Chapter 11

Chapter Eleven

“ N o, Mom.” Austin shook his head, even though he knew she couldn’t see him through the phone. “You’ve got your hands full with the daughter and the daughter-in-law fixing to pop off with more babies. Wimberley and I decided just to give you a break.”

He didn’t mention that Wimberley was spending Thanksgiving in some sort of a weird-assed women’s retreat he was fairly sure was a massive lesbian hookup in Sedona.

And also, he was having his cover crush over for the holiday and the weekend.

Really, the only one unhappy about this entire situation was Dallas.

Dallas was pissed.

If he didn’t get Paige, he wanted Granny and Grandpa.

He had to be honest, Granny and Grandpa were very busy with upcoming brand-new babies, and that was not going to help the situation one bit.

So.

Home it was.

“I just feel bad. I don’t want you to be alone and starving. ”

“Mom, I’m not going to starve. Even if I didn’t order Thanksgiving dinner from a restaurant, which I did, I wouldn’t have starved. I know how to make chips and dip. I can make chicken nuggets in every available dinosaur size and shape. And mostly what we’re going to have is mashed potatoes and snacks.”

And pie.

He’d picked up one pecan, one pumpkin, and one apple. Because he wanted a piece of pecan and pumpkin together with whipped cream, dammit. But Dallas wouldn’t eat either one of those, so the apple pie was for him.

Surely between the three of them they could eat pie for breakfast and have lunch and dinner dessert.

It would be fine.

Kyler was bringing… something. Some kind of salad, he thought, and a thing of macaroni and cheese. Apparently the man was the prince of noodle dishes, thanks to Paige.

“I want to see you and Dallas, honey. You know that. I’m not going to forget him in the baby avalanche. What about Christmas?”

“We’ll have to see. It depends on all of Dallas’s extracurricular stuff.”

Mom snorted. “His ‘extracurricular stuff’. This is my grandson you’re speaking about. What does he do? Competitive reading?”

That sounded fun. “Be nice. He has gymnastics, he has…uh…scouts. He goes and does scouts. Sometimes. When we remember. Oh, and horseback riding. He’s learning about horses and trampolining, which is like gymnastics, sort of.”

“Have we made you angry? I’m serious. I haven’t meant to.”

Dammit. That was the last thing he needed—hurt parent.

“No, Mom. No. Dallas has a very good friend, Paige, and she didn’t get to stay with her dad this Thanksgiving. So she’ll be with her dad for the first half of Christmas break. Or the last. I’m not sure I understand how it’s going to work honestly, but Dallas is very intent about staying home and hanging out with her. So I need to figure that out. It’s his first real friend.”

“Well, okay. That actually makes sense.” She chuckled, the sound soft. “Oh, honey, you are a great father. I know sometimes Dallas is challenging.”

“No. No, Mom, he’s never challenging. He’s just mine. But one way or the other, we will see you over the Christmas holidays for sure.”

He wasn’t gonna tell her even for a second that another reason he wasn’t traveling is because he kind of wanted to hang out with Kyler and, he didn’t know…spend some time?

So far everything he and Kyler had done involved the kids. Oh, Kyler had spent the night, but they had always been wrangling rambunctious children. Without Paige’s energy to keep Dallas ramped up, Austin hoped they would take some actual time getting to know each other.

He sure thought they were friends, but he wanted to maybe be more. That probably wasn’t realistic, but it didn’t stop his hopeful little heart of hearts from wishing Kyler was watching him like he thought Kyler was watching him. Did that even make sense?

“Maybe your dad and I will come down for a while over Christmas break.”

“Sure. I would love that. So would Dallas. He wants to see you.”

“I’m excited that he has a friend that he wants to spend time with,” Mom said.

“Oh God, Mom. Me too. I swear to God, I thought he was going to never actually connect with someone.”

She chuckled. “I worried about that with you too, you know. Books are so much more interesting than other kids. ”

Dad’s voice sounded. “Honey, he’s not got his doctorate yet. He’s a kindergartener. You have to give him a little time.”

God save him from logical parents. “I know, I know. I didn’t say it was rational. I just said I worried. He doesn’t seem to connect in gymnastics class or at the park. Hell, he and Paige made friends because this bully kept beating him up and breaking his glasses.”

