11. Chapter 11

Chapter 11

I t was like being in a daze, gathering their remaining things from the room in the tavern and heading into the dark. Before the village became nothing more than a distant glow behind them, Zen felt eyes on him, many eyes, from the windows of the buildings, and then later, from the trees.

Maybe they were all monsters here.

"What's that?"

"Hm?" Zen looked up with a start.

They had decided to go as far as they could from the village before setting up camp—for the villagers' sake, who Zen's friends had no idea were behind everything.

Khel gestured to the silver lily on Zen's robes.

"Um…"

"They call that a Stargazer Lily," Morty said with barely a glance.

"Show off," Dante scoffed.

"He doesn't actually know everything about everything," Khel said to Zen.

"I know stitch work like that can't be whipped up with the wave of a hand—other than with magic."

Beautiful magic , Zen had to admit, just like Enki's colorful light show. "It was a gift."

"From your boy?" Dante asked.

They were keeping their voices low as they strode, ever vigilantly, through the wood. Dante's voice would have been the loudest if his gruff drawl wasn't so deep.

"I didn't see him there at the end," Dante continued. "You get a little fun with him at least?"

"A kiss or two," Zen said, for that much wasn't a lie.

"When we kill this lord—"

" Save ," Khel interjected.

"—and work our way back to the barrier," Dante ignored him, "maybe it can be more."

"I don't know—"

"Shh!" Morty held up a hand, stopping at the parting of trees into a clearing. "Do the rest of you hear… growling?"

As quietly as they could, they steadied their already drawn weapons and strained to listen. The woods were dark, but rather than risk a torch, each of them was relying only on their ability to see in low light.

The clearing ahead was small, but the continued wood beyond was dense and black as pitch, making the glow of ravenous animal eyes that much brighter.

Khel pushed in front of Morty and held out his shield. "Are they coming for revenge?"

"Let's hope so." Dante brightened.

Then their attackers became clear.

Normal wolves, which would have been a relief if there wasn't a pack.

"Can werewolves take that form too?" Zen asked.

"I don't know," Morty said, "but being mauled wouldn't feel nice either way."

One of the wolves leapt, and Khel met it with a thrust of his shield.

The rest of the pack took that as their cue.

" Shield !" Zen cast a quick prayer, staying close to Morty to encompass them both in the invisible barrier.

Khel's physical shield was keeping him protected, but he could barely risk any swings with his sword, and Dante's axe was too slow to catch the nimble wolves as they darted out of range and then back at him with a snap of their fangs. Dante couldn't use alchemy bottles either or risk setting the whole wood ablaze.

"More light!" Morty cried, paging through one of his books, hardly paying any mind to the wolves that had slipped past the others and were starting to surround him and Zen.

" Light !" Zen cast upon Morty's bag, filling the clearing with brightness, which did nothing to dull the terror of the attack.

A pair of wolves crashed into Zen's shield with such force that the air around Zen and Morty rippled from the impact. That shield would only last so long.

Zen tried to aim his crossbow, but he couldn't stop imagining the wolves lying dead at his feet only to transform back into humans. Or dark elves.

Or darklings.

"I swear there's a Mass Charm Animal spell in here somewhere…" Morty muttered.

"Morty!" Dante cursed, but even that momentary distraction cost Dante dearly, for one of the wolves latched onto his arm, sinking its fangs in deep.

Zen had to shoot. He had to. The wolves around his shield kept throwing themselves at it and causing it to flicker, and the one attached to Dante wasn't letting go.

Zen steadied his aim…

A shadow hurled itself into the fray like a projectile catapulted into the side of the wolf attached to Dante, wrenching it from its hold on him. The other wolves scattered, focusing on this new threat.

It was another wolf, huge with fur so black, it appeared like a phantom, raging through its brethren like a beast possessed. With all the other wolves turning to attack in defense of their packmate, Dante and Khel backed up to return to Zen and Morty. Dante was struggling to hang onto his axe after receiving such deep puncture wounds.

The new wolf was outnumbered, but it didn't waver, and after wounding the first wolf, it bared its teeth, daring the others to be next. They faltered, as nervous and unsure as Zen felt watching them.

Then the wounded wolf whined and slinked off into the trees, and the others retreated with it.

"So…" Morty began, as the black wolf turned to them, " Charm Animal ? Or Fireball ?"

The wolf sat, happy as it pleased suddenly, tail wagging and tongue lolling, like a tame puppy.

"Can it be?" Khel lowered his shield, and after a beat, he inched forward, sheathed his sword, and reached for the wolf.

"Khel—" Zen started, but the wolf sprang to its feet to meet Khel's hand and licked it.

"By the Sun God!" Khel dropped his shield completely and dug his fingers into the wolf's thick fur. "My companion at last!"

