Chapter 2 Spilling Secrets

As Laura pulled Ames toward the kitchen, it dawned on her that his expression had changed. He still had the usual swagger in his step, and his blond eyebrows were still raised in the usual cocky quirk beneath the brim of his Stetson, but his eyelids had grown distinctively heavier.

Unless her overwrought emotions were causing her to misread the situation, his attention also seemed a little fixated on her mouth all of a sudden. A little too fixated for a guy who was supposed to be nothing more than a friend.

He wants to kiss me. The realization sank into her dazed thoughts, bringing a level of awareness between them she'd never experienced before. The air practically vibrated with it.

Ames Smoking Hot Carson actually wants to kiss me! The tall, windblown, sun-kissed cowboy who — along with his two brothers — had quickly become the biggest heartthrobs in Pinetop. Not only were all three of them champion bronc riders, he'd additionally found the time to earn his pilot's license. He was the real deal, the whole package — the very hunky, very single version of it.

Though Laura continued walking backwards in front of him, she abruptly dropped his hands. It was as if they'd turned into two fistfuls of burning lava or something.

"What's wrong?" He stalked playfully after her on legs that were slightly bowed from a lifetime in the saddle. "You allergic to me all of a sudden?"

"I…" She shook her head, at a momentary loss for words as the truth continued to splash through her. How had she missed what had been happening right beneath her nose for months?

All his running ahead of her to open doors, all of his offers to carry her store purchases, all of his last-minute offers to drive her home from work where he so conveniently happened to show up at just the right time nearly every evening… And don't even get her started on tonight's fiasco in the sleigh. It had been his first attempt at setting the stage for an actual date with her. She was sure of it.

Her shoulder grazed the doorway of the kitchen on her way through it, making her stumble.

Ames was there, like he always was, reaching for her upper arms to steady her while gazing down at her with that half-questioning, sort of hopeless look he gave her sometimes.

"Ames," she breathed, squeezing her eyelids shut to give herself a moment to catch her breath. "I didn't know," she whispered shakily. "Not until tonight. Not until…just now." She still wasn't sure how she'd missed it. Maybe that part of her was so damaged that it wasn't working right anymore.

"Yeah, well, now you do," he growled, dropping his hands from her arms. There was no hesitation in his answer. No sheepishness or shame. Maybe a little anger, but it was directed at himself, not her. He was way too honest to dodge or deny her discovery that he cared more for her than a friend should.

Her eyelids fluttered open. "Were you ever going to tell me?"

"Yep."

"When?" Thankfully, the door frame was still within reaching distance. She rested a hand against it for support.

"I don't know, Laura." He raised and lowered his shoulders, looking perplexed. "When you were ready, I guess. I wanted to be friends first. To get to know you better and give you a chance to get to know me better."

"That's really sweet of you." Her words didn't do his actions justice. He'd been so much more than sweet. He'd been empathetic and understanding. He'd been patient and kind. He'd put her needs before his own. Though he was normally a leap first and think afterward kind of guy, at least when it came to his rodeo stunts, he'd done a whole lot more thinking first than acting when it came to her. It spoke volumes about his character. It also told her he meant business.

About her. About them.

He pushed his hat back a little. "Sweet certainly isn't an adjective my brothers would use to describe me. They'd laugh their rear ends off if they heard you call me that."

"Then I won't say it in front of them." She blushed as soon as the words left her. Could I have said anything stupider? Giving herself a mental shake, she let go of the door frame and straightened.

Or tried to.

Ames stepped closer. "You can call me anything you want, Laura. Any time. Any place. I can handle the fallout with my brothers."

"You are sweet," she pointed out shyly, tipping her head back against the wood trim. "Maybe not to them." She gave a nervous chuckle. "But you are to me. You always have been." It made her a little sad that she'd been so stuck in recovery mode from her breakup with Brex that she'd failed to see that before now. Another thought struck her, making her eyes widen in horror. "Is it because you feel sorry for me?"