“Are you absolutely sure he shouldn’t be in Taekwondo or judo or boxing or something? I worry about him getting beat up.”

“Don’t worry, Paige is a literal cowgirl, and apparently she is not afraid to indulge in fisticuffs.”

“Did you just say ‘fisticuffs’? In a sentence? On purpose?”

“I did. Don’t make me break out even more archaic words.”

“I won’t.” He chuckled at the patently false outrage in his mother’s voice.

“I’m so proud of you. Let me talk to my grandson.”

“Sure.” Relieved, he shut his own damn mouth and called Dal. “Granny is on the phone, kiddo!” He grinned at the sudden stampede of Dallas’s feet on the stairs, and he handed over the phone.

“Granny! I miss you.”

He went over to check on the delivery for tomorrow’s food, keeping an ear out for Dallas. Usually Dal didn’t tell tales, but he never knew what might pop out, nonetheless. Pies. Check. Turkey. Yep. Dressing. Woo.

“—going to have a friend over for turkey day. He’s very nice and Daddy likes him. They’re best friends like me and Paige?—”

He tilted his head. Were they? He supposed that, to Dallas, he and Kyler were. Dal couldn’t see his online friends, didn’t know his old roommate from college. They hung out. They texted. They— Damn. Kyler was his bestie, he guessed .

It was all right with him. He cared for Kyler. Genuinely.

If he let himself, in fact, he would get carried away.

“Okay, Granny. I love you, bye.”

“Hey don’t hang—” He sighed, because Dallas trotted over to hand him his phone.

“Mr. Kyler texted. Do you think that means Paige stayed home?”

Ah, that explained the abrupt disconnect. He checked. The text said And she’s off

“No, son. She’s gone to Texas with her momma.” want to come over early?

God yes Kyler sent a crying emoji.

Come on. We’ll watch movies and have pizza “Mr. Kyler is lonely. He’s coming over, okay?”

“Okay.” Dallas’s lip quivered. “Paige is gone, huh?”

“Yep. But she’ll be back in a few days.”

“I know, Daddy. But it makes me sad.”

“Yeah, but she needs to go see her mom, you know? I mean, that’s important. She only gets to see her mama every so often. And this is super special.”

As soon as he said it, he knew it was a mistake. Dallas was already wigged.

“I don’t have a mama. And nobody cares.”

“You’re right, you don’t.” Austin knew this was going to be a problem at some point. He did. Being nontraditional in any way was always going to be an issue.

“Why not? Why don’t I have a mama? It’s because you’re gay, right?”

Austin nodded, refusing to seem unsure in this situation. He had wanted to be a father. He had become one. “Yep, that’s exactly why. I hired a lady—this really, really neat lady, by the way—to grow you in her tummy because I wanted to be a daddy so bad, and I wanted you. ”

“Was I supposed to have another dad too?” He could see Dallas’s little wheels twirling in his brain.

Every so often it would be nice to have a less precocious child. Not all the time, mind you, but every now and again it would be nice.

“You were. I was married when we got pregnant. But he decided that he didn’t want to be a dad.”

“He didn’t like me?”

Austin shook his head. “It had nothing to do with you, baby. He didn’t even know you.”

He had been scared of being a dad. Christopher had been terrified of the idea of being a special needs father, and he was kind of a selfish asshole. No amount of being good in bed could fix that. “What matters is that I loved you from the second I saw you. You’re my kid. You’re—amazing.” He felt his eyes get hot and achy with the need to cry, so he calmed himself down.

He didn’t want Dallas to be overwhelmed by emotions he wasn’t ready to understand at six.

Austin didn’t understand half the emotions this little boy brought out in him—this wealth of love and need to protect and this incredible pride.

Not to mention terror. Sheer fucking terror that he could screw this up.

There ought to be a good handbook on how to be a single dad.

All the ones he’d read were basically made for straight dudes or queer couples and?—

“I think having a mom would be cool.”

“Yeah?” They moved to sit on the sofa, side by side, Dallas so serious.

