Chapter 5

CHAPTER 5

When I was a little girl, I believed that dreams were stories. Stories that you tell yourself in your mind when you’re sleeping, and you had complete and utter control over them. I used to dream of pretty unicorns in fields of flowers and fierce dragons burning down castles. I used to dream of seeing my mother smile in the morning, and of times with my father training me in the shadows. I dreamt of the cosy nights in their bedroom, where we’d watch the stars outside the balcony, and they’d tell me about all the constellations while I drank hot chocolate and ate marshmallows that had been roasted over the fires.

But control slips as you age, especially when your life gets drowned in darkness and your dreams turn into nightmares. When the dreams become real things that you can’t wake from, no matter how much you try, how much you beg yourself to wake up. But you can’t. You’re lost, astray within the dream, within the nightmare so real it makes you sweat. It doesn’t stop because I want it to; it doesn’t disappear even when I beg. I see the commander now, leaning over me, inside his tent that’s so dark. His haunting smile, his hands choking me and ripping at my clothes.

I’m powerless to stop the nightmare and powerless to stop him. I can’t move, I can’t breathe, I can’t do anything to stop him. No one’s going to stop him. No one’s going to help me. I scream and I scream, begging anyone to help, wishing my shadows would help. But no noise leaves my mouth as I scream. Just silence. I can’t breathe. I can’t do anything. “ELLELIN!”

I hear someone shouting my name. Someone I know. But that can’t be right. “Ellelin, you’re going to bring the castle down! WAKE UP!” I hear him shouting and shouting, begging for me to wake up, but I’m frozen, looking at the commander leaning over me. He keeps ripping at my clothes, over and over, and—“ELLELIN!”

Gasping, I wake up in a cold room that smells like salt water, and it’s full of shadows. The bed, the castle, is shaking as more and more shadows flood the room, but they don’t touch me—but they hurt him. Lysander leans over me, and I scream, backing away from him, crawling up the bed to the headboard of the strange room. It takes me a moment to realise I’m not dreaming, to make the shadows drift away, and to be able to breathe. Water is running around the cuts all over Lysander where my shadows literally were ripping him apart as he tried to wake me. Gods, I didn’t mean to do that.

My arms are wrapped tightly around my knees when all my senses fully awaken, and I can see through the fear and know it’s Lysander trying to help me. His hands are up at his sides, in surrender, and he is slowly breathing, telling me I’m safe. Waiting for me. His chest is bare, he’s wearing nothing but a pair of black shorts, and I can’t stop running my eyes over him for a moment. He looks at me, nothing but worry in the depths of his eyes. “It’s me. It’s only me. I heard you screaming, so I came in. I will not hurt you. I had nightmares too, for years when I was a child. This is the only way my mother could calm me down. She told me repeatedly that I was safe.”

“I-I’m s-sorry for hurting you and for the room I’ve destroyed,” I mutter, flinching at the mess of the room. There are so many cracks in the walls, the floors, and the glass doors to the balcony. Lysander has fully healed himself now. My cloak is still on my shoulders, wrapped tightly around me, and my leather clothes are a sweaty mess. Water cools down my body, and I blink, surprised to realise Lysander is all but washing me with his magic.

“Don’t be,” he firmly states with all the conviction of a king. “You don’t need to tell me what your nightmare is about. I see the same things in my nightmares. I think I’ll see the same things until I’m dead.”

“I hope I don’t. I hope you don’t either.” My whisper echoes between us. “He doesn’t deserve any of us to think about him, even in our nightmares.”

We look at each other in the darkness, with only the stars for light, as my breathing calms down. My breath catches and I lower my arms, pulling the blue quilts around me. I don’t even remember falling asleep. It’s been such a long day since we took back the Water Court. So many were injured already, but as a parting gift, Aphrodite hung up over a thousand nobles outside the castle walls. We saved as many as we could, using my magic and Lysander’s to rip down as many of them as possible, who were hanging outside the castle walls above the sea. Alongside any nobles or guards who had the strength to use magic, we saved them. The children were locked away, and thankfully, they didn’t hurt them. Lysander and his court are good with healing, but even then, some of the nobles were too far gone. I think the funerals will ring across this court for years.

