Chapter 11

Chapter Eleven

Clemson

In thirty minutes, I was meeting my first sugar date. But if my stomach didn’t settle down, I’d never make it on time. I’d been pacing back in forth in the driveway of our little rental trying to decide if I needed to go back inside or just chance it and get on the road.

It was ridiculous to be this nervous for anything. We’d spoken a handful of times leading up to this meeting, and I felt comfortable enough to meet him in person. Obviously, the date was still happening somewhere public. No young woman was crazy enough to meet a brand-new guy—that she met on the internet, no less—at his house.

Earlier, I spoke with Solei about the date. She gave me a bunch of pointers to ensure it went smoothly, most of which seemed like common sense, but I listened carefully and thanked her for taking time to check in with me.

I wasn’t this nervous until I spoke to Luke. He and I had been talking a lot since our dinner the other night, and I really liked the guy. Probably a bit too much, really, in light of the situation I had myself in at the moment. It was definitely adding an extra layer of stress to my evening.

Promising myself from the start that I wouldn’t lie to him about what was going on with my money-earning venture, I was getting very creative at wording the truth. Eventually, if I wanted things to work out with him, I’d have to come clean. But I couldn’t screw up the opportunity I’d orchestrated on something as minor as one date with the man.

Plus, maybe this date tonight would be a complete disaster, and I’d change my mind about the whole thing. Then I would’ve blown my chances with Luke too, and I didn’t want that to happen either.

Well, no wonder my stomach was in knots. To top it all off, Grace went to her family’s summer house for a week before classes started again. Her parents had been bugging her to spend some time there before she got too busy with school, so she gave in and headed north somewhere. I’d been too wrapped up in my own bullshit to really pay attention to the exact location.

So, I didn’t have anyone to calm me down like she normally would have while I got ready. My friend had a way of taking my mind off whatever was troubling me by cleverly talking about meaningless things or telling funny stories from her high school days in her small hometown. Before I knew it, I’d be laughing so hard, I’d be in tears.

Feeling calmer, I slid into my car and headed into Hillcrest. This was a fun part of the city that had tons of great restaurants and a very lively nightlife. Parts of the surrounding neighborhood had changed a lot from when I was a kid when we would come to San Diego for abbreviated getaways. I remembered going to that part of town with my parents one time, and my dad got so uncomfortable, we all loaded back in the car and went back to our hotel near the beach. I never understood what the problem was, but the memory was stuck in my head.

The restaurant was easy to find, and I circled the block a couple of times trying to find parking. Finally, I spotted a car pulling away from the curb, so I flipped on my signal and waited for them to leave. With a few maneuvers, I was in the spot and grabbing my handbag off the passenger’s seat.

I walked into the small place with a few minutes to spare. My anxiety tried its very best to get me going again. Normally, I liked to be ahead of schedule so I had time to get acclimated to a new place and calm down a bit, but I spotted Brian immediately. I recognized the handsome man from photos he’d sent.

He was on his feet the moment he saw me. A warm, seemingly satisfied smile spread across his lips, and I couldn’t help but notice he was even more handsome when he beamed like that.

With a quick wave to let him know I recognized him, I started toward him where he sat by the bar. The lightweight fabric of my dress swished away from my legs as I strode in his direction, giving him a long look.

And he definitely took the opportunity to check me out. I felt like a million dollars by the time I reached him. His look had morphed a bit to a hungrier assessment, and I was okay with it. After all, part of what he wanted out of our relationship was someone he could take out to various functions, both personal and professional. Someone he would feel proud to be seen with. Judging by the embrace he gave me when I reached him, he was happy for anyone in the place to know we were there together.

“My God, I didn’t think it was possible,” he said, still holding my hand in his and leaning back to put space between us. “But you are even more beautiful in person.”

“Thank you,” I said softly and held his gaze. “I hope you haven’t been waiting long.”

“No, not at all. I just ordered a drink while we wait for our table. Can I get you something?”

