Chapter 4

Chapter Four

Clemson

“Oh my God, my head,” Grace moaned from beneath a blanket. She was curled up on the sofa, and it looked like she’d spent the entire night there.

“You okay?” I asked from the kitchen where I prepared the ingredients for a protein shake. I started every day the same way, so I went through the motions on autopilot. “Why are you sleeping out here?”

“A couple of the girls spent the night. Just too tired when we got back from the party, so I told them they could crash here. They’re in my bed, and I camped out here. Holy shit, my head feels like I got hit with a bat.”

“Here, I’ll get you some aspirin,” I offered, shifting into caretaker mode with ease. “Do you have water?”

“You don’t have to do that. I can get up. I did this to myself. I deserve the agony.” She whimpered while still clutching her skull.

“I don’t mind. Stay put, and I’ll be right back.” I hustled into my room and went straight to the medicine cabinet. Fetching two little white pills, I returned to my roommate with a tall glass of water and ordered her to drink it all. Most of the time, the majority of a hangover could be cured just by rehydrating.

“Why are you up so early?” Grace asked me after swallowing the pills.

I chuckled. “It’s not really early, darling. It’s almost nine already.”

“Oh, shit, I definitely need more sleep.” She downed the rest of the water, and I scooped the empty glass off the coffee table to put in the dishwasher. If I left that up to her, the damn thing would still be there when I got home this evening.

After putting my shake in a to-go cup, I cleaned up my mess and grabbed my duffle bag. Today, we had a volunteer gig at a local animal shelter and a late practice afterwards. I really hoped I’d have a chance to talk with my coaches about my grades and crossed my fingers they’d be able to pull some strings for me. I had already emailed the professors of the classes I failed, basically begging to allow me to do anything they could dream up to improve my final grade.

I had no idea how it would all work out, but I couldn’t return to Los Angeles and live under one roof with my parents again.

Hell no.

“Why don’t you go sack out in my bed?” I offered. “I’m out for most of the day, so you won’t be disturbed. Out here, you’ll be woken up every time someone comes in or out.”

“That sounds amazing, but I don’t think I have it in me to crawl that far. My head is really hurting.”

“Maybe once the pills kick in?” I suggested and slung my practice bag over my shoulder. “I’ll see you around dinner.”

“Have a great swim, Clemson. See you later,” she grumbled from under the blanket again.

I closed the door to our old house as quietly as possible and hopped into my car. Thankfully, no one had me parked in on the driveway, and I was on the road to the shelter in no time.

We congregated in the lobby of the animal rescue while the volunteer coordinator assigned our tasks. I would be walking some of the larger dogs and accepted the leashes and harnesses the woman handed me.

I was partnered with a guy I didn’t recognize, and when I got closer, I was certain he wasn’t a student. Faint lines formed around his eyes when he smiled, and a few white hairs speckled his temples.

He was quite handsome but clearly much older than me.

He smiled and offered his hand. “Hi. I’m Luke.”

Like an idiot, I juggled the leashes I was trying to untangle to offer a hand back. I ended up dropping half the mess I was dealing with, and we both bent to pick up what hit the ground.

“Sorry about that,” he said while we were both grabbing for the same red nylon strap.

“Totally my fault. I’m as clumsy as a baby giraffe most of the time,” I said and quickly dropped the end I was pulling on when I realized we were having our own little tug-of-war with the thing.

“I didn’t catch your name,” he said with a warm smile.

Okay, so this guy was way hotter than I first gave him credit for. His smile was so kind and genuine, I could feel myself getting lost in it. He had the brightest, lively blue eyes and two rows of perfectly straight, white teeth.

I gave my head a little shake when the silence built between us as I stared at the man.

“Sorry,” I mumbled and quickly looked toward the door.

Times like this, I hated being so young. I already felt like a bumbling child, and staring at this guy like I’d never seen a handsome man before made it worse.

We walked through the kennels and found the pets we were assigned. Luke had three, and I had two. I knew better than to try to handle more than one in each hand. I watched as he expertly slid the harnesses on his dogs and snapped the leashes onto the collars and stood tall once more.

