Chapter 33

Chapter Thirty-Three

Landon

Listen to Breaking Me

by Topic snuggle against his hard chest and let go of all this awful tension while he made me feel good, satisfying my body and soul in ways I’d never imagined. Instead, I sucked it up and tried hard not to whine.

After all, he’d warned me plenty of times not to do this show. And after one full week of endless shooting, I had to admit he’d been right.

I was completely miserable.

I injected fake cheer into my voice. “Good. The crew is pretty nice, and I’ve gotten close to one of the girls here, Brenna. But it’s truly a dump. They named it correctly.”

His low laugh stroked all the nerve endings in my body. “Are you shoveling horse manure in platform shoes?” he teased.

“Close. My costumes are Daisy Dukes, high heels and shirts tied halfway up my stomach. They even braided my hair the other day and put in sparkly ribbons. I felt like I was in a porno.”

His voice took on a bit of edge. “You can say no, princess.”

“Like I do with you?”

“I love when you say no to me,” he murmured. “Then I get to convince you all the ways to scream yes.”

I shivered. It was getting harder to be away from Adam each day, especially in this hell hole. I bit my lip and wondered if I should be honest. Just cry on his virtual shoulder and ask him what to do.

God, I hated it here.

“I think saying no here means a different thing,” I said, trying to keep it light. “Saying no to you is so much more fun. How’s everything there?”

“Getting ready to leave next week. Our sets are pretty tight now so I’m confident we’ll kill it in LA. Started bonding with the guys more. Maybe because…” he trailed off but I picked up his thought.

“Because you’re not hanging with the group any longer.”

“Yeah. It’s definitely weird. Girls been in touch?”

“Elle calls and checks in. Gabby texted, and Daisy wrote me this long ass text saying again how she was sorry and missed me.”

“Daisy has a soft heart. I think she’s struggling with the fallout. Noah’s spending a ton of time in the studio and began working with Elle. I think Daisy misses him.”

I sighed. “I’ll call her later today and check in.”

“Landon?”

“Yeah?”

“I have no regrets. Even if I lose all of them, I have you. Understood?”

My entire body sagged with relief and longing. I needed to focus on what I had with Adam and getting through the rest of this filming. The producers were pushing my role hard to be center stage and piggy back on my viral video. It should be a good thing. Maybe even before I met Adam, I would’ve leaned in and loved the attention. But somehow, I’d changed over this summer. I didn’t like the role of pampered princess or femme fatale. I wanted to figure some stuff out but I chose this, and I needed to put on my big girl panties and see it through. “Understood. I miss you like crazy.”

“I intended to indulge in phone sex but not with your four roommates.”

I laughed. “Yeah, there’s no time alone here. Probably the point—this should’ve been Big Brother the way the cameras follow us around. I snuck away to make this call but the last time I tried, they wanted to film it.”

“Remember you’re a bad ass. Don’t let them walk over you, okay?”

“Okay. Love you.”

“Love you.”

The call disconnected. I leaned against a tree trunk and closed my eyes. Soon, Adam would be heading out to LA and it would be worse. His schedule would be insane, and with my shooting agenda, who knows when we’d be able to connect. He’d be surrounded by women throwing themselves at him. I trusted Adam and knew we had something he’d never betray. But the thought of all those temptations and empty space between us made my stomach clench.

As if I saw something in the future that would rip us apart. And that I had a choice, but I’d chosen wrong.

I swallowed back the lump in my throat. The last week had been filled with daily humiliations that I sucked up with good humor, and Brody stalking me like a predator. Clayton was a sweetheart, but I also knew he was up for a few make-out sessions so I felt like a piece of meat being fought over.

I tried to fall into the familiar role that used to fit. I bitched about the space and the accommodations and the bathroom. I paraded around in tiny shorts and sparkly shadow, crying about my manicure when I was raking hay. It was obvious I was the villainess but also the underdog. Corrine and Ronnie hooked up to make fun of me, and Corinne was obviously trying to get Brody to pay attention to her, which Brody ate up. The other cast members were like minnows, swimming around the sharks and trying to get camera time.

It was a complete clusterfuck.

This week, we were supposed to go out to this woodsy lake and do skinny dipping as we celebrated after the first eviction, who everyone already knew was a guy who had no personality and was a throw away.

“Hey, we were looking for you.”

I looked up to see Clayton. His Irish skin had burned in the sun and he’d needed some makeup so it didn’t look too bad. I smiled as he walked over. “Just sneaking in a call.”

“Yeah, there’s no alone time around here. Kind of stressful.” His hand propped up against the bark near me. He was close, but smiling, so I didn’t make a big deal out of pulling away. “Wanted to check on you. Is Brody pushing too hard?”

I rolled my eyes. “When doesn’t he? The guy would prefer a harem but he’s happy pitting me and Corinne against each other.”

“Yeah. I’m hoping good guys win out.”

I stiffened as his puppy dog eyes stared at me like I was a treat. “They do. Adam, my boyfriend, says it all the time.”

Clayton winced. “Sorry, I know you’re hooked up. But I gotta ask for a favor. They want me to have these kissing lessons with you on camera and I’m freaking out. I don’t do well under pressure.”

“I’m still fighting that. Told Lydia I’m not doing it.”

He snorted. “Good luck. She already told me the storyline is solid and we’re moving toward it. I’m looking at it as an acting job. It’s not real, and I know you love your boyfriend, but we’re just characters in a role. That’s what the crew has been saying and I agree.”

“I guess.” It made sense, though I still didn’t like it. I know Elle said she’d get in bed naked if she had to in order to get a scene shot, and that it was fake.

“Landon, can we kiss?”

I turned and looked at him in shock. “What!”

He turned beet red and ducked his head and looked awkward. “Just once? I don’t want to freak out later and I want to feel comfortable. I swear—no funny business, just a simple kiss. Don’t you think it would be good for both of us?”

I was about to shove him away and storm off, but he began rubbing his head and looked so nervous, I actually felt sorry for him. This was hell for him, too. Especially with Brody in his head, making fun that he was a virgin and trying to get the hot girl.

It was all fake. A role. If I could get my mind wrapped around the fact, maybe I could get through this and flourish. Maybe it would be all worth it.

“One kiss?”

He brightened. “Yeah. No hands.” He lifted his arms away. “Please?”

I must be nuts but I was going to do it. “Fine. Just stand there, okay?”

“Okay.”

“Close your eyes.”

His lids shut. A piece of me felt bad for the way he pursed his lips, obviously having no experience with kissing. Clayton was way over his head. I could do this.

I held one cheek gently and pressed my lips to his. I kept the pressure gentle and soft, showing him how to move his lips a bit until he seemed to relax and respond with a more natural ease. Then I pulled away.

“Wow.” He grinned, staring down at me with a happy light in his eyes. “Thanks, Landon. You’re a great kisser.”

I gave a half laugh and turned. “Sure. We better get back.”

It was then I saw the cameras rolling, catching every second of our kissing session.