Chapter Four

CHAPTER FOUR

Vince

C olby was quiet as they drove home. Vince could tell he was upset, something he'd been noticing a lot more lately.

When they got home, Colby went to the fridge in his garage, where he kept his beer. He had different kinds and flavors and chose one according to his mood. Colby wasn't an everyday drinker, but Vince had learned he liked beer. He talked about the flavors, tasting things in the beverage Vince never did. He enjoyed a cold one himself, but sometimes Colby talked about it like a beer connoisseur.

"Want one?" he called to Vince.

"Sure. You pick."

Colby came back in with two bottles of a pale ale. He opened one and handed it to Vince, then the second for himself.

Colby took a swig, then wiped his mouth with the back of his hand. "I'm beat. I'm going to take a shower and head to bed. We have to be up early in the morning."

"Okay. Do you—"

"I'm good, Vince. You don't have to baby me." He took his bottle with him and headed toward his room.

Well, shit. That was new. Colby had never bitten off his head like that before. Vince didn't take it personally—he had no doubt Colby was upset. It was something his friend would feel guilty about later, when he shouldn't. Everyone had a bad day.

Vince locked up, turned off the lights, and grabbed some underwear before heading to the shower. His room didn't have an en suite like Colby's, so he used the hallway bathroom of their one-story home—shit—of Colby's home. Yeah, he lived here, but this house wasn't his.

He let himself linger under the hot water spray. He thought about jerking off but wasn't really in the mood. He wanted to find out what was eating away at his friend, wanted to make it better. Vince liked to be the one to make things better for people he cared about. That was likely one of the reasons his ex got Vince to forgive him. He knew how to play on Vince's weaknesses, knew what to say, how to act to lure Vince right back in. He had a bit of a hero complex, and he knew it.

Once he finished his shower, Vince dried off, brushed his teeth, tugged on a pair of boxer briefs, and headed for his room.

Thoughts of Colby were still eating at him, so Vince opened the closet, grabbed a box of Honey Smacks, and figured he would cheer Colby up with some cereal, then give him the privacy he clearly wanted. He could even leave the box outside Colby's door so as not to disturb him, then text him to say it was there.

He pulled open his bedroom door, box in hand, and there was Colby, hair wet from his shower, wearing a pair of nylon shorts, with his arm raised, about to knock.

"Hey," Vince said.

Colby's blue gaze darted down to the box in Vince's hand. "Is that for me?"

"It is."

"Even though I'm an asshole?"

Vince rolled his eyes. "You're not an asshole."

Colby sighed, shifting his weight from foot to foot. "Can I come in?"

"Of course." Vince stood out of the way for Colby to enter his room. Colby sat on the edge of the mattress, Vince going down beside him. He handed the box over, which Colby opened, taking a handful out and eating some.

"I'm forty and don't know who I am."

Vince frowned, a pang in his chest for this man. How could Colby think that about himself? "What do you mean?"

"I just… I feel like my whole life has been decided for me. And I do my best to be who everyone wants me to be, to do what's expected of me, but I feel like I'm constantly letting people down."

"Babe…I don't think it's possible for you to let anyone down. Not really. And it's not your responsibility to be who others want you to be. All you can do is be who you are."

"But what if I don't know who that is?"

Vince had been having a hard time fitting the pieces together, so this made sense. The way he saw it, Colby was one of the most put-together people he knew. "Is this about Lulu?"

"Yes. No. Kind of. Ugh!" Colby set the box on the floor, then lay back on Vince's bed, their legs hanging over the side. "It's about everything. I didn't love her…I mean, I wasn't in love with her. How did you know you were in love with Gregory?"

Ah, hell. Greg was the last person Vince wanted to talk about, but then, he also wanted to be there for Colby. "I need to be more comfortable for this." He moved up higher on the bed so his head was on the pillows. Colby did the same. "I'm not sure I'm the best person to talk to about being in love. I've been in love with exactly one person, who was terrible, narcissistic, and cheated on me both times we were together."

"That says something about him, not you. I hate thinking about you being hurt, but you're also the kind of man who gave him a second chance. You were able to give your heart to him again, and I…"

"You what?"

"Nothing. I've never been in love, is all." He looked away as if that was a character flaw…as if he was ashamed.

Vince pushed up onto his elbow, lying on his side so he looked down at Colby. He cupped Colby's cheek and angled his head back. "It's okay that you haven't been in love. In fact, I think that says you know who you are more than you think. You're not willing to settle until you find the right person. You're not going to marry someone just because you feel you should. Your family is great. I love them—they're pretty perfect. It feels like I'm in a TV show with them sometimes, and it takes balls not to just do what they've all done, or what they think you should do. You're honest with yourself; you just feel guilt for being who you are when you shouldn't. There's nothing wrong with wanting something different. Your family loves you, and they'll love you regardless." Vince brushed his thumb back and forth over Colby's cheek for a moment before pulling it away.