When I stood there not moving, he asked, “Do you want me to do yours?”

Before I could answer, he was swapping the gear in my hands for the three leashes he already secured. He made quick work of the last two harnesses, and we set out for our stroll.

The animals were so happy to be out on the sidewalk. They were well behaved but of course had to stop and sniff everything.

Luke was quiet at first, and I made no effort to say anything either. I was having a hard enough time wrangling my animals to worry about the awkward silence between us.

Finally, when we established a good pace, he asked, “Do you volunteer often?”

I smiled at the cheesy question. “Part of my scholarship obligation.”

He gave a slow nod. “You’re a student?”

“Mmm-hmm. Our coach thinks this sets a good example and rounds us out as humans,” I said with eyebrows hiked high. I was repeating the coach’s words verbatim and could hear how dumb it sounded.

He surprised me when he said, “Smart coach,” and gave a solid nod of approval.

“What about you? You do this a lot?”

He looked my way before answering, and I noticed his blue eyes again. When the sun hit him at just the right angle, they sparkled like a digital special effect.

“Not as often as I’d like, but I try to come help out at least once a month.” Then he added, “I’d love to have a dog or cat of my own, but my schedule is too busy. I just don’t think it would be fair to the animal.”

“I think that little one really has a thing for you,” I teased and motioned toward the smallest of the three dogs he was walking.

“I’d save them all if I could.”

I couldn’t decide if that was adorable or lame. Maybe both? Any human that had that big a soft spot for animals had to be good inside. But then my mind flashed to a scene with an old man and thirty-two indoor cats, and a husky chuckle spurted out before I could stop it.

His eyes were much darker when he shot me a quick glance, and he had to clear his throat before speaking again.

“What’s so funny?” His tone was light—almost teasing.

I tapped my temple and said, “Vivid imagination,” and left it at that.

“So do you graduate this year?” Luke asked.

I grinned. If I wasn’t mistaken, this guy was hitting on me and trying to find out my age in an indirect way.

“No,” I said without supplying more.

His throat visibly worked as he digested that information and it was one of the sexiest things I’d ever seen. I felt heat rush to my face and neck at once.

“Wow. I wouldn’t have guessed that.” Then, almost offhandedly, he added, “You probably hear that a lot.”

“I’ve heard it a few times.”

Men always assumed I was older for some reason. I was tall and muscular and always attributed my older appearance to those two things. My body was definitely not stick straight or small like a lot of girls my age. But I’d been an athlete my whole life. I’d never known different.

We completed a lap around the block, and Luke suggested we do another. “Let’s make another loop. They’re having way too much fun to stuff them back in those awful kennels.”

I agreed with him, and we kept up our stride.

“Too bad there isn’t a park nearby. Or better yet, the beach. I bet these two would have a blast in the water,” I said motioning to the pups on my leashes.

“That would be great,” he said wistfully. “Do you like the beach?”

“I do. SoCal born and raised. It’s basically in my blood. But I spend so much time in the water with practice and meets, I don’t get down there as often as I’d like,” I added, feeling more and more comfortable with him as we walked. “What about you?”

“Same story as most everything in my life. I work a lot of hours. Doesn’t leave a lot of time for extra stuff,” he said, sounding genuinely tired.

“That’s not very fun.” I wanted to kick myself immediately. That sounded so childish…even to my own ears.

He shook his head. “It’s not. I mean, I love my job. It’s everything to me. But I’ve definitely been missing out on just living because of it.”

“Aren’t you a bit young to be talking like such an old geezer?”

“Pardon me?” He laughed. “Are you calling me old?”

I grinned. “In a roundabout way, yeah, I guess so.”

It dawned on me in that moment that I still hadn’t told him my name. But by the end of our third lap around the block, he already knew more about me than most of my so-called friends.

We talked about future goals, current frustrations, and even touched on family. Luke was one of the easiest people I’d ever talked to. He was open-minded and kind, and I found myself very comfortably sharing with him.

When we brought the dogs back to the shelter, it was feeding time. For the animals, that meant they all had to go back to their kennels so no one ate another’s food. Many of the animals were on medication or special diets, so each had to eat from his or her own bowl.