Hope showed me this spare room only a few hours ago, and I laid down what felt like a minute before I fell asleep. “I came in to check on you earlier, but you were fast asleep. You did a lot for my court today. They are singing your praises and promising you the world.”

I sigh. “I did what anyone else would have done.”

The silver-touched moonlight shines a glow around Lysander as he gazes out of an arched window that overlooks nothing but stars and seas. “They will never forget, neither will I.”

“I’m sorry I couldn’t stop the gods sooner,” I say quietly before I clear my throat. I’m almost nervous about asking Lysander anything too personal. “What did you used to have nightmares about?”

I see the muscles on his back tense. “About surviving those seas as a child. The creature I tamed…I learned how to tame them pretty quickly when I was down there. I can breathe underwater for longer amounts of time than most of my people, who can just about breathe for ten minutes before their lungs want air, but the cold water used to lock my body up, and I struggled to move. Sometimes I’d just float in the waves for hours, unable to move. I was a child, and my powers weren’t what they are now.” He looks at me over his shoulder, those startling green eyes locking onto mine. “You could say I dreamt of being powerless and frozen.”

In a way, we have the same nightmare. I lift my hand to touch his back before second-guessing myself and lowering it back to the blankets. He carries on talking and I know it’s distracting himself more than me. Lysander is the king of denial in every sense. “These golden creatures are kind, easy to tame, and they took me from island to island. I used to pull a fish out of the water to eat, make fires from the trees. Fresh water was more difficult to come by as I had no knowledge of how to get salt out of the salt water. Occasionally, I found islands where the water had been filtered in rivers, but they were few and far between. The islands disappeared at night, and I only allowed myself to sleep for short periods in the day.”

“Why didn’t you shift into your dragon and just fly away?” I ask, needing to understand him. “Or ask the creature to fly you back home?”

Lysander faces me this time. “It is the way of the kings of the Water Court, and my father was teaching me how to be strong. To leave, to shift, would be a sign of weakness. I am anything but weak.”

A protective wave crashes into me, and I blurt out my thoughts without pausing. “I never said you were weak, but I am telling you that your father was wrong to do that, Lysander. You were a child, and it is horrific that you had to endure that. Fuck your father!”

Lysander’s smile is cruel, his voice a low whisper. “You would say that. It was your father and your court who killed him.”

I blanch, moving backwards, and for a second, he looks like he regretted saying that. Sometimes words cannot be taken back. “I don’t know what happened that day, but my father was a good man, and he would have never gotten your father killed for no reason. You forget my father died that day too! If you want to live your life stuck in this state of wanting revenge over everything else, Lysander, then do that, but it won’t be with me at your side. There will be nothing between us until you accept the past and stop hiding behind it. You made mistakes, Lysander, but I think deep down you are a good person. Maybe a little fucked up, but at this point, we all are. Stop lying to me, to yourself, to the whole fucking world. You aren’t the villain, you aren’t my enemy, and until you admit that, then there will be nothing for us.”

“Nothing?” He arches an eyebrow, his face full of fury. He crawls over to me, and my eyes widen as he grabs my chin. “There will never be nothing between us, my witch.”

Just when I think he is going to kiss me, he pulls back and slides into my bed. “What are you doing? I’m mad at you! Get out!”

He dramatically yawns and it only infuriates me more. “I’m going to sleep, and you are always mad at me. It’s a big part of why we are good together.”

I push against his shoulder, but he doesn’t move. “I did not say you could sleep in my bed! I don’t even know your castle, but I’m sure you have other rooms! Go and find one!”

“This room is my new favourite because it smells like you.” He pulls the pillow closer and rolls on his side, facing me, all humour gone. “You’re still in danger, and I can’t sleep without knowing you’re safe. Now, I am tired after healing half my court, so we sleep. Tomorrow, we will get my mother and brother back and leave the court to them. We have to save my brothers. For that, we must be rested.” He smiles at me as I move to glare at his stupidly perfect face. “Keep glaring at me, witch, and my cock will tell just how much I love that look on your face.”

