Chapter 33

CHAPTER 33

I wake with a scream, fighting the smoke until I realise it's hands.

"Freya!"

I turn my head and meet Phrixius's worried eyes.

I didn't see him in the vision, but that doesn't mean . . . I turn my head and throw up on the floor. Hands rub my back as I gag, my body still feeling weak.

"Shh, it's okay. We are here." It's Phrixius's voice, and I gag harder. The idea of him touching me fills me with a sick feeling, as well as anger, and when the gagging stops, I sit up. I wipe my mouth, finding him so close I recoil. He tries to touch me, but I move away.

I hold up my hand to stop them as I pant. My stomach rolls as my gaze lands on Phrixius. "Tell me," I demand.

He frowns in confusion. "Tell you what?"

"Tell me you did not kill children. Tell me you did not slaughter babies in their mothers' arms," I order.

"Freya, what are you talking about?" he begs, sliding closer.

"Tell me!" I scream, and he falls backward as my power hits him. It rushes through me, so dark that I don't even realise I am floating above him with smoke crawling up my arms and legs until he gasps, but I cannot stop it. "Tell me you were not like them," I implore. "Tell me I did not let you into my body and my home when your hands are covered with innocents' blood. Tell me!"

A cut opens across his chest, but he ignores it as he climbs to his knees, his hands spread wide as he stares up at me with longing and pain.

"I do not know what you saw, Freya, but please breathe. You are going to hurt yourself."

I snarl, and another cut opens.

"I have killed people, Freya, I will not lie to you, but no, I have never killed innocents nor children. I participated in battles, and I have slain thousands in my lifetime, but not without provocation or reason and never innocents. Look into my soul if you wish. You can check it. I have blood on my hands, but I would never touch a child or someone who did not deserve it."

"They did. They killed children and innocents," I say as I float back to the bed, the smoke retreating at his conviction, and my anger turns to horror.

"They did," he confirms. "Many did."

Blinking through the pain, I face them.

"He is trying to confuse you and drive a wedge between us," Phrixius murmurs.

"It's working. Tell me it was all a lie. Tell me what he showed me was not how it happened." He's silent, and I laugh bitterly. "You can't because he showed me the truth, even if he did it to confuse me. He didn't lie."

"Freya, please listen. I am not saying what happened was right, it was not, but you must understand why they did it. The gods felt like there was no choice. One necromancer could bring down entire cities. You did not see that side, Freya, or the death and power they wielded with one hand. They could destroy the world, and some wanted to."

"Some, not all, yet you killed everyone! You killed innocents." The pain causes me to double over. "So much death. There was so much death."

"There was," he murmurs, moving closer, and this time I don't fight him as he pulls me into his arms. "I cannot change the past, Freya, but I'm trying to change the future. Please believe me."

"You want to know the worst bit?" I whisper as tears fall. "I understand why he's doing it now. If the world killed my child and love, I'd do the same."

"No, you wouldn't," Phrixius retorts, cupping my cheeks. "He has his reasons, and I'm not saying what happened is right because it's not—innocents paid for the crimes of some, and it's horrendous—but you would not do the same."

I meet his confident gaze. "Wouldn't I? Are you so sure? Wouldn't you? Wouldn't you want revenge against those who took the person you love away from you?"

"Revenge does not change what happened," he whispers.

"No?" I search his eyes. "Then what does? Have we really learned from that? My kind is still hunted and killed for existing. Nothing has changed. Maybe he's right. Maybe the world needs this to remind them that they can't just kill an entire classification."

"Freya," he snaps. "You are talking like him. You cannot kill innocents to make a point."

Is that what I was suggesting? I don't even know. I melt into his arms, crying for what I saw. "Then what do we do? How do we make it stop? When does it end?"

"I don't know," he admits. "I might be a god, Freya, but I'm lost in this too. I wish I knew. I wish I could tell you it will get better and that there is right and wrong, but the truth is, we are just existing in this world. Do you want to know what I'm hanging my hopes on?" He pulls away from me, cupping my cheeks. "You. You are my hope for a better future and change. I believe you can show them all that your kind is not evil. You are my hope, Freya. Revenge is not the answer, change is, and I believe in you. We all believe in you."

I swallow the pain, falling into his eyes as I nod, but deep down, I worry.

I worry I will let him down and that I cannot be the change he needs .

I fear I will be the same as those who came before me, and when it comes down to it, I will lose myself in the darkness with the rest.

I'm still feeling a bit . . . sensitive, emotionally and physically. Using my powers took its toll. The demon forces me to eat, and then they just curl around me in bed. I should face my coven and check on them, but I cannot bring myself to. Instead, I melt into their arms.

My brain ponders everything that has happened.

"I am so sick of finding out secrets. My whole life is a lie. Everything I knew was wrong. I need to establish a new faith, a new system." I turn to look at them. "If there are any more secrets or lies, tell me now. I mean it. I cannot handle this later. I do not want to be left in the dark anymore. That is a sure way to make me fall into that darkness." There's a pause, and my eyes flitter to my demon. "What is it?"

He looks guilty. "Freya . . ." The fact that he used my name makes me sit up.

My demon takes a deep breath as he sits as well. "The reason I made the deal . . . who I made the deal with . . . I did not lie. I did it to save you. Our lives are tied, but I never told you what happened, not really, for your own sake, but you are right. You deserve to know."

I stare, knowing whatever I'm going to learn won't be good. "Your mother made the deal." I startle at that. "Your father and mother had been on the run when they were attacked. He died, and your mother sustained wounds. To keep you safe, she used her magic to bring you both here, to her old coven, who had been kind to her even after she'd fallen in love with your father, a necromancer. She was dying and terrified because she knew they would come for you. She begged Agatha to help her. They called me together. She made a deal that I would protect you and keep you safe."

"What did you get out of it?" I whisper in horror.

"You, forever," he admits. "She gave the last of her life to save you, Freya. Agatha and I decided never to tell you. We knew it would hurt you and expose you to the truth. I guess we foolishly hoped by not telling you, you would never find out what you really are and we could keep you safe."

My laugh is bitter, and he flinches.

"I didn't tell you . . . because I was scared you would leave me."

"You were right to be," I state coldly as I stand and leave him behind.

Everything I know is a lie, even my life.

I was never meant to be alive.