Chapter 28

Chapter Twenty-Eight

Adam

Listen to I Guess I’m in Love

by Clinton Kane

I stared in shock as the name I’d buried deep suddenly sprung forward with all its taunting, painful memories. It took me a few seconds to register Landon’s growing horror, probably afraid she’d unearthed a terrible secret Max was giddy to share in order to get her to doubt me.

The breath stuttered in my lungs. I spit out a vicious curse, as my trembling hand pushed through my hair. I needed to get my shit in order to explain, but either way, Max had once again proven we were never friends. I’d confessed my shameful story while I was stumbling drunk, and we’d shared a rare moment of vulnerability. Of course, looking back, I now realized his secret gave away nothing real—he’d confessed he once tried to seduce one of his high school teachers but it had blown up when she rejected his advances and called his parents in to cover her ass. Guess he still thought about her as the one who got away.

Big fucking deal.

I’d told him about Josie, and now I’d pay just for having to re-live the memory in front of the woman I loved.

“Adam?” Landon’s voice was a low, pleading sound. “Who’s Josie?”

Didn’t I know by now you could never outrun your mistakes? Nothing was safe. It was another reason I rarely opened myself up to anyone, especially a woman who could destroy me if she ever turned on me. But loving Landon wasn’t a rational thing. It was a vile, beautiful, raw mess that refused to be tamed, and I was done trying.

“I haven’t thought of her in a long time,” I finally managed to say. Regret and a touch of bitterness threaded through me. I wondered if I’d be able to explain her to Landon. I wondered if this was the beginning of a crack in our trust, on our last night together before we were ripped apart. “To be honest, I like it that way. She’s a part of my past I’m not proud of.”

Landon chewed on her lower lip and stepped back. I gave her the space, knowing it wasn’t the time to push. That may come later, if she tried to run. “Okay. Usually, I wouldn’t act like a jealous girlfriend and ask you for details on someone you dated. But Max acted like you’d done something unforgivable.”

Was it? Not to me. But others looking in would probably have various opinions. I’d tried to make peace with my actions and move forward, because survival had been my number one priority.

“I met Josie when I was seventeen. She was fucking my father.”

Landon jerked. I kept still, my gaze calmly focused on her face. I waited to see the revulsion, but she only tilted her head, and waited for me to continue.

“I noticed when my father began seeing Josie. He began ignoring me. Stopped picking fights and throwing empty whisky bottles at my head. Hell, he even smiled sometimes when she was around. I was just grateful she took some of the heat off me.”

“How old was Josie?” she asked quietly.

I shrugged. “Thirty? Not sure. I don’t remember how long dad was happy. I only knew I’d gained some safety in the house. But soon, I began noticing her walking around me half dressed. Coming out of my father’s bedroom wrapped in robe that barely covered her. Knocking on my door to check on me. Soon, Dad noticed too, and that’s when the torture began again.”

The memory still ate like acid, remembering the pain dad tried to inflict after he saw me staring openly at Josie, whose tits jiggled freely without a bra; whose greedy gaze stripped me naked with glee. She’d played me and my father against each other, loving the attention and racketing tension. My home became even more dangerous and it was then I realized something bad was coming and it would change everything.

“What happened?” Landon asked.

My lips curved in a smile, as cold as the ice trickling through me. “I took what she was offering. I fucked her in my father’s bed, and waited for him to come home and find us.”

Landon sucked in a breath. I kept talking in a robotic voice.

“He went apeshit, of course. Came at me with a knife. We fought and he got cut. Josie acted like she was devastated at the fallout, but I saw the satisfaction in her eyes. She loved every moment. I packed up my stuff and left. Josie went with me. We got a hotel room and stayed together for a while. I had no money so she paid, and she took rent out in trade.”

I made sure my words were ruthless because Landon had a right to know. That I had no pretty past like Max. That I was dirty—just like I told her.

“How long did you stay together?” she asked.

“Not sure. A while. We were saving up money to get away. I promised her shit I didn’t mean. She said she loved me, but I caught her texting my father once. Sending him some sex video she’d taped with me. Not sure why she wanted to hurt him, but I didn’t care. I was pretty much dead inside anyway.”

Did I hate the gentleness in Landon’s blue eyes, or crave it? Tenderness was a quality I didn’t own or receive. It was different from the pity or judgment I saw in other people. No, Landon seemed to get me to my very soul, and didn’t judge my choices. But I was giving her another test, and I didn’t know if she wanted to live in my world.

“I knew where Josie kept the money. I waited until we’d saved up a hefty amount. Then one night, I put sleeping pills in her drink, and while she was passed out, I took the money and ran. Dumped my phone. Came to New York City with my guitar, a wad of cash, and a plan to do what was needed to make it. I never heard from her again. Maybe she went back to my father? Maybe she didn’t really give a shit after all? Or maybe something happened I don’t know about. Doesn’t matter. It’s over and I don’t care.”

A tense silence settled between us. I waited for the disgust or the endless questions I couldn’t answer with anything she wanted to hear. I wasn’t sorry about what I did, even if I’d hurt Josie. I had no regrets about fucking her or slicing up my father as we rolled around on his sex-stained bed. No regrets about leaving to ensure my survival.

“I’m sorry that happened to you.”

I blinked, wondering if I heard correct. “ You’re sorry?”

A sigh broke through her lips, filled with sadness and a touch of anger. “You were seventeen and had no one to look out for you. That bitch not only used you, but exploited you. Makes me sick. If I ever found her, I’d kill her myself.”

My world shifted, then righted itself. And Landon was still there, looking adorably pissed I’d been hurt, not caring about my part in all the shit that had gone down. “I’m not a victim. I knew exactly how to play her, too.”

She rolled her eyes. “Duh. You’re a hot, young dude who had a hard-on for her and a maniac for a dad. You had street smarts—you did the best you could. It’s over, and in a way, she got you here. In New York, being part of a famous band. And with me.”

God, I fucking loved her.

My knees nearly buckled like a pussy with a need to crawl to her, kiss her feet, and admit she was the love of my life.

I decided instead to show her my undying devotion for her understanding in a much better way.

Closing the distance between us, I grabbed her cheeks and took her mouth in a hard, savage kiss. She gave a little yelp of surprise, which I swallowed whole, bending her back while my tongue tangled with hers; claiming the sweet, wet heat of her beautiful mouth as mine.

Mine to care for. Mine to protect. Mine to worship.

Mine to love.

I lifted my head and stared into her dazed eyes. “Did I say something good?” she asked weakly.

Damned if didn’t laugh at her banter. “Yes. And you’re going to get rewarded right now.”