wouldn't believe him. There was nothing anyone could say to her that would change her mind on this matter. Evan knew, because it was the same for him.

Not a single day had passed since his parents' deaths when he didn't blame himself for their demise.

Bonnie didn't respond and Evan didn't know what else to say. The two of them were plunged in silence, time trickling by slowly as they sat there, clinging onto each other.

Evan had never spoken to anyone about the demise of his parents. He hadn't even discussed it with Alaric, though his brother had tried to get him to talk several times since their deaths, only for Evan to refuse every time. It was doing more harm than good, he knew, and it didn't hurt only him—it hurt Alaric, who wanted to talk about it only to be met with a brick wall of silence.

Alaric didn't deserve this. Every time Evan thought he could speak to him about their parents, though, he regretted it the moment he opened his mouth and eventually decided to say nothing.

Perhaps if I tell Bonnie, it will be easier tae speak tae Alaric, too.

It felt easier, talking to her about it, simply because he knew Alaric would insist none of it was Evan's fault, while at the same time blaming himself. It was what Evan was doing, after all—putting the blame on himself while knowing Alaric could have done nothing to prevent their deaths.

"Me parents are dead, too," he said, the words like thorns in his throat as he spoke, tearing into his flesh. "They were murdered in the hands o' Sassenachs. That's why . . . that's why I must fight Balliol. I ken what will happen if he remains in power, Bonnie. I ken how many people will suffer an' I cannae allow it. They will stop at naething tae get what they want."

It was all he could share about them. He couldn't talk about the day he found them slain, his mother's dress soaked in blood, his father's blade still in his hand as he tried to save her and himself. He couldn't talk about the night before, when they had all gone to bed thinking they would have a lifetime ahead of them—he, Alaric, and their sister Isabeau none the wiser to the catastrophe that was to follow. He couldn't talk about the goodbye he never got to give them.

Distantly, he realized that his eyes were burning with tears that threatened to spill and he pulled back from Bonnie, quickly wiping away any evidence.

Bonnie, though, didn't allow him to get too far. She reached for him, her hands cupping his face gently as she stared into his eyes.

"I'm sorry, Evan," she said. "I'm sorry this happened tae ye. Tae yer parents."

Evan nodded quietly. There was nothing more he could say. The words had run dry in his mouth and now all he could do was look into Bonnie's eyes, wishing he could at least tell her how grateful he was for her, how much she meant to him.

That was why he had come to her chambers in the first place, he remembered—to tell her how he felt. And yet now the words wouldn't come.

Instead, he did what he had been trying to do for so long. He leaned forward and kissed her, pressing his lips against hers gently for a brief moment.

But when he made to pull back, Bonnie didn't let him. Her grip on him tightened and she deepened the kiss, lips parting to allow for a brush of his tongue against hers. Evan sighed softly in her mouth, his hands reaching for her, grabbing her waist to pull her in his lap, greedy to touch and explore every inch of her that he could.

Then, when they finally parted, it was easy to speak.

"I'm in love with ye," he said and knew it to be the truth.

Bonnie stared up at Evan, her eyes wide with shock. Warmth spread over her chest and up to her face, and her heart lurched in her chest, skipping beat after beat. At first, she thought that she must have surely heard Evan wrong, but the more she looked at him, the clearer it became that not only had she heard him correctly, but also that he was serious.

Never would she have guessed that someone like Evan could have grown to love her like she loved him in such a short time. Bonnie had resigned herself to the fact that whatever existed between them was mostly one-sided and that—even if perhaps he would grow to love her one day—his actions were driven by desire and not love.

But now he had proven her wrong. Evan loved her. He wanted more than just a night with her.

"I am in love with ye," Bonnie whispered. "I am."

She had hardly finished speaking when Evan's lips crashed against her own once more, claiming them in a searing kiss. His hands on her waist were like twin flames, burning even through her tunic, their warmth travelling all over her body and settling deep within her core, her desire like molten lava. There was no going back now, she knew. After all the times they had kissed, this had become inevitable, but now they had crossed a line they could never uncross.

An' in me betrothed's own castle, at that.

It didn't matter to Bonnie. All that mattered was that she finally had what she had longed for ever since she had felt the first stirrings of love for Evan.

His lips trailed a heated path down her neck as he pressed kiss after kiss on her sensitive skin, leaving goosebumps in their wake. Bonnie let her head fall back with a gasp, losing herself in the pleasure, her eyes falling shut so she could feel Evan's touch in its full intensity—every brush of his lips, every caress of his fingers, the ghost of his breath on her skin. It was almost too much. She had never experienced anything quite as maddening, her need for another body so inescapable that she couldn't help but pull him closer and closer.