Smiling, I said, “A glass of wine would be lovely. I’m not picky on the type as long as it’s white, please.”

We enjoyed our cocktails and small talk until the hostess soon found us where we were sitting and showed us to our table. We had a quiet spot, way in the back of the restaurant, and Brian seemed pleased with the location. I thought he must’ve requested something secluded, because he muttered something to the hostess after pushing in my chair for me.

After more small talk, mostly about what looked good on the menu, Brian ordered our dinner. When we were alone again, he finally asked the big question.

“So, can I ask what you’re looking for from an arrangement? I like to be upfront with expectations so we know going in if they are things we are comfortable with…and capable of.”

I appreciated his direct approach, and he was gentle with his wording, so I remained at ease.

“Thank you for bringing it up. The short version of a long story is I’m a student, as you already know. I had a scholarship for swimming, but I let my grades slide last semester, so they suspended the funding.”

I frowned after admitting that, and for the first time in a while, felt a wave of embarrassment hit me. It was hard to meet his attentive stare again until he spoke.

“Okay. Thank you for being honest. So you need money for school, and that’s it?” he asked while cutting into his chicken. He took the liberty of ordering the same thing for both of us, and it was the most tender chicken I’d ever eaten.

“Yes, at a minimum. If other living expenses are possible, I’d be over the moon. If not, I’ll figure that part out on my own. But I can’t come up with the lump sum for classes right now, and I don’t want to drop out or even take a semester off.”

“Can I ask where that puts you with the team? Are you benched?” He laughed. “Or whatever the term is in your sport?”

I nodded and carefully set my fork down. “Currently, I can’t compete until I raise my GPA. Once that happens, I’ll be back on the roster. We are off-season right now, so it’s not as bad as it could be. But we do practice year-round in one capacity or another. Those are still mandatory if I want to keep my spot on the team.”

“How committed are you to that?” he asked thoughtfully.

From our short time together, I couldn’t help but recognize the difference in the conversation we were having versus the type of conversation I’d be having with a guy my own age. Or even Luke. This was more like a business negotiation.

I cocked my head to the side a bit while thinking over his question. Wasn’t it obvious how committed I was?

Immediately, he recognized my confusion and said, “What I’m asking is, is remaining on the team something you really want?”

“Yes, swimming has been a huge part of my life for as long as I can remember. Really, it’s been everything. I can’t imagine not competing.”

“What will you do once you graduate? There has to be more to who you are than the team.”

This comment was the first time I felt the age difference between us. He sounded like a father figure, and I quickly blocked the thought from expanding any further in my imagination.

I nodded, understanding what he was getting at. “Yes, of course. This is just for my college years. After I graduate, it will be a preferred way to stay in shape, I’m sure. I will always miss the competitive aspect of the sport, but I realize it has an ending point,” I explained. “It also has been a great way to further my education without starting life in debt. Or it was…” I drifted off on that last part because we both knew how that part of my big plan was working out at the moment.

After we agreed we were finished with our meal, Brian asked if I wanted to see a dessert menu.

“I don’t think I could eat another bite,” I said, sitting back in my seat. The waitress cleared the dishes, and we were both quiet for the first time since we’d said hello.

“Will you tell me what you’d like from our relationship?” I asked, hoping I wasn’t overstepping. The man did just say he thought it was important to outline these things up front, so I felt okay about asking.

The way he studied me while I sipped the last of my wine unnerved me a bit, however. Guys my age didn’t have a shred of this man’s confidence, and it was super hot. Butterflies were flipping and dipping in my very full stomach, and the feeling reminded me of kissing Luke the other night.

Head in the game, girl.

Brian paid the bill, and we left the restaurant. He held the door for me, and I passed by, catching a whiff of his enticing cologne and a light hint of the alcohol he’d had with dinner.

“Let’s walk a bit,” he said and draped his arm across my shoulders. The temperature had dropped while we were inside the restaurant, and I welcomed the comfort of his body heat. The fabric of my dress was lightweight, and the breeze pebbled my nipples in the silky cups of my bra.

