Chapter 32

I lift his hand to my face, turn it, and plant a soft kiss upon his palm. He hisses out a breath.

“There’s something different about you, Talia,” he murmurs. “Something I can’t figure out—but I will. You have to know I will.”

Apprehension slithers through me at that, but when I step away, Fortiss follows, not letting me retreat. Somehow, in the space of just a breath, I’ve lost power and position here—given it up willingly, in fact. It occurs to me that Fortiss is attacking me all in one timing, as the way of the warrior dictates, yet I can’t gain the upper hand.

“Do you want to know what I see in you?” he continues, his words a murmured tease.

“No.” My response is emphatic, but it only makes him smile. He curls my fingers into his and tugs on my hand. As if my head is attached to some sort of string, I find myself leaning toward him. He lifts his other hand to ease the veil of chains back from my face, then brushes his lips against mine. Once again, heat suffuses my entire body, yet I’m so cold, I shiver.

Which, of course, makes him draw me closer.

Which, of course, I let happen.

He deepens the kiss and with a faint, strangled moan, I press into him for one glorious moment, savoring the strength of him around me, the taste of his lips on mine, the sound of our hearts beating together. It’s as if sharp rays of light are billowing forth in my mind, and I hear and see and feel everything at once. The wide-open sky on a sunny day, the sound of Gent’s chuffing laugh, the chill of a swollen brook on my bare skin, a burst of midnight-blue-and-white magic, swirling and whirling around me.

I revel in that magic, gathering it all to hold in my heart. I’ll keep it there forever, to box and re-box and bury it in the rich, fertile soil of my memory, one day to unearth, one day to savor anew. One day to…

No! Another flare of warning trills in my mind, forcing me to focus. This isn’t real. This isn’t mine to take. I’m a cheat, a lie—I know this. And if I’m not careful, Fortiss will know it too.

So I’ll just need to be very, very careful.

Fortiss has no such concern but is peering at my servant’s robe. “First we need to get you out of this?—”

“No,” I say, with enough force that Fortiss freezes, his hands hovering over my shoulders.

“Um, I’m not sure how they do things in the mountains, but...”

“I’m serious, no.” I grasp his hands and press them together. “If I’ve learned nothing else in my time as a servant here, it’s that I can’t afford to be caught unawares. The bodice and sleeves of this garment take a full quarter hour to tie into place. I can move it around a little, but I can’t take that part off—I just can’t. If I’m summoned, or if someone comes down those stairs, you will recover from the embarrassment quickly enough, but I won’t.”

“That’s ridiculous,” he protests, but something shifts in his gaze when I don’t back down. “Talia, no one will hurt you here.”

I snort. “Fortiss, everyone wants to hurt me.”

I don’t mean to say it with so much fervor, and I grimace as his mouth tightens. “It’s not so bad, really. You get used to it.”

Still looking dubious, he takes a step back from me, then watches me with heated eyes as I lift my skirts and kick off my slippers. I slide out of my leggings, rolling them up neatly for ready access, lift the hem of my servant’s gown and knot it high?—

Then I realize Fortiss hasn’t moved from the spot he retreated to. In fact, he’s doing little more than stare at me. “Don’t let me stop you,” I say with a grin. He laughs but makes no move to disrobe, appearing transfixed by my legs as they emerge from their covering.

“What, you’ve never seen bare legs before?” I glance down and grimace. “Oh.”

“By the Light, Talia,” Fortiss whispers. “Who treated you this way?”

I blow out a long breath, not sure precisely what he’s talking about, though I can guess. The scars that slash my legs hearken from the same time as the scar that graces my neck beneath its fall of hair, the summer of my seventh year. I’ve blocked most of those days from my mind, and of course anyone from my own holding wouldn’t be surprised to see such proof of my father’s wrath. But I didn’t pause to think…

“I’m sorry,” I groan as my hands twitch to unknot my skirts again. “I’ve embarrassed you and myself, I?—”

“No.” Fortiss practically lunges for me, grabbing my wrists to keep me from moving my gown back into place.

“Stop, Talia. Listen to me.” He stares hard at me, golden eyes flashing, and the intensity of his gaze arrows all the way to my heart, making it pound in awkward thumps, as if it’s forgotten its place as much as I have. “You’re beautiful .”

I choke out a cough. “I’m hardly?—”

“You are. And so much more than that. You’re fierce. True. Your light shines so sharp and pure, I want to swallow it whole for the hope that it may live within me for just a moment. Here, sit.”

His hands still gripping my wrists like a vice, he edges me down to the stone floor on a cushion of my own robe, then steps back to wrench off his own tunic and breeches, baring his gorgeous, well-formed legs, his powerful arms and chest. I blink, realizing again how differently they make warriors in the plains. I’ve never seen skin so smooth and clean, muscles so sharply defined, or limbs without scars.

Fortiss doesn’t stop, but kneels down next to me, bunching up his breeches to form a pillow on the stone. Then he lays me back so gently, I have to smile.

