84. Veyka

"Lady Elayne to see you, Your Majesty."

I had almost made it. Another five minutes, and I'd have been gone. I'd paused long enough to eat the stew that Cyara had kept warm and waiting all night long. It just seemed rude to let her effort be for nothing. There was so little she could do to help; that anyone could. So, I'd forced down the stew even though my stomach was in knots. And delayed my departure long enough that I had to lay aside the satchel—a smaller version of the travel pack—and meet my mother-in-law.

Elayne swept into the room, graceful as ever. Cyara's eyes traced over me from head to foot, as if she were trying to memorize me. As if part of her thought I might not come back.

I'd kept my plans to myself, but running was not part of them. I'd given up on that foolish hope back in Baylaur, after the Tower of Myda.

There was nowhere I could run to escape my heartbreak.

"Thank you, Cyara," I said. "I will speak to you soon. I am certain you have preparations well under way."

My handmaiden narrowed her eyes, but did not ask me to stay or try to change my mind before she withdrew to the sitting room.

I did not do Elayne the dishonor of dissembling. I faced her directly. The time for anything less had passed. "What is it?"

"You are leaving," Elayne said with equal candor.

She'd come through the sitting room, where Cyara was already gathering their things. "Not for a few days."

Elayne shook her head slowly. "You are leaving."

She had either spoken to Arran, or made a good guess. It had to be that—the sorry state of my soul could not be that painfully visible. "I did not realize I was so transparent."

I waited for the arguments. Instead, Elayne came to stand beside me. I was wrapping traveling cakes. Each in a layer of thin linen, then stacked five high, then wrapped again in a thicker swatch before stowing them in a pouch. I doubted I'd need them all before I returned, but it was better than being hungry. I doubted there would be much hunting where I was headed.

Elayne watched me wrap one, then nudged my hands aside and took over the mundane task herself. I checked over my weapons one last time.

"I do not know much about the mating bond. Only the legends that we have all heard." Elayne said as she worked. "Once, I fancied that Pant and I enjoyed such a connection." She let out a soft, breathy laugh.

The image of Pant, the Lord of Eilean Gayl, with Lady Sylestria spread across his lap at Yule came back to me, sharp as if I'd seen it yesterday. Not my heartbreak. But real.

"How do you manage?"

Elayne did not pause her work as her slim shoulders moved up and down her back in a graceful shrug. "I love him. And he loves me. For the things we can give each other, and the things we cannot. I was hurt badly, before my marriage."

So casual a reference to such a monumental wrong.

Elayne had been raped, again and again, by terrestrial males hoping they would be the one to sire upon her the child of immeasurable power that she would one day bear.

"Arran told me."

Only after the birth of her first son, Arran's elder brother, had the attacks stopped. When her first child was born ordinary—with power, but nothing remarkable—she'd been discarded. She eventually fell in love with Pant and bore Arran, the most powerful fae born in millennia.

"Their births were treacherous, especially Arran," Elayne continued. "I found that after my sons were born, I could not bear to be touched, not in that way, never again. Pant was kind and loving. As the decades passed, I gave him the freedom to find those comforts elsewhere. I have his heart, and that is enough."

I tried to process that. Hundreds of years together. That was what it an immortal lifetime promised. She and Pant had looked into that future, decades stretching into centuries, and decided to find their way forward together.

Because they loved each other.

A thousand years, and a thousand more.

"But what if you did not have even that?" I asked softly.

Elayne finished wrapping the last of the travel cakes, closed the drawstring pouch, and met my eyes with her dark, steady gaze. "What you and Arran share is nothing like my own marriage."

No, it was not.

I loved Arran. Every beat of my broken heart belonged to him. But even if his beast knew me and loved me, the male did not.

I took the parcel from her hands. "Thank you, for providing safe harbor here. It is more than I could have asked or hoped for."

Elayne exhaled. "But you are still leaving."

I held her gaze long enough to nod, then turned to stow the pouch. The last item to be added to my satchel. "This time has been but an interlude. We have secured the amorite and more is coming. We have sent warnings to Cayltay and Baylaur, but that will not be enough. The succubus can prey on villages and castles alike. I need to be with my people, need to send warnings and amorite in every direction. Prepare soldiers. Prepare for battle." I could taste the bitterness of those last two sentences on my tongue.

"Those are Arran's words."

They were. But just because I hated them, did not mean they were wrong. Maybe neither of us was right. But the argument was only a symptom of the much deeper divide between us.

Later. When I return.Then, I would start making decisions.

"There is too much to do. It may be better for Arran and I to manage separately, to each play to our own strengths." I wasn't sure what mine were, but I knew his. "He will be needed in the war camps. My place is in Baylaur." By some miracle, my voice did not crack.

I heard her sharp intake of breath, but I kept moving. Adjusted the buckle on the harness that held my rapiers. Fitted the satchel over my shoulder and around on my hip. Reached for my thick fur cloak.

"Arran will never allow that. He will not be parted from his mate. He will not let you go."

I wished she were right.

I turned to face her. Ready.

"Are you certain?"

If she said yes, that would be something. Something to hold on to, threw the next grueling hours of my journey. A ray of hope, when I was drowning in a well of darkness. But that was not what she said.

Her answer shone in her eyes, and it was not the one I wanted.

I bowed my head. "Thank you for your help, Elayne. I will not leave without saying goodbye."

Then I was gone.