Chapter 19

NINETEEN

Cassia

I'm finally laying in a bed again! A bed with sheets that feel like fluffy clouds and smell like a summer breeze. It's the most glorious feeling in the world. I honestly thought I'd be sleeping on the floor in that filthy hellhole forever.

But that's not all. I took the longest bath in recorded history just a few minutes ago. Not just a bath, but a warm bath with a dozen sweet smelling things thrown in. But I didn't care. I finally feel clean again.

Closing my eyes, I let out a contented sigh. I'm back. Safe. And everything's okay.

I visited my family first when we returned to the castle. To my relief, they weren't thrown out. The opposite was actually true. Prince Sulien had kept them comfortable and safe while I was away, and all the princes had sworn they'd bring me back safely.

Grandmother and father were so relieved to have me back, but they also seemed like they'd been confident I'd be returned. They were confident in me. And my men. Even if they'd also been worried.

Seeing them brought tears to my eyes. I didn't think I'd ever feel a hug from either of them again. It was like for the first time I could see a world where they'd be taken care of, and I'd be safe, too.

Everything is finally okay.

Aching in my wrists brings me out of my reverie. Annoyed, I stare at the scabs and bruises on my skin, then kick the covers off and inspect my ankle. Those iron cuffs and the ball and chain did a number on my skin. Could it be an allergy?

I shrug, hoping it heals soon, so I can put all of this behind me. If I could go the rest of my life without ever thinking of my kidnapping again, it'd be too soon. At least I had the comfort of knowing nearly all the bastards were dead.

Now I just have to worry about my impending nuptials with the four princes. I sigh again at the thought. I don't know any of them well at all. I spent more time with them in my dreams than in real life.

Are they who they were in my dreams? I haven't had time to figure it out. I haven't spent enough time with them to find out.

That's why I don't know if I'm ready to just agree to marry them. Seeing how they came to find me and fought so hard for me makes me open to getting to know them. Something could develop. Certainly, I already have feelings for them.

But they seem to want to skip all the getting-to-know-you stuff and swear to be together for eternity. I wonder what they'd say if they knew the truth. That I'm not their mate and that Sulien returned me just so he doesn't have to have a real mate.

They'd hate me. Probably. I kind of hate myself for lying to them after everything they've done for me. But if I told them, could I also be sure I wouldn't end up having my head removed?

I fall back on the pillows behind me. There's too much to consider. I can't make a decision like that so quickly. How could anyone?

My heart constricts at the sudden knock at my door, and I press my hand to my chest, willing my heart to calm. It sucks. I don't know when I'll stop being jumpy after my ordeal. I remind myself that I'm in the castle, protected by four royal fae, and it calms me down. If only by a little.

Sitting up straight on the bed, I look down at my white nightgown and grab a robe from the edge of the bed, then slip the silky fabric on. I try to tell myself that it's only a servant or more food, the princes had been sending me food by the hour since I arrived home, but still, butterflies flutter in my stomach. What if it's them?

It's not. Calm down. "Come in," I call out.

All four of the princes come into my room. Because, of course, it's them. I smile, surprised by how the sight of them both eases me and makes me nervous all at once. Maybe because with them I know I'm safe, even though life gets more complicated with them too.

"Hi," I say, feeling awkward, glancing from my bare feet to them.

All four men are dressed handsomely in the colors of their courts. Their clothes look like those meant to be worn in front of important fae they're trying to impress, outfits that are out of place in my room. With me. In my robe. Their long hair is combed and styled. Their faces are shaved. And even from where I stand, I can smell their sweet scents.

"Do you have somewhere important you're going?" I ask.

Prince Cobar smiles. "Yes. Here, to see you."

I laugh. "Flattery will get you nowhere. Seriously, what are you up to?"

They're all quiet enough that my sense of unease grows. What's going on?

"Cassia," Prince Sulien begins, drawing his shoulders back, "we know you've been through so much these past few weeks. But we wanted to have a word with you."

He's always formal, but this is not quite that. It's awkward. Too much. I honestly feel like they're about to ask me something really important, and I don't have a clue what it could be.

Are they going to tell me I have to decide or get out? Fuck? Already? I thought I had more time.

But I nod, not knowing how exactly to respond.

Prince Forrest won't make eye contact with me. He's staring at the foot of the bed. Prince Zane's as still as a statue, and his fascinating eyes aren't focused on anything in particular. Prince Cobar's the only one I can read. His eyes are pleading with me, but I don't know why.

Prince Sulien clears his throat. "Do you want to marry us?" His tone is bland and dry, void of emotion. A simple yes or no question.

Except, it's not. It's not at all. He's the only one of them who could possibly understand. We're tricking them. They're not really supposed to be with me. They could find their real mate any damn day and discover the truth. I could lose my life. My father and grandmother could lose their safety. Surely he has to understand that this subject is more complicated than this?

What's more… I'm realizing that part of my fear with all of this has to do with how much I've hated the fae all my life. They're cruel. They're awful in so many ways. How am I just supposed to forget the way their kind has treated me all my life?

I feel anger, fear, and frustration roll through me. "Have I not been through enough? I was kidnapped, beaten, and chained. Forced to cook and clean up after a house full of thieves. I had to move a dead body and clean up the trail of blood left behind. Isn't that enough?"

Prince Sulien takes a step forward, but I keep going.

"How can you expect me to make such a huge decision right after all of that?" I'm panting and my hands are trembling.