“Fortiss, you have to know by now I won’t break.” I gesture to my battered legs. “You have ample evidence.”

“Shut up, Talia,” he mutters, and his lips come down on mine.

Once more, the light bursts within me, a kindling fire that starts in my core and surges up as strong as my connection to my Divh. I hear Fortiss gasp and wonder if he feels it too, here in this place so close to the Divh I know in my heart is his birthright. I hear her distant cry, the echo of her sigh, and he shudders, groaning as my hand snakes around and cups the smooth hard planes of his buttocks. It’s like grabbing silk over granite, and I glory in the feel of his tensing, flexing muscles.

He pulls away, his gaze once more raking down my body—the part he can see, anyway.

“Let me,” he murmurs, and I stare as he shifts down. He drops his head to the top of my left thigh, where the worst of the scars remain, a faded reminder of a far unhappier time. He follows one cruel slash over my thigh, raining light kisses where once there was only pain. I tip my chin up, sighing with need as he slides silkily along my skin. His hot breath offers ample warning of his change in direction, yet the touch of his tongue against my sex is so surprising I nearly shove him off me. But he holds fast as I shiver, he doesn’t budge.

“Let me,” he implores again, and when I whimper my consent, he whispers kisses along my quivering skin, now damp with want. After a few more, dizzying moments of this glorious torture, I know I can no sooner stop him than I could push back a racing storm. His tongue slides along the most intimate part of me with exquisite precision, seeking out every lick of fire, every shiver of joy. Excitement, pleasure, and a swirling, whirling power expands to fill me then overflows, replaced by a twisting, winding need that builds so fast—too fast!

I suck in unsteady breaths, giving myself over to the sensations, unhooking all the ties that bind me to this earth to be lifted up, up—before I jerk in a sudden, ferocious convulsion, a soft cry ripping out of me like lightning chasing across the summer sky.

“Oh, Light !” I gasp, in sheer, delirious pleasure. “Nobody ever told me that was possible.”

As soon as the words are out of my mouth, I know I’m doomed.

Fortis freezes. Totally freezes, somehow managing to suspend himself above my legs for a long, soul-breaking moment, like a shadow turned to stone. Then slowly…so slowly…he levers himself up my body until his face is even with mine, his muscular arms caging me, his fists pinning both me and my tangled gown to the stone ledge. He stares down at me with eyes so wide and horrified he might as well be upending a bucket of snow on my head.

“Talia,” he grits out in a low, strangled voice. “Are you untouched?”

He doesn’t wait for me to respond, of course. He doesn’t need to. The answer is plain on my face. Anger and dismay twists his beautiful mouth as he glares down at me. “Why didn’t you tell me?”

I stare right back at him. “You didn’t ask.”

“I didn’t— hey ,” he protests as I finally have the presence of mind to push him off me, scooting back in my unwieldy gown until I reach my discarded leggings. “How was I supposed to…I mean how could I have…”

His words die off as fast as my own withering desire. Because of course, he should have known. If he understands anything about the practices of the noble houses of the Protectorate—especially those noble houses in the backwards mountains of the eastern borderlands—he would know exactly how much we hew to the old ways. Despite the fact that my cheeks are burning, I spare him the trouble of having to say it aloud.

“That’s right, Fortiss. That day we met on the forest road? I was heading to my wedding as a jewel-draped virgin sacrifice .” I huff and strain, shimmying my leggings up my thighs as best as I can with my shaking hands. “It was my only worth to my father, and he made sure I understood that fact every moment he could. And now, when I finally have a chance to grab something— anything —one brief moment of pleasure for myself, I ruin it. Ruin it! Because of my ignorance and stupid chatter! I will regret this night for the rest of my life .”

He jolts at my vehemence, still clearly not tracking well. “But you…I mean, you remain untouched, Talia. Nothing happened. Not really.”

“Blood and stone , Fortiss, I understand that.” I roll to my feet, yanking my gown into place and stomping across the ledge to find my slippers. Humiliation sours my stomach and makes my fingers twitch, and all I want to do is cry. “I’m fine. You’re fine. You didn’t do anything to harm my bride price, just my pride. You’re safe.”

My words hang harshly in the still air, bitter and raw. Fortiss doesn’t respond to my rant, which is some small mercy.

In truth, I know I should be grateful. How I ever thought I was going to be able to have sex with Fortiss while wearing a disguise , I have no idea. Besides, what even happens when two banded warriors make love? Do the skies open up? Do their Divhs appear to stomp and roar? And why hadn’t I thought even one tiny bit about the potential chaos I was blithely walking us both into?

Fortiss isn’t the only one not thinking clearly tonight, but he has far less to lose. Fool!

“Talia—” he begins, but I can no longer bear to breathe the same air he does. Nothing is right, nothing will ever be right again. I am neither woman nor man, daughter nor son. Now, I’m only a banded warrior, and even that future teeters on the edge of a razor-sharp talon.

I lift up my long skirts before he can say anything more, and race up the stairs.