17. Veyka

I did not use my void power this time.

I wanted to feel the earth beneath my feet. As I wove my way between the roots of the mighty pine trees, I tried to feel the power that lay there in wait. Arran could pull the power up in a second, use the roots and branches to do his will. I knew it was a desperate, sad attempt at a connection to him. But I tried nonetheless.

It did not come.

The trees were just trees, the roots solid and unmoving.

When I settled myself against one, my thighs cradled by the thick roots on either side, I did not let myself imagine it was my mate holding me. That was much too dangerous to my precious wall of ice.

My hair was just long enough to braid now, though tendrils of it still snuck free. Most days I left it loose around my shoulders, enjoying the lightness of it. But tonight I took the time to braid it back, though even the motion of flipping it over my shoulder had a few wisps of white coming loose at my temples.

I ignored them, turning my focus inward.

I closed my eyes.

Inside of me was darkness. Not emptiness. Not quite what it had been after Arthur's death. The parts of me that I'd rebuilt were still there, but they were shrouded in moonless night. I could feel them, but I could not see them. And around all of it was that wall of ice, protecting the things that were most precious to me. If I let that ice melt, I'd have to feel. If I let myself feel, I would be paralyzed.

But beneath that wall of ice, deeper inside of me still, was the ember of my power. A shining light that slumbered now. Once, stroking it awake had terrified me. Now, I could step through the void and out the other side with half a thought. I released the leash I held on my power only a tiny fraction.

Moving between realms would require something else. Something more.

I would have to reach deeper into that ember of power, fully awaken it.

Without Arran.

If I left the human realm and ended up somewhere else, who would know? I was sitting alone in a forest, for Ancestors' sake.

No, damn the Ancestors to hell.

You could have done this with your friends,my inner voice admonished.

But then they would see me utterly failing.

I hadn't failed yet. I hadn't even tried.

I closed my eyes again—had not even meant to open them. Shit. I needed to focus.

I eased the ember of power awake, stroking it lovingly. I had come to love my power—my cursed power that had brought the succubus into this realm and cost my mate—

Shit. Shit. Shit.

Focus.

Into the void, the darkness of nothing pulling me apart, stretching my limbs and spine until I scattered into fragments. Bit by bit, I put myself back together, willed myself to linger in the void a bit longer, not to move laterally, but… what? Up, down? Where were the other realms? Somewhere. Go somewhere.

I tried to imagine a low snarl, tried to summon Arran's beast, begged it to come. But there was no answer at the end of the golden thread of our mating bond. My body slammed back together, reassembling so fast and hard—

Shit.

I opened my eyes.

Absolute fucking shit.

I was sitting in the same damn clearing, against the same damn tree, in the same blasted realm.

Fuck this.

We were close to the rift. By tomorrow, we'd be there. Through the rift, into Annwyn, and on to Eilean Gayl.

I shoved the power still humming in my veins back down and pulled the communication crystal from my pocket instead. Intention, Percival had said. I knew who I wished to speak to, but it remained to be seen if she would be open to receiving my summons.

"Morgyn."

Silence.

"I am addressing the Lady of the Lake," I ground out, focusing all of my energy and attention and intention of the pale crystal in my palm. "Tell me about my mate. Tell me he is healing or that he is awake or anything."

Absolute fucking silence.

I shoved the crystal back into my pocket. I hadn't really expected her to answer, had I? I would go back and check on him, then. It had been my intent all along, really. The communication crystal was a stupid idea. Morgyn could say whatever she wanted, and I would have no way of verifying it.

Get to Eliean Gayl, get my friends to safety, and then I would go back and check on Arran. That is what Arran would prioritize—the good of the kingdom. I could not be selfish, not anymore.

I needed to focus on being High Queen of Annwyn, ruling without my king. I did not have time for this trial and failure.

I gripped the tree roots, ready to shove myself up—

And fell right back on my ass in shock.

Not ten feet in front of me, silent and serene as always, was the fucking Lady of the Lake.

"What are you doing here?" My mind scrambled, trying to fit this new reality into my understanding of the world, even as my body did not shift an inch. Not a tremor, not a twitch. I held myself with obstinate stillness.

Maybe Morgyn and I had more in common than I realized.

I hated that thought.

I cut her off before she could open that perfect mouth and speak. "You lied about having the void power. It was you all along. You lying bitch." It was the only explanation for her being there.

She didn't interrupt me. Her pale blue eyes didn't even flare at the insults I leveled. It made me want to throw out a dozen more. But I held my stillness, staring her down, trying to place what this meant.

Fuck, fuck, fuck. I was going to kill her. I did not move, but I inventoried my weapons. Checked my power. I could step through the void and be behind her in less than a second, dagger pressed to her throat.

"Are you done?" she finally asked, voice barely above a whisper. She did not want to wake my companions; did not realize they were far enough away they would not hear the sound of her head hitting the ground when I removed it from her body.

There was no one to talk me out of killing her for her deceit.

I was already calculating how long it would take me to get to Arran, how many long jumps through the void.