Prince Zane approaches me and takes my hand. Prince Sulien doesn't move, so my gaze locks onto Prince Zane's. His pale white hair has been combed back from his face, but a little falls forward. Without thinking, I reach up and comb it back from his face, then jerk my hand back as his eyes widen.

No, that doesn't mean anything. It's the dreams confusing me.

Prince Zane speaks. "We can make you happy, I swear."

But will I make you happy? Me? I'm a broken thing. A girl with a dead mom. A girl who only knows how to do some basic cooking, who can clean, and not much else. Someone uninteresting and boring.

When the shine of all this mate bullshit wears off, these men will regret being with me.

I pull my hand from his. "I just got back."

Prince Zane stares at his hand with those gorgeous eyes of his, looking hurt.

"We understand that, but we need to know," Prince Forrest says quietly.

My gaze goes to his. The giant flinches when my eyes meet his, and he shrinks back like he doesn't want me to look at him. I think of the Prince Forrest from my dream. The vulnerable man. He'd take my rejection like a blow. Would this man just move onto the next woman?

I wrap my arms around myself. "I don't know, okay."

Prince Cobar takes a step closer. His pants dark green and sinfully tight, and his shirt white. With his blond curls falling around his shoulders, he looks far more beautiful than any man has a right to look. "You don't have any idea? Don't you feel that deep yearning to be with us? The mate bond?"

Don't they understand? I just need more time.

"I haven't laid in a bed in almost a week. Just let me rest." It's weak. It sounds weak even to my own ears, but I just want to run away. From this discussion, and from these men who make me feel such complicated things.

Prince Sulien moves until he's in my space. The other men don't pull back, but he leans in so that he's whispering in my ear. "If you knew your family would be cared for, no matter what, would you marry us?"

If they were cared for no matter what? Then I could escape all of this. I wouldn't need to live a life of lies. I could be me again, or whoever me is without being a maid.

Prince Sulien has to know how tempting this is for me.

And I hate that he's tempting me. That he's offering me exactly what I want, and yet my heart still doesn't know what to do. "I need more time. Why is that so hard for the four of you to understand?"

"This isn't how this is supposed to go," Prince Forrest says angrily.

I glare. "What did you think was going to happen? That I'd be so happy you rescued me that I'd fall madly in love with you on the spot and agree to this? Maybe the royal fae do always just get what they want no matter what, but that's not how real life works."

Prince Forrest's glare deepens. "You're our mate. Can you blame us for thinking you should like us? Even just a little?"

"You're not asking me to like you, you're asking me to marry you!" How do they not get this?

"What does your first instinct say?" Prince Zane presses. "If you had to give us an answer now, what would you say?"

Prince Cobar adds, "What would you say to your mates, asking you to marry them right now? If you had to give an answer?"

My gaze meets Prince Sulien. I silently beg him for help, but his expression gives nothing away. Doesn't he see how much this is killing me? All four men have such sweet sides. All four men fought to save my life. I care about them, but this is too much.

"Answer them," Prince Sulien says, like I'm in this alone.

"We deserve an answer," Prince Forrest demands.

I look up at them. All of them. "No. The answer is no."

Prince Zane's shoulders fall. All of the air seems like it's been sucked out of the room. Four sets of shoulders slump, and the brightness in their eyes drains away. They're upset. More than upset. They're crushed.

Silence takes over the room. It's loud and deafening, and it drowns out my own thoughts.

They shuffle out of my room. They were so brave earlier, now they're walking out of my room like defeated dogs. I can't believe they pulled that on me. Where's the compassion? The concern for how I'm doing or what I've been through?

I just don't understand why they wanted an answer today – right now. There's still so much I don't know and so many questions I need answered before I can decide.

They're asking for my whole life.

Maybe I'll be able to think about it later on. I'll be ready to at least talk about it tomorrow. Right now, though, I need to sleep away everything that's happened and worry about all of this then.

Tomorrow, we'll talk.

I lie down. My body is so sore and so tired that it's easy for my mind to tumble away too. It's not that I forget my men or the looks on their faces, because I could never forget that. I just… fall asleep.

Finally. Some peace.

The heat from the rising sun touches my eyelids, and I awaken lazily, stretching in bed. And, hell, I feel so much better. Most of the tension in my body is gone. But, more importantly, my mind doesn't feel nearly as crowded.

I can do this. I can figure this out.

The guys should have let me sleep before trying to talk to me yesterday. I still don't have an answer, but I think I'm open to talking. And if we can come up with an agreement concerning our strange situation… maybe experience a repeat of our fun in the woods.

I climb out of bed, smiling. I need some fresh air. As I move to the balcony, my smile widens. It feels good to walk unencumbered. I forgot what it felt like.

Stepping onto the balcony, I feel a wave of fresh air envelope me and sigh. I admire the pinks and purples in the sky as the sun rises. That's one thing about the Summer Court, we have beautiful sunrises.

Suddenly, motion draws my gaze downward and my heart stops. The princes are on horseback, riding away from the castle at a breakneck speed. They're leaving after they just got me back.

Why? Where could they be going? The sight of them makes my heart ache so much I rub my chest, the urge to shout for them to come back building in me.

No, they can't be leaving. We're supposed to talk. To get to know each other. To explore this confusing connection that I don't understand. Didn't they want that too? This doesn't make any sense.

They just rescued me and brought me back to safety. Where could they be off to now?

I don't know, but I have a bad feeling. Wrapping my arms around myself, I watch them leaving, feeling strangely like they're taking my heart with them.