"I still don't know what I want. Outside of not getting married, I've done everything Covingtons do simply because…well, because that's what we do. I never considered anything else. I've never left, never moved or experienced life outside Briar County. I got a business degree online. I work the farm like is expected of me."

"Roe left. He moved to DC and went to college there. He lived there for years afterward, and he doesn't work the farm."

"I'm not Roe. And I don't mean that as a slight against my brother. He's the best man there is, but Roe has always known what he wants and who he is. Hell, he came out as a teenager in a small town when he'd never even met an out queer person in his life. They expect Roe to do his own thing. They don't expect it from me. Plus, I think Roe being queer played a part in that. To my parents, that gave him a reason to need to explore the world some. What the fuck reason do I have?"

"You don't need a reason, babe. Not at all. You don't want to live here? You don't want to work the farm?"

He fisted the strands of his hair in what looked like frustration. "That's what makes this even worse. I'm feeling all sorts of dumb shit, when the truth is, maybe this is what I want. It doesn't make a damn bit of sense."

"Yes, it does. There's nothing wrong with wanting experience, wanting to try different things. You're allowed that. You have the right to figure out what you want, even if that means trying different things until you land on something, or trying different things and still landing on working the farm and living here."

He looked up at Vince with an expression Vince couldn't figure out. It was soft…unsure. "Yeah?"

"Abso-fucking-lutely."

"I'm not too old?"

Vince rolled his eyes. "If you're old, then I'm old, and I'm not having that. I feel like I failed in my commitment to shake up your world. We're gonna figure this out, you and me."

He grinned, and damn, Vince liked making his friend do that. "Together, huh?"

"Yep. That's what we do. Everyone is talking about you getting married; don't they realize we're basically married to each other? We live and work together. We spend most of our spare time together. One day you might find a person you want to spend your life with, and they'll have to accept me. That's a rule."

Colby laughed. "What about you?"

"Yeah, that's not happening again. I told you already I'm not having a serious relationship again. I don't have it in me to risk my heart a third time. I've never wanted to get married anyway, so I'm just going to stay nice and safe and clear of relationships. I see lots of no-strings-attached sex in my future."

Colby rolled onto his side, facing Vince, so he settled with his head on the pillow and did the same. "Marriage isn't in my future either, so we can just continue being platonic husbands."

"We have a lot of fucking fun. It's a great marriage."

"Except there's no sex," Colby replied.

Vince sighed. "I do miss sex. It's been a while." He waited to see how Colby would respond. He still wondered if maybe Colby was asexual and didn't have the word for it or wasn't ready to share.

"Ugh. I miss sex too. I'm really, really good at sex."

Vince barked out a laugh. "That's the second time you've said that, so I guess I have to believe you. I wasn't sure…if you enjoyed it… It's okay if you don't."

Colby frowned. "I do. I love it. Just…no-strings-attached sex is hard here. I've known everyone my whole life. Their families know mine. I don't want to risk anyone wanting more."

"You can date without getting married."

Colby chuckled. "You've met my family, right?"

Okay, so he had a point there. "Go out of town, then. Maybe we can take a trip. Spend a weekend in Asheville or somewhere else. We can do some exploring and get laid."

"I never take time off."

"You do now…well, shit. Do you think they can give us both time off?" Vince hadn't thought of that. "If not, you're going without me. I bet Clint would take a trip with you."

"I don't want to go with Clint. I want to go with my husband."

They laughed again. God, Colby was great. Vince was so thankful they'd met and become friends. "Then we'll figure it out."

Colby nodded. "Thank you for this…for everything. Don't think I've ever had a friend like you before, someone I feel so comfortable with being myself. Even if I don't know who that is."

Vince's fingers twitched, and…fuck, he wanted to touch Colby's hair, wanted to let his fingers thread through the strands. What was wrong with him? "You're Colby Covington– O'Brien."

He cocked a brow. "We're hyphenating our last names now?"

"Oh, did you just want to take mine?" Vince teased.

"Maybe I want you to take mine." He grinned, then closed his eyes. "I should head back to my room."

"Shut up and go to sleep," Vince told him.

That earned him another of Colby's smiles, this one with his eyes still closed, and to his surprise, Colby did exactly what Vince said. He went to sleep. Vince turned out the lights and climbed back into bed, pulling the blankets over them, and did the same.