Zen's magical shield flickered out, just in time for the danger to have passed.

"Neither spell it is," Morty said. "Drat."

Zen snapped out of his stupor long enough to remember that Dante was bleeding. He returned his crossbow to his back and went to his friend to replace Dante's meaty hand with his own. " Heal ."

The light that had been cast upon Morty's bag snuffed out, returning them to darkness, and making the black-furred wolf almost seem to disappear.

"What a guardian you are." Khel continued to pet the friendly beast with all the adoration of a new parent. "That's it! That's what I'll call you! Guardian . Do you like that?"

The wolf gave an affirming woof.

"What a beauty." Khel knelt to run his hands even more thoroughly through the wolf's fur.

"Could have showed up sooner," Dante grumbled, and then offered a thankful nod at Zen when the fading light of the healing spell revealed only the faint grooves of scars and the remainders of blood.

The wolf was beautiful, like black velvet without a speck of other coloring, save its bright red eyes.

No . They weren't red. They were amber, amber eyes, like a normal wolf's.

Weren't they?

"I think this is a sign to call it a night," Morty said, already unpacking the protection rods and starting to space them out around the clearing.

"Isn't he remarkable?" Khel continued to gush.

Zen had heard that dedicated rangers drew a companion to them, some believing it divine intervention that sent the very beast they needed to be by their side.

Khel certainly seemed to believe that's what had happened. The others were merely grateful to have been saved.

Morty continued setting up camp, while Dante wiped the blood from his arm, and Khel played with Guardian, none seeming uneased or like they had noticed what Zen thought he saw.

Zen had to have imagined the red eyes, but when they finally curled up to sleep, he thought he saw the wolf, settled amongst them beside Khel, turn its head at him to stare.

Zen was so warm, so pleasantly encased in soft sheets and soft skin, that he didn't want to move.

"My beautiful Zenos, I will hold you like this forever if you wish."

"Hey!"

Zen gasped as he was jolted awake by the close bellow of Dante at his ear.

"‘bout time. Been trying to wake you for ages. Having that nice of a dream?"

Zen sat up, pleased to see that the blanket over him covered how painfully hard he was. "Um… actually, I might need a minute." His cheeks would have burned if there was any blood left in his face.

Dante gave a low chuckle, keeping his voice quiet from the others, who were packing up camp. "Dreaming of your boy?"

Zen didn't know how to answer. He didn't remember the dream, but he knew whose voice he'd heard.

"He up?" Morty called.

"He's up." Dante passed Zen a secretive wink. "I'll grab your breakfast. Best we get moving as soon as you're done."

He meant eating —or so Zen hoped, because he certainly wasn't going to attend to himself with everyone right there. Zen just needed to take a few deep breaths and will his erection away.

The slow remembrance of everything that had happened last night helped.

Enki.

Gaian.

Learning who Zen truly was…

"Did you just give our best jerky to that mutt?" Dante drew Zen's attention across camp.

The wolf, Guardian, was indeed swallowing a thick hunk of jerky. He acted more like a playful farm dog than the vicious defender he'd been last night, but Zen couldn't shake the memory of amber eyes glowing red.

"He's a wolf," Khel defended. "He needs protein. Besides, he deserves a treat for saving our hides last night."

"Wait a minute." Morty joined in. "You're okay with him eating meat, but you won't?"

"He's a wolf!"

"Exactly. Why on earth would an animal companion who eats meat expect you not to?"

"Um…"

Dante busted out laughing, and Morty followed. They wouldn't be letting Khel live that one down for a while.

Zen wished he could do more than meekly smile.

Was it a wolf in sheep's clothing—or a vampire in the shape of a wolf?

"Khel!" Zen called with sudden guilt cloying at his insides.

He had to tell them. He had to warn them. They couldn't keep going on like this, on a doomed quest, where everything was set against them and they didn't even know—including that Zen might be their undoing instead of their quarry's.

"Yes, brother?" Khel asked.

Before Zen could answer, Guardian trotted over to him and nudged Zen's hand for a pet. If this had been any other beast, Zen would have been charmed, but his hand shook as he stroked the wolf's snout for fear of not doing what was expected of him.

"Please don't hurt them," Zen whispered.

The wolf tilted its head, but its eyes didn't change.

"Ah, you wanted some of Guardian's attention for yourself. I was afraid you didn't like him," Khel said.

Zen forced another smile. He couldn't be sure of anything right now. He believed his friends would forgive him if he confessed and they learned of all he was keeping silent about.

But would Gaian?

"Morty?" Zen asked, after he'd eaten breakfast and was packing up his things. "Does the story of Lord Gaian say anything about his love? A name? Who he really was?"

"Clever of you to ask," Morty said. "After all, we learned that the lost love might be the key to defeating Gaian, but I'm not sure what more there is of the story that can help us.

