19. ~Skylar~
I made my way back to the infirmary after having taken a much-needed shower.
It had been a day and a half since my dad had shown up unceremoniously and in such a bad state at our door, and I hadn't wanted to leave his side. This was the longest I'd managed it after both Bastian and Caspian had insisted, telling me to shower and change and take care of myself and take at least an hour away.
The three of us had sat down and had a quick dinner together. Quick because of my need to get back to my dad and also because Caspian had to get back to running King as well as supervising the efforts to track Caleb and Elijah.
With Jeremy's connection to that bastard becoming apparent, I still believed the best way to do that was through him. But the only viable route to him was via my dad. Until he woke up, the guys were exploring every other lead and piece of intel possible.
Caspian had relented on doing things on his own and he'd brought Bastian in now he was up and about again, to help with the strategizing and overseeing of the operations too. I'd reached out via my former connection to Jett and the fight clubs, and even Raze again, to try to gain access to Elijah that way. So far, however, that side of things hadn't panned out. It had been a long shot to begin with given how estranged Jett had been from his older brother, but we were exploring every single lead and possibility, so nothing was off the table.
I reached the infirmary and opened the door.
As soon as I stepped inside, I pulled up short at the sight of Riley Hutchins sitting in one of the chairs beside my dad's bed, stroking his hair.
"I told you not to move, Frankie." She smiled to herself sadly. "Then again, playing it safe was never really your thing, was it?"
Frankie? The intimate act of stroking his hair.
This was more than just platonic shit going down between them. Or, maybe just on her end?
I blinked it away. Now really wasn't the time.
"Hey," I said, announcing myself.
She lifted her head and dropped her hand from my dad.
"Skylar," she said, politely.
"Thanks for finding him for me."
"I'm just sorry it happened like this. With him hurt and pained."
I leaned against the wall beside his bed. "How do you think it did happen this way? My dad's one of the best, he always has been."
"His head isn't clear. He obviously went after Jeremy in a fit of rage. After what he did to you. There's also a lot of it being driven by him losing Maria, his home, you."
"He told you all of this? You've been in contact before I reached out?"
"We were in contact. Briefly. Before he joined those mercenaries."
"You didn't approve?"
"Absolutely not. Especially not his reason for enlisting with them."
I frowned. "You said mercenaries?"
"That's what they are."
"It's a black ops team."
"I'm sure that's what your father told you."
I started shaking my head. "No, he's not the type of person to stoop to that."
"He's not, no. But grief and rage can twist even the most noble of people and pull them off the correct path." She gazed at him. "As unfortunate as him sustaining injury is, it's also a blessing in disguise." She looked out at me. "He's away from them now. He's back here with you."
"If you think I can convince him not to return, you're way off. I couldn't stop him from going in the first place. He wouldn't listen to a word I had to say about it."
"That was in the depths of your mutual grief. You have more power than you think. You're his anchor, Skylar. You always have been. He just lost sight of that with everything that happened two years ago. This situation with him being hurt, with Jeremy, is a wakeup call."
Before I could even begin to take her words in, my dad stirred.
I tensed, anticipation thrumming through me.
A groan escaped him.
And then it happened.
He slowly opened his eyes.
They fixed on Riley right in front of him and a weak smile played on his lips as he took her in. "Hey there, Riles. Long time, no see."
Riles? What was happening?
I didn't have time to think much on it when my dad turned his head and took me in.
I rushed to his bedside and perched on the edge of the bed, reaching out and taking his hand in mine. "Dad, thank God you're awake. How are you feeling? Can I get you anything? Are you—"
"Shh, I'm fine. I'm just fine, pumpkin," he assured me, giving my hand a gentle squeeze back.
"Fine may be overstating it, Frankie," Riley groused.
"I've had worse."
"Not the best yardstick to judge this by," I told him.
"Definitely not," Riley agreed.
He smiled, then tugged me closer. "I missed you, baby girl. I missed you so much."
Emotion clogged my throat and I only just managed to respond. "I missed you too, Dad."
He tightened his hold on me.
"I'm sorry this is what brought us back to each other."
He let go of me, then scrubbed his hand over his face in clear distress.
"Dad?"
"Sorry, I just… what Jer did to you… I didn't know… I can't believe I missed that in him. I'm so sorry, Sky. So sorry he hurt you like that. I never should have left him with you. I shouldn't have left." Urgency took him over and then he was fighting to push out of bed, managing to dislodge the IV. "I need to see King. Now."
