Chapter 17

CALIX

Exhaustion was a thing buried deep in his bones, but Calix needed to stay awake. He needed to get them out of the city.

“Absolutely not,” Aubrey said, taking the reins from him the moment they left Marble Hill. They’d both agreed that Ethaniel should sleep in the carriage while they fled the city, and neither of them was going to chance waking him. Ethaniel had looked the worst out of all of them by far, but it hadn’t escaped anyone’s notice that the moment Calix took the book from Ethaniel, he easily dropped into sleep.

Now the book rested safely with their few bits of luggage inside the closed — and locked — compartment below their feet.

Aubrey was staring at him so intently it made Calix blink. “Absolutely not…”

One eyebrow went up. “Absolutely you’re not going to stay awake. I can drive, I know my way north for at least a day. Go rest.”

Oh no.

Apparently Aubrey had the same realization, at the exact same time. Truth’s hand might have been discarnate, but they felt it all the same.

“You heard my thoughts,” Calix said. Please don’t agree with me—

“I did. Sort of.”

Shit.

Calix jerked his head up. “Sort of?”

Aubrey’s brow furrowed so much Calix feared his eyebrows would become one. “I would appreciate it if we stopped having so many odd things happening all at once,” Aubrey muttered before clearing his throat. “I didn’t hear your thoughts. It was more like I understood your intentions roughly when you did? I think.”

Aubrey shook his head, his jaw working, and Calix reached over to run the pads of his fingers over the ticking muscle, which immediately softened under his touch. “Rosehill can be our respite,” Calix said softly, unable to think of much more in the moment other than that safety. “But I am now deeply concerned at what that bloody thing is doing to us.”

Home

Safety

Peace

Connection

Yes, connection for me. For you. For US.

The very thing he always craved. The sloping roofs and thick glass windows, the plush rugs and soft leather chairs, and the rambling rose garden after which the house was named were more than a construction meant to hold things and people. They held memories.

The big oak bed in the second largest bedroom where he’d first kissed another boy. The stone hearths decorated with thick pine boughs and bright red holly berries during Christmas. His mother’s candlelit study, smelling of leather and beeswax and roses.

Always roses. It’s why the rose garden was her resting place.

“I get to see her when we arrive,” Calix said, suddenly beyond exhausted, and yet he worried what might happen if he closed his eyes.

Aubrey only hummed in response.

Before him stood a figure wreathed in shadow.

“I’ve been here so long,” the figure said, “that I’ve forgotten so much.”

A strange sound, like broken whispers flung into the air by a careless hand, filled Calix’s ears.

“Tell me, oracle,” the figure continued, staring at Calix as though they could see through him, “do you hear them as clearly as you hear me?”

There was a hand on his shoulder. His leg. Grasping at his arm. There were hands everywhere, their touch light and then not.

One curled cold fingers around his neck and squeezed. Calix coughed, fought against its grip but it held firm.

“They hear you more than you them, I think,” the figure said. Its shadow wavered for only a moment, but Calix swore he saw a suggestion of femininity in its shape. Its voice, though, was still echoing pain and smug satisfaction, turning over and over again, preventing him from learning its intent.

The hand at his throat squeezed again. A warning, he thought.

The words left him in a rush of thorns and vertigo. “Just whispers,” he rasped, twitching against the hands that held him in place. Calix was cold all over, a wave of aching sensation that sunk into his flesh like teeth. “Who are you?”

The figure chuckled. “The final one. The only one. The one who rose to the surface like a nightmare, and a dream. But then, just like that, after so long in the dark, you appeared. A beacon for me to latch onto. Don’t you see, Oracle? Don’t you see what we can do together? I hold the wisdom of so many trapped within this book before me. What do you want? I can give it to you. I won the struggle for dominance and consumed the rest. Imagine what you could do if you let me in. If you give me a home, a proper one.”

Calix’s mind reeled, the ground beneath him spun. “What are you offering?”

“Everything,” the figure said, and that one word echoed in the space around them. “I am Convergence, and I am him. I used to raise the dead, charm the living, and speak the language of the angels and the heavens above. I offer all that, and so much more, little Oracle,” A hand floated to Calix out of the darkness and stroked his cheek. “I waited so long for someone like you to open a door.” Then the hand passed over his brow, almost gentle. “Sleep.”