The way he just announced we would take a walk shot a strange thrill up my spine. I liked that he knew what he wanted to do and was confident I’d go along with the plan. Wishy-washy guys drove me insane. Make a decision and put it into action. Another plus for this guy.

We strolled along the sidewalk, stopping and looking in a few shop windows as we went. Some of the stores were still open, and people were still out and about on the pleasant summer night, so we weren’t ever completely alone.

Eventually he got back to my question. “Basically, I’m looking for companionship on my terms. I’d like to see you at least once a week, and if other things pop up, I’d like to at least be considered for more of your time.”

I exhaled. I was getting worried I was going to have to ask a second time for his expectations.

“Okay, that’s reasonable,” I said.

Solei had advised that I answer as neutral as possible when this discussion came up. Most things were negotiable as a relationship developed, so there was no point getting stuck on any one request on an initial meet-and-greet. Unless it was a hard limit—then it should be addressed immediately.

Again, it all seemed like common sense to me.

“I’m not big on texting or talking on the phone,” he continued. “I just don’t have the time for it outside of making arrangements. There will be times my assistant will do that as well. It’s not an indictment on you. There are some days I’m in back-to-back meetings most of the day and don’t have the time to do it myself. It has nothing to do with interest or desire.”

I nodded along as he spoke. None of the things he mentioned worried me. At all. Later, I would make sure I went over these things again when I could really examine if those were my true feelings or I if was feeling pressured to be agreeable so this would all work out.

“As far as physical needs go,” he began, and I nearly tripped over my own feet.

I definitely didn’t expect that to be brought up on our first date, but I had to remind myself to act cool.

“I don’t like setting expectations in that area,” he continued. “I’d rather let things take a more natural course. I don’t want to ever feel like you’re doing something you don’t want to be doing, or that the only reason you’re being affectionate is because I’m paying your tuition.”

“Thank you for saying that,” I said and hoped it was a good answer. It was the exact way I felt, and I tried to be genuine all evening. I didn’t want to set myself up to have to put on some sort of charade every time we were together. If he didn’t like the person I was, I wasn’t the right girl for him.

We made a loop around the city block and ended up back in front of the restaurant where we ate. He asked where I was parked and walked me to my car. When I snuck a glance at the time, I couldn’t believe how quickly the evening had gone and how effortless it was to spend time with this guy.

It was clear we were wrapping things up, so I said very sincerely, “I had a lovely time with you tonight. Thank you for the delicious dinner.”

He scooped my hands into his and turned to face me directly, smiling. “Thank you, Clemson. I enjoyed our night too. I hope you will let me take you out again soon.”

The night chill completely disappeared as he leaned closer and planted a slow, firm kiss on my lips. I hesitated to pull back, waiting to see if he’d go in for another, deeper one.

Instead, he stepped back and opened the car door so I could slip in behind the wheel. I looked up at him, and his hungry gaze shot a thrill right to my core.

Jesus, this man had an intensity that did crazy things to my lady parts.

“Drive safely, okay? I’ll talk to you soon.” He waved and stepped back onto the sidewalk and watched until I pulled out into traffic.

One last wave and a big smile, and I headed off into the night. My mind raced in twelve different directions all at one time. I had to wait until I got home and wasn’t having to concentrate on driving to really review and dissect the evening.

Damn, I wished Grace was home. I really needed to talk all this through with someone. I changed into sweats and hung the dress over the back of my desk chair. The thing needed to go to the dry cleaners, and I didn’t even know where the closest one was.

I got out one of the small notebooks I kept in my nightstand and opened to a clean page. Across the top I wrote To do and added a note to find my neighborhood dry cleaner. If I were going on fancy dates regularly, I needed to find one. But crap, that was more money that I didn’t have.

Flipping the page, I started another list titled Expenses . This type of dating could get costly. Maybe I’d ask for an allowance too. It seemed necessary, the more I added to the page. Hair salon, nails, wardrobe—all cost money. It would be good to have an idea about how much I’d spend each month on personal upkeep. Estimating the price of each thing based on what I normally paid when I splurged and had the services done, I came up with a total. I’d probably add to the list as I thought of more stuff, so I wrote the sum in pencil.

