Chapter Ten

CHAPTER TEN

C AL PUSHED THE STALLION , Ice Man, into a gallop, and the horse lived up to the hype he'd been hearing. Arrogant but top-notch. Ice Man was certainly in that mode now as he practically flew over the pasture.

It didn't give Cal quite the adrenaline hit as flying a fighter jet did, but it was darn close.

He'd always enjoyed riding, always enjoyed working with the horses, and as Ice Man continued to deliver the thrill of speed, it reminded Cal that this would be how he would get his adrenaline fixes in the future. No more fighter jets. No more competition and hungry rise to the top. He was okay with that because he had to be. He just didn't have that hunger, that need or drive, and he could trade it all in to make his place here at Saddlebrook.

Of course, some members of his family weren't going to understand that. They'd think his separation was still about Harper. And it was. For now. But Cal thought he could move past that and give himself a good life as a rancher.

At that thought, the image not of Harper but of Charlotte flashed into his head. Whether he wanted it or not, Charlotte was now playing into his mood. The real kiss they'd shared had opened up a small crack of possibilities. And given him a mother lode of lust for her. But he couldn't shake the notion that if he stayed in Emerald Creek, there might be more kisses. For that to happen, though, she'd have to get over Noah, and Cal wasn't sure she was anywhere close to being able to do that.

Since the angry fake-kiss the day before, Cal hadn't actually spoken with Charlotte to find out her state of mind. She'd sent him a text that simply said, I'm sorry. Will talk soon.

Maybe the apology was for the kiss. Maybe for everything else going on. But her talk soon was now going on twenty-four hours so she obviously hadn't worked things out yet.

He rode Ice Man toward the barn and spotted someone waiting for him by the pasture fence. Not Charlotte but rather Remi. Since she was in uniform, she was likely getting ready to leave and had come to say goodbye. A goodbye with conversation, no doubt, and since she had a serious expression, Cal figured she had some serious things to say. Considering what was going on, this could turn out to be a chat about multiple things—all serious.

Remi wasn't totally alone. Jack was with her, sitting right by her side while she rubbed the dog's head. Thankfully, Jack had fit right in at the ranch and hadn't taken to barking at or chasing livestock as some dogs did. In fact, she had settled in so well that she'd be missed whenever Becker had recovered enough to take her back.

Cal reined in, dismounted and gave Ice Man a few pats on his neck before he headed to his sister. "Magnificent," Remi muttered, her attention on the horse. "Truly one of a kind."

"Thanks, I try my best," Cal said, hoping to add some levity to the start of the conversation.

Remi sneered in only a way a kid sister could manage. "You smell. You're sweaty, and your desperado stubble looks weird on your usually baby-butt face."

"Baby-butt?" he said. He went to the corral fence, resting his arms on the top of it.

"Smooth. You usually look like a military recruitment poster. Clearly not now, though."

No. The stubble wasn't intentional. Cal had just decided he needed a long-ride thinking session so he could try to burn off some of this restless energy, and he'd left the house without shaving.

"FYI, Dad's watching from the window," Remi said several moments later. "So let's keep this all smiles and happy goodbyes before I have to leave for the airport."

He glanced up and did indeed spot his father, and Cal did smile and added a friendly wave. It might or might not have been convincing. Remi's attempted smile made her look a little deranged.

"Dad's worried about all of us," Remi went on, turning so that she no longer had to fake a smile. "Me for the job, Egan because he's burning the candle at both ends, and Blue because he's still in physical therapy from his injury..."

"But he's mainly worried about me," Cal finished for her.

"Yeah," Remi confirmed, still smiling. "You're his biggest concern right now. I'm guessing you're still hell-bent on getting out?"

"Still hell-bent," he muttered, though it was hard to say that with a smile.

"By my calculations, you've only gone through about a week and a half of your leave," Remi pointed out. "That means twenty-one more days for you to change your mind."

"Twenty," he corrected. And while three weeks was a long time to mull things over, Cal knew it wouldn't make a difference. "I'm getting daily texts from Audrey to say she's working to find me a dream job. She won't accept that there isn't one."

"Really?" Remi challenged. "I recall you had a few options for your dream jobs."

He had, but even those wouldn't tempt Cal now.

"Running the test-pilot program," Remi provided.

"That was mainly so I'd be Blue's boss," Cal joked.

It was more than that, though. Once, it would have indeed been a prime assignment. All that speed and adrenaline. Testing out the next-generation modifications that would not only break records but begin the path for new norms. It would have been the ultimate ride, which was probably why Harper had always said she wanted it as well. In fact, on the single occasion that he and Harper had ended up talking at a bar about their dream jobs, hers had been almost identical to his.