“Yeah. I mean. Moms make cookies and brownies for bake sales, and they like flowers. Sometimes they’re Superwoman. And they get earrings.”

“‘Earrings’.” Well, that was unexpected.

“Uh-huh. I see it on the TV. The daddies bring the mamas earrings, sparkly ones, and the mamas go ‘ohh’, and it’s really cool.”

“Well, I guess I could have an earring, but…I don’t know. I don’t know that I’m the earring kind.”

Dallas shook his head. “There’s already an earring kind. That’s a mom. You’re not a mom. You write books and make chicken nuggets and take me to trampoline. Also, I think I kind of need you and not a mom because I have nightmares, and you make them go away.”

That little face wore such a serious expression. He didn’t dare smile.

“Well, I don’t intend to go anywhere, so we’re good.”

This was the strangest discussion, but so wonderful. He loved to talk to his son. The way Dallas’s kid brain worked fascinated the hell out of him.

“Paige’s mom doesn’t live with them, though, so that’s kind of like us.”

“Mmmhmm. And Kyler has to work hard to be a single dad.”

“I like him.” Dallas leaned against him. “So do you.”

“I do. He’s a nice man, and he’s good to kids and animals.”

“Mmmhmm. And he smiles at you. I like that.”

He had no idea what that one meant, so he let it go.

“Okay, then. It’s a few sleeps and then Paige will be home, and Mr. Kyler will be here to hang out. Fair enough?”

“Yep.” Dallas grinned. “And there will pie and Granny said she would call again tomorrow.”

Whew. Seemed like the crisis was averted some.

Thank God. He got it. He did. It didn’t matter. Dallas needed to deal.

On my way Wow. Kyler must have been bored if he’d already bedded down the animals for the day .

K. Pick up some cocks at the store? I ran out

What?

He read his last text. COKES. COKES! OMG

He got a laughing to tears emoji. OK

Oh, God. He was a moron. He cackled, shook his head, and Dallas blinked at him.

“What’s funny, Poppy?”

“Oh, I made a silly typo. Do you want pizza or a little spaghetti and bread?”

“Mr. Kyler makes better sauce than the restaurant, Daddy. I’ll have pizza.”

“Okay. I’ll order pizzas. Play your game, and Mr. Kyler will be here soon, all right?”

“Okay, Daddy.” Dallas beamed, and he went to make the food call. “Cheese?”

“Can we have pepperoni-onis?”

“Of course we can!” Apparently Paige had changed Dal’s mindset on pepperonis.

“Cool!” Dallas did a little butt wiggle dance. God, he loved that kid.

He washed up while Dallas played, but stopped short of putting on any kind of cologne. Dallas would be sure to mention it, even if Kyler didn’t notice, and how embarrassing would that be?

Kyler arrived about the same time as the pizza, smiling and holding up a bag. “I got the drinks.”

“Oh, smart man, not having to say that danger word.”

“I about stopped breathing I was laughing so hard.” He followed Austin into the condo. “How’s it going?”

“Better. He talked to his granny, and that made him happier.”

“Yeah. Paige was having a tough time going, but then her gran called and told her how excited she was to see Paige and her mom, and they were off and running.”

“Excellent. Dallas is excited to be able to keep you safe and comfy.”

“Yeah? Well, that’s cool.” Kyler winked at him. “I also got us some of that cheese ball and some crackers for later.”

“Excellent. I ordered pizza. It’s a pre-Thanksgiving tradition. One meat, one pepperoni.”

“Hey, I like being included in the tradition.” Kyler unloaded the Cokes once he got to the kitchen, then put the cheese ball in the refrigerator.

“Are you missing out on any family traditions to be here?”

Kyler turned and leaned against the counter with his butt up against it, his arms straight behind him to prop him up. “Not really. When I was a kid we had some great traditions, but there’s really not a whole lot of that left.”

“What was your favorite thing?” Austin asked.

“I think probably the football game after the meal. I ended up with a lot of family houses to eat at, some of those folks were not the best cooks.”

“No? I hope it’s okay that I ordered some of the stuff.” He’d been fretting about the idea for days.

“Austin, I’m not gonna yell about anything. I’m pretty happy with about any kind of food as long as it tastes good. We could have had Chinese food for all I care.”