It took longer than usual to fall asleep. My brain was in a serious tangle, and with no one to talk things over with, I couldn’t unspin any of it. I thought about texting Grace to see if she could talk, but after checking the time, I thought better of it.

Her mom was almost as nosy as Avery’s. The last thing I needed was for anyone to overhear our conversation and figure out what was going on. All three of our mothers had created a little text messaging group when we moved in together. They said it was to keep track of us, but I think they were all lonely women who were suffering from empty-nest syndrome.

I actually thought it was cute that they had become friends. But again, the last thing I needed was word to get back to my mom. I shuddered at the thought and pulled the blankets up around my ears.

At some point, I must have fallen asleep, though when I woke to the sound of my alarm going off, it felt like I hadn’t slept at all.

Wait. Wasn’t it Sunday? My alarm shouldn’t be going off. We didn’t practice on Sundays. I searched through my bedding to locate the phone and tried to focus on the screen with very tired eyes.

Luke was calling.

My eyes darted to the corner of the screen to check the time. It was only seven. What the hell?

“Hello?” I said groggily when I finally had enough coordination to answer the call.

“Oh no… I woke you. I’m so sorry, Clemson. I thought for sure you’d be up.”

“It’s okay,” I said, trying to ease his guilt. My voice was husky and even deeper than normal because I just woke up. “What’s going on? Is everything okay?”

A little wave of panic surged through me, and I bolted up to a sitting position. My brain was taking a bit to engage, but now I worried something happened.

“Everything is fine. Again, I’m so sorry I woke you. Go back to sleep. We can talk later,” he said. Obviously he was disappointed but was trying to do the right thing.

“Luke,” I said and waited for him to reply.

“Yes?”

“It’s fine. Really. What’s going on?”

“Nothing, really. I was going to see if you wanted to go for a run down at the beach while it’s still cool. Maybe grab some breakfast on the pier after. It was just a spontaneous idea. I should’ve thought before calling so early on a weekend,” he said, switching from hopeful to apologetic within one comment.

“That’s a great idea,” I began, but my body literally cringed into a ball on its own at the thought of being pushed physically. “But I didn’t have a great night’s sleep and was out a little later than normal. Rain check?” I asked hopefully. “Or can we do something later? I think I need a little more recovery from the week I just had.”

“Okay. Call me later when you’re up and about,” he said cheerfully.

If he was disappointed that I turned him down, he was an expert at hiding it. That thought was a bit unsettling, but I pushed it aside.

“I’m sorry,” I said. Now I was the one apologizing. What a mess of a conversation.

“Don’t worry about it. I knew I was taking a chance calling,” he said quieter now.

“You know what?” I asked, trying to be sweet and end this uncomfortable conversation on a positive note.

“What?”

“I’m glad you did.” I smiled into the phone and said, “Talk to you in a bit,” and hung up. I flopped back into the pile of pillows and proceeded to second-guess every word I’d just said.

How the hell was I going to pull this off? I didn’t think I was particularly good at dating in the first place. Trying to juggle more than one relationship at a time might be more than I could handle.

But I didn’t want to let Luke go. He was such a great guy. Handsome, charming, smart, and successful. He was all the things, and so much more than any of the guys I’d gone out with before. I didn’t want to fuck things up with him before they even got started.

And then there was Brian. If I had to get involved with a man in order to afford my own tuition and living expenses, he seemed like a great man to do it with. I truly enjoyed the time we’d spent together last night, and as much as I didn’t want to admit it, there was at least a touch of chemistry between us.

I stayed in bed a lot longer than I realized. When my phone sounded that I had an incoming text message, I figured it would be Luke apologizing again for waking me. Before I opened the screen, I checked the time. An hour had slipped away while I examined and reexamined the predicament I was setting up for myself.