As she trailed her hands down his shoulders, his chest, she traced their grooves, the muscles strong and firm under her hands. Evan arched into it as if he, too, craved her touch; as if he was just as affected as she was, taken over by his desire for her. It was difficult to believe that after all the women he must have had in his lifetime, Bonnie could affect him like this, but when their kiss came to an end and she pulled back to look at him, she found him looking as dazed as she felt, eyes glazed with lust and unfocused, cheeks flushed a faint red.

Bonnie took a moment to admire the sharp lines of his features, the dark, hooded eyes, the thick dark hair that shone faintly under the morning sun. Her fingers traced the curve of his brows, the peaks of his cheekbones, then down to the cupid's bow of his lips. Evan laughed softly, tongue darting out to flick over her thumb. It drew a responding laugh out of her and she leaned in to kiss him again, yelping in surprise when Evan flipped them over, laying her over the mattress and crawling over her body.

For a moment, he hesitated, looking at her as his hands found the hem of her tunic, pushing it up just a little over her thighs. It was only when Bonnie nodded that he continued to push the fabric up, baring her thighs, then her stomach and breasts. When he pulled it off entirely and tossed the bundled-up tunic aside, Bonnie couldn't help but wrap her arms around herself, trying to hide as much of her body as she could, but Evan was quick to take her hands in his and bring them to his lips, pressing a kiss to each of her knuckles.

"I wish tae see ye," he said. "Dinnae hide yerself from me."

Heat spread over Bonnie's body, her chest and face burning under Evan's appreciative gaze. It was like a physical caress, the sensation of his eyes on her, roaming over the swell of her breasts, the valley of her stomach, taking in every detail as though he wanted to commit it all to memory.

Bonnie had never felt more bare in her life, but the more Evan looked at her, the more she realized she didn't mind. Once the initial embarrassment subsided, she even found that she enjoyed it. Never before in her life had she felt so desired, so wanted by someone else.

"Yer the bonniest lass I've ever seen," Evan said as he leaned closer once more, pressing kisses over her chest. His hands circled her waist, thumbs tracing gentle circles over her skin, and Bonnie couldn't help but melt into the touch.

How had she gone so long without experiencing something like this? She couldn't imagine spending another day without Evan. She couldn't imagine a future anymore in which she couldn't be close like this to him, the two of them clinging onto each other as though they wanted to become one.

A soft moan escaped Bonnie as Evan's lips found her breast, kissing the soft swell of her flesh. When those lips wrapped tightly around her nipple, teeth grazing just barely over the hardened nub, that moan deepened, turning loud and unabashed. Bonnie buried her fingers in Evan's hair, tugging at the soft strands, and Evan responded with a moan of his own, the rumble in his chest reverberating through her entire body.

Evan tore himself away from Bonnie with what seemed to her like great difficulty, though he didn't go too far. He only hovered over her, watching her intently, and pressed a soft kiss to her forehead.

"Dae ye wish me tae touch ye?" he asked and before Bonnie could respond, he added, "I'll make ye feel good. I promise."

Drawing her bottom lip between her teeth, Bonnie nodded slowly. "Please," she breathed, shuddering at the promise.

"I willnae take ye," Evan said, mumbling against Bonnie's throat as he scattered kisses there once again. "But there are more ways in which I can bring ye pleasure."

He doesnae wish tae ruin me afore marriage.

On the one hand, she was grateful for his understanding. She knew as well as he did that a woman of her standing could not enjoy sexual relations outside of marriage. On the other hand, it was a painful reminder of the fact that she was still meant to marry someone else.

As he spoke, his hand reached between them, sneaking over her stomach and mound. Shivering at the touch, Bonnie held her breath for a moment that seemed to stretch forever—the anticipation of that first touch, the endless wait for it to finally happen. She didn't know what to expect. She had nothing in her past to which to compare it.

And then Evan finally brushed his fingers over her, the touch barely more than a tease. Still, it had Bonnie's toes curling in pleasure, her hips jerking first in surprise and then in an attempt to repeat that sensation, to feel him once more against her.

When she looked at him, Evan gave her a cocky smile, one that looked infuriatingly handsome on him. His other hand reached for her thigh, fingers caressing the ample flesh before pushing her leg aside gently, baring her core for him.

"Keep them open fer me," he whispered as he pressed a kiss to that knee, settling between her legs on the mattress. It was easier said than done, though, when a new wave of embarrassment flowed through her, the urge to hide away from him warring against the desire for more. "I told ye . . . dinnae hide."

