Chapter Seven

Pasha

I hadn't left Avyn'sapartment since moving two weeks ago.

She'd been trying to get me out for some fresh air, but I got plenty of that on her balcony. Most days, I sat out there just looking up at the sky. I talked to my parents as though they could hear me. I prayed. I contemplated life thus far and how I would pull myself out of this slump. Two days ago, while Avyn was at work, Raymond's lawyer officially served me with divorce papers. I guessed that Avyn told him I would be with her.

When the carrier left, I locked myself in my new bedroom and lay in bed, crying my eyes out for an hour. When I finished, I looked over the documents. I knew Raymond wanted to give me practically nothing. I was sure it was at the encouragement of his lawyer that he offered anything at all. He was willing to pay for my lawyer and offered a lump sum alimony payment. It was nothing like I deserved, but it was more than I had. I knew this tactic was to get rid of me as soon as possible.

Somehow... in between the crying, the feeling of despair, and the cloud of hopelessness... I found peace because signing these papers meant I was free from him. I was free of the hatred in his stares. Free of the coldness of his words. Free of the impossible expectations to be perfect at all times. I'd lived in turmoil for so long that freedom that granted me peace of mind was worth more to me than any monetary supplement from him.

The sound of the front door opening broke me from my thoughts. I stood from the patio and walked back inside. Avyn greeted me with a smile.

"Hey! You're up!"

"Yeah, just soaking up some sun. It feels good out."

"It's been a beautiful day."

I noticed the gift bag in her hand. "What's that?"

She looked down. "Oh! I got you something. Nothing big, but I hope it can serve its purpose."

She handed me the bag, and I slowly took it. After sitting on the couch, I opened the bag to find a medium-sized box with a beautiful pink bow on top. When I pulled off the top, there sat a beautiful, black, leather-bound notebook. Gorgeous embroidery spelled my name across the front.

Avyn grabbed my hand. "I know you don't want to talk about things, but I don't want you to keep your feelings inside. I need you to be okay. This is a self-reflection journal. I had it specially made just for you. You can write your feelings, make a goal list, and do daily affirmations in it. It doubles as a planner also. I literally have my entire life in mine. I would lose my head if I lost it."

I smiled softly. "Thank you, Avyn. This was a very thoughtful gift. I promise I'll put it to good use."

I pulled her in for a hug, and she released the biggest breath of relief. I knew she was worried about me, but she never forced me to talk. There'd been a lot of silence here the last two weeks. I was trying my best to stay out of her way and not be a bother. I made sure I cleaned up after myself and kept the place spotless.

"Have you had a good day?" she asked me.

"It's been a better day compared to others." I hung my head for a moment. "I, um... I got served two days ago. This is really happening, Avyn."

She gently rubbed my shoulder. "It is."

"This is the first time I've ever been on my own. I don't know what to do with myself. I can't continue to live like a housewife, and I will never have anybody else take care of me again. If I don't take anything else away from this, I'll take away the idea of always being self-sufficient."

"Amen to that," Avyn mumbled. "Sorry, boo."

"No, it's okay. I admire how you've always made your own way in the world. Nobody can ever say they gave you anything. You've always worked hard. That's commendable and respected."

"Thank you, girl. So... Is he offering anything?"

"To pay for my lawyer and a lump sum alimony. I'm going to request he be mandated to continue to pay for my therapy for as long as I attend."

"Good for you. You should go after that house too."

"I don't want that house, Avyn. We don't have any children, so there's no reason I should want it. There are too many sad memories there. He and his bad energy can have it. Besides, the taxes are so expensive that I'd lose it anyway. The same with the car."

"I would tell you to sell them both."

"That man would never let me have it in peace. He owned that house before I came along. Even if I didn't want to live there, I'm sure he'd find a way to keep it from selling. I just don't want the hassle. I'm starting over, and I will do this on my own."

She smiled. "Well, I'm glad to see the fighter moving in your spirit. I'm gonna help you help yourself." She reached into her bag and produced a piece of paper.

"What's this?" I asked, taking it from her.

"An application. The hotel is looking for someone new in housekeeping. The application is just a formality since I'm the one doing the hiring. It's a livable wage, and you can ride to work with me. Don't expect any special treatment now just because I like you more than most of them," she added with a giggle.

"Thank you, girl."

"I told you I got you. I've also got some good news!" She reached into her purse and pulled out an envelope.

"What's this?"

"That is an official offer for your wedding ring. I went to seven different jewelry stores, and that was the best offer I got. If you accept it, you only have a week to change your mind."

I opened the envelope to find a tentative offer of $12,000.

"Are you serious?"

"A pawn shop would have never given you that much."

"How did you manage this?"

"I may or may not have shown a little boob."

I playfully smacked her arm. "Avyn!"

She laughed loudly. "I'm playing, girl. You remember Ahmed from high school. His family owned like half of the Palace Plaza."

"I remember. He used to have a crush on you."

"He still has a crush on me. We're supposed to go out tonight."

"So you traded a date for my ring?"

"I secured you an offer for a date. Ahmed isn't the same as we knew. That's a full-grown man now, girl."