"The name of Gaian's love has been lost, but they say he was a thief, a vagabond that moved from town to town to avoid scornful looks from those who thought darklings unclean. One tale says that he met Gaian by stealing the lord's purse. Gaian was dressed as a commoner to be among his people, so the thief didn't know who he was stealing from, but Gaian was quick to realize and used a spell to call his purse back."

"And he didn't have the thief's hands?" Dante asked.

"He was a good and merciful lord originally, remember? He believed that if their birthrights had been reversed, they might have turned out very much like each other. Is that what you wanted to know, Zen?"

"Uh… yes, thank you. I was only curious."

Zen had always had a penchant for stealing, though he'd tried to do so only for good reasons, like an apple for a hungry child. He supposed, however, that swiping Jorgen's purse every morning had been purely for entertainment.

If what Morty said was true, then Gaian was in disguise the first time they met, just like in this life.

But this wasn't a fairytale. It was a tragedy. People were dying. How many had died at Gaian's hands, beneath his fangs? How many had died at the brutality of his horde?

Like Jax.

"Might be a good idea to gather more firewood for tonight, while it's still, um," Morty gestured at the hazy sky, "day." They had decided to not follow the main road or stop by anymore villages unless their rations ran short.

"I'll go," Zen offered.

"Not by yourself, you won't," Dante argued, but before he could offer to accompany Zen, Guardian trotted over first.

"There you are. Guardian has you." Khel beamed. "What a brilliant creature."

Zen wanted to scream, sob, and lament his very existence, but all he could do was hurry into the wood with his unbidden companion following.

He rushed onward, faster and faster through the trees, knowing he couldn't lose the wolf but still trying. Zen could see as clearly in the darkness as any human could see in daylight. He barely had to open his eyes and was soon running, not wanting to stop until his lungs burned and he panted against a tree.

Then, as soon as he glanced behind, the wolf was there, like it had barely had to rush to keep up.

"Stop this!" Zen cried. "I know it's you. I won't be fooled again. I can't bear it."

Guardian's tail wagged, a wolf in the guise of a puppy.

Then someone whistled.

Guardian hurried toward the source— Gaian coming out of the trees.

He was Gaian now, not pretending to be Enki. As a lord, he was dressed in much finer clothing, with a high-collared red and gold doublet, a long black cloak, and his amulet, with its ruby crystal, prominently displayed on a gold chain.

Gaian offered Guardian several grateful pets, the wolf's tail wagging madly. Just as dutifully, the wolf sat and stayed still in wait when Gaian left to approach Zen.

"Guardian is a fine name for that one. It is true that I can see through his eyes, but he is a loyal creature, I assure you."

"To you ." Zen tried to back up, but the tree he'd been panting against was like a wall behind him.

"He will serve your friend as well. Come, shall we walk together?" Gaian stopped in front of Zen, gesturing through the trees along a narrow path. "It is a lovely day."

"Do you think this funny?" Zen spat, tears springing to his eyes as was becoming far too common. It was a gloomy day, shrouded like any other in these cursed lands.

"My Zenos, please don't cry. Can I not enjoy a stroll with my beloved? Or is it too strange when your friends are on their way to kill me?" Gaian made no further move to approach Zen, but Zen stood frozen, unable to flee.

"Khel doesn't want to kill you. Morty either, not really. He is only interested in the story, the history."

"Your burly friend wishes me dead."

The words weren't spoken like a threat, yet that was all Zen could imagine them as, and so he whispered, like he had to the wolf, "Please don't hurt them."

The calm confidence upon Gaian wavered, and he spoke softer, "You kept our secret. I thought that meant you were willing to give me a chance to prove myself."

"Perhaps my silence is only terror." Pressing himself more firmly to the tree, when Zen looked upon Gaian, all he could see were memories of a monster tearing out that werewolf's throat.

"You need not fear me. Not you." Gaian progressed slowly, and when he reached to touch Zen's shoulder, it was so gentle that Zen hesitated to shrink away.

Enki —that was who Zen saw. "Could… could something save you?"

"I am saved right now, my love. I'm with you."

It felt like a dream, like a far-off distant dream that Zen was only a few short breaths from remembering. "You don't know me, and I don't know you, even if I was your love in another life."

"Do you think I was lying as Enki?" Gaian raised the hand on Zen's shoulder to touch his cheek, and whether simply because being touched felt so intimate for Zen, or because Gaian's skin was cool, the contact caused Zen to shudder. "That is… was me. Your gnome friend's story is correct. When I was a young lord, I met my Zenos while pretending to be a peasant, because I wanted to know my people without them assuming what they knew of me."

Against all Zen's better judgment, he wanted to sink against Gaian, but there was too much possibility that this was a trap, and so, he pulled away, forcing Gaian's hand to drop as he escaped the tree and started to retreat. "You sent those wolves after us, so that, when Guardian saved us, you could have a spy in our ranks."

