Chapter 6

* * *

ALEC

“All right,boys. You know the drill,” Justin said openly in the truck. All of them were completely exhausted. It had been a long night, and while they didn’t have a lot of calls, the one that they did have really kicked all of them in the pants. A storage unit had caught fire, and while the walls were insulated to slow the progression of the flames – it also made it difficult to attack.

‘Slow’ didn’t mean ‘No,’Alec thought wretchedly, actually smelling his own musky body odor. He just wanted a shower, some food, and his bunk – in that order.

“Man, I am dragging…” Lance groaned beside him.

“Same…” Colton admitted.

“It’s a wellness check,” Justin reminded them. “Then we are heading back for some shut-eye.

“Ya’ know,” Alec began, letting his mouth take over. “I don’t see why we go on these things. If they are not well, then we need EMS… but somehow, they are always the last to arrive, it seems.”

Four sets of eyes swung toward him in shock.

“What?” Alec retorted. “It’s true. Where’s the ‘Wee-Woo-Wagon’?”

“Go check it out,” Justin ordered. “Radio back what you find. It’s supposed to be a woman in her late twenties, with possible heart problems.”

“Again,” Alec snapped. “The Wee-Woo-Wagon is where? Hmm?”

“Alec Beckett, if I have to get out of this truck and… oh my gosh…”

“What?”

“Do not make me turn into my father – okay?” Justin blurted out, and everyone started laughing tiredly as Lance nudged his shoulder.

“Go on, brother. There’s white chili in the crockpot at the station, and I can smell you from over here.”

“You are sniffing yourself, Cortes.”

“Maybe.”

“Alec…?”

“I’m going! I’m going!” he exclaimed in frustration, climbing out of the truck.

They always sent up one guy and usually went on rotation. He would go up, knock on the door, open it forcibly if he had to, go inside, and radio back. It was a little weird to see the front door was open, and the screen door was in place; in fact, it reminded him of Mrs. Kendall, in a weird way.

“Wrong neighborhood,” Alec muttered aloud to himself and walked up the path of stepping stones that were lined with tiny little flowers. As he got to the front door, he did his thing. He banged a hand on the frame of the doorway loudly and yelled. “Fire Department!”

Hearing nothing, he tried the handle, and the door opened. Stepping inside, Alec hesitated and saw a very neat, organized tiny sitting room, peering around the corner of the hallway before calling out again.

“E.C.P.D… fire department…”

“Whatcha got, Alec?” echoed in his radio.

“Nothing so far,” he responded and hesitated as he rounded the corner to what was an eat-in kitchen. There, on the table, were two cups of coffee, a plate of cookies, and Willow, sitting primly, wearing a red satin negligee.

“ARE YOU FREAKIN’ KIDDING ME?” he balked.

His eyes nearly popped out of his head as his tongue hit the roof of his mouth. He actually heard a pop and fizzle in his brain as he stared at her. It was probably comical to see his reaction, like one of those cartoon characters where the guy’s tongue hangs out of his mouth, and his pupils turn into stars, stretching from his head with each heartbeat.

Oh mercy…

Willow was glorious. Her hair was all piled in a messy bun, and messy buns were his absolute weakness. All that creamy skin, those curves, and that decadent red satin that fit her snugly. That was the stuff of dreams, fantasies, and this… well, this was a nightmare he never imagined. Never in his wildest dreams had he pictured her pulling a stunt like this – and he could not ‘un-see’ it. The sweep of her shoulders, the curves that…

Alec cleared his throat – and swallowed, trying to pull himself together.

“Sit down, and let’s talk,” she urged softly, pointing at the seat opposite of her.

“Get dressed - and I’m outta here!”

“Alec, wait… please.”

“Beckett, what do you have?”

Alec heard the panic in Justin’s voice and knew that the team was already climbing out of the truck. They would be here within seconds, coming to his rescue. Something unfurled within his soul, dark and possessive, at the idea of his teammates seeing all that skin, that satin, and those curves that should have once belonged to him, he thought explosively.