"If you don't take it easy, you're going to be in far worse shape than you are now," Riley warned him, shooting from her seat and tangling with him, trying to get him back into bed.
"This is too important," he argued. He looked at me. "I have information you all need."
"We'reaware that Jeremy connected with Elijah and told him Caspian was coming for him, information that not only made it possible for Elijah to evade the assault that night, but also for him to kidnap Bastian and Caleb," I told my dad as I sat forward on the opposite couch to him, with Bastian stroking my back soothingly on my right and Damien leaning back on the left side with his feet kicked up on the coffee table.
Riley was beside my dad sitting ramrod straight on high alert and hanging onto every word that was being spoken, rapidly absorbing it all.
Dante and Asher were over by a couple of open windows smoking away.
Caspian was leaning back on one of the oversized armchairs, projecting a calm demeanor. But that's all it was—just a projection. I could see his fingers discreetly digging into the arms.
"I figured you'd made the connection." He looked out at Caspian. "Hence, you rescinding the kill order on Jeremy."
"Yes," Caspian responded tightly.
"Something that wouldn't have been necessary if you'd made haste in the first place," Dante commented.
I saw Caspian's lip twitch in muted satisfaction as Dante voiced what he was clearly thinking, yet what he hadn't wanted to put out there because it was my dad in question. It seemed like he was coming back to his old self now, being considerate and loving.
"I underestimated him," my dad said. "His evasion tactics were next-level, even despite him living as a civilian for the last couple of years. I also let my rage get the best of me after I was made aware of what he'd subjected Skylar to. He used that to his advantage."
"You said we're all in danger?" Bastian spoke.
"Yes."
"This place is a fortified stronghold," Dante pointed out.
"That's been made clear." He thumbed Riley. "After I had Riles test your responses when we arrived here at the manor."
"Shit, that was a risky fucking move," Damien said. "Trust me, King doesn't like being fucked with or tested."
"It was necessary." My dad looked at me. "I wanted to make sure you were safe here, especially with everything still going on."
"And if you determined she wasn't, were you planning to steal her away into the shadows again?" Caspian bit at him.
"Yeah, that won't be fucking happening," Bastian ground out, his hand leaving my back and linking with mine, holding me tightly.
"It won't, Dad."
He smiled. "No, it won't." He looked out at Caspian, then Bastian holding my hand, then told me, "You've found your place now and it's here with them. Taking you away from that, from them, two years ago… it was wrong. Even in spite of the circumstances, it was a mistake. It hurt you. It took away a part of you." He ground his teeth. "And Jeremy used that to his despicable advantage." He shifted his weight. "But I also won't allow you to be in danger. Your Onyx activities with The Jackals are different… this danger I'm talking about is far beyond all of that." He eyed Dante. "And despite this place being a fortified stronghold, it's not completely invulnerable or impenetrable. There's always a weakness to be exploited for any security system, always a way in. Jeremy possesses both my type of skills and advanced technical know-how. A highly-dangerous combination. To worsen that, he's now found an ally and supporter in Elijah Bane as well. Him giving Elijah a heads-up that you were going to strike as a means to hit back at the four of you wasn't the end of it."
"He has a dangerous obsessive streak," Caspian told him. "Something that he held in check well around you and that you likely didn't allow yourself to see because he was a brother-in-arms to you. But my research confirms it."
"And right now Skylar is his obsessive focus," Bastian said.
My dad shook his head. "All four of you. For your perceived slights against him and Sky's rejection of him. He made that very clear when I found him and confronted him. Worse than even that. He's not just lying low out of fear of reprisal or even the hit that King put out there. He's building something with Elijah."
"Elijah thinks he can rise from the ashes of what you destroyed," Asher said, eyeing Caspian. "Sounds familiar."
"Familiar?" I asked. "It's happened to you?"
"In essence."
"What did you do?"
His eyes darkened. "Annihilated them, sweetheart."
"And used them to destroy themselves," Caspian elaborated.
"Ruthless," Dante said, nodding along. "And highly satisfying."
"Indeed," Asher confirmed.
"So this is the danger you referenced when you arrived here," Caspian mused to himself. And then he rose to his feet. "You were able to track Wheeler. You trained him, you know how he thinks, you walk in the same world. I need to know everything concerning that, the methods and sources you used to track him, the patterns."
"We find him, we find Elijah. And, most importantly, Caleb," Bastian said.
"It was an extremely difficult task to track him that one time," my dad warned.