When I did not hurl any more epithets in her direction, Morgyn continued in that breathy voice. "You are the one and only wielder of the void power," she said. "I am neither a queen nor blessed with a mate to tether me. The voids of darkness remain solely at your command, Majesty."

"Then how are you here?" Even as I asked, I noticed the inconsistencies through my haze of icy rage.

Neither her gown nor her hair moved in the breeze. She'd always seemed to hover above the ground, the mist providing as sure a footing as anything else. But as I blinked, I realized there truly was an inch between the hem of her lavender robes and the stony ground.

"You ask the wrong question."

I rolled my eyes, hoping that the irreverence would annoy her even if I never saw any outward sign of it. My heart was slowing down, reality sinking back into me. The need to fight and kill still simmered just beneath the surface of my skin.

But if Morgyn sensed it, she did not react.

She merely inclined her head—the movement slower than it should have been, stuttering. "Avalon has kept its secrets for tens of thousands of years. I will not share them now."

I unfolded to my feet, carefully silent but seething. I swiped a rock from the ground, deciding to test the theory that had taken root in my mind. As I straightened, I chucked the rock right at her head.

Where it sailed through Morgyn's crown of brown hair without even touching her. She did not truly stand there at all—this form a mere shade of her corporeal self.

"Fun trick," I spat. My fingers twitched for my blades, but I forced them to still, crossing my arms over my chest instead. "I tried to use the communication crystal because I wanted to know about Arran. If you have no news of him, then I do not wish to speak with you."

Morgyn blinked. A long-suffering tell. I was annoying her. Good.

"You ask the wrong question," she said again.

"I did not ask any questions at all," I countered. "Tell me news of my mate, or go away."

Morgyn opened her mouth to respond, but I cut her off. I did not give a fuck if she was the Lady of the Lake. I owed her no allegiance. She'd kept Arran alive, but only in the most nominal way. If she was any use at all, he'd be at my side now.

I was so tired of being alone.

"I don't want to do this bullshit again. I played your game on the lakeside, and it ended with Gorlois attacking and my mate nearly dead." So tired of everything.

I turned my back on her, starting in the direction of the camp. I suddenly wished I had not walked so far, alone through the darkness. Every step now seemed impossible, the distance interminable.

"Ask the right question," Morgyn said to my back. I stilled, if only to rest my weary soul for a second. But I did not turn back to her as I spoke.

"Why was I unable to contact you using the communication crystal?" I ground out.

"Because I did not wish to receive your message."

I spun, dagger in my hand, even though it could do nothing against her in this form. "We may technically be sisters, but I will kill you. Lady of the Lake or not, whether you are a hundred years or three hundred years old, you are still fae. And I am very good at killing."

Morgyn didn't flinch. "Ask—"

"Why did you refuse my message?" I demanded, close enough to her I should have been able to smell her, hear her heartbeat. But there was nothing. Only the hollowness of my own soul.

"I fear that the communication crystal will become a crutch. A distraction, keeping you from where you need to be and what you must do."

"That does not sound very neutral."

"I allowed Gorlois to attack. I am helping you by giving this counsel." Was that remorse in her eyes, or a flickering of this strange apparition she'd conjured?

"Those are not remotely equal."

"Arran is safe in Avalon and will continue to heal. But you must not interfere."

I heard the subtext. No more using the communication crystal. No uninvited trips through the void to her sacred island. Or she may very well dump my injured mate on the shores of that cursed clearing.

"You must use your power," she continued calmly, as if she had not just threatened my mate's life, and by extension, Annwyn itself.

"My power—the one that summoned the succubus. Yes, great things have come from this power."

"Your mate wanted you to hone it, not hide from it."

Ice. Ice around my heart. Ice in my chest. Ice to protect the golden thread of my mating bond, so fragile and taut now. "My mate is in an enchanted sleep, fighting for his life."

"You do not deny the truth of what I say." Morgyn did not even bother to sound smug as she said it.

For a second, I was envious of her. What must it be like to be immune to the pain of the world? Even when I'd lost myself in the sullen numbness of grief for Arthur, I'd felt the clawing need for revenge. But Morgyn, she got to be above it all. She had not been tortured for twenty years. She'd been discarded, yes. But that had saved her.

Anger rose in me, icy walls thickening and sharpening. I hated her. I hated everything she meant.

"We may share the same heartless harpy of a mother." I paused. Harpy now felt an inaccurate term for the Dowager. "But you do not know me or my mate."

She did not argue. "Train your power, Majesty. You will need it in the coming battle."

I turned on her, ready to stab my knife into that mirage form even as I knew it would be unsatisfying, would do nothing. The blade was in my hand, the muscles of my arm already tensing in readiness. "And how am I supposed to do that without my mate—"

She was gone.

Of course, she was.

I stabbed the dagger back into the jeweled scabbard at my waist, my fists tight with fury. That wasn't enough. I grabbed it out again and threw as hard as I could, lodging it to the hilt in the tree directly behind where Morgyn had appeared.

Even with my strength, both inherited and honed, it took me several tries to dislodge the blade. I finally managed to get it out, shoved it back into the scabbard, and stomped off.

"Thanks for nothing, sis," I said to the emptiness over my shoulder. "As usual."