80. Veyka

My soul was a void of roaring darkness. I was the void. There was no slipping into it, no traveling through it. It was part of me. Had always been there in the darkest corners of myself, waiting to be awakened.

"Who?" I asked, in a voice that I hardly recognized as my own.

Diana was trembling again. "I do not know. He never told me."

Percival jerked his head to the side, gnashing his teeth in threat. As if he, feeble human, was any match to the darkness inside of me.

I stood, but I did not feel the ground. "The Dowager. It has to be."

"Veyka," Lyrena said slowly. "We knew she was involved with Gorlois. You said as much in the letter you sent to Gwen."

Veyka.

Arran's beast, brushing against my consciousness, trying to steady me. He did not know, not this Arran. He could sense my distress, but he did not know.

I did not bother to walk. Why, when I was the void?

A heartbeat, and I was back in the bedroom, pulling the crystal from the travel pack that Cyara had not finished unpacking. Another, and I was back.

I must have said the incantation, for the communication crystal began to glow. But I did not hear it, even as the words passed my own lips.

"Answer me," I commanded. Yelled. Not begged. I was not begging. "Answer me, you heartless bitch!" I screamed at the crystal. "Answer me!"

My cheeks were not wet. I was not crying.

The crystal did not glow again.

"Gwen may have received your letter by now. Igraine could very well be under arrest, in the dungeons or her quarters. Gwen may even be in possession of the crystal," Lyrena said gently. So gently. Because I was broken, breaking. And those were tears.

I swallowed down the lump in my throat. "Guinevere. Gwen, your queen commands that you answer."

No response came from Baylaur or anywhere else.

Veyka.

It was too hard to answer. But I felt his hand a second before it landed on my shoulder. The other carefully took the crystal from my hand, lifting it into his own.

I closed my eyes, listening to Arran's voice. Letting its warmth sink into me. "Gwen?"

Nothing.

Either Gwen was not receptive to any of our messages, she did not have the crystal, or she did not know how to use it. So close to having that connection. To knowing those I cared for were safe. And yet, nothing came of it.

Who knew what havoc Igraine was wreaking in the goldstone palace?

My eyes were still closed, Arran's hand still on my shoulder, but there was movement. The scuffing of boots. Light, slippered steps. Then stillness.

When I opened my eyes, they were arrayed in a half circle around me and Arran. Lyrena and Cyara, of course. But also Osheen and Isolde. Diana and Percival stood, backs to the wall. Still prisoners, but not quite. Helpful, but dangerous. Complicated. Like everything in my life.

Everything except the allegiance of the four warriors before me.

It was Osheen who spoke. Even, steady Osheen. "What would you have us do, Majesty?"

Slowly, so slowly, I exhaled through my nose, forcing myself to look at each of them in turn before I spoke. "We must find Accolon's stronghold, and whatever records are there. It is the best lead we have regarding the succubus. We move forward with the spell." When I looked at Diana, she was no longer trembling. Small mercies. "How long do you need?"

"I can be ready tomorrow."

"Thank you."

I could have kissed Arran when he spoke next, saving me from having to form any more coherent words. "How long has it been since you first sent word to Baylaur and Cayltay?"

Cyara answered for me. "Nearly four weeks."

He released my shoulder, taking a few steps toward the window. It was too dark to see across the lake, but his eyes were far off anyway, doing the calculations. "It is still feasible that word is coming from Baylaur within the next week. But the council at Cayltay should have responded."

This was the Arran I needed. The experienced battle commander, cool and calculated.

"There is a forge at Cayltay. We go assure their allegiance, and solidify the supply lines for the amorite so we can begin making weapons. We will need to muster the terrestrial forces from the army camps."

No.

Not that.

I was thankful he was no longer touching me. I did not know what I would have done. "That sounds like we are preparing for war."

That could not happen.

I needed Arran to help us avoid a war, not start one.

He did not sigh—no, he'd never be as demonstrative as that. He turned from the window without a hint of emotion. "This will be a war, Veyka."

Mere minutes ago, he'd been hesitant to disagree with me. Then this. He did not understand. He did not understand me. This was not Arran—not my Arran.

I stepped forward, hands at my sides. No need to put them on my hips, not for this challenge. I was not posturing. "What, then, is the point of the spell, of searching out Accolon and Nimue's secrets?"

Arran squared his shoulders, facing me fully. "Even if the spell is successful, that does not mean it will lead to a way to banish the succubus."

"They did it before, to end the Great War. There must be a way to do it again."

"What if it is too late?"

"Too late for what? Too late for who?" My voice was rising. The void howled in my veins. There were no tears this time—only rage. "What about the males that will be taken by the succubus, who will murder their friends and families, while we use the amorite for weapons, instead? Too late for them?"

Our companions said nothing. Did nothing. What could they, how could they, when this was Arran and I, against each other.

"There are no easy choices in war."

The nerve. Choices. There had never been an easy choice in my Ancestors-damned life.

"This is no choice at all," I spat. "I will protect Annwyn. Not sentence its subjects to death."

Arran's eyes were burning now, but not with desire. With challenge.

Trust me.

Two words, so soft, so secret, I could pretend I had not heard them at all. No.

My mate hardened before my eyes. Inside of me, there was no warmth, no brush of his beast. Only the howling void as he stared me down with those fathomless black eyes and said, "You do not understand."

Something broke inside of me. It felt a whole lot like my heart.

"I do not understand?"