"Extremely difficult is what Cas does best," Bastian told him.
My dad shifted his weight again. "He was prepared. Meaning he was able to see me coming. Even as good as I am. He's at the top of his game."
"Well, he's certainly not the only one," Dante spoke, stubbing out his smoke and moving closer to us. "Get us the intel and we'll take it from there." He thumbed Asher behind him. "He's created a tracking program, but there are too many gaps. Your information should bridge those."
"It will still be some guesswork involved," my dad told us. "Jeremy uses foreclosures, which is where I tracked him to. I understand that's where you tracked Caleb too as well, yes?"
"Yeah, but they'd already moved on," I informed him.
"The fact they were able to do that so quickly means they have other properties ready and raring to go, deployment and transport preparations already worked out," Asher said.
My dad nodded. "Jeremy would think many steps ahead." He grimaced. "Just like I taught him, unfortunately."
"It's not your fault," Riley told him, rubbing his arm.
"You couldn't have known he was going to go off the deep-end like this, Dad."
I caught Caspian, Asher, and Dante exchanging a look, making it clear they didn't believe that. They figured he should have been able to see it. But at the time, my dad had been retired, he hadn't been in that frame of mind. He'd been trying to move away from all of that, to settle.
"It will take time to determine the next place he could be using as a safehouse. There won't be a paper trail to follow, he's too smart for that."
"Now we know he's the one providing these safehouses to Elijah, we have something more concrete to work off," Caspian said. "There will be a trail, we just need to find it." He thought for a moment, clearly weighing everything up. And then he looked out at Asher. "Contact Caleb's team leader at his facilities. Sven Nielsen. We know girls were moved to and from the property we searched before their bodies were dumped in the middle of nowhere. Caleb had his finger on the pulse when it came to trafficking, see if Sven has registered that. If not, work with Dante's means to identify the girls and backtrack from there. If we can find out where they were taken from, we can trace transportation used and possibly even ID Elijah's men tasked on the job. We know Raze's trucks only moved Bastian and Caleb, so they're using something else for this and to keep moving from safehouse to safehouse. Meanwhile, I'll work with Frank to determine a pattern to these foreclosures Wheeler is choosing."
"There's got to be financial transactions somewhere," Bastian said. "If not the houses, because they're foreclosures, the equipment they were using to keep us captive, the money he's paying his muscle, something. I'll work on following that path."
Caspian nodded.
As they were all about to move into action, I called out, "I have an idea."
A dangerous idea. One they wouldn't like in the slightest.
"We're all ears, beautiful," Bastian said, when I paused.
"No," Caspian said, before I could even get my words out.
I cocked an eyebrow. "I didn't even say anything yet."
"I know how you think and strategize, especially in this sort of situation."
"Caspian, wait, I—"
"You're not going to use yourself as bait in a bid to draw Wheeler out."
"Jesus Christ," Bastian exclaimed, staring at me incredulously. "There's no fucking way, Sky."
"They're right," my dad said. "Absolutely not."
"Hold on," Riley spoke. "Although, it's safe to say Wheeler would see it for the trap it is, it would pose enough of a distraction and incite confusion and complications on their end. His obsession would see to that. It could be used to throw him off course."
"Or, it could end up getting you kidnapped right along with Cal," Damien warned.
"Right there with him on that," Bastian said.
Fuck. "I can't just sit here twiddling my fucking thumbs when there is something I could do."
"You need to prepare for battle. Ensure that injury is healing up well and won't pose a problem when you enter the field with us once we actually do locate Caleb," Caspian told me.
"You're not going to bench me from the rescue?"
"I know better than that by now."
"We all do," Bastian said, playing with my hair.
Well, that was something at least.
It wasn't enough to alleviate this sickly feeling taking me over now that it had been confirmed that Jeremy was actively involved in all of this and in far more depth than providing Elijah a heads-up. And he was involved because of me. It was like the Jett thing all over again, but on fucking crack.
As everyone rose from their seats and went to get to their respective tasks, I caught Asher studying me curiously.
When he saw me notice, he merely smiled, then headed on out of the room to get down to business. Weird.
Pain.
Punishment.
Vengeance.
It was wrath and ruin.
It was unchecked brutality.
Merciless.
Depraved.
It was beyond lethal justice.
It was a fucking reckoning.
I squeezed my eyes shut and stared at the targets in the distance, my knives buried deep in the hard wood.
My grip on the final throwing knife that I'd yet to toss was verging on painful, my hand shaking with the furor coursing through me.