The shelter was generous enough to provide some snacks and water for the volunteers, and I would’ve happily made do with what they offered…until Luke found me in the busy break area.

He had his hands in the pockets of his shorts and looked like he’d stepped out of the pages of a J. Crew catalog.

“Hey, do you want to walk down the block with me and grab lunch?” he finally managed to ask.

It sounded like a great idea, but our time was just about done here, and I needed to get back to campus.

“I’d love to, but we’re about to leave. I totally would if I didn’t have practice right when I get back.”

He scuffed a foot at the concrete floor. “Oh, okay. That’s cool. Well…” He finally looked up when I didn’t say anything. “Maybe I’ll see you again sometime.”

I just gave him a genuine smile without committing to anything. There’s no way a man that handsome and put together wanted to get involved with a college student.

Eventually, he turned and left, and I watched him go until I caught him turning back for one last look. I gave him a quick wave, and he was gone.

Well, shit. I would definitely be signing up for this volunteer gig again if it meant I could spend half a day with a guy like that.

Practice was incredible that afternoon. My mood was high from the morning experience with Luke, and I had more energy and strength for my workout than I’d had in weeks.

About halfway through practice, though, I remembered I had to talk to my coaches about my grades. Somehow, I had managed to put all that shit out of my mind that morning, but it was back now. Dark and heavy, like rain clouds on the horizon.

My entire mood shifted by the time we hit the locker room, and the last thing I was in the mood for was the little girl gang who still was trying to get me to hook up with one of their boyfriend’s friends.

“Hey, Clemson. You were a machine today,” one said while towel-drying her hair. “I wish I had half your energy.”

“Thanks,” I mumbled and faced my locker. Pulling my sweats from my bag, I dressed as quickly as possible so I could catch the coaches before they left. After I hastily crammed all my stuff into my duffle bag, I turned to go find my coaches. But Charlie, the girl gang leader stepped in my path and blocked my escape.

“So, I have great news. Brad really wants to meet you, aaannndd…”

I think she was trying to build excitement, but all she did was peak my anxiety and annoyance. If I missed the opportunity to get this conversation over with because of this stupid bullshit, I’d be furious.

“Look. I really appreciate you thinking of me, but I’m not interested. I have to go talk to Coach, so, if you’ll excuse me.”

I tried to walk past her, but the persistent girl put her arm out to block my path.

“Ohh, come on,” she whined, and it took everything not to roll my eyes. “I already told him you were going to be there tonight. You don’t want to make me look bad, do you?” Something about her tone made the words seem more like a threat than simply doing a pal a favor.

“You never should have told him I was going. I thought I made it clear when you guys brought this up last time that I wasn’t interested. Now, seriously, I need to talk to the coaches before they leave.”

“About your grades?” one of the others asked.

The other two had circled behind me, so I wasn’t sure who’d said it. When I whirled around to confront them, they both stood there attempting to look innocent.

“What did you say?” I asked, looking between the two girls.

Claire had a wide, evil grin while Shelly made a ridiculous pouting face like she felt bad for me.

“This is bullshit,” I muttered and pushed past Charlie, almost knocking her to the ground when she wouldn’t fully move out of my way.

How the hell would they have known about my grades? The only person I told was Grace, and she didn’t know these girls. Or at least I didn’t think she did.

The coaches’ office was connected to the locker room, so I didn’t have to go far to find them. I knocked on the door and waited for them to call out for me to enter.

When I opened the door, two of the coaches turned in their swivel chairs to face me.

“Hi,” I said quietly. “Do you have a minute?”

The team’s head coach was not present, but these two assistants did not look surprised to see me. Although, that could have been my paranoid imagination.

“I figured you might want to talk,” my female assistant coach, Jo, said.

Okay, so it wasn’t my imagination that they weren’t shocked by my visit. Glad to see my perception wasn’t that off.

The male coach said, “We just got the academic probation roster, and your name is on it. Do you want to explain that?”

I stood there dumbstruck. Even though I had rehearsed over and over what I would say to them, I was so embarrassed and uncomfortable. Now that I was standing here, I couldn’t form a sentence in my own defense.

