Chapter 16

It’s been a week, and Emrys still hasn’t spoken a word to any of us. I know he’s upset that I didn’t tell him about Ares, and I understand that he doesn’t want any of this. Does he regret saving me by killing Ares? Does he hate me now? I don’t know how to approach him, how to ask any of this, as it tears me up inside. It is killing me not to have my mate speak to me. I’ve sent countless messages to his mind through our bond, but he doesn’t reply to any of them. I don’t know whether everything going on with Ares means he can’t hear me, but I get a suspicion he’s just not answering.

I barely see my mum other than dinner and breakfast because she spends the days looking for the matron around the castle, determined to find out more about Terrin’s upbringing. Terrin told me that he was brought up in this castle, but he doesn’t remember much. Bits from my father here and there, including the prophecy that he told him. Matron will have all the answers. But finding her is another mystery. I’ve not seen her myself.

My mother, outside of finding the matron, is getting the ceremony ready. It’s like a mating ceremony almost, and she believes that we should go into the darkness first and let the magic there bind us together with the words that were once used by our ancestors. That the magic, the binding of our souls, is usually done in front of the darkness but not inside it. I have to admit I’m utterly terrified to go in there, especially with how it might react to Emrys being like he is. Grayson is sitting in front of a chessboard, moving the pieces around, and I smile at him. “Playing on your own?”

He looks up as I arch an eyebrow. I notice Emrys’s hands tense around the book he’s reading, sitting on the window seat with his back to the stone of the wall. Grayson grins. “I’m working out strategies to beat Arden. He’s very good at chess. Do you play?”

Chess brings back memories. “Hera was not someone you wanted to play chess with. She always won because she cheated. Phobos always got bored and turned the pawns into live dolls and then had them fight each other.” Playing chess with Hera was a losing game when she could read your mind, and Phobos just creeped me out. “She was very good at winning at all games. I don’t think I ever won one against her or saw her lose to someone else. She used to go to bingo down the street and win twice a week. I lived for the chocolate, sweets, or random stuff she won.”

Grayson laughs. “It’s a shame we didn’t meet.” Grayson clicks his fingers, and the wooden pieces on the board move forward.

I look over at Emrys, who might as well not be here, for the way he is acting. My grandmother taught me to rip a bandage off quick rather than slow; otherwise, the pain lingers longer. “That’s it. I’m done.”

Emrys doesn’t lift his head from the book at my outburst. I’m still nervous as I walk over, snatching the book out of his hands and putting it face down on the edge in front of me. He looks up through his thick white-blond hair, and his light green eyes sparkle like the fizzy apple drink I used to love as a kid. My grandmother always got the glass bottles delivered every Saturday with the milk man, and he claimed I was the only kid in all of Silloth that liked that flavour. Emrys always takes my breath away. Emrys, even pale and weak, stops my heart from beating. “You shouldn’t be anywhere near me.” His voice lowers. “Please. It’s already hard enough…just please.”

The heartbreak in his voice kills me. “You are my mate, and I don’t know if you hate me, if you regret saving my life and killing Ares, but I’m not giving up on you. Don’t give up on me when it’s not over yet. I can fix this; I can find a way?—”

He blinks. “You think I regret saving you? You think I hate you?” He touches my cheek, his eyes softening. “Elle, I’d do it a thousand times over, even knowing this fate. I hate only myself for ever putting you in danger in the first place. I could never hate you. Not now, not when I die, not ever. I love every inch of you, Ellelin.”

His words fix and mend every bit of doubt, every bit of worry and fear in my heart. “You would never hurt me. You never meant it. It was not you.” I lean in and kiss him like time is our enemy and we don’t have enough of it. He freezes against me, almost like he doesn’t want to give in, but then he does. His hands slide round my waist, holding me to him as I moan at his touch. I need him close. I need this talk. Grayson is right next to us, only a footstep away, just in case he needs to grab me and stop Emrys. I can almost feel the walls cracking in tension like the castle itself would protect me, too.