I glare at him with rosy cheeks for another minute, testing my luck, but I know he is right. I slide down the bed and get comfy on my side, facing him. It doesn’t take long for Lysander to drift off to sleep, and I roll on my back, looking up at the ceiling for a second before letting my eyes drift once again to him. Lysander’s chest is perfect, annoyingly so, and covered in black tattoos or markings, but most are in another language. My skin flushes as I look at him, a dampness growing between my legs. It must be a mate thing, as I can’t look at him and not want him. Even when I’m not sure I want that with anyone at the moment. I’m not ready. A symbol for the Water Court is over his heart, a crown wrapped around it, and on his six-pack are more symbols that mean water. I remember them from my childhood lessons from my tutor.

Even with Lysander next to me, my heart is still racing from the nightmare, and every time I close my eyes, I see the commander. Even though I know he’s dead, I still feel like what he did has some control over me. It’s not fair. He shouldn’t have any control over me. Yet here I am, begging my mind to forget, begging my body to let go of the fear it is clinging to. I need air. Throwing the sheets to the side, I rush out to the balcony, closing the glass doors behind me, breathing in the cold, dark and damp air.

This side of the castle is calm, untouched, with nothing but sandy seas for miles. Crystal green seas are so clear that, even in the moonlight, I can see vibrant coral reefs below. The darkness is touched by starlight here, hundreds of stars, and I’m watching them just as a few blink out of existence. My smile is as bright as a star as I feel an all too familiar bond brush against my mind, touching my very soul. Terrin! I watch as the sky is filled with hundreds, if not thousands, of black dragons and a few coloured ones too. Terrin lands on the beach, sending sand flying everywhere. “Are you coming down, princess?”

“This isn’t Romeo and Juliet,” I joke back to him.

“Who are they?” Terrin asks, completely confused by my joke. Of course, he wouldn’t know who they are unless they read Shakespeare in this world. Glancing back at Lysander’s room, I smile, knowing he’s going to be pissed at me for leaving. He’s right, annoying each other is just us. I use my own shadow as shadows to make a small dragon on the edge of the banister before climbing up and sitting down on the dragon. It crashes through the air, landing on the beach and disappearing within a matter of seconds. “Should I be jealous you can make your own dragon and have no need for me now?”

I laugh, shaking my head. “It’s not the same. The shadow dragon is powered and controlled by me. Brief trips are fine, but I would struggle to use my powers to both fight and make the dragon to ride.”

He rubs his face against my arm. “Fine, I will not be jealous. Much.” I look up to see so many hundreds of dragons filling the sky, a few hovering near the castle. “I’m glad that the people of the Water Court got the message from your king not to attack us as we flew in. We passed many of the Water Court dragons in the skies, and I wouldn’t have liked to hurt them to get here.”

“You brought all of the Shadow Court with you?” I ask. “There are so many more than I thought.”

“They knew their princess was here, fighting, and there is nowhere else we would be. We have our young and eggs with us. We must find safety,” Terrin explains to me.

“Go to the Spirit Court island and take it back,” I suggest. I wish I could go with him, see my true home once more. I was there for months, clueless that it was my home, the place I was born. Every inch of me longs to be back in the magic castle, to feel the energy of the shadows of the Spirit Court like I did as a child. I just can’t return, not yet, but soon. I promise myself soon.

“Leaving you is not something I wish⁠—”

“Terrin, I need you to take back my court and keep my people safe. There’s nothing you can do for me here, and I’m not putting you in danger,” I firmly state. I run my hand over his scales. “Please. I doubt Ares left the Spirit Court lands without some of his stolen army to watch the castle. I owe you so much for saving me from…”

Terrin growls low, sending shivers down my spine. “We shall not speak of that monster. He does not deserve to have his name even whispered in our realm.”

I clear my throat. “Now that I have my shadow magic back, I wonder if I can do something for you.”

“What did you have in mind?” he asks, curious.