So he took the opportunity to continue talking. “We probably don’t have to tell you what a disappointment this is, Farsay. You’ve become a real asset to our team, and it’s gonna hurt our chances in districts with you out of the pool. Have you spoken to your professors?”

This was good. A direct question. I had an answer for this.

“Yes. I emailed the three professors yesterday. Since we’ve been busy all day today, I haven’t had a chance to check if they’ve responded.”

Of course, that was total bullshit, and we all knew it. Cell phones got emails too, but that was the automatic excuse that came out of my mouth.

I quickly added, “I’m hoping they will give me an opportunity to earn some extra credit or something… I don’t know.”

Jo stood and walked over to where I was frozen in place just inside the door. “How did you let this happen? The expectations of the university and of the team were clearly outlined to you when you accepted your scholarship. Were they not?”

Damn. I didn’t expect her to be the heavy in this exchange.

I nodded. “They were.”

Now, her tone softened. “So what happened? Three separate classes, Clemson? You better pray for a miracle, girl.”

“I’m not really sure. I think it was just too much. You know, the credit load. I didn’t take things as seriously as I should have, and by the time I realized what was going on, it was too late to recover. But you have to understand how much this means to me. Swimming for this school, being a part of this team, learning from this staff. I’m willing to do whatever I have to for a second chance.”

I was near tears by the time all that came out, so I stopped talking and took a deep breath. There really wasn’t much more I could say anyway.

My other coach listened quietly before saying, “It’s up to your professors now. If you had come to us mid-semester and told us you were struggling, we could have done something. We would have had options. At this point, only the professors can change grades.”

“But can you talk to them on my behalf? I mean, if that’s something you are willing to do.” I had to try everything here. My ass was on the line. One fat tear escaped, and I angrily wiped it away and hoped they didn’t notice.

Jo let out a heavy sigh. “I’ll see what I can do, but I can’t promise anything.”

“Most of the professors at this school don’t put a high value on the sports programs,” the other coach said. “I wouldn’t hold out too much hope.”

“I understand,” I said and hung my head. I was so ashamed to be in this situation. Especially because it was my own doing.

“Let us know if you hear back from any of them, and we’ll talk with Coach Monroe about what we can do. Now get out of here,” Jo said in lieu of a normal goodbye, but it wasn’t necessarily mean. She always ended conversations similarly.

The short drive to our bungalow wasn’t enough time to pull myself together. I ended up lapping the neighborhood a few times while I finished crying in private. The gravity of the situation sat heavily on my entire body, and the last thing I wanted to do was chat with my roommates.

There were no cars in the driveway, but that didn’t mean they weren’t here. Being among the few near campus with cars, we all often loaned them to friends. Grace way more often than me, but I did it on occasion too.

Inside the house, all the lights were out, and the blinds were still closed. The only sound was the quiet whirr of the air-conditioner as the old unit worked overtime to keep the place cool. I grabbed an electrolyte drink from the refrigerator and went to my room.

Dropping my bag right inside the door, I face-planted on my bed and stayed there for a long time. I wanted to drift off to sleep and ignore this whole problem but couldn’t quiet my thoughts long enough to get there. And the whole time, instead of stressing about the failing grades I should’ve been most worried about, I couldn’t shake thoughts of that guy from the shelter and his mystical blue eyes.

It made sense why my teammates were so taken with their businessmen. It was so much easier today to have a conversation with Luke than any other guy my own age. He was at that stage of maturation where he was comfortable in his own skin.

He seemed to know who he was as a man, and what his place in the world looked like. He had legitimate goals and aspirations, not just the one-size-fits-all type of responses you’d get with one of my peers. At this age, we knew what we were supposed to say way more than what we truly wanted in life.

And those things weren’t red flag types of ideas, we were still just trying to figure things out. But talking with him today for a few hours really highlighted the difference. It was clear which I preferred and who I related better to.