His eyebrows rose in astonishment. "Is that what you really think?"

She shook her head uncertainly. "Honestly, Ames? I don't know what to think anymore. It's been so long since I've been in good head space. Broken engagements can do that to a person, I guess."

A fierce expression flashed across his angular features, making her insides tremble. "I reckon it doesn't help that your ex is back in town."

"No." She was unable to quell a shiver. "It doesn't."

He immediately shrugged out of his leather jacket. This time, she didn't try to stop him. "Here." He draped it around her shoulders, smoothing his large hands down the sleeves to mold it more snugly against her arms. "Better?"

"Yes." The truth was, her whole world had taken a turn for the better the moment he'd stepped into it. They'd known each other for the better part of a year now. He was the biggest reason her heart was on the road to recovery.

"I'm still gonna be here for you, okay?" He held her gaze steadily. "Ex or no ex in the mix, I plan to keep being your person, Laura." He drew a heavy breath. "As long as you'll let me."

"You mean you'll keep being my friend?" Her voice rose to such a high note that she hardly recognized it as her own.

"Always." His voice was low and tender. Like before, there was no hesitation in his answer.

"That's it?" she pressed threadily.

"I didn't say that." His blue gaze burned into hers, allowing her a glimpse of what he was leaving unsaid.

She caught her lower lip between her teeth. "Then what, Ames? I've never been good at guessing games."

His gaze dipped to her mouth again. "I want to be here for you the way you deserve. I want to be your most faithful listener when you need to talk. Your biggest cheerleader for all the new and innovative stuff you keep testing out at work. I want to be your go-to guy during the good times and the bad times."

She had to remind herself to breathe. If she was being perfectly honest with herself, he'd already been serving in every single one of those roles. She just hadn't thought about it that way before now.

"And eventually," his voice dropped to a lower, huskier note, "I want to steal a kiss from you, preferably before the Carson brothers leave town for good."

Her lips parted in alarm. "You're leaving?" Apprehension flooded her. "When?"

He shrugged. "No exact date, but we're not going to be in Pinetop forever. We've already been here months longer than we originally planned."

She nodded sadly, knowing he was referring to the double extension the owners at Castellano's had already made to the Carson brothers' contract to perform at their indoor rodeo.

He ducked his head a little to study her expression. "You gonna miss me when I'm gone?"

"Very much." She glanced away from him, no longer able to endure the intensity of his gaze. "Do you, um, mind if I get started on that coffee I promised you?" She blindly turned away from him and finished stepping into the kitchen.

"Nope. You want some help?" She heard the footfalls of his boots against the tile floor as he followed her.

She smiled despite her sadness. "Are you telling me you actually know how to make a shot of espresso?" His sudden interest in espresso was surprising, considering his much simpler taste in black.

"Does watching the barista do it earlier count?"

She tossed a knowing look at him as she made her way to the fridge. "If you're referring to standing at the counter and tapping the toe of your boot impatiently? No."

He snorted. "You know me so well."

Apparently, not well enough to notice you were falling for me. Guilt spurted through her midsection, throwing her emotionally off balance again. "I thought I knew you," she confessed softly as she pulled open the stainless steel fridge door and withdraw a carton of milk.

"You still know me." He sounded matter-of-fact. "I'm the same guy I've always been. My feelings for you haven't changed from the get go."

"What I know about your feelings has changed, though," she reminded quietly. "It's a lot to wrap my brain around, Ames." She still wasn't sure what she thought about having her closest friend crushing on her. For one thing, the timing was off. Her heart was already twisted into enough emotional knots, and here he was tying another one into the mix. It was almost too much!

"Take all the time you need. I'm in no hurry." He leaned back against the kitchen counter and folded his arms, watching her as she went to work measuring out coffee grounds.