They could not see Willow in that get-up.

He’d lose his ever-lovin’ mind.

“Justin, it’s a prank from my ex-girlfriend. I’ll be out in a moment,” Alec snapped and paused at the pained yet scared look in her eyes. “Actually, give me five minutes.”

“You got it. Do you need anything, brother?”

“No,” he replied simply and looked at her, unplugging his radio. “What are you doing, Willow?”

“I wanted to talk to you.”

“We don’t talk. We argue.”

“We used to.”

“That was before…”

“Before when you…” she began, and he cut her off.

“Before you shut me down and left. You left, remember?”

“I left for college, Alec.”

“You told me you wanted to grow, have fun, and live life – and apparently, that didn’t include me. Let’s be honest, you broke it off because you wanted to see other people, get drunk, and…”

“I broke it off because I was scared,” Willow whispered, her eyes shining. “I wasn’t ready to have a serious relationship but you come on strong, Alec. Eighteen was too young to be married in my mind, and I knew you were going to ask me. I felt so pressured, like I had to choose between you or going to college… so I chose me.”

A tear streaked down her pale face and landed on the red satin, making him swallow as awareness hit him like a ton of bricks. Willow was telling him the truth, and it was there, written all over her face. She had been scared? Why didn’t she say something?

Yes, he had mentioned marriage a few times, and it was shocking to think that it had driven her from him before he could pop the question. That was not the reaction he’d anticipated. She could have said ‘no’ or ‘let’s have a long engagement’ or ‘maybe after college’ – but obviously, when she felt panicked to the point that he’d driven her, she bolted and blew up the bridge behind her in the form of self-preservation.

A very unhealthy form of it.

“I chose me, Alec - because I was scared and didn’t feel like an adult. I felt like a kid in a grown-up’s body, and my world was moving way too fast. I still needed to do things, to grow, and I was…” her voice faded as she grabbed a napkin in the center of the table, wiping her face, openly choked up now.

He knew her and realized she was barely hanging on. She was putting herself out there to him, opening up and reaching for him. This was the most productive conversation they’d had in years.

“You were scared,” he finished quietly, still not sitting down. “So why now? Why me? Why are you reaching out after all this time?”

“It’s never sat right with me what happened,” she began in a hushed voice. “I knew how badly we ended things that night. I hated making you cry, feeling like I’d ripped out a part of my soul…”

“You did,” he interrupted. “You hurt me and destroyed what we had.”

“I know…”

It was those two silently spoken words that left him gutted and angry at the same time. Like throwing lighter fluid on a flame, he wanted to rage at her, to tell her that every date he’d gone on since her had ended badly because she’d left a hole in him. No one would ever compare, and it took him a long time to trust people – because of her.

“And I’m so sorry, Alec,” she finally whispered. “I feel more secure in my life, who I am, and realized just how much I miss the friendship we once had.”

He swallowed, trying to keep all the sarcastic comments from spewing out of him as he stared at her. Neither said a thing for several moments until she weakly pointed at the cookies in the center of the table.

“Do you still like Samoas? I bought several boxes for you from the Girl Scout troop set up in front of the I.G.A. – they are like little terrorists jumping out at me, and I don’t dare skip buying because of the upcoming election. I’ve got a wide selection of cookies in every flavor imaginable,” she smiled wanly, trying to crack a joke to lighten the mood.

He needed to think – and couldn’t. It was all too much. The way she was opening up, speaking to him, all that skin, and her eyes… oh, he missed her beautiful eyes!

“I’ve got to go,” he said hoarsely. “I’m working and this isn’t something that is going to be fixed between us within five minutes or by some little stunt – and sure shouldn’t be handled while I’m on duty. These prank calls come with fines and…”

“I know.”

“But you did this anyway?”

“I wanted to ask you over for dinner… maybe we could talk?”

“I need to think about this.”

“Of course.”

Something frustrated and ugly reared up within him as he looked at her. He waved his hand helplessly at her, feeling his own eyes stinging with emotion. She always knew how to get at him, to read him like a book, and years later – it was no different.