"I thought the cop was your boo."

She giggled. "He's one of them."

We talked for a little longer before she headed to her room to nap, and I went into the kitchen to cook dinner. I had to find some way to earn my keep because she refused to take my money. I used her water and electricity, ate her food, and took up space. I needed to show my appreciation somehow. Cooking tonight would be it.

"You have it smelling good in here!"

I looked up to see Avyn standing in the entry of the kitchen. I'd been so focused on preparing the meal that I hadn't seen or heard her come in. She came around to the stove to peek into the pots.

"What are you cooking?"

"A creamy Cajun chicken pasta."

I proceeded to cut a piece of the chicken for her to sample. It was no surprise that she was eager to taste it. She closed her eyes and chewed when I popped it into her mouth. A satisfied moan fell from her lips.

"Mmm... That's so good."

"Thank you. When I cook, I do a little something."

"Aunt Virginia did keep you in the kitchen growing up."

I chuckled. "She did. She always told me that the way to a man's heart is through his stomach."

My mother told me many things about how to be the perfect housewife. I realized now that that really only applied to my daddy. He was a good man... a different breed. She did what was expected of her regarding caring for him, me, and the house. He did what he was supposed to do as the head of the family, but he also wasn't afraid to pick up the slack should she need help. He never complained. He never belittled her if something wasn't done. He simply did it himself. My father was the definition of giving grace. He understood that while they both had duties, my mother was also human, and she got tired like anybody else.

"I guess I must be a man then," Avyn mumbled.

"It's done. I'll fix you a plate—"

"You don't have to serve me, Pasha. I'm fully capable of making my own plate. As a matter of fact, you sit down, and I'll make your plate too."

"But—"

"No buts. Sit."

She ushered me over to the dining room table and pulled out a chair. Reluctantly, I sat and waited while she made both of us a plate and drinks. She placed both in front of me, then seated herself and reached for my hands. Bowing our heads, I closed my eyes as she said a prayer.

"Lord, we want to thank you for this meal and bless the hands that prepared it. May we consume it as nourishment for our bodies... thank you... Thank you for bringing my best friend back to me. I pray that you uncloud her mind and clear her heart to receive all the blessings you have in store for her. In Jesus' name, amen."

"Amen," I whispered. I swiped a tear from my eye before she could see it. "That was beautiful."

"I may act like a heathen at times, but God knows my heart."

We settled into our meal, and she told me about her day. She told me she had lunch with Tia and Black, and they asked to see me. I decided that I was finally ready to have visitors. I did miss them. It wasn't so long ago that the four of us were inseparable. Maybe a little girls' night would lift my spirits. I agreed to see them, and Avyn suggested inviting them over tomorrow night.

"Oh! I meant to tell you something!" She did a little shimmy in her seat.

I giggled. "Why are you dancing?"

"Guess who I saw today?"

"Who?"

"Your angel."

I raised an eyebrow. "My angel?"

"Callum."

"Oh... How is he?"

"He's doing good. He asked about you. He wanted to make sure you were doing okay. I think he may be a little smitten with you, girl."

"Avyn, the man saw me on the most embarrassing night of my life. If he feels anything for me, it's pity."

"I don't think so."

"Look at me... A man like that would want nothing to do with a woman like me."

"First of all, what you aren't going to do is down yourself. You are a naturally beautiful woman, Pasha. Inside and out. If there are a few things you're unhappy with, change them. But do it for you and you alone."

"I just want to feel like myself again."

"And you will. I have faith in that. This might be the end of something ugly, but it's the beginning of something absolutely beautiful. Just you wait and see."

We continued talking and eating while she told me about her plans for the night. Once we finished eating, we cleaned the kitchen and watched television for a while. When it was time for her to get ready, I retreated to the guest room. I decided on a nice, calming bubble bath to relax and reset. I lit a few tealight candles and played music while the tub filled. After stripping down, I eased my body into the water.

"Mmm... That's nice..."

Resting my head against the back of the tub, I closed my eyes and allowed the music to soothe me. Once upon a time, this was one of my favorite things to do. My parents had a huge garden tub in their bathroom at our home. I used to lock myself in their bathroom for hours, listening to music and refilling the tub when the water grew cold.

While I soaked, I thought about what my next steps would be when my divorce was final. I knew I didn't want to stay with Avyn for too long. She was a single woman, and I knew she needed her privacy, if for nothing but peace and quiet. The first thing on my list was looking for an apartment and a car.

While I was stuck in my head, Avyn came in and told me she was about to head out. When I looked at the clock, I realized I'd been in the tub for at least an hour. I decided to drain the water and take a shower. Once I finished my hygiene, I changed into my pajamas and climbed into bed. For a moment, I lay there looking up at the ceiling.

The gift bag from earlier caught my attention, causing me to sit up. Removing the journal, I flipped through the pages, landing on a page of aspirations.

What's your aspiration in life?

I thought about it for a moment. What was my aspiration? Given everything that life had thrown at me and all I was dealing with, only thing came to mind... to be happy.