Is that so? She flicked an irritated look his way. "Says the guy who just finished informing me that he won't be in town forever." Pulling open the overhead cabinet, she withdrew a clean white mug and slid it beneath the coffee dispenser spigot. Then she pushed the brew button.

She could feel his gaze on her as she left the kitchen and hurried across the great room to start a fire. She shed both of their jackets, tossing them on the sofa on her way to the fireplace. Though the central heat was blowing through the vents, there was just something about an honest-to-goodness real fire that never failed to warm her all the way to her toes.

"Maybe it's for the best," he called across the great room to her. "Think about it, Laura. If you decide you don't like having a best friend who has more than friendly feelings for you, then I'll be out of your hair soon."

"Please don't say that." She blinked rapidly as she dragged her feet back to the kitchen. She was only two blinks away from breaking down again. "I already said I'm going to miss you." She couldn't bear the thought of him no longer living next door. No longer meeting her after work. No longer bumbling his way through all the crazy, wonderful things he was forever doing for her.

"Maybe it's just the dumb bronc rider in me talking, but I'm going to take that as a compliment." He sounded inordinately pleased with himself.

She wrinkled her nose at him, not caring for the way he'd put himself down. "I've called you a lot of things inside my head, Ames Carson, but not once have I ever used the word dumb." She realized her mistake the moment his gaze sharpened.

"Do tell, Miss Lee. What exactly have you been calling me inside your head?" He leaned teasingly closer to her as she measured out the milk and started frothing it. "This I've gotta hear."

"Cocky," she snapped without looking up. "Only a very cocky cowboy would want me to elaborate on something like that."

"Cocky," he repeated, sounding amused. "I've certainly been called worse."

"Not by me you haven't, and you never will." She chose her next words carefully, not wanting to hurt his feelings any worse than she probably already had. "I care too much for you."

"But," he sighed, straightening again. "I hear a very loud but coming."

"I may not care for you the same way you care for me…or the way you want me to…" His wry expression told her that she was doing a very bad job of explaining herself. "But I do care for you. A lot. Which is why I'm going to be brutally honest with you about something." She all but shoved the mug of espresso at him that she'd just finished brewing.

"We're friends, remember?" He accepted the mug with a mocking look. "No need to be brutal."

She rolled her eyes at him. Already knowing he wasn't going to like the espresso, she didn't bother mixing a second one for herself. Instead, she placed a clean mug under the spigot and started brewing a cup of plain black coffee.

He took an extra noisy sip just to be silly, then made a sound of disgust. "Flash Billings was right. I'm most definitely not a froo-froo kind of guy when it comes to coffee."

"I know." She watched the cup of plain black coffee finish filling. "That's why what you did for me tonight was so incredibly special." She lifted the steaming black brew and handed it to him. "Here. Let's trade."

Their fingers brushed during the hand off. Though they'd touched many times in the past — everything from bear hugs to playful punches — this time was different. Tiny aftershocks of awareness prickled across her hand and tingled all the way to her heart.

"It's got my cooties on it." He winked at her.

"Thanks for the warning." She deliberately turned the mug around and sipped from the same spot he had. "Will you look at that? I'm still standing."

He crooked a smile at her. "I hope it doesn't bother you to hear me say that was hot. Way hot!"

A breathy chuckle spilled out of her. "I honestly have no idea what to think about this new version of you."

He waggled his eyebrows at her. "It's not new."

She beckoned him to follow her to the pair of stools scooted up to the bar behind them. A large square was cut into the wall to create a pass-through cubby from the kitchen to the vaulted dining area on the other side. It bled seamlessly into the great room beyond it.

Ever the perfect gentleman, he held out her stool for her. Only after they were seated and cradling their respective cups of coffee did she sigh, "Okay. Here's the not so brutal truth." Without warning, tears welled in her eyes and trickled warmly down her cheeks.

"Whoa!" Ames set his coffee mug down with a clatter of porcelain against granite. He spun his stool toward her and reached for her hands. "Look at me, Laura."