“That’s an interesting idea, but I think that’s more New York than it is Aspen.” Even the Chinese places in the Roaring Fork closed for the holidays.

“Yeah, you’re probably right.”

“So what else did you bring? I didn’t see a mac and cheese casserole.”

“Yeah, that’s because I sent it with Henley and Paige. Paige made the big teary eyes for me, but I brought all the stuff to make another one for you guys. I’ll do it tonight before we go to bed so it can sit in the fridge till tomorrow.”

“Hey, you didn’t have to do that. I mean I’m glad you did because Dallas is desperately curious to see what your mac and cheese tastes like. I asked him if he wanted spaghetti and meatballs from the pizza place, and he said your sauce was better.” Which shocked him, because that kid loved noodles.

Kyler beamed. “I’m glad he thinks so. I know Paige likes it too. It’s one of the few recipes I got from my family that’s worth it.”

“My mom’s always done a huge thing. Always.” And Austin had all this guilt.

Kyler rolled his head on his shoulders. “Do you mind me asking why you didn’t go?”

Austin kind of leaned forward a little bit, making sure Dallas was still occupied. “I’m sort of desperate to talk about it, to be honest.”

Kyler handed him a Coke. “Spill, man.”

Oh, thank God. He opened his Coke and started talking. “You know, I have this big family, right? Three brother—well, one brother, two sisters. I mean, there’s four of us.”

He stopped and rolled his eyes at himself. “Now, my brother’s wife is fixing to pop, and my sister is also pregnant and having troubles. They both live close enough and have kids and need help.”

“Okay. Also, yay new nephews?”

“Nieces. Now, add this baby situation to my sister, who, like me, is gay. She decided that she was going to this retreat in Sedona with other women who do things that grown-ups do.” He waggled his eyebrows, and Kyler damn near choked on his Coke. “And so she wasn’t going to come, so I thought, you know, my mom is super stressed out with these babies coming and all this stuff. Honestly, there’s no reason for me to go and make her cook all this food when Dallas and I would really be the only ones there eating. We could just… not and sort of let it be something peaceful for her too, maybe. But I tell you what.” He rolled his eyes again, leaning back on the counter of hi s teeny tiny kitchen. “She is stressed out about this being the first year she isn’t making Thanksgiving dinner. My sister—the one who’s not pregnant, Wimberley—she’s having this big meal delivered that’s a huge variety so Mom can eat whatever and so can Dad.”

Austin did appreciate that Kyler wasn’t acting like he was losing his mind.

“Nobody has to stress—which I think is very kind—and it’s a four-hour drive, and there’s nobody who will want to play with Dallas and?—”

He blew out a huff of hot air, rolled his eyes, and pursed his lips. “Tell me I’m not a terrible son.”

“You’re not. Parents have to accept that things change too. It sucks on both sides, I think.” Kyler gave him a wry smile. “Henley was freaking out because Paige didn’t really want to go with her for the first time.”

“Oh, man, was she digging in?” Austin thought that could be a sticky problem.

“She was dragging her feet more like. She never wants to be rude, and she does love her momma, but she wanted her first holiday with you and me and Dal here.”

“Ouch.” He winced. “Is Henley at least glad she has a friend?”

“Tickled as a pig in shit. But she’s also worried she’s already becoming obsolete, you know?” Kyler popped the top on a Coke too.

“Would you rather have gone?” Austin kind of held his breath.

Now Kyler burst out with a duck noise laugh. “To Henley’s folks? God no. I mean, they were always very kind to me, but the day her momma met me, she pulled me aside and told me, ‘Son, you’ll never be as shiny and bright as the rodeo, and you’ll never be as famous as my girl. You aren’t going to last a year.’ I lasted almost two. ”

Austin blinked. “Wow. That’s— Wow.”

“Hey, she was right.” Kyler clinked their cans together. “But even without my kid I would much rather be here with friends.”

“Well, we’re tickled that you’re here. I like hanging out, and we can be boys. Dallas informed me.”

“Ah. I bet he doesn’t mean we get to spit and fart.”

He hooted. “Probably not.”