Calix startled awake as the carriage stopped.

Ethaniel was beside him, doing his evident best to not look concerned. But Calix saw his brow smooth out as he smiled. “Good. You’re awake. I told Aubrey we had to stop. We need food, clothes, and proper rest.”

Calix rubbed his eyes. The day was too bright and the carriage cabin was stifling. “It smells like mud and smoke in here,” he said, sitting upright. “How did I get in here?”

Ethaniel jerked a thumb toward the window. “Aubrey.”

Ah, of course.

“But he’s gotten us to a proper town.” Ethaniel sighed and squeezed Calix’s hand. “We’re safe now.”

Dread pooled in Calix’s stomach. They weren’t safe as long as Convergence was with them. It was a truth as sure as the spring sunshine outside and the warmth and strength of Ethaniel’s hand on his.

Calix slowly climbed out of the carriage, his clothes stiff with mud and his entire body one massive ache. The inn sat on the corner of a quaint street, flanked by a general store and a few freshly painted homes. It was the kind of town he was used to outside of New York, hastily slapped together as new arrivals to the States pushed on the available resources. Many immigrants pooled their money to buy land or buildings, to open stores or boarding houses or stables or even schools. A quick glance around told Calix this was that very kind of place.

Their arrival would not go unnoticed by locals, but Calix trusted Aubrey had led them somewhere secure. For a night, at least. Calix helped Ethaniel gather what little they had, and slung the satchel over his shoulder. He hated having the book so close, but he couldn’t make it an albatross for anyone else.

Aubrey appeared on the clapboard walkway outside the general store, a canvas bag on each arm. He nodded in greeting, then motioned to the inn. He looked…well, rather normal, considering the circumstances and his muddy clothes.

“Is he all right?” Calix asked as Ethaniel led him around the back of the inn.

Ethaniel sighed. “Aubrey is very good in times of crises. But you and I need to make sure he rests. Will you help me with that?”

Calix felt honored. “Yes, of course.”

The room into which Ethaniel led them was surprisingly large. The bed was crisply made, the militant corners of the navy bedspread making Calix long to slip underneath. A large oak dresser sat to the side, and the oval white and blue rug covered the middle of the floor. And off to the other side of the room was a very large bathtub.

Relief was a wave through his entire body. “I will fight both of you for the tub,” he said, making Ethaniel and Aubrey laugh.

“We’re all disgusting. I think we can manage.” Aubrey set the bags down before slumping against the wall. The placid expression he’d worn on the street was now gone, replaced by a weariness Calix was certain the man felt in his soul. “Go on, then, but give the water a moment to heat up. I’ve been here before, and I figured a place known was better than the three of us coming into a town unknown. We should only need to stop for tonight, and if we take turns with the reins, we can shave off roughly half a day.”

Ethaniel chuckled as he unpacked the bags Aubrey had brought in. Plain trousers, plain shirts, and simple socks were set aside from one; the other contained pouches of jerky, dried fruit, bread, and hard cheese.

Calix was suddenly torn, as he realized he was ravenous. But Ethaniel nudged him to the tub, then tossed him a towel from a nearby shelf. “We’ll manage. Go.”

Calix hesitated. They both looked so worn. He knew there was no one to blame but himself for this entire mess. Or, at least he had been the catalyst down this road full of potholes and fire and smoke.

Aubrey’s hiss of pain as he began to unbutton his shirt spurred Ethaniel into action. “Let me see,” Ethaniel said as he crossed the room, leaving Calix to pull the wood screen around the tub.

Calix left his filthy clothes in a pile and didn’t wait for the tub to fill completely before dumping in an obscene handful of bath powder and slipping in. The hot water felt like a blessing against every bit of his weary body, and while the dirt flaking from him was absolutely disgusting, he instantly felt better. He slid his hands along the tub’s curled edges and watched his body disappear under cloudy water.

When the last bit of tension had eased from his body and the tub couldn’t hold any more water, Calix finally willed himself to relax. This wasn’t Rosehill, but it was out of the way and safe enough that Aubrey had trusted their wellbeing to this little inn. It was enough, for now.

Beyond the screen, Calix heard hushed murmurings — likely Ethaniel trying to help Aubrey — and those small sounds made him sigh. He had all but careened into these two men’s lives and yet, they hadn’t left his side. It was remarkable. And a tad frightening.