"And you've always wanted to be a Thunderbird," Remi continued.

Yep, another truth. The Thunderbirds was the Air Force's premiere demonstration team, and it'd been on his wish list for years before he'd realized it'd basically be showboating. Of course, it had diplomatic appeal in that the team were ambassadors for the Air Force, but a degree of Hey, look at me, look at me was needed to reach that purpose and appeal.

"Let's not forget you always wanted to be a time-traveling superhero, too, with a talking dragon sidekick," Remi went on.

His sister had reached way back in the past for that one, but Cal could recall that around age eight that had been his number-one dream. His mother had died when he was six, so for years after that, he'd latched on to plenty of fantasies to help him cope with the loss. Then he'd joined the military and had found his element.

Or rather he'd thought he had.

"You must have something more recent than that for your dream jobs," she went on.

"Helping people," he said before he even knew it was going to come out of his mouth. "It seems as if I've spent a lot of time reaching and taking but not much time giving back."

Remi stared at him. "There are jobs like that in the military, you know."

"I know," he confirmed, although one hadn't come up in his career options. "There might be something for me here at the ranch."

"There's always something here," his sister assured him. "Always something for all of us. The question is will it be enough when you could still be ready for a whole lot more?"

Cal wanted to insist the answer was yes , that it would be enough, but at the moment he could only hope it was true. The problem with running from something ugly and dark was that the ugly and dark followed right along with you.

Remi turned from him, glancing back up at their dad's window, and she sighed. "He's still watching, still worrying." She looked at Cal. "I know we all agreed not to push Rowan to make contact, but it would probably do Dad a lot of good if we heard from him."

"Maybe," Cal agreed. "But it's possible Rowan will make contact only to say he wants nothing to do with any of us."

"But then at least Dad would know. Right now, it must feel as if he's in...limbo."

When she trailed off for a moment, Cal followed his sister's gaze and saw that her attention had landed on Jesse Whitlock, the ranch foreman. Remi quickly looked away from Jesse. A reaction she hadn't always had, because Cal could recall a time when Remi and Jesse had been seeing each other in what had to be the worst-kept secret ever. Jesse probably hadn't wanted everyone to know he was sleeping with his boss's daughter, and Remi likely hadn't wanted her three brothers and dad in her private business.

Maybe it was the pressure of being involved with someone so close to home and in their dad's direct chain of command that had caused the breakup. Cal didn't know since both Remi and Jesse had kept that close to their vests. Still, he was pretty sure he saw heat still zinging between them.

"Don't ask," Remi warned Cal when she saw that he was darting glances between Jesse and her. She looked over her shoulder again. "Besides, you've got your own personal issues to deal with, and one of them is driving up right now."

Cal turned toward the driveway and spotted Charlotte's car coming to a stop in front of the house. He silently cursed the way his internal organs reacted. Racing pulse. Fluttering stomach. Heat galore.

He tried to tamp down, well, everything since it was entirely possible that Charlotte had come here to spell out that she was putting an end to whatever this was between them. She could be there to tell him she was getting back together with Noah. Or taking a long break from anything remotely involving romance. Any and all of those were possibilities.

"Gotta go," Remi said, giving him a hug and a not so gentle headbutt, her substitute for a goodbye kiss. She headed away from him just as Charlotte started his way. When the two women reached each other, they stopped, hugged.

No headbutt, though.

Cal couldn't hear what they said, but whatever it was caused Charlotte to laugh. Fluttering a wave, Remi went on to her rental car while Charlotte continued to him.

He was still on the other side of the corral fence, and he stayed put, bracing himself for anything and everything. Or so he thought. But Charlotte didn't launch into an apology or a speech about why she had to end things with him here and now. Instead, when she reached him, she surprised the heck out of him.

She leaned in and kissed him.

Not that anger stuff that'd gone on the day before. Not the fake stuff, either. This was more like the kiss in her room at Port in a Storm. Hot, long and, best of all, the real deal.

Cal forgot all about the complications anything real would cause. Hell, he forgot where he was. Who he was. He just sank right into the kiss, both hating and loving that it made too many things inside him feel right. He shouldn't be relying on Charlotte and her kisses to make his life better.

But they did. Mercy, they did.

When she finally eased back from him, she wasn't exactly smiling, which told him she was probably having her own internal battle about whether or not they should be doing this. Again, though, he was wrong.