After turning over on my side, I stared at my team-emblazoned duffle bag where I carelessly dropped it on the floor. There were wet practice suits in there and at least two wet towels. If I didn’t drag myself off this bed and put my suits in the sink to soak, at the very least, I’d regret the musty smell tomorrow. And once that nasty odor was trapped in the fabric, especially in the towels, it was nearly impossible to get rid of.

With a heavy sigh, I heaved my exhausted body off the mattress and trudged across the room. I slung the towels over the shower stall to airdry until I did laundry. I ran the tap until the water was lukewarm and filled the sink. A few splashes of white vinegar would give my suits some TLC until it was my turn with the house laundry machines.

While I was out of bed, I grabbed my phone and plopped down in the prerequisite round chair every college girl’s room had. It was comfortable, I’d give it that. But the thing was ugly as shit and took up way too much space in my cramped room. Everyone else sat in it way more often than I did, and if it weren’t so popular with all the guests and other roommates, I would’ve gotten rid of it long ago.

The big life problem I was dealing with made me really homesick. It was a rare occurrence, but I noticed when I had important issues going on like this that I wanted to talk to my sisters more than anyone else.

I scrolled through my contacts and pulled up Hannah’s number. She was my oldest sister and one of the best human beings on the planet. Her sweet little girl, Elissa, was about to turn one, and they were busier than most kids my age. Hannah had her involved in tons of activities and lessons, so my chances of catching her available were slim.

But I really needed to talk to someone who understood the dynamics of our family. Our parents, in particular, and what it would mean if I lost my scholarship. I pressed the button to connect the call and listened to it ring three times. Assuming the voicemail feature would activate, I inhaled deeply to leave a message. But she surprised me when she actually picked up the call, and I could hear the little one screaming in the background.

“Little sister,” she greeted, and warmth filled my heart just hearing her voice.

“Are you busy, Han? I hear my angel baby in the background, if now’s not a good time…” I started, already offering her a reason to end the call.

“No, it’s fine. She’s teething and a bit temperamental. She barely slept last night, so we’re all a little sluggish today. Let me find Elijah so he can deal with her while we talk. Give me one second…”

About a minute passed, and she was back on the line. The baby’s crying faded, and I assumed she either left the room to take my call or her husband took the baby into a different part of the house to give her a break.

My sister hit the jackpot with that man. He was simply the most beautiful male specimen ever created, and he treated her like a queen. And of all my sisters, Hannah deserved to live a life exactly like that. When she was six years old, she was the victim of an attempted child abduction when our mom had the four girls at the time at Target. I hadn’t arrived yet.

Thanks to Adam’s Law, they locked the store doors and caught the jackasses that tried to take her on their way out. The couple was prosecuted and sent to prison. About twenty years later, they were both released early, causing my sister to have a total breakdown.

But Elijah Banks was right there to pick up the pieces and support her through the drama. They set the bar pretty high for what marriage could look like, and if I found a man like that, I would definitely be game.

“So how are you darling?” Hannah asked. Her weary voice betrayed how little sleep one gets with a baby around.

“I’m good,” I said as brightly as I could feign.

“Try again,” she said bluntly.

“What? What do you mean?” I tried the innocent bit for a minute but knew she wouldn’t buy that either.

“I know you better than that,” she sighed. “Tell me what’s going on.”

After a few quiet moments passed and I gathered some courage, I said, “You’re right, of course. I’ve gotten myself into a real shitstorm this time. I’m just trying to figure how to explain it.”

“Just tell me what’s going on.”

So I blurted out, “I think I’m about to lose my scholarship.” The words hung in the air like a lead balloon.

“Oh, Clemmie,” she said, and she sounded just like our mother when saying it.

My stomach turned over on itself, and I snuck a quick look around my room for my trashcan. “I’m trying to get with my professors, but seriously, Han, I’m freaking out. I don’t know what I’ll do. There’s no way in hell I can go back to that house. No way.”

“Okay, okay. Calm down. I’m sure we can figure something out. When is your meeting with the professor?”

And this is exactly why I called her. Despite the fact that she sounded like a clone of our parent at first, she always jumped into action to save the day. And that was exactly what I needed right now. A savior.

“Professors,” I said blandly.

“Huh?”