“Stay still.” I step back, close my eyes, and pull my shadows around him, wrapping tight around every inch of his dragon form and sensing the magic bind that’s there around him. It’s hard to visualise it, and the magic is incredibly powerful, and I can sense my father all around it. I think he died to make this magic. It feels like chains wrapped around him, and I break them with a lash of my shadows. When I open my eyes, it’s not my dragon in front of me anymore. It’s a man…a beautiful man. He looks to be a few years older than me, smooth dark skin, a slight dark brown beard that matches his hair, which is long, past his shoulders and silky smooth. His eyes are the exact same as his dragon form, green stars in a dark sky, and he’s completely naked. He’s gorgeous, but completely and utterly naked. I look up from his body, and he chuckles low, the sound making my skin pebble. I pull off my cloak and drop it between us as I keep my eyes high up. The dragon kings are stunning, the most stunning males I have ever met, and Terrin is right up there with them.

I don’t know what they made these dragons with, but fuck, it’s dangerous to womankind.

“You can open your eyes now,” a dark, deep voice seductively suggests. His voice is darker, different, and I really like it. “I’ve waited so long to see you as my true self.”

He takes a shaky step forward, and I rush over, catching him. “I’d make a Little Mermaid reference to getting legs for the first time, but you’d have no idea what I’m talking about.” I sigh, reaching up and touching his hair. “I’m not sure how long I can hold the magic back. Whatever my father did, it’s so powerful. I’m sorry I can’t do more.”

Terrin wraps his arms around my waist, and he cups my face with one large hand. There is a ring on his thumb and a symbol I miss seeing. The Spirit Court shadow, with a dragon within the shadow flame. “Mate, if we only have a few seconds, I must taste you.”

Terrin kisses me with all the intensity of a burning flame. I gasp at the first taste of him on my lips, a burning attraction coming to life through my chest. He is my mate. It’s a different feeling than Lysander and I have, but so similar, like shadows and light. He might not be good at walking after so many years as a dragon, but kissing? Yup, he has that one down. I lean into him as he breaks away from me, sucking in a deep breath. “Sometimes I imagine the gods never came to our world, and we met in the Spirit Court as teenagers. That we knew from the beginning that we were mates and spent time getting to know each other without war looming over us and magic keeping us apart. I imagine our mating ceremony in front of the courts, of our night in the spirit of darkness underneath the castle where we would be as one for the first time. It is unfair. We never got any of that.”

I run my hand down his arm. “And where do Lysander, Arden, Grayson, and Emrys fit into this?”

He laughs and I could listen to him laugh all night. “We would fight to the death for you, and I’d win, of course.”

Shaking my head, I laugh at his joke, even if we all do need to talk about this. Somehow, I’ve ended up in serious relationships with five men, and I don’t know how that continues after the war, when the gods are gone and it’s just us. Terrin is right in one way. We’d just have the Spirit Court to ourselves, as he is from there. The others have their own courts, and would I be enough for them if I had to go between all of the courts?

“My power is waning,” I whisper, pushing my insecure thoughts to the back of my mind. Terrin tucks my hair behind my ear. I sense familiar eyes on us, and I look up to see Lysander on the balcony.

Even with the distance, I feel his burning jealousy and anger like it’s my own emotions. “Who the fuck is that?”

“Protect our woman until I am back,” Terrin speaks into my mind, but somehow, it’s sent to Lysander, too. A shared connection. When I was being attacked by the commander, I thought they spoke through my mind, all of them. How is that possible?

Terrin steps back, dropping my cloak, and I get a glimpse of all of him once again before my spell breaks, his dragon shifting back in a cloud of shadow. “I will wait for you in the Spirit Court, as you wish, and so will your people. Goodbye, my mate. The Spirit Court lands will dampen our bond and speaking to you. However, if you are in danger, I will know still.”

He jumps up and flies back into the air, joining the others. With a roar that could shake the very stars, the dragons change direction and head off to our court. “Be safe, Terrin.”

I make a dragon out of shadow and fly back up to the balcony, landing in a pit of shadows in front of a very jealous-looking Lysander. He links our fingers. “I don’t trust him or like him having you. I don’t give a fuck if he is your mate.”

“Lysander, I didn’t mean to hurt you. Can we all talk⁠—”

“Let’s focus on saving the others first, and then we can talk about how you’re mine,” he coldly answers, leading me back to the bed. Lysander pulls me onto the bed, wrapping his arms tightly around me like I might just disappear into the shadows.