"I probably shouldn't have kissed you with your dad and Jesse watching," she muttered. "Neither are gossips, but you probably don't want something like that announced in such a hot, tasty way."

Now she did smile. So did Cal. "It was indeed hot and tasty." And he wanted to dive right back in. Not a good idea. For now, anyway.

She glanced down at the fence between them and then at Ice Man. "Wow, he's a beauty."

Cal didn't go for the joke as he had with Remi. "He is, and he knows it. You can probably tell from the smell that I just finished a ride and was about to brush him down."

"This is probably the kiss talking, but I like the smell," she insisted. "Saddle leather, a little sweat. You could probably market it as one of those designer manly scents called Leather Forever or Cowboy Dreams."

"Yeah, it's probably the kiss talking," he agreed, "since I'm pretty sure I stink."

She smiled again. He smiled again. And Cal figured he should just bash his head against a fence post to try to knock some sense into himself. His body was in the full-throttle mode when it should be reining in, taking things slow, because both he and Charlotte needed to get their respective footings.

He tipped his head for Charlotte to follow him into the barn. That would get them away from any spectators and give them some privacy for whatever it was she had come to say. Charlotte went through the front of the barn, and Cal led Ice Man in through the side.

"Obviously, I've come to apologize," she said while he began taking the tack off Ice Man. "Pissed-off kissing is rarely a good idea, and I used you to vent and stand my ground with Noah and my mother. I'm sorry."

Cal nearly said that venting had never tasted so good, but he decided that wasn't reining in stuff. "I might have done the same thing if I'd been in your shoes."

She shrugged. "Doubtful. You would have figured out something else that wouldn't have led to chapped lips, gasps and Izzie's ire."

Cal sighed. It would have been more than enough for Charlotte to have to deal with Noah's return, but Izzie would have added an extra layer of dealing.

"Maybe," Cal muttered, "but whatever happened would have probably led to Izzie's ire." Well, unless Charlotte had offered Noah blanket forgiveness and an immediate reconciliation. "How hard did your mom come down on you?"

"Hard," she replied, and Charlotte picked up a brush to help him with the grooming. "You heard the part about her bringing up my father."

"I did. And I'm sorry." Cal didn't push for any info about why her mother would have done that, he just provided Charlotte silence in case she chose to fill him in.

Charlotte wasn't quick with a reply, and when she did finally speak, she didn't look directly at him. "My father left me a note when he walked out. Not a good note," she qualified. "I'll spare you the details, but the gist was I was the reason he was leaving."

"Shit," Cal blurted so loud and fast that it caused Ice Man to whicker and give Cal a dirty look. "Sorry," he added in a mutter. Then he lightened his tone with Charlotte. "What a crap thing to do. You were a kid."

There was no humor in the smile she attempted. "No, I was a moody, mouthy teenager who pushed him over the edge. And Izzie has never let me forget that," she was quick to add. "My dad apparently didn't leave her a note, so it's clear where Izzie has put the blame."

Yes, and it was also clear that Charlotte had accepted that blame. But Cal wasn't convinced it was hers and hers alone. "Your dad ended his marriage, not just his relationship with you, so he must not have been madly in love with your mom."

Charlotte made a sound that definitely wasn't of agreement. That was more proof of the blame.

"Have you ever talked to your dad about why he left?" Cal asked.

She shook her head. "I haven't talked to him at all since he walked out. And he certainly hasn't gotten in touch with me. Over the years, I've done internet searches for him, but there are a lot of Anthony Wilsons out there. Even more when I put in the usual nicknames of Tony or Andy."

Of course, her father didn't have that disadvantage of having to search for her whereabouts. Izzie and Charlotte had stayed put, so if he'd wanted to get in touch with them, he could have. In Cal's mind, that made the man a selfish bastard. Then again, he had left his wife and daughter for another woman, so the groundwork for selfish bastardhood was already there.

"Anyway, over the years Izzie has been quick to play the dad card," Charlotte went on a moment later, "and she's trying to use it with Noah."

Everything in Cal went still. "Is it going to work?"

Charlotte looked at him, and the sound she made now was more of a duh . "A thousand gallons of no. I wouldn't have kissed you if I'd been planning on giving in to the pressure about Noah." She paused, locked eyes with him. "And I wouldn't be thinking about kissing you again."

Oh, that brought on the heat. Man, did it. But Cal forced himself to stay put. If he got his mouth and hands on Charlotte now, there was no telling how many rules he'd break. And there were rules, he assured himself. Rebound boundaries. Windows of necessary time to think. If he pressed Charlotte with kisses and sex, she certainly wouldn't have much of a clear head to deal with what she was facing.