And then there was Lawton.

Calix blew out a hard breath and scrubbed his hands over his face. Lawton wasn’t a problem for now, even though his heart thumped in an unsteady but very familiar way.

“That was a mighty breath.” Ethaniel was near the screen again, his shadow stretched long across the floor. “Are you all right? Are you injured?”

“Best let Ethaniel see to you,” came Aubrey’s call from deeper in the room. “He’s only had a bit of fun poking me. I can tell he’s not satiated.”

Aubrey’s words carried a hint of mischief, and they made Calix feel emboldened. Why yes, maybe he did need help.

Or maybe I’m losing my mind. Maybe I’m so exhausted I’m still dreaming, except now it’s about the hands of a handsome tailor.

Calix shivered despite the warmth of the bath. Anticipation — and need — walked fingers up his spine. But he felt guilty, constantly taking from both men. Men who had saved his life and kept him close despite the obvious danger he posed.

“I can hear you thinking,” Ethaniel said, and Calix looked over to see him pop his head over the screen. But the blasted man had a hand over his eyes. Calix sputtered a laugh. “I’m not trying to be inappropriate here!” Ethaniel said, indignation curling through his words.

“I am,” came Aubrey’s dry-as-bone reply.

Calix laughed again, louder now, and Aubrey joined him. “Well, if you two have had your fun,” Ethaniel fussed, disappearing once more. “Then maybe I won’t help you wash your back, Earl.”

Calix was laughing too hard to properly retort.

“Bloody hell, Ethaniel, just go. If he doesn’t want your assistance, I’ll be right here and quite willing,” Aubrey said, chuckling.

A moment later, Calix felt a presence at his right shoulder. “You’re going to bruise spectacularly, I’m afraid,” Ethaniel said. He was so close that his breath stirred the hair at Calix’s neck. “Is that from the carriage?”

Something about Ethaniel’s words, his tone…his softness made Calix open his eyes. He was up to his shoulders in steaming, sudsy water, but he suddenly felt rather bare. Laid out before Ethaniel’s scrutinizing gaze, Calix could only slump deeper into the tub.

“You don’t have to hide from me,” Ethaniel said quietly, reaching for a washcloth. “And I’m afraid we don’t have much in the way of medical supplies, but Aubrey did pick up a bit of aloe balm. It should help with the bruising.” He held up the faded but clean yellow washcloth. “Do you want some help?”

A knot formed in Calix’s throat at the simple, honest offer. He didn’t trust his voice at the moment, so he leaned forward and braced his arms on the tub’s edges. He hadn’t even been aware of the bruise on his right shoulder, but under Ethaniel’s gentle fingers, Calix’s skin prickled. It wasn’t pain, necessarily, and he was certain the pain would come later. Now it was more of an awareness — of both the injury and the man helping him wash his back. It was a deeply intimate thing to do, and yet Ethaniel had offered it with nothing but surety, and honesty.

The water sloshed as Ethaniel wet the cloth, and Calix stared down at the knobs of his knees poking up through the water. He marveled at how, instead of feeling small or child-like, he felt cared for. It had been years since anyone had offered something so simple, and done so with no selfish intention. The knot in his throat tightened.

“Let me know if it’s too much?” Ethaniel’s voice, like his touch, was soothing. Calix let his eyes close so he could sink further into this strange, welcome sensation.

Trust yourself to let someone else in like this. To let them touch you in this way. You’ve already kissed both of them. Why can’t you let yourself go?

Whatever had built up inside Calix broke. A sob tore out of him, and he put his forehead on his knees and cried while Ethaniel touched him so sweetly and whispered gentle things in his ear.

Ethaniel rubbed his back until the water cooled, leaving Calix feeling like an emptied oyster shell, then helped him up and out. Swaddled in a towel, Calix shuffled back into the room to find Aubrey sprawled on the rug, shirtless and snoring gently.

Calix froze, then felt Ethaniel come up behind him. “I had a feeling that might happen,” Ethaniel said, fondness in every syllable. “The man sleeps like the dead, it’s truly remarkable.” He nudged Calix to the bed, which Calix was realizing was a perfectly normal sized bed…for three of them. “I’ll get him up, don’t worry.”