She miserably met his gaze, hating the fact that he was seeing her like this.

"You can tell me anything, just like you've been doing the whole time we've known each other."

She shook her head, feeling close to melting down into a full ugly cry. "I don't want to hurt your feelings."

"I'm a bronc rider, Laura." His voice was dry. "We're not exactly made of glass."

"You can be hurt," she quavered, "and I don't want to be the one to do it."

"Then hurry up and lay it on me." His expression was unreadable. "The quicker you rip off the Band-Aid, the less it'll sting."

She swallowed hard. "Don't say I didn't warn you."

"I won't," he assured her in such a gentle voice that her tears flowed all the faster. He laced his fingers through hers.

"Right up until this evening when I finally realized you, um…" She gulped.

His eyes glinted wickedly at her. "When it became crystal clear just how badly I want to kiss you, eh?"

She blushed. "Yes. That." So not helping. "I'd been trying to picture what it would look like if Brex and I actually got back together."

He looked stunned, and not in a good way. "Come again?"

"I know how bad that must sound to you." She shook her head, glancing away from him. "But that's what I've spent the past year imagining." She sniffled loudly. "Everyone in my family thinks he's an awful person for getting cold feet right before our wedding, but that doesn't change the fact that he's the guy I almost married. Right or wrong, Ames, I chose him once upon a time, and he chose me."

"Why, Laura?" Ames sounded abnormally calm. He was taking this so much better than she'd expected. "Why did you choose him?"

It was a good question. A fair one. "We had so much in common, I guess." She raised and lowered her shoulders. "We were both toy makers. We were both living on the road, traveling from craft fair to craft fair without any one place to call home. It was a different sort of life and not an easy one — always switching schools while growing up, always leaving our friends behind. It was nice to finally meet someone who truly got me."

Ames' expression remained hooded. "Was he your first kiss?"

"No." She chuckled damply at the memory. "The honors for that go to a kid named Billy." She sniffled again. "In case you're wondering, he and I met in kindergarten."

A grin spread across Ames' face. He let go of one of her hands to pull a napkin from the holder on the edge of the counter. Holding it out to her, he drawled, "Just sizing up the competition."

She used the napkin to dab her cheeks dry. "We moved, and I never saw him again." She seriously doubted she would even recognize the adult version of him.

"What about your first crush?" Ames prodded.

"Same kid."

"Alright." He reached for her hand again, damp napkin and all. "So I can't be your first crush, your first kiss, or your first fiancé. Triple bummer!" He tangled their fingers together. "Doesn't mean I can't be your last." He paused for a few heartbeats. "When you're ready, of course."

"Ames," Laura gasped, shaking her head at the helpless longing staining his features. "Haven't you heard a word I said?"

"Clearly, I have, because now I know what I'm up against."

"Please don't do this to yourself." She squeezed his fingers. "You deserve better than this, Ames. Better than me. I'm way too messed up right now, and I don't know when I'm going to get it all sorted out." If ever. She was both dreading and looking forward to seeing Brex Morrison again. To be fair, she was mostly dreading it. He'd texted to ask if they could meet up somewhere in town for breakfast in the morning. Her younger sister was going to pitch a fit when she found out Laura was actually considering his request. The way she saw it, Brex still owed her an explanation.

"I appreciate your honesty." Ames jutted his squared-off chin at her. "Now maybe you'll appreciate a little bit of the same from me." He used their joined hands to tug her closer. "I care about you, Laura. It's not some switch I can just turn off, no matter how inconvenient it is for you to have a guy like me around."

"Ames," she sighed, squirming a little on the stool and wishing he wasn't being quite so honest. "You're not an inconvenience, for pity's sake! I'm not sure why you're always putting yourself down like that."

"Maybe because I understand I'm the guy you didn't ask for in your life, but that's too bad. You've got me, anyway." He winked at her. "So unless you send me packing, I'm gonna be here for you, okay?"