More than furor, actually. So much.
I could feel that blackness infecting me, trying to crawl beneath my skin and poison me with its toxicity.
It promised the power that I craved.
It promised an end to this war.
A means to bring Caleb back to us.
A means to destroy our enemies with a brutal finality.
We'd finally be safe.
But the price… the price was too steep.
The part of me that was still in control and fighting against that dark creeping up on me knew that.
And I had to hold onto it, now more than ever.
The guys had worked so hard to help me through the bad state I'd been in before. I couldn't fall victim to it again. No matter how hard things were.
"Skylar."
I reacted on instinct and spun around wielding my knife.
I realized too late that the fucked-up part of me had taken the lead with the intent to inflict damage.
Fortunately, the potential victim of that damage reacted lightning-fast and blocked my blade from making contact.
Two rapid-fire moves followed that dislodged it from my grip.
"Sorry," I choked, staggering back a step as I looked to see Asher Monroe standing there spinning my blade in his hand. "I didn't mean—I wasn't… I was in—"
"Another headspace?"
I started. "Uh, yeah."
He stared at me intently, looking me up and down, but far from in any sort of sexual way. No, it was completely clinical. And really fucking intense.
His gaze lingered on my hands that were trembling with the internal battle I was waging.
"What are you doing out here? Come to practice some knife throwing?"
"Practice? Cute."
"What does—"
He tossed the knife and I swung my head to see it hurtling through the air at a crazy speed. It buried deep right on the bullseye of my final target. Jeez. He hadn't even taken time to prepare his aim or anything. He'd just pulled that crazy shot off from instinct or something.
"Wow, okay, got it."
He folded his arms across his chest.
It drew attention to the white dress shirt he was wearing with his black jeans. A break from his all-black look. "Is that Bastian's?" I asked, noting the familiarity.
"Laundry day," he answered simply. "Sebastian is closer to my size than Caspian."
"Huh, that was nice of him. Especially considering he wasn't exactly on board with you after what he walked in on happening between you and Caspian."
"He's come around. He understands it was necessary."
"Good. The last thing we need complicating matters is animosity and bad blood."
"Speaking of that, do you know that you're the only one who hasn't had an intense reaction to my presence here?"
"I guess. You're here to help, that's all I care about."
"It's more than that."
I cocked an eyebrow.
He took a step forward. "You feel it from me."
"Feel what?"
"That struggle. You recognized it in me right away. It's why you didn't see me as a threat of any sort, why you were instantly comfortable with me." His silver eyes flamed briefly, showing me. "The struggle with the dark, sweetheart."
The realization sank in with a jarring clarity. He was right on.
"That's why you came out here? To talk about it? Sorry, but that's the last thing I need to be doing."
"I'm here to do for you what Caleb had been."
Oh. "I don't know about that. But I appreciate the offer."
The corner of his mouth turned up. "You don't need to play the polite game with me. Especially if we're going to do this, you'll need to show me the real you, not this walking-on-eggshells version. Now, as I've said, you're not intimidated by me, so I have to put this down to you being concerned about upsetting the delicate balance that is the set of allies Caspian has assembled. You don't want anything to hinder our ability to track down Caleb and deal with Elijah and his unfortunate ally. So much so that you're trying to hide the fact that you aren't doing well at the moment, that the struggle is worsening."
"That's why you were staring at me earlier."
He nodded. "I ran my concerns by your loves and they agreed it would be beneficial for me to provide you with one of Caleb's special kind of therapy sessions."
"And you can actually do that?"
"If you're open to it, I can. The question is, do you recognize that you need it?"
It was unsettling, the notion of doing something so emotionally and mentally taxing with a virtual stranger, but he did share a similar issue to me, to Caleb. The fact that the guys were worried about me when it came to this was something I couldn't just gloss over, or turn away from.
"Okay, yeah. Thank you. I want to do this. I need it."
He smiled and then just sat down right there on the grass.
Crossing his legs, he cracked his neck, then patted the spot opposite him.
"Right now?"
"No time to waste."
I sat down and pulled my blue leather jacket off. "It's too restrictive for this," I explained.
"Whatever makes you feel more comfortable, sweetheart. Also, Sebastian thought you might be ill at ease doing this with somebody you barely know, so he's watching." He gestured at the patio in the distance.
I smiled as I saw Bastian had brought his laptop out to one of the tables there and he was looking up intermittently and gazing over at us. He waved and blew me a kiss when he saw me notice him.
Of course one of my men was here to support me.