“You have got to be sure you want this because I am never going to let you hurt me again. You said you chose yourself. Well, I’m choosing me! If you think I’m going to just fall right into your trap like some unsuspecting fly, you’d be very wrong. I don’t need you anymore,” he spat, the lie nauseatingly bitter on his tongue. “I’ve learned to get past you, and I’m not going to roll right over, belly-up when you snap your fingers. Got it?”

“You never were easy,” she whispered tearfully, her lower lip wobbling. “But I always knew you were worth it.”

Those moments from long ago flashed behind his eyes. He’d been the popular jock, and she was the quiet girl at the back of the class. He dated around and rejected others like they were nothing, but when he’d been assigned to work with her on a project – forced into talking to her – things had changed. He”d found heaven and with it came his own private hell that he’d been existing in since she left him.

“I gotta go,” he muttered again, plugging in his radio and backing away from her. “Don’t do this again.”

“Will you text or call me when you get off work?”

“I don’t know,” he said bluntly.

“Alec?” she called out as he turned away – and heaven help him – he paused, standing there with his back to her.

“Yeah?”

“How many people are on the truck? I’m serious about the cookies. Do you need four boxes or five?”

They were all tired and hungry - and nosy. The guys were going to ask what was going on. Maybe he could soften the teasing with the boxes of cookies and dang it. He still loved Samoas.

“There’s five of us,” he said begrudgingly.

“Just a moment,” she requested, moving around behind him.

He stood there waiting, almost afraid to turn around and see something that couldn’t be ‘unseen.’ He already knew he was going to be dreaming of those thin spaghetti straps on her shoulders and the way the lace came down to a ‘V’ over her bosom. Yeah, he really wasn’t ready to see if it was a teddy, a camisole, or whatever else the bottom half was.

Alec swallowed as a hand touched his shoulder, and he saw her delicate arm beside his frame. She was barely out of his sight, and he was fighting the urge to crane his neck to sneak a peek. He accepted the grocery bag stuffed full of boxes that she was holding out to him – and nodded.

“Thank you.”

“Thank you for talking with me… I hope we can do this again soon.”

“We’ll see.”

“In the words of Alec Beckett, ‘That’s not a ‘NO,’ lady’…” she teased gently, chuckling nervously. “Let’s have coffee sometime and talk once more.”

“I’ll think about it.”

“That’s all I could ask.”

“I’ve really gotta go, Willow.”

“Okay.”

Yet, he stood there unmoving. Her hand was still on his shoulder, and he hated the way that every nerve fiber within him was purring under the light sensation of pressure with his sooty coat. How could she want to be around him?

Everything with her was soft, gentle, warm, and welcoming, like a pool of warm water he just wanted to bathe in for hours. He was hardened, rugged, raw, and elemental. There was no explaining who he was, it was just there and a hard fact. They were opposites – and he was drawn to her like a magnet.

Like pulling a boot out of a tar pit he was stuck in, he managed to take a step forward and then another. It was like prying himself from her very presence and it took everything out of him. If he thought he was tired before – that was nothing compared to the exhaustion he felt now.

Physically tired… definitely.

Mentally worn out… uh, huh.

Emotionally frazzled… check, check, check – and ding-ding. We have a winner! He was short-circuiting, falling apart, and felt himself collapsing mentally into a messy pile of smoked Jell-O.

Yup, time to skedaddle.

“I’ve gotta go,” Alec offered up once more, walking shakily out the front door without looking back. He strode boldly across the grass, heading for the ‘Big Red’ refuge ahead, and he hated how close he was to breaking down. Climbing into the truck, he didn’t even look at their questioning faces.

“Cookies?”

“Yo, bro? She gave you cookies?”

“Are you okay?” Colton asked quietly – and Alec shook his head ‘no,’ yanking a box of Samoas out of the bag. He shoved the rest of the bag holding the boxes at Lance, who looked utterly shocked at being the unknowing recipient of such a bounty.