"I wish to know that you are safe, always." Gaian followed him. "If your friends learn the truth about us, you might not be."

"They would not think ill of me for something I cannot control. They have proven—"

"Are you certain?" Gaian's advance forward was as steady as Zen's was back. "Lying about being a full priest is different than lying about being a consort to their enemy."

"I am not —"

"You said they are good men. They seem so. But how well do you know them? So much better than me? For so much longer?"

"I…" Zen stuttered in his steps. It was true that he had only known his friends for a day longer than Enki, but none of them were vampires.

"Please, my love, forgive me. I'll admit that what I did in the village was selfish. I was trying to replay a nice memory of when we first met, and when it was interrupted, I… lost my temper."

"Temper?" Zen stopped entirely, feeling his hands clench into fists, for despite the fear he felt, those words filled him with fury. "You losing your temper cost a man his life!"

Gaian halted in kind, and a flicker of his gentle expression gave way to the cold beneath. "Would you have cared so much before about a werewolf dying?"

"I care about anyone dying! Those people—"

"Are my people, but your friends would have killed them outright if you hadn't intervened."

"And what of your horde?" Zen snapped back. He was so angry now—for the werewolf, the villagers, the people of Daxos, but especially, for Jax. "I saw a child I knew killed from one of your attacks."

"I am sorry you endured that," Gaian said, calm and still as a statue, "but I swear that child did not die by the hands of my monsters. Never children. Never."

"Ghouls are mindless—"

"Not completely. They are given a mission and rules to follow, and they do indeed follow them. Never children."

"But I saw—"

"Zenos," Gaian closed the gap between them in one swift stride to cup Zen's cheek once more, "I swear to you, it was not so. Tell me, did you see a ghoul kill the child?"

"Well… no, but…"

"Were they a welcome child in your city?"

"No. He was a high elf in a city of humans. He lived on the streets."

"And if he had been half? Or a darkling like you? Or a dark elf?"

Zen knew the answer, but he had to remain strong, to resist. "You're trying to trick me again. Everything about you is a lie."

"I swear—"

"You swear that the dreams you send are not meant to tease me? To manipulate me?"

"To please you," Gaian swore, and the soft caress of his palm made it so difficult to be repulsed by him.

Zen clenched his eyes shut, forcing the lingering tears to streak down his cheeks and be caught by Gaian's hand that he couldn't help pressing his face against. "If I am your love, then tell me the truth. Tell me everything."

"What do you wish to know?"

"How did this come to be? Morty's story says you had your love's… head, but the kingdom of Aerie had the body. You needed both to bring him back, but you couldn't leave your lands."

"Aerie—no—the church kept your bones like a trophy. I cannot leave this place, nor could any of my people until the barrier began to fall, but those who've come in from the outside can leave if I allow it.

"Many years after I lost you, I sent your skull back with a scout. He was enthralled with all my most powerful magic to tell the church that one day I would come for them, and the only thing capable of stopping me would be you. I gave them the instructions for how to bring you back, and left it to them, my one hope to see you again."

Zen thought of the gem around Gaian's neck, holding the missing pieces of his soul, the memories of a past life. "You tricked them too. You lied."

"It wasn't a lie. You are the only thing that can defeat me, for I am helpless against you. You are my weakness. And my salvation. You asked if I could be saved. What more could I possibly need than to be with you, my love, forever?"

Forever…?

Within the hold Gaian had on Zen's face, he opened his eyes finally to look upon the beautiful visage of the man who, as Enki, had stolen his heart in a day. Zen didn't know Gaian, but were they really so different?

Slowly, Gaian ran his fingers from Zen's cheek up to the edge of his long, tied-back hair. "Your locks were cut short when we first met. Do you remember?"

"No," Zen admitted. Not outside his dreams.

"You will. There are ways I can rouse your memories, with aid from the soulstone, but slowly, gently." Gaian tipped Zen backward, and only then did Zen realize that another tree was there to brace him. "Such sweet, wonderful ways. All you have to do is ask, and I can show you such pleasures."

Gaian's hands were cool and soft, as the one in Zen's hair ran pleasantly across his scalp and the other drifted lazily down the front of Zen's robes.

"I-I don't… know."

"Let me show you," Gaian urged. "Let me remind you of our love. Please… say yes." His hands paused, neither doing more nor advancing, in wait for Zen's answer.

The others seemed so far away, out of sight and mind. Guardian wasn't visible either, leaving Zen and Gaian alone with the sweetest of promises that maybe, just maybe, could banish Zen's lingering doubts.

Zen had longed all his life, after all, for the Sun God or any hand of fate to give him someone who would love him.

"Yes…" Zen said like a breath between them. "Show me."