Even when it couldn't be all of them, they always made sure at least one of them was present, that I was never alone with this sort of thing anymore.
I settled into a cross-legged position opposite Asher and sucked in a calming, centering breath, before holding my hands out to him.
He took them carefully yet firmly. "Before we get into the heart of this, you need to acknowledge and also accept what triggered this."
"Two of my men were kidnapped. I was injured. Caspian is barely holding on and—"
"That's not it. Not the root cause."
"What are you—"
"Guilt."
"I—"
"Guilt triggered this. Confirmation that Wheeler is deeply entrenched in this, responsible for Caleb and Sebastian being taken, for the war Caspian was waging not only not ending in his victory, but in fact being reignited to a dangerous degree. You feel responsible for Wheeler's part in it, due to his obsession with you and it now leading to his intent to hurt your loves."
"If he wasn't involved, none of this would have happened."
"Debatable. Things may not have played out in the exact same way, however, Elijah could have found another ally and that would have actually been even more detrimental to you all."
"How? He's completely off the rails."
"Better the enemy you know."
Oh. "I see," I murmured, taking it in.
"As for you feeling responsible, that's victim-blaming. You can't control the actions of a madman. He hurt you, manipulated you, abused you. That's not on you." His eyes burned into mine. "Logically you know that. But there's another part of you that blames yourself for his actions, yes? You feel ashamed for what he did to you, what he was able to do."
"I do, yes," I found myself admitting. It wasn't something at all easy to voice, but with him it was actually possible to do so.
And as he spoke again, I got confirmation as to why that was the case.
"I experienced a similar thing with the abuse my father subjected me to."
"Abuse?"
He shifted, angling his back to me, then lifted up his shirt.
I choked at the horrific scars etched into his skin, marring so much of it.
When he turned back, he lifted up the front, revealing many more too.
"Oh my God. I'm so sorry."
"I didn't show you for your sympathy. I showed you to help you to understand. What was done to us is on them and only them. It took me a long time to realize that it wasn't anything I'd done that had brought it on, that had caused my tormentor to abuse me in such a brutal fashion. We shouldn't bear shame for what was inflicted upon us. They should. And only them."
"I hear you. I just… I should've been stronger."
"It's not always about strength. It's circumstances," he said, fixing his shirt back into place. "Now, there's also the matter of your father. Him being back here must be a doubled-edged sword for you. Of course you're relieved and elated to have him back here with you, given what a strong and positive relationship you've always had with him, however, there's also that trigger of guilt tainting your reunion too. The last time you saw him you were both awash in your grief over losing your mother to the actions of Jett Bane. You feel responsible for what happened, what Jett did to you and your family. You think you bear blame for it breaking your father and leading him down his current dangerous and destructive path."
I pulled my hands from his and shoved them through my hair. "You're way too perceptive."
He smiled briefly, but kept his focus on the topic at hand, telling me, "Your father's actions are on him. Not you. We each make our own choices. You can only control what you do, how you respond to situations and to others. And that's the only thing you can take responsibility for—you."
"I know. Logically, I know that."
"It will take some time to believe it from an emotional standpoint, but keep at it. You need to. Guilt and shame can twist far too much."
"I will."
"Very good." He took my hands again. "Now we can begin."
I shifted my weight and settled in. "I'm ready."
"You hold a lot of power, but power can corrupt, especially when it's tainted by negative emotions and circumstances. If you allow that in, it controls you rather than you controlling it, and you're right back where you started—feeling powerless. And being a danger rather than an asset. So you need a tether during extreme and volatile situations."
"Bastian, Caleb, and Caspian."
"Although it's a nice sentiment, your tether can't be other people. It's not a stable foundation. Should anything befall them, like it actually has here, it will poison that tether. It has to be a notion, an ideal, even a symbol."
I thought for a moment and looked out to see him watching me intently.
"Freedom and… belonging."
Something sparked in his eyes, indicating it was the answer he'd been hoping I'd get to. "Go on," he encouraged.
"I was a loner, never belonging anywhere until I found the guys. And with that came the exhilarating sensation of freedom to be who I really am without any need to censor myself. And once this is all over, I can sink into that, be at peace."
"Excellent."
I smiled, relief filling me, and I sank into, closing my eyes as Asher worked to help me to put that tether in place.
With what was coming, with what was at stake, and all the poisonous elements in play, I needed it more than ever.
The guys needed it from me.
We'd vanquish our enemies in the way we needed to face everything.
Together.