Calix turned back to Ethaniel, to the man’s unwavering hazel stare and soft smile. “I’ll help,” he said, shaking his head when Ethaniel made noises of protest. “You helped me. Who helps you? Don’t think for a moment I haven’t noticed the selflessness, Ethaniel.”

Maybe it was daring. Maybe it was the vulnerability Calix could feel draped over him like a shroud. The towel around his waist was tied tight, leaving his chest bare to Ethaniel’s sight, and something in Calix trembled at the thought of those long fingers trailing over his skin with no water to ease the way. Lawton had liked how pale and thin the Calix of their youth had been, and over the years Calix had taken up fencing and calisthenics, hoping it would drive him away. It didn’t work, of course, but he had tried.

A strange thing, to transform yourself in order to keep another at bay, but the way Ethaniel looked at him now, Calix could only feel wanted. It was a want he welcomed.

Calix stepped into Ethaniel’s space and whispered, “You don’t let yourself want for much, do you?”

Ethaniel shook his head. “It’s not…I can’t. Or, I couldn’t. My uncle needs care, and now I don’t even know where he is. For all I know, he’s with…” Ethaniel’s pause seemed his own personal albatross, and Calix didn’t want to pry.

“We’re the only ones here,” Calix said, reaching up to trace the corner of Ethaniel’s mouth with his thumb. “Aubrey and I had a moment together, after the fire.”

Ethaniel was fixated on him now, staring down slightly at Calix as if they were seeing each other for the first time. And…it was true. The first meeting had been as tailor and customer. Then as pursued and rescuer, followed closely by both of them turned into cogs in the wheel of some strange, magical machinations.

Never like this.

“I smell terrible,” Ethaniel said, which Calix ignored in favor of plucking out the little bit of leather that held back Ethaniel’s thick hair. “Calix…”

Calix slid his fingers into Ethaniel’s hair and kissed him. Ethaniel immediately melted against him, and while Calix had prepared to back down the moment Ethaniel expressed a desire for anything but Calix’s kiss, this was decidedly better. Ethaniel was taller by a bit, but still shorter than Aubrey, so Calix was able to wind his arms around Ethaniel’s neck and push up on his toes. Ethaniel’s fingers bumped along Calix’s upper spine and then Ethaniel let one hand drop down Calix’s back. His touch was gentle but encouraging; a delightful contrast to how Calix clung to him.

Ethaniel followed Calix’s lead in their kiss, only daring to deepen it when Calix made a desperate noise in the back of his throat. Ethaniel would be a generous lover, a kind one; the type to never back down from another’s needs, and someone who delighted in giving so completely. The revelation of what that might feel like, sound like, made Calix shiver.

“Is it too much?” Ethaniel asked after they broke apart.

“God, no,” Calix managed to breathe out. When he dug his fingers into Ethaniel’s hair, and then against the man’s scalp, Ethaniel’s eyes fluttered shut, his mouth dropping open. “Oh. That must feel good, then.”

“Incredible.” Ethaniel was still gripping Calix as if he feared letting go would make Calix disappear. “Never stop.”

Calix bit his lip hard enough to make him wince, but he didn’t stop massaging Ethaniel’s scalp. He did carefully draw Ethaniel’s right arm down, until he could guide Ethaniel’s hand down his ribs. Then lower, until the towel stopped them.

At that, Ethaniel opened his eyes and Calix got to properly stare into them. He didn’t have to speak to communicate the want his body nearly vibrated with. He was a tuning fork under Ethaniel’s control, and he wouldn’t push for anything Ethaniel didn’t want.

Ethaniel very much wanted, apparently.

Clever fingers tugged at the towel around his hips while Ethaniel crushed Calix into a blistering kiss. This was raw and rapturous, all-consuming in the only way Calix wanted from every lover and had yet to experience. The bits of the room faded — the drip of the bathtub faucet, the quiet murmurs from the street below, the sound of a carriage bumping along the rutted road. Everything was Ethaniel.

He should have been embarrassed at how he pushed up against Ethaniel, practically rutting his hardness against Ethaniel’s hip. But the sparks dancing behind his eyelids, the tongue in his mouth, the fingers skating over his now-bare skin only demanded his attention, and his desire. Calix let his worries fall to the wayside just as Ethaniel slid his other hand beneath the towel and pushed it to the floor.

“You’re gorgeous,” Ethaniel whispered as he pressed kisses into Calix’s jaw. “Can I touch you?”