“It’s three classes. I’m failing three separate classes, and I’m so fucked right now, it’s not even funny.”

“No, you’re right. This definitely isn’t funny. But like I said, I’m sure there’s a way to fix it. There’s always a way, right?”

How she managed to stay positive even facing such shitty circumstances I’d never understand. It was definitely her superpower.

“I emailed them when grades were posted but haven’t heard back. I’m guessing it’s because it’s the weekend, but I’ve checked my email a hundred times today hoping something would be there.”

“Oh, shit,” she muttered. “Grades have already been posted? Clemson,” she sighed, and it was like a gut punch. “Why on earth did you wait so long? Can grades be changed after they’ve posted them? Won’t that raise suspicion?”

“No one sees them but the student. It’s not like it’s a public website. You have to log in through your student ID and shit.”

“Oh, okay. I guess that makes more sense. Did you really not know you were doing so poorly in these classes? Or did you bomb the crap out of the finals?”

“Honestly, I never paid attention throughout the semester. And I know that’s on me. Trust me. Lesson learned. My coaches are livid, and I don’t blame them. They said they have no pull with the professors, but I call bullshit. You know all those football players skip most of their classes and are fine because of the team they’re on.”

“Yeah, but that’s not the way you want to do things, is it?”

“If it means saving my ass? At this point, I don’t care how it happens. If I could hack into the school’s system and change my grades, I’d do it.”

“I wouldn’t go around saying that to too many people, sister.”

“Of course not. But I’m desperate here.”

“I hear you. Let me think on this and circle back. If I can’t come up with anything, I’m sure Elijah can. He’s amazing at solving problems.” Her entire demeanor shifted when she mentioned her husband.

“I don’t know. Maybe you should keep this one to yourself. Maybe the fewer people who know, the better the chance of keeping it from Mom and Dad. You know?”

“Don’t worry about that. He barely ever sees them. Most of the time, if Mom spends time with the baby, I have to take her to Brentwood. They always complain about the traffic out here if I invite them over. You’d swear they were in their nineties instead of their late fifties.”

“Thank you, Hannah. Just talking about it with someone helps. No one else knows except one of my roommates, and she was no help at all. I mean, I love the girl, don’t get me wrong, but she’s no more resourceful than I am.”

“Honey, one way or another, it will all work out. What’s the worst that could happen? You lose your scholarship and have to pay like everyone else, right?” My sister suggested that as though starting life with hundreds of thousands of dollars of debt was just another trip to the grocery store.

“I’m not convinced Mom and Dad would take out any more loans. I think after the twins’ college years, they’re pretty much over it. That’s the story of my entire life.”

“What do you mean?”

“Nothing. Forget I said that.”

“No, seriously. That sounded like there’s a lot to unpack there. You know you can’t pull any wool over these eyes,” she teased.

“Just like I’m sure you have resentments, or issues or whatever, from being the oldest?” I said like a question for her to confirm my suspicions were right. “Being the baby of the family isn’t all sunshine and unicorns either. Mom and Dad were so worn out by the time I came around, it felt like I didn’t have anyone in my corner at times. They were basically over it. You know?”

Not sure how we got here, but this conversation was probably long overdue.

“I get that, and I’m sorry you were ever made to feel that way. And you’re right. I had some things that I had to learn how to let go of from childhood. Even outside the abduction stuff. But the best thing you can do for yourself, Clemmie,” she advised like a good big sister, “is let it go, or it will just fester inside you.”

“You sound like a therapist now,” I teased, ready to lighten the mood.

“Well, God knows I’ve spent enough time and money on my treatment. At least I picked up some fancy lingo to throw around at other people.” She laughed.

“All right, I’m going to let you go. Thank you for listening. You’re the best banana in the bunch.” It was a silly thing we always said growing up since one of Hannah’s many nicknames was Hannah Banana.

“I love you, Clemson. Try not to stress out too much. It’ll all work out,” she assured me as we hung up.

So was anything solved? No. But just saying all that negative stuff out loud really did make me feel lighter. I wasn’t normally a bitter person, so when I started going down that path, I usually knew I had to call in reinforcements.

Thank God for my sisters.