Good morning, gorgeous girl. Just wanted to thank you for last night. I look forward to seeing you again soon. ~B

Okay…why were butterflies battling inside my stomach from a text message? I really didn’t want to like this guy—or any guy other than Luke—yet I couldn’t deny what my body was doing. And why was that so fucking sexy the way he signed his message with just one letter?

And now what? Do I message him back? Wait a bit and then answer? He said he didn’t have a lot of time for texting and phone talking, so this wasn’t something I put much thought into. I figured I’d get an impersonal notification from his assistant setting up our next meeting, and all these extra feelings wouldn’t be an issue. It would remain more of a business transaction than a relationship.

Maybe I was in over my head with all of this? It certainly wasn’t the first time that thought crossed my mind.

I had a nice time too. Thank you again for dinner.

There. Short and sweet and not demanding of any more of his time. That was the impression I got from him. He didn’t want a needy, clingy girl to deal with on top of his already busy and stressful day.

One thing was clear. I needed to talk to Grace. Immediately. It was still too early to call her, though. The girl slept until noon and thought nothing of it. I decided to drag myself out of bed and get a shower. Feeling much better afterward, I made some eggs for breakfast and ate alone at the breakfast counter.

Usually, I enjoyed the house when everyone was gone. The quiet helped keep my mind in check. I especially preferred solitude to the mornings strangers lumbered into our kitchen from one of my roommates’ rooms and made themselves at home here. Even worse, when they ate my food or sat staring at me like I should cook for them or keep them company while my roomies caught up on their beauty sleep.

But today, the silence was like dripping water landing in an empty metal bucket. Every sound echoed through the house and made me jumpy. To kill some time until I could talk to Grace, I started some laundry and changed the sheets on my bed. While I bustled around the house, I added things to the lists I’d started the night before.

I sent Solei an email through the agency’s portal and told her about last night. I tried to keep any emotion out of the wording so she wouldn’t think I was already falling for the first guy who showed interest.

But wasn’t I?

My phone rang just as I was transferring a load of clean clothes from the washer to the dryer. I nearly leaped out of my skin when the ringtone sounded through the empty rooms. I knew immediately by the song playing that it was Grace. I snatched the thing off the counter and accepted the call.

“Hey, girl!” I greeted brightly.

“Hi!” she chirped back.

I smiled, soaking in the comfort of her voice. “I miss you so much. When are you coming back?” I blurted, not caring if my desperation made her feel guilty.

“God, what was I thinking coming here? They’re driving me crazy. I’m supposed to be here all week, but I don’t know if I’ll be able to do it. Honestly, Clemson, they treat me like I’m still in grade school. And my mom literally follows me from room to room and then just stands there staring at me with this creepy smile on her face.”

“Aww, honey, it sounds like they just miss you. That’s all.”

My own parents never even asked if I was coming home for summer break this year. Part of me was hurt by that, but a bigger part of me made peace with the unique relationship we had long ago. I soothed my hurt feelings with the knowledge that the less time I spent around them, the less likely I would slip up or break down and tell them what had happened with my scholarship.

My mom was an expert at luring me in with sweet, kind words that would get me to let my guard down. Once I’d tell her what was bothering me or simply going on in my life, she’d instantly make me regret it by telling my dad or getting overly dramatic about whatever I’d shared.

It was an obnoxious ploy, and I’d learned a long time ago not to fall for it. The few moments of feeling loved and supported were never worth the emotional shitstorm that followed.

“I’m dying to hear about the date last night,” Grace said, shaking me from my thoughts.

I couldn’t have been more grateful to redirect my mental energy.

“I swear I almost called you three different times. I was totally freaking out before going, and then after, I just wanted to review the whole night in excruciating detail,” I confessed through a laugh.

“That sounds completely on-brand for you, my friend.”

“You love me. You know you do.”

“I do. I do. So tell me about it. About him. Wait,” she said excitedly. “What did you wear?”

“You know that navy wrap-dress I have? The silky light-weight one?”