And neither would he.

"My mother came after me yesterday when I left Port," she continued a moment later. "She played the dad guilt card, and then she got a mystery text that she wouldn't show me or say who it was from." Charlotte paused, and he could tell whatever she was about to say was eating away at her. "After Izzie read the text, she looked at me and said, ‘You've ruined everything again.'"

Cal growled out another "Shit" and tossed the brush aside so he could go to Charlotte. He would have pulled her into his arms for a comforting hug, but she waved him off.

"It's okay," she insisted. "Don't dole out too much TLC and pity right now because it might make me cry. I don't want to cry in front of you."

"Cry if it'll make you feel better," he offered.

"It won't. It'll only clog my nose and make my eyes red. Also, I'm wearing foundation and mascara so it'd be ugly crying with streaks involved."

It twisted away at him that she was trying to keep this light when it was obvious that it was anything but. He silently cursed Izzie for saying something like that.

"I think the text was from Taggert," Charlotte continued after she'd swallowed hard. "He might not be happy with me for not jumping to reunite with his son."

Cal shook his head. "More likely Taggert wasn't happy with the way Izzie tried to pressure you."

She stayed quiet, obviously considering that. "Either way, I'm at the center of it again, and now Izzie has another guilt card to play."

"Don't let her play it," Cal heard himself say. It was the truth. He didn't want Charlotte to give in to pressure from her mom, but he knew his motives were mostly selfish. He didn't want Charlotte reunited with Noah because he wanted her with himself.

And talk about a selfish attitude.

He was an emotional land mine right now, and she was in the middle of a breakup and a project that would have plenty of people pulling out their hair. Charlotte didn't need any other complications in her life. That didn't stop Cal from brushing a kiss over her mouth, however.

Thankfully, the kiss had her smiling. Then, not so thankfully, frowning. Cal was right there with her.

"I'm not sure what's going on between us," she admitted.

He had to nod. "Same. I just don't want any of this to be because of Noah. Or your mother."

"A tall order, but it's not. Trust me, it's not," she added in a mutter. "I have really hot fantasies about you that don't have a thing to do with either one of them. Only us."

Hell. Of course, that alerted his dick. Alerted other parts of him, too, and his brain piped up with a big caution flag. He didn't need to jump headfirst into this. It wouldn't be good for him, but it especially wouldn't be good for Charlotte. She could end up getting hurt if he wasn't able to sort out his life.

She brushed a kiss on his mouth, too, and ended the kiss with some muttered profanity when her phone dinged. She glanced at it. "The contractor. He needs me back at Port in a Storm. Want to give me a call later today to see if we can carve out some time to...? I'll just leave it at that," she added, flashing him a grin.

Cal kissed that grin, lingering a moment to savor her taste. Her phone dinged again. "Plumber," she muttered. "The electrician will probably be next." Charlotte waved and headed out, just as her phone dinged again. "Wrong. It's the carpenter."

He went to the barn door to watch her leave, and Cal saw her come to a stop when a truck pulled up in front of the house.

Noah.

Great. Just great.

Noah stepped out, his gaze immediately zooming in on them, and he froze for a moment, probably muttering his own gripe at seeing him and Charlotte together. Well, sort of together.

"No, I'm not getting back together with you, Noah," Charlotte announced right off, and Cal went toward her in case there was trouble.

Noah didn't shout or curse. He dipped his head down and shook it. "Charlotte, I'm so sorry," he said.

She didn't have any snarly comeback and didn't give in to what was one of the best puppy-dog expressions that Cal had ever seen on a human. Sad eyes, remorse, pleading. Nope, she didn't react to any of that.

"If you try to pick a fight with Cal over this," she stated, "I will start a permanent shit list and put you on it. I'll never, ever forgive you, understand?"

Charlotte waited for Noah to nod, probably the only response he figured he should give. She confirmed his nod with one of her own and then walked to her car. She drove away, leaving Noah and Cal facing each other down like Old West outlaws about to have a shoot-out. Despite Noah's nonverbal assurance that he wouldn't pick a fight, Cal could see that was exactly what Noah wanted to do. Pick a fight and work off some of his anger. Well, Cal had some anger, too, at the way Noah had treated Charlotte, and he wasn't convinced trying to play nice was possible here.

"Well?" Cal said after the stare-down had gone on long enough.

"Well," Noah repeated with a heavy sigh, "you heard what she said. She's not getting back together with me. Is that because of you?"

