Chapter Three

Pasha

The knock on my door broke me from my zoned-out state on the couch.

Since Callum left, I'd been sitting in this same spot, staring at the wall. He was the only person who knew I was here; surely, he hadn't returned. Who could be knocking at the door? Maybe they had the wrong room. I didn't want to be bothered anyway, so I just let them knock. It wasn't until I heard my name that I paid attention.

"Pasha?"

Immediately, I recognized the voice. It was my best friend, Avyn. Well, I wasn't sure I could call her my best friend anymore. I've been isolating myself from everybody for a while now. I didn't know what was happening with them; all they knew was that I'd been a ghost. Avyn used to be my girl. I knew I'd spill everything to her if I answered this door.

"Pasha, are you in there?"

Again, I remained silent.

"I have a key... I'm coming in."

The sound of the door unlocking caused me to groan. I heard the sound of heels clicking across the floor. When I looked up, Avyn was standing there with tears in her eyes. That's when I noticed the hotel uniform and the tag that read General Manager. Of all the hotels to end up at, it would be the one where she worked.

She rushed over and pulled me into a hug.

"Pash... God, I've missed you. You just ghosted everybody. We've been worried about you, boo. Tia, Blake, and I have all been worried about you. Every time we called, you wouldn't answer. We'd see your car every time we came by the house, but you wouldn't answer the door. I've even gone to the hospital several times to talk to Ray, and every time, it was the same story: you just didn't want to be bothered by us. We've been friends since we were thirteen, Pasha. How could you just shut us out like that?"

She finally stopped talking long enough to allow me to speak. Looking at her in the face, I felt horrible about abandoning our friendship. I just wasn't in the headspace to deal with myself, much less anybody else. I didn't want to lie to her, but I didn't need her pity right now.

"I'm sorry," I said honestly. "I just needed some time to myself, Avyn. My mental isn't where it needs to be."

"I get that, Pasha. I've seen you go through a lot in the last few years. You've been walking around with your spirit broken, and that son of a bitch has been no help—"

I cut her off. "I don't want to talk about Raymond."

"Did he do something to you?"

"No. I just... I just needed a break from life. I promise I'm fine."

"Why are you lying to me?"

She stepped back and took a look around the room. My things were still in the middle of the floor. I hadn't bothered to unpack or move them. Folding her arms, she looked back at me.

"You have a lot of things here for a ‘break,' Pasha. I looked at your booking reservation. It said you're here for two weeks. Who is Callum?"

"Avyn, please."

"No!" she yelled, her voice cracking. "You've shut me out long enough. If something is going on, please let me help you. If Raymond is putting his hands on you—"

"He's not putting his hands on me."

"Then why else would you be all packed up in here on another man's dime? Are you... Are you having an affair? That I could understand."

"No, I'm not having an affair. Raymond isn't physically abusing me. Callum is... He was an unexpected blessing. Nothing is going on there."

Avyn shook her head. "I don't like this. You're hiding something from me, and if I have to run down on Raymond to find out what's really going on with my best friend, I will."

Her dislike of Raymond started after the death of our son. She didn't like how he seemingly brushed the whole thing off. He took one day off from work to "grieve." Anytime I caught him looking at me that day, there was no emotion on his face. If it weren't for Avyn being there to ensure I had anything I needed, I would have been left to deal with it alone.

At that point, I didn't know how he was feeling. Maybe he was dealing with it in private. Perhaps he didn't know how to express his mourning. I just didn't know and didn't want to believe he could be so heartless.

"You don't need to do that, Avyn. Please, don't go over there."

I was ready to beg at this point. Avyn frowned as she sighed. Her beautiful face softened a little. My friend liked to fight, and she would have no problem tearing Raymond a new one. I wouldn't have her going to jail over the likes of him.

"I love you, Pasha. You aren't just my best friend; you're my sister. Your hurting hurts me, babe. I wish I could take all of it from you and carry it, but I can't. What I can do is be there for you. You just have to let me. The girls and I would do anything for you, boo. You know that."

I swiped a tear from my eye. "I know... I know."

"You have my number. If... When you need me, call me. I don't care when or where. You call me, and I'll drop everything and come to you."

She pulled me into her arms, hugging me tight. I wanted to break right then, but I held it together. If I really let my emotions go, I would be spilling my guts. The last thing I wanted to do was dig into an open wound by telling her everything that happened just a few hours ago.

"I'll let you get some rest," she said as she pulled away. "I'm about to head home for the night, but I'll be back tomorrow. Maybe you'll let me see you?"

"Maybe."

She offered a light smile. Cupping my face, she placed several kisses on my forehead before walking back to the door.

"Avyn..." She turned back to face me. "Thank you. I love you too."

She nodded as she left the room. I fell back onto the couch and curled into a fetal position. I knew I needed to let somebody in. I just didn't know how I was going to come back from this shit. I was on a ledge, and I was likely to jump if one more thing happened.

It was three a.m.

Since Avyn left, I'd been sitting in the same spot on the couch for hours. I'd yet to shower and change my clothes. I was sure I had dark circles around my eyes. I was exhausted, exhausted from the day's events. Exhausted from crying. Just exhausted with life. I'd never contemplated taking my life before, and the fact that it even crossed my mind terrified me.

