Chapter 44

CHAPTER 44

D eath is not what greets me when my eyes flutter open. Instead, I see the gods sitting on thrones, eyeing me with disgust.

I look down, realising I'm alive.

My hands are still shackled with glowing chains, but I am whole.

How am I alive?

Phrixius turns to me, and I blink, not realising he was there. He seems to slump when he notices I'm awake. Relief fills his eyes before he turns them back to the gods.

"If you will let me explain?—"

"Silence!" one of them roars, but my eyes are only for him, memorising the way he stands against his own people for me. "You may have forsaken your duty, but we have not, Phrixius."

"She is capable of control. The fact that she has lived this long proves it," he argues.

"Or that she is good at hiding, the vile creature," one hisses.

"Hmm, it is interesting." I know that voice. I glance at Mors to find him looking at me with interest.

"Please, give her a chance," Phrixius begs.

"You should be ashamed of yourself," one sneers. " You have forsaken everything we are. Do you feel no obligation or shame for your actions?"

"No, not if it keeps her alive. I will forsake all dignity." He drops to his knees, and I freeze as the god of magic kneels to save me. "Give her one chance to regain control."

I can't. They stole my control.

It is only now that I see my life was all about balance. Sha and Adder helped without realising it. The gods stole them and it away. My soul is torn into pieces, scattered to the winds, and it leaves me unbalanced and alone, but they do not care. Whatever control I could have had before is now gone. I am only able to hold my power back because of the shackles, but even as I think that, I feel my shadows wind around them, working through the locks.

Anger fuels me, but there has been too much death, and I am so tired.

"Enough!" one barks. "This is not a negotiation. You will destroy the necromancer and atone for your lapse in judgement."

Oh gods, they are going to make him kill me.

I know that will destroy something in him. Whether they want to know it or not, Phrixius loves me, and asking him to kill the one he loves, even if it's to save the world, would fracture him.

I stare at his back as he shakes, and I realise he's crying. When his face turns to me, it's pale and glowing tears track down his cheeks. "Do not ask this of me, please. Let me save her. I can save her."

"No. End her now. Do your duty to this world and the magic that created us. These are our laws. This is our duty. This is our purpose."

They repeat it, all apart from Mors, but I stare at Phrixius as his eyes close, his duty warring with his love. Phrixius is a good man and a lawful god. He believes in his duty and the laws to keep this world safe, and I ruined that. I have made him falter. I have made him question his morals, and if I didn't already hate what I am right now, then that would do it.

I caused the god of magic to falter in his duty, and now he's fighting a battle I cannot help with.

Or can I ?

I made the choice before, so I can make it again.

I cannot let Phrixius do this. I can't let him destroy himself. He deserves better. It is my fault he is here, and it's time I took the blame.

I should have died many years ago. I'm only alive because of Adder, and now he's gone.

Death and I are old friends, and when I look at Mors, I see the knowledge there—I am living on borrowed time, and he knows.

He knows what I will do.

I don't know how I know I can do it, but I send my next thought to him.

Protect him, please.

He inclines his head, letting me know he will, and I let my shoulders droop in relief as I glance at Phrixius. Swallowing, I climb to my feet, and every eye swings to me.

"I cannot apologise for what I am," I tell them, "but know I never wanted this. I just wanted a quiet life. I just wanted to make my spells and maybe be happy, but I know that was never my fate. I wish I could say I was strong enough to resist what I am, and maybe I could have with their help, but it does not matter now." I sweep my gaze over the gods. "There has been enough death. You destroyed my kind, and we try to destroy you. It's just an endless cycle of rebirth and death, and it's time it stopped. It's time to move on. I hope, in the future, there will be a person, one born into this magic like me, who will change this world for the better and give people hope, not hate, because I will take it with me now. I will take it all so that when that person is born, they stand a chance, hopeful for the future. I hope, one day, you're able to accept we are not born evil—we are made evil."

I look at Phrixius as he climbs to his feet and faces me, my smile soft as I memorise his handsome face. I would have been happy making spells at his side, watching those rubbish movies he likes, and playing for an eternity, but it was never our destiny.

This love was never meant to be. We had some stolen moments together, and it's all we'll get. I just hope he finds happiness again in the future because no one deserves it more.

"Thank you, Phrixius, for trying to save me and being with me despite the paths we both knew we would have to take. Thank you for giving me something good to hold onto and something to love. I'm beginning to understand that the meaning of love isn't just a feeling, it's hope, and it's those you would willingly sacrifice yourself for. Even if it means unhappiness for you, you do it anyway because you love them and you want them to be happy."

Stepping forward, I release the chains the god placed around me. It's effortless, just another sign of how strong my powers truly are. When I meet Phrixius's tear-stained face, I see hopelessness in his eyes.

"It's going to be okay," I promise him with a soft smile. I feel the darkness swirl around my feet, and the gods panic, stepping back. Seeing the gods' terror only hammers home that what I am doing is right. "I do not want to be this world's destruction, but the bitter truth is, I would if it would save you. I should care more about it, but I don't. All I care about is you three. I would swallow it whole and fill it with death if it meant keeping you safe, but I cannot save you if I am alive."

"Freya—" He stumbles to me, but I hold him back with a flick of my finger. Watching our magic meet for the last time gives me a sad sort of nostalgia for simpler times, when I didn't know the true depth of my love for this man.

"This world needs you, Phrixius." It's one of the only times I've ever used his full name, and I see the moment it registers. "It needs you, but it does not need me. I was supposed to die all those years ago. I was never supposed to live past my birth. I will rectify that wrong now. I'll go out on my own terms for you," I say with a tearful grin. "I love you so much that I will not let you live with this on your soul for the rest of your life, even though you know it's the right thing to do." I see his soul being torn apart. Duty and honour fight with his love for me. It's not his fault he fell in love with someone so evil, but it's also not my fault I became this way.

We are just two storms destined to meet, but I will not let him die out.

Moving across the floor, I ignore everyone else, placing my hand on his cheek for one more stolen moment. His eyes close in bliss as I lean in. "I love you, remember that, and live for me. Find your happiness once more and live every day like it's your last life." I step back, and before he can stop me, I wave my hand across my body, directing all the evil and death towards myself.

I implode into a million tiny pieces and take the legacy and vengeance of our people with me.

I seal our past with my death, and I free his future.