Cal gave him a flat look. "Just a guess, but I think it's because of you. You broke up with her because you were planning to marry another woman."

"And you took full advantage of that and moved in on her," he snapped.

Yeah, it would be impossible to keep the anger out of this, but Cal managed to keep his tone a lot more civil than he thought possible. Probably because he couldn't forget that Noah was his lifelong friend. Or rather he had been, before things had started to heat up between Charlotte and him.

"I didn't move in on Charlotte," Cal stated. "We were thrown together because of the fake engagement, and things just happened very fast after that."

He frowned at his own explanation because it made the real kissing sound as if they'd tripped and their mouths had accidentally landed against each other. The first two kisses had been calculated as part of the engagement ruse, but everything after that was the real deal.

The real, hot deal.

And that caused Cal to mentally pause again. What the hell was he doing by having real, hot stuff with Charlotte? He didn't have time to mull that over because Noah broke the silence with a string of profanity.

"I want to kick my own ass," Noah snarled. "So stand in line if you want to do the same. I screwed up big-time, and I deserve multiple ass-kickings. From Charlotte, from you, from her mom and my dad."

That took some of the fire out of Cal's own anger, but he doubted he'd be taking Noah up on this particular offer. It would be too close to picking a fight, and he didn't want to end up on Charlotte's shit list.

Noah did more cursing. More groaning. And he pressed his hands against the sides of his head while he paced. "I don't know what the hell I'm going to do to fix this. I would ask you for your advice, but I think we can agree that you no longer have my best interests at heart."

"Yeah, we can agree on that," Cal assured him. But, of course, that wasn't totally true, and that's why Cal sighed and let go of even more of his anger. "I do want what's best for Charlotte, though."

Something flashed in Noah's eyes. Not all temper, either, but some snark that questioned Cal's motives for wanting that for Charlotte. Cal couldn't say his motives were selfless—the kisses precluded that—but he definitely wanted her to be happy.

"Trust me, I want what's best for Charlotte, too," Noah said, his tone and words a little tight. "She and I were together a long time, and we were happy. Happy until I screwed it up," he added harshly.

That brought on more groaning, more cursing, more pacing. After several moments of that, though, Noah seemed to compose himself, and he whirled back around to face Cal.

"I'm working on a plan to get Charlotte back," Noah said. "The deployment's been rescheduled, and I have two weeks of leave. I'll use that time to get her to forgive me and work on us being a couple again."

Cal got a nasty mix of feelings about that, including jealousy. Sadly, it was there. But he was also pissed because getting Charlotte back sounded as if Noah was going to try to pester her and goad his way back into her life.

Would it work?

Maybe. That was the reason for the jealousy. The reason for the guilt, too, because Cal didn't want it to work.

"How do you plan on getting her back?" Cal came out and asked.

"By reminding her of what we had together." Noah was quick enough with that answer to let Cal know he'd given it some thought. "She was in love with me...once. And I could maybe make her feel that way about me again."

"Are you in love with her?" Cal was quick enough with that, too, but he wished he'd kept the question to himself because it brought on another flash of anger in Noah's eyes. They were back to the Wild West showdown mode.

"I can fall in love with her again, too," Noah snapped.

Cal apparently hadn't learned from his previous question because he continued to blurt. "So you're not in love with her now at this moment."

"No, but then, neither are you." Noah's glare dared Cal to deny that.

He couldn't. He cared deeply for Charlotte, but he was sure Noah could say the same thing.

"Don't hurt her, Cal," Noah said. There was a different mix of emotion in his voice now. Worry and regret. "Don't mess up her life the way you did Harper's."

The arrow didn't miss. It smacked right into Cal's heart, rendering him speechless enough that he couldn't respond. Noah must have realized he wasn't going to get a better parting shot than that, because he went back to his truck and drove off, leaving Cal standing there and doing his own mental cursing, groaning and pacing.

Because Noah was right.

Cal could hurt Charlotte. He could mess up her life. Then again, Noah had been willing to do the same thing to her when he'd planned on marrying Elise. And that meant Charlotte wasn't going to end up being happy with either Noah or him. Noah because of what he'd done to her, and him because of what he couldn't give her.

Cal mentally repeated that. He couldn't give Charlotte much of anything. Kisses, yes. Maybe even sex. But he was nowhere in the realm of being able to offer her love. And that's what she deserved. The real-deal package with a man free to love her and give her that family she'd always wanted.

Now, that led to one big-assed question.

How the hell was he going to walk away from her?