"Ames, I'll say it again. That's not fair to you," she protested.

"It's my choice," he insisted.

"I should tell you no." It was the only right thing to do.

"But you won't," he taunted, arching an eyebrow at her. "Because there's a part of you that wants to know just as badly as I do where this is leading." He gave her a pointed look. "Between us."

She glanced down at their hands. "Since we're laying it all out there, there's something you should know. Brex is asking me to meet him for breakfast in the morning."

He winced. It was barely discernible, but there was no way to miss it since they were still holding hands. "What did you tell him?"

"I haven't texted him back yet," she admitted.

"Why not?"

"I don't know." It was hard to explain, even to herself. "Receiving his text felt like having an old wound ripped open. Regardless, he owes me a better explanation than the one he gave me when he broke things off between us."

"You're really giving me the warm fuzzies about this guy, darling."

Despite the seriousness of their conversation, she snickered. "Ooo, sarcastic and cocky." A delicious feeling had washed over her the second he'd called her darling, but she wasn't ready to acknowledge it in front of him. Or read too much into it yet. It was sweet, though. Really, really sweet.

"I'm on a roll." He reluctantly let go of her hands. "Let me know when and where you decide to meet Gypsy Boy, and I'll be sure to crowd into a booth somewhere in the room."

She made a face at him. "I'm not sure that's how this is supposed to work."

"Hey, all's fair in love and war." He lifted his coffee mug, guzzling down the rest of it. "At least, that's what everybody says." He set his mug down and stood. "Either way, my offer to have your back still stands. You want me there tomorrow, and I'll be there. End of story."

She stood, in no mood to finish her espresso that was fast cooling to room temperature. "I should probably see what Brex has to say. My gut says he's in town to see me. Avoiding him isn't going to make him leave any sooner."

Ames studied her thoughtfully, looking like he was weighing every word that came out of her. "How about the Peppermint Palace?" Though they were discussing her meeting someone besides him for breakfast tomorrow, he seemed in no hurry to end the conversation. He propped his hands loosely on his hips. "It's a public place. Big. Plenty of witnesses and plenty of places for your future boyfriend to keep a low profile in the background."

A warm feeling burned in the pit of the coldness that had been plaguing her insides all afternoon. It grew bigger and glowed brighter. "Despite every reasonable objection popping into my head right now, I want to say yes so badly that it hurts."

"Then there's your answer." He reached out to run the back of a finger down her jawline. "I'm gonna let you in on a little secret. One of the reasons us bronc riders survive out there is because we never go into the ring without an exit strategy. There's a couple of pickup riders keeping their eyeballs on us at all times, ready to come to our aid at a moment's notice and help get us out of harm's way. Why should tomorrow be any different?"

Why, indeed? It was the question of the century.

"The way I see it," he continued in a gravelly voice, "you've been hurt enough already. It's time for someone to show this gypsy fella how a real man would treat a woman like you."

Wo-o-ow! Her lips parted in amazement. Her favorite cocky, sarcastic cowboy was gone. In his place was her fiercely protective best friend, who was ready to prove to her that he was capable of becoming more. Much more.

"You deserve to be adored, Laura Lee." He brushed his finger down her jawline again. "Cherished. Spoiled. Made to feel every ounce as incredible as you are." He retraced the same outline with his finger. "I know you didn't get the best demonstration of what I'm talking about during our tumble down the stairs earlier." He grimaced at the memory. "Or the way we bumped heads, or the coffee I spilled on you afterward."

"Eight o'clock," she interrupted, finally making up her mind. "I'll tell him to meet me at the Peppermint Palace at eight o'clock sharp."

Ames dropped his hand. "Unless you tell me otherwise, your pickup rider will be present and accounted for." The glint in his gaze told her he was actually looking forward to it.

She could only hope she wasn't making the biggest mistake of her life by dragging someone as big-hearted and loyal as him into her personal mess.