What did I really have to live for? My parents were gone. I was childless. My husband was divorcing me and having a baby with another woman. I felt like there was nobody left in this world that truly loved me. I didn't like myself very much right now, let alone loved myself. I thought about how different my life could have been.

What if I'd gone to college? What if I had taken up a trade, joined the military, or done something that would make me feel like I had a purpose? I had nothing to show for myself. What money I did have from my parents' death and the sale of their home was tied up in an account that I couldn't touch for the next five years.

Since we didn't need the money, Raymond suggested that I do a certificate of deposit and allow the money to draw interest at a higher rate. That was fine. The problem was my bank didn't allow early withdrawals before the maturity date, so I was shit out of luck. I had about $800 to my name—and six of that came from my driver tonight.

I thought about that kind soul. He'd never know how much I appreciated him and what he did for me. The room he booked me had a kitchen area with a sink, microwave, and a full-sized fridge but no stove. If anything, I could grab a hot plate from the dollar store and pick up a few groceries. I sighed at the thought of having to spend the little money I did have. Eight hundred dollars already wasn't a lot of money. The thought of blowing through it quickly was depressing. What was I going to do when it was gone?

I looked down at the wedding ring on my finger. Raymond paid a good twenty thousand for it. If I pawned it, I could get a few thousand back. That would be enough to get me by for a little while... at least until I found a job. I didn't have many skills outside of cleaning and cooking.

I shook the thoughts from my head as I finally stood from the couch. After digging through my suitcases and trash bags, I found my pajamas and body wash. Maybe a shower would soothe me. I'd go through my things in the morning. Right now, I just wanted to cleanse myself of the day and try to get some sleep. In the bathroom, I stripped down and stood in the mirror, staring at the puffy-eyed, pitiful mess looking back at me.

My hands roamed my body and pinched at my skin. Where I was once toned, I now had a little pudge. My breasts didn't sit up quite like they used to. Once upon a time, I could proudly walk around with no bra and be okay. Not so much anymore. It was sad how much my confidence had changed.

I sighed as I pulled a shower cap over my hair. It had been in a bun for the last two weeks. It was a wonder it hadn't matted up too badly. Standing under the steady flow of hot water, I closed my eyes. I thought back to the day my life changed forever... the very beginning.

I wandered around the hospital. Avyn's father was having surgery, and I, being a good friend, came along to support her. He was awake and spending time with his family. I didn't want to crowd them, so I told her I'd wait in the cafeteria until she was ready to go. On my journey to the lower-level café, I stopped on every floor just being nosy.

"Are you looking for someone?" asked a deep voice behind me.

I jumped as I spun around, clutching my chest. My eyes widened as I looked up at the most handsome stranger in blue scrubs and a white lab coat. His badge read Raymond Sinclaire, MD. Cardiothoracic Surgeon. He stood roughly six feet even, with honey-colored skin and a neat haircut. His eyes were a deep brown and kind. He was easily everything I loved in older men.

"You scared me."

He chuckled. "I apologize, Ms...."

"Brooks... Pasha Brooks."

"Ms. Brooks." He reached for my hand and shook it. "I apologize for scaring you. You just looked like you were wandering, and I wanted to see if I could be of some assistance."

"I'm not lost. Just passing time until my friend is ready to leave. I was actually on my way to the cafeteria." I gave him a flirtatious smile. "Maybe you could show me where it is."

"I thought you weren't lost?"

"I'm not, but you scared me. The least you could do is walk me."

He gave me that million-dollar smile as he shook his head. "Lucky for you, I'm on my lunch break."

"Then you can join me. See how that worked out?"

"Look at that." He offered me his arm. "Follow me."

He led me down to the cafeteria. Not only did he join me, but he paid for my meal. For an hour, we sat talking and getting to know each other. By the time he had to leave, I was smitten. Foolishly, I determined that he was everything I dreamed of. I was honest with him about my age, and it didn't deter him from asking for my number. Honestly, at twenty, I could have passed for at least twenty-five. He said he liked how I carried myself and admired my maturity.

I spent the entire ride telling Avyn about the man who swept me off my feet. Just like my parents, she warned me about him. What I thought was a flex, she thought was creepy. They all gave up trying to convince me otherwise once they saw us together. He was sweet, loving, caring, and gentle. He always presented himself as a gentleman. He wined and dined me, bought me expensive gifts, and took me on expensive trips. He opened doors and pulled out chairs. He always treated me like I was the most delicate thing in his world. Those actions were what made me submit to him.

He took care of me. He showed me the type of love I was looking for. It didn't occur to me until this very moment that I had been groomed. I barely knew myself at twenty. All I knew was this fine, older man wanted me, and I wanted him. I was the perfect, unsuspecting candidate; gullible. I was a good girl. I did what I was supposed to. I wasn't out partying and drinking. I went to church every Sunday with my parents.

The furthest I'd gone with a man was allowing an ex to please me orally during my senior year of high school. I was a virgin when I met him. He told me that I was pure and perfect. He loved knowing that when he could touch me, he would be the only man who'd ever done so. When I was no longer perfect in his eyes, he seemed to despise me.

Now, here we were.

Now, here I was... broken, broken, and touching rock bottom.