Alec ripped his own box open, yanked out the cellophane tray, and shoved two of the cookies in his mouth with zero hesitation. There was silence in the truck. He could feel their eyes on him, but nothing was going to make him talk right now. No, currently, he was going to gobble some ‘comfort’ and then have the twitches for hours while he surfed the wave of sugar spiking in his veins.

“Alec?”

“Nuh-uh,” he mumbled, spraying crumbs, and shoved another cookie in his mouth childishly to prevent having a discussion with anyone. Several of the guys chuckled, and he heard them opening their boxes, too, as the truck started lumbering forward.

Alec put his forehead against the window glass… chewing.

* * *

Hours later,Alec was still thinking, stewing, and grumbling deep down within his soul. The cookies were nice. He did feel better after his shower, a workout, and a heavy nap… but nothing seemed to make him feel relief. Something was ‘off’ in his gut, and he felt it with every fiber of his being.

At first, he thought he was hungry, but halfway into a sandwich, he put it down and stared at his plate, dismayed. A part of him wondered if he was going to end up with some intestinal issue – and took his phone to go sit on the toilet until his legs were numb and his phone was at forty percent charge, hiding away from the world. It wasn’t until he passed the rec room where several of the guys were lounging around in the evening watching television until their next call when he heard Willow’s voice on a commercial.

He cursed under his breath.

Willow had gotten to him… badly. It wasn’t just the cookies, the satin outfit she’d had on, or the look in her eyes. It was what she said that had hit him hard. She wasn’t pushing him, ordering him about, or telling him what to do, but asking him to meet her halfway… to give her a chance.

Give them a chance.

He bit out an angry word again under his breath and stalked off hotly. No, he needed to sleep, let time pass, and give himself distance because it was all too raw in his turbulent mind right now. If he held a conversation with her right now, it was going to go downhill fast and despite those thoughts, he was already texting her.

You know, you hurt me.

We were a couple and should have been able to talk.

I’d like to talk now – and yes. I ran.

Were you expecting me to chase you down and beg you to take me back? Was this some sort of mental game that I failed at?

No – never. Why don’t we meet up and talk over coffee or dinner?

I shouldn’t have texted.

I’m glad you did, though – even if it wasn’t what I wanted to hear. I would rather have your frustration and anger than your silence.

I’m mad.

You can’t just show up and destroy my safety net I built around my life. You are wrecking my brain, and that’s dangerous for a firefighter. Would you be happy if I did something stupid and got myself killed?

I would be destroyed.

Alec stared at the screen which was trembling from his shaking hands. He wanted so much to believe her and was terrified. The idea of opening himself up to her again made him vulnerable. He would rather face a five-alarm fire with low water pressure than have her rip his soul to shreds again.

Do you still like lasagna?

I could make a pan, we could stuff ourselves, and just talk.

Hello?

I don’t know. I need to think.

Fair enough – thank you for replying.

If I’m quiet, it doesn’t mean that I’m ignoring you. I might be on a call or something. I’ve got a weird schedule sometimes.

Same. If I’m proceeding over a trial, I sure can’t check my phone unless I call a recess – but I will reply.

Gotcha.

Alec?

Yeah?

If you decide to talk, just give me a heads-up so I can bring the ingredients to room temperature. I hope you do, but I understand if it takes a while. If we talk, I know that this will need to happen slowly.

A snail gliding over salt would have a better reaction and get there faster.

You know that salt destroys the mucus… oh.

Yup.

Still want to talk?

Yes.

Fine.

You’ll get your wish.

Tomorrow night.

I gotta shower, sleep, and get some things done, you know, buy mace or a taser.

I’m not that bad.

We’ll see, I guess.

Talking never hurt anyone.

It hurt me, remember?

I gotta go, Willow.

Of course. See you tomorrow.

I might change my mind.

Then I’ll take the lasagna to your mother’s and drop it off.

Alec stared at the phone, everything within him, hoping, wishing, and praying that this wasn’t just some sick and twisted knife in his back. He’d tried so hard to wipe her from his memory over the years, and nothing had worked. Now that she was back on his radar, he felt like the biggest fool because he was falling into her trap like a fly caught in a web.

You win. See you tomorrow night – to talk.

See you tomorrow.

WEAR SOME FREAKING CLOTHING TOO!

No more stunts like that – or this is over before it ever starts. Got me?!

Alec threw his cell phone across the room angrily, not wanting to see her reply, wincing as he saw Justin walk into the room, narrowly dodging the projectile, and he heard the screen crack.

“You okay, buddy?”

Justin stood there, hands on his hips and stared at him with one eyebrow lifted sarcastically. It was written on the man’s face that if he’d pegged him with that Heisman pass, Alec would have required surgical assistance to remove that phone from his body.

“No,” Alec said sullenly. His stupid temper, his phone, and now this… plus the only thing he had to look forward to was facing his past demons tomorrow. Yeah, he was in a mood.

“Do you want to talk?”

“Why does everyone keep asking me to do just that?”

“Probably because they are friends and can tell…”

“She isn’t a friend,” Alec interrupted bluntly and met Justin’s gaze – only in time to see his captain roll his eyes in sudden comprehension. The other man sighed heavily and came to sit down on the bunk opposite of him.

“Look – and don’t cut me off again, Beckett,” Justin began bluntly. “I don’t mince words and don’t really do the whole ‘mushy crap’ thing… but I get what you are going through.”

“You do?”

“Someone hurt you deeply, and you are doubting everything. Conversations, self-worth, if it was a misunderstanding, and goodness knows what else,” Justin retorted, rolling his eyes again. “Look, life sucks, and it can be really hard sometimes – but it’s natural to want to have someone in your life that you can turn to. The problem comes when it’s an unhealthy relationship, and you keep going back for seconds – or thirds.”

Alec blinked silently, realizing that maybe the man did actually understand.

“I wouldn’t share a restaurant with my ex-wife because I don’t want to breathe the same air as her. I couldn’t trust her. She lied constantly about me and was always degrading me to others behind my back. But there are better people out there,” Justin volunteered and glared at him. “If you repeat this, I will beat your scrawny hide to a pulp – but when it’s right, everything is different. The sun is brighter, you feel a happiness in your soul because you have someone who has the same values or thoughts as you, and even if you disagree – it’s done with respect.”

To his shock, the captain smiled tenderly and closed his eyes before turning his face toward the ceiling.

“My wife is my heart, and my son is my very soul. The world would be a very bleak place without either of them. She smiles, and I feel it in my gut. When you look at someone and realize you would give up everything for them, no matter what their thoughts are about you,… that is love. You can only hope they feel the same way – and with Lauren, I knew she didn’t and wasn’t capable of it.”

Alec didn’t know what to say and reverted to what he did best – smarting off.

“I thought you said you weren’t going to be mushy. Dude, that was worse than ten-day-old bananas left on the counter. You know where you get fruit flies and that nasty juice oozing out the…”

“Why you little…”

Alec grinned, holding up his hands in surrender.

“I’m teasing.”

“You are about to eat your front teeth.”

“Why do you think I’m holding my hands up like this?”

“You’ve got a smart mouth, Alec… try not to use it when you talk to whoever because it really puts people on edge or in a fighting frame of mind. I’m guessing fighting is not what you want to do with whoever you are thinking about?”

“Not really.”

“I didn’t think so – so keep your yap zipped and let the other person spill their guts first. You learn a lot from keeping quiet, and the saying is true. You get more flies with honey than you do vinegar,” Justin retorted, getting up from his seat and pointing at him. “And we didn’t just talk about this.”

“No, sir… Captain Daddy Dailey.”

“Beckett…”

The growl was his final warning, and Alec knew it. Instead, he gave him a slight salute and nodded, fighting the urge to laugh, knowing he got under the man’s skin.

“Yes, sir. The mouth is closing, and I think I’m gonna catch a nap before our next run.”