Emrys breaks away first, and I want more. I never want to stop being in his arms. “It’s killing me not to be close to you, but I don’t trust myself any more than that.” He cups my cheek. “I can feel him, you know, there on the surface of my soul, waiting for even the slightest bit of weakness to take over. I feel his emotions like a song in the breeze, whispered in my ear. He hates you and he feels like you ruined his life, destroyed everything for him, and he won’t stop. He is fighting me, draining me, and tormenting my sleep.” Gods, Emrys. “I won’t let him hurt you. I want to protect you against everything, and the only way I can do that is by keeping a distance. Every time you’re close, he fights more. He gets stronger because he uses anger to fuel himself.”

“No,” I snap, climbing off his lap. “I’m moving the ceremony to tonight. You’re not living like this a moment longer. It’s cruel, and now that I know how bad it is…I won’t wait a second longer.” Emrys looks like he wants to disagree, but I speak first. I can’t hear him say no. “We all decided we are forever a long time ago, and the quicker that we’re mated in the ceremony, the quicker we can go into darkness and use that power to split the soul between us to save you. We can lift the curse on my people so we can have an army ready when the time comes. Aphrodite is not going to wait. The people in the West are not going to wait, and Ares is a ticking time bomb. I won’t let him take my mate. Terrin warns his sister is trouble and revenge is all she will seek. He will not be able to do anything to help, and we must be ready for a full out war with the West. Hundreds of dragons remained with the Tsar, and he has an army. His sister has fully sided with the Tsar, and I feel like she will not listen to Terrin.” He feels the same. I feel Terrin’s full agreement in my mind, along with a shred of heartache at the idea of having to fight his younger sister. I wish I could fix that for him, but I don’t know how. “Tonight.”

I wait with bated breath for Emrys to disagree. “Are you sure you want to do this?” He shakes his head. “Listen to me, okay? Doing this means that you’ll feel his hate in your chest forever, too. You’ll feel him, he’ll haunt you too. I don’t want that.”

“And the alternative is what? Letting you die?” A hollow feeling creeps in my chest. “No. I watched your heart stop before. I watched you stop breathing.” My own chest rattles, and I can barely get the words out. “I can’t lose you, so if I have a part of that horrible god attached to my soul for the rest of my life, that is a small price to pay for a life with you. I’m not changing my mind.”

Emrys searches my eyes, and he reaches his hand out, touching my fingers. “Okay.”

Glancing up at Grayson, I find him silently watching. “Is that okay? I mean, moving everything to tonight? I know my mum won’t be happy, and we won’t have time to get your sister here?—”

“She will understand,” Gray offers, firmly looking into my eyes even when his voice softens just for me. “Anytime, anyplace…in any world. I’m yours.”

Arden comes through the door, Lysander following after him, and surprisingly they are both laughing about something. I know the two of them went flying together this morning, bonding, as Arden told me. Things have been so, so much better since we ruined the study, and now, I can’t look at that room without blushing and clenching my legs. I wouldn’t say they’re completely back to normal, but we’re family. We’re linked forever as mates, and nothing’s going to change that. “What’s going on?”

“We are moving the ceremony to tonight, if that’s okay.” I glance at Emrys. “Things are getting worse, and I can’t let him suffer.”

Arden claps his hands. “And I thought today would be uneventful. I don’t know why we waited, anyway.”

Lysander nods in agreement. “It’s about time you’re ours in every sense.”

“I want to play chess. Arden, you in?” Lysander asks, turning the chair and straddling it. Something about that is ridiculously sexy.

“You’re not going to cheat?” Arden responds, raising an eyebrow as he takes the other seat, spreading his legs out.

Lysander innocently smirks and Arden sends sparks flickering his way, which Lysander bats to the side before they burn the chess set and desk. I watch for a bit as they put the chess pieces back in order, and Arden tells Lysander to go first, as he will need the head start.