Bonnie wanted to point out that it was easier said than done, as she didn't have the same experience as he did, but her words were cut short before she could even utter them at the first tender touch of Evan's tongue over her folds. Once again, her hips jerked, her body uncertain of what to do at the sudden pleasure. Evan's hands were there, though, holding onto her thighs and keeping her still as he began to feast on her, his tongue pressing in firm strokes over her opening again and again before it circled a spot just above that tore a wailing moan out of Bonnie. Even far gone as she was, she had the presence of mind, at least to slap a hand over her mouth, muffling the sounds in case someone walked by her chambers and heard her, knowing just how precarious their position was.

One mistake and everyone would find out about her and Evan.

Pleasure coursed through Bonnie's entire body as she surrendered to the sensations. Her hips moved again on their own accord, rocking against Evan, chasing maddening feeling of every soft stroke of his tongue and lips, the warmth of him as he licked over sensitive flesh. Her other hand found his hair again, holding onto him, fingers carding through the strands. It pulled another moan from him, its rumble passing through her and making her shiver, amplifying each sensation.

Tentatively, she craned her neck to look at Evan and found him already staring up at her through dark lashes, taking in the flush of her cheeks, the lust-drunk look in her eyes. Instantly, she was captivated by the sight: Evan between her thighs, his hair mussed by her fingers, his own cheeks a faint red. As she watched, one of his hands let go of her thigh and instead reached under his own body, disappearing under his stomach. His gaze never left hers as his hips began to roll in a languid rhythm, matching that of his tongue.

With a sigh, Bonnie fell back against the mattress, back arching as she pressed herself closer, hungry for more. Evan was happy to oblige, it seemed to her, tongue flicking repeatedly over that sensitive nub until pressure began to coil deep inside her, her body instinctively searching for some form of release.

When Evan's tongue dipped inside her, just past her entrance, Bonnie's body felt like a taut string on the verge of breaking apart. Her entire body shook with pleasure, which was only amplified by the slight burn of Evan's beard on her thighs as his face rubbed against her delicate skin. It only took a few more flicks of his tongue over her sensitive spot, coupled with a gentle suction as his lips closed around her, for Bonnie to come apart.

She had to bite down on her hand to keep herself from screaming out his name, her climax washing over her like wave after wave. It seemed to last forever, that lingering pleasure as her body twitched and shivered, Evan continuing his ministrations until Bonnie had to pull him up, pushed over the edge of oversensitivity.

Evan went easily, draping himself over her. He rested his head on Bonnie's chest, lips finding her nipple again as he continued to work himself over, his hand buried under his tunic. Soft moans fell from his lips and Bonnie couldn't help but watch him, shifting so that she could pull his head towards her and kiss him.

Evan's movements quickened, his hand moving eagerly over his length as they kissed. Hesitantly, Bonnie reached between them, hoping that she could give back at least a fraction of the pleasure that he had given her, twining her hand with his around his shaft.

That first touch had Evan curling in on himself, hips stuttering as he pushed into their joined hands. Their lips met again in a searing kiss, and Bonnie held onto him with an arm wrapped tightly around his shoulders, her thighs bracketing his hips as they rocked together to bring him to completion.

It didn't take long for Evan to spill over their fingers with a groan muffled in the crook of Bonnie's neck. For a few moments, he stayed there, motionless against her as he tried to catch his breath, before he finally rolled off her and settled on his side, watching her with a small smile on his face.

This one was neither teasing nor smug. It was simply fond, giving her a glimpse of the love, he had confessed to her when he first kissed her. Bonnie scooted closer to him, burying her face in his shoulder as Evan held her close, pressing a kiss to the top of her head.

"Did ye mean it?" she asked, her voice barely audible where it was muffled against him.

"What?" Evan asked, pulling back just enough to look at her.

Bonnie, though, couldn't meet his gaze as she said, "That ye love me."

Evan's smile widened as he nodded once, firmly. "O' course I meant it," he said. Slowly, he disentangled himself from Bonnie, standing from the bed and smoothing down his clothes. "But I must leave now, mo ghraidh , afore someone finds me here. We shall discuss this later."

"Dae ye promise?" Bonnie asked as she pulled the bed covers over herself, suddenly very aware of her nakedness. Even though Evan had seen all of her only moments prior, now her embarrassment was too strong to resist the urge to cover. "Or are ye leavin' so we dinnae have tae speak about it?"

Laughing, Evan approached her, leaning over the bed. "Ye willnae rid o' me so easily, lass," he said, pressing a kiss to her lips.

Bonnie knew the day would never come when she would want such a thing.