“Oh, your body is smoking hot in that. Poor man was probably sporting a boner the whole night. Well, if he can still get one.”

“Grace!” I nearly choked on the swig of water I just took. “He’s not that old. And honestly, he’s fucking hot. Seemed plenty virile to me.”

“Oh? Do tell,” she encouraged.

“Well, nothing like that happened. He kissed me good night. No tongue even. He was a total gentleman. But Grace, seriously…” I trailed off, trying to think of what I wanted to say and, more importantly, how I wanted to say it. I felt very guarded with everyone. This topic was sensitive to begin with, and while I needed her support, I didn’t want a lecture.

My friend was quiet, maybe sensing I was trying to organize my thoughts.

Finally, I continued. “There is a major difference,” I started but stopped there too.

“What do you mean?”

“This guy isn’t like any other guy I’ve dated before. He’s confident but not cocky. He’s sure of himself and what he wants but not bossy or shitty about it. It’s this fine line between all the things I’ve always thought I wanted in a guy and the things that would send me running for the hills.”

Hopefully, she understood what I was trying to say. I wasn’t even sure I understood. I couldn’t come up with the right words for how I was feeling.

“Did you discuss the financial aspect of your…arrangement?”

“Briefly. I told him about losing my scholarship and that I hoped it would only be for one semester. He was totally fine with paying my tuition, and I mentioned living expenses but not an exact dollar amount.”

Grace was quiet for a moment, and then said, “It might be a good idea to have a rough number in mind. You know, in case he asks how much you would need. Then you’ll be prepared with something that will cover you but not be out of line.”

“One step ahead of you. I started a list last night so I’d have a real idea of what I need to survive,” I said proudly. “Plus, I started thinking of a bunch of other expenses I’d probably have now that I have to look presentable all the time. Regular hair and nails, clothing other than my massive collection of sweats. Stuff like that.”

“Oh, shit, I hadn’t even thought of that,” Grace muttered. “Well, it sounds like it was awesome all around. When do you see him again?”

“We didn’t set up anything concrete,” I told her, and before I could mention the text from him this morning, she groaned.

“Oh, no. That can’t be good.”

“I think it’s fine, honestly. And early this morning he texted me a sweet little thank you. He’s a really nice guy.”

“I’m sure he seems like he is.”

I stopped milling around the kitchen. “Huh?”

“Think about it, Clemson,” Grace said in a tone than raised my defenses. “There has to be something majorly wrong with him. Otherwise, he’d already be taken. You know the good ones don’t last long in the wild.”

“I don’t know. I didn’t pick up any warning signs.”

Was I being na?ve?

Feeling more defensive now, I explained, “He said he wants companionship on his terms. He’s not interested in all the games and maintenance of a traditional relationship. He doesn’t have the time for it, and that is usually where things go bad in any relationship he’s had in the past.”

“How many sugar babies has he had before you?” she asked. “Did he say?”

“No, and I didn’t ask.” Her question made me curious, though. “Maybe I should’ve asked him that. Not that it would matter. I think knowing that would just add to my stress—if I’m measuring up to the others or not.” Just that admission made me feel tense.

“Okay, so let’s say this is all great and moves forward. When does he give you the money? There’s a deadline to have tuition paid, and I’m pretty sure it’s coming up this week.”

“Well, first thing tomorrow, I’m going to the registration office to file an extension. I don’t want to put pressure on him and ruin any chance I have. If I’m going to do this, I think I would like it to be with him. We really hit it off.”

Grace and I spent another fifteen minutes on the phone, talking about everything under the sun. She told me about the sailboat her parents recently purchased, and she had me in stitches recounting how inexperienced they were at handling the thing. By the time we got off the phone, my stomach actually hurt from laughing so hard.

She said she might head back to San Diego on Wednesday and would keep me posted so I’d know when to expect her back in the house. I asked her if she’d spoken to Avery, and she hadn’t either. We were collectively worried about our roommate but figured she had to work out her own shit. We both had enough on our own plates at the moment to get involved in her problems too.