Grayson kisses me on the side of my head. “I haven’t been able to communicate with anyone in the court. It’s a bit strange and I’m going to try again. They’ve been quiet for a few days now. Maybe they’re just locked down, but with everything going on…I’d prefer to hear from my sister.”

I frown. “Maybe something’s stopping your messages from getting through?” We all made an agreement not to risk leaving the spirit castle and travelling back, not until the ceremony and Emrys was back to his normal self.

“They’ll be alright. My court…well, my people don’t usually respond to messages unless it’s from me. Maybe my messages are getting lost or confused. I’ll send more through the earth.” He kisses me softly once. “I’ll meet you tonight.”

I watch him leave, closing the door softly behind him. Arden and Lysander are already arguing over the chessboard, and I smile at them. Emrys leans back on the seat, a gentle breeze brushing his hair to the side from the window. “How about your court, Em?”

He watches the air, like he can see the breeze itself. “I don’t expect much of a reply. It is still a bit of a broken mess, I’m afraid, from what I’ve heard. There are a few correspondences I’ve had back, and they are limited. I don’t think me going back there alone to fix it is going to happen right now. But I will. The wards are up. That’s the only important thing.”

“I would like to see more of your court. I only saw the throne room and the dungeons. I want to see the rest of it, but can you tell me more?” I question. I just need to speak to him longer, to have more time.

He smiles fondly at me. “It’s made of all little and large islands in the sky, spread between thick clouds. Our people can easily fly between all of them on currents my family designed centuries ago. The air does not frighten us, and the currents are safe. Every island is a little bit different.” He strokes my arm. “On one, there’s just hundreds of waterfalls. They make a pool right in the centre of them, spread out for hundreds of miles. Our people live in the mountains there or on floating houses. Behind the waterfalls are their own streets, markets, and schools. My second favourite island is just pure forest. There must be hundreds of different types of trees throughout that forest, all of them magical and alive. They speak to me sometimes, a voice in my mind so old that I feel their age with each whisper. There are many wild animals too. My dragon loves going there to hunt. It’s one of the quieter islands.” He clears his throat. “My third favourite is the city island. Pretty much all there is on the island is one hugely built city, houses on houses stacked above each other as high as you can think. They were all built round an old dead tree that used to be there for probably thousands of years. But the tree rotted over time and the houses kept the shape around it as we built.”

It sounds beautiful. “Where’s your house exactly?”

“I have a home on every island, but my favourite is on the forest island. It’s quiet, no one goes there. It’s not much. It’s a wooden treehouse structure. I have to cut my own wood and get my own water from the river and clean it. I hunt my own animals there for food, but there’s a peace in that life, quietness.”

I can’t help envisioning him. “I think I’d really, really like to see the wood chopping part. Topless.”

He laughs and it’s the first time I’ve heard him laugh in so long. “When this is all over, I’ll take you there.”

Lysander adds, “I prefer your house on the waterfall island.” Lysander looks at me. “He has a floating house with an infinity pool. The house has its own family of flying otters that bring fish as gifts to their king. Most of the houses that float across the lake are the best I’ve seen.”

Emrys glowers at him. “You’re not going there again. You tried to float it right into a waterfall that one day when you were pissed. There’s still a lot of damage on the back of the house.”

“You were drunk too and, at the time, found it funny.” Lysander laughs, and Arden can’t help laughing with him. I cover my mouth.

“The first time, sure, it was funny. The second time, I was sleeping and woke up under a fucking waterfall of ice-cold water!” Emrys shouts, smiling widely.

Lysander widens his hands. “I thought it would be a funny way to wake you up. In my court, sleeping in the water is an art form.”

Emrys shakes his head, Arden grins, and Lysander laughs so hard he nearly falls off his seat. Grayson’s voice fills my mind. “This is our future. Laughter, love, and peace. It begins tonight.”