Heat washed through Calix, like nothing he’d ever felt before. This was what he’d ached for for so long. He gently pulled back to look Ethaniel in the eyes while saying, “I might combust if you don’t.”

Ethaniel nodded and let go only long enough to strip out of his shirt, leaving his suspenders dangling as he didn’t bother to remove his trousers. And the entire time, he stared at Calix with desirous appreciation. His eyes didn’t linger on any one place, but instead took Calix in as himself. Whole. Pale and freckled across his shoulders and down his arms, a trail of those same dots across his upper chest. Ropy, lean muscles and only a smattering of hair on his chest, leading to a thinner trail that traced down his stomach. Calix fought not to ball his hands at his sides, his lungs seized up in a power play between vulnerability and desire.

Ethaniel recrossed the space in one big stride, crashing into Calix. What could he do but melt against Ethaniel, give in to the mouth on his, the hands exploring his skin? And how could he not whimper when Ethaniel’s palm slid down his back and lower yet, following the curvature of his body? Their first kiss might have been lodged in Calix’s memory, but it was sure to be supplanted by this one and how it embraced them both so completely.

There was a soft noise, then movement, to their right, and Ethaniel tried to break away, but Calix pressed against him, desperate for friction, for anything that might ease the fire in his veins. “Let him come to us in his own time,” Calix whispered against Ethaniel’s mouth.

To his surprise, Ethaniel’s laugh bubbled up between them. “Oh, Calix,” he murmured, his touch to Calix’s backside more brazen now, squeezing and caressing. “He likes to watch. I can assure you he’s more than content.”

Ethaniel guided Calix’s chin between two fingers, just like Aubrey had in the carriage, so Calix could take full stock of the man in question. Calix didn’t know where to look, his sight full with the lines of Aubrey’s body as he had propped himself up against the footboard of the bed. How his chest heaved and his hips flexed; how his long feet were planted firmly on the floor, but his toes were curled against the rug; and how Aubrey’s muscles jumped as he palmed himself through his trousers. That glass-green gaze had gone dark with desire. It only accentuated the sharp lines of his face and Calix found himself snared in Aubrey’s orbit again.

“He’s beautiful, isn’t he?” Ethaniel said as he gently took Calix by the shoulders so he could slip behind him. “Aubrey’s always been lovely, but I daresay age is kinder to him than us mere mortals.”

Calix bit his lip hard when Ethaniel’s touch, still so gentle, slid down his hips. He had wondered where all this would lead, after the uncertainty and danger of the last few days. Where their strange, heightened energies would take them. Both of them had caught his attentions immediately, but Calix couldn’t have anticipated this.

He yearned, like anyone else might, but this was different. New and heady and it made Calix want to give in. Let Ethaniel direct his body while Aubrey watched.

“I want to touch you,” Ethaniel said, astutely reading Calix’s need. Maybe it was Ethaniel in his head now, skating so effortlessly across the waves of desire. “I want to pull you off.”

“And I want to watch,” Aubrey said, voice gone husky as he stared at Calix. “But it’s your decision. We won’t think anything –”

“Yes. God. Please.” Calix easily leaned his head back against Ethaniel’s shoulder and took Ethaniel’s hand in his own, guiding it down.

The softness of earlier was dashed away, and Calix could only watch as Aubrey quickly unbuttoned his trousers and pushed them off, leaving him completely bare. Stunned by the beauty in front of him, Ethaniel’s first touch to his cock made Calix buck forward, leaving Ethaniel to grip him by the hip to hold him in place.

“Be good for Ethaniel,” Aubrey said softly as he spread his thighs apart. His legs were, like the rest of him, gorgeous, but the power in them as Aubrey shifted left Calix dizzy.

“Be good for us,” Ethaniel said in his ear.

Calix threw his arm back to grab at any part of Ethaniel he could reach, and his touch made Ethaniel hiss appreciatively. “God, please touch me,” he panted.

Ethaniel hooked his chin over Calix’s shoulder and planted a kiss under his ear. “We’ll go slowly,” he said as he wrapped his fingers around Calix’s cock.

“Fast, slow, I don’t care,” Calix moaned. His knees were trembling and he was dizzy and short of breath. And then Aubrey began to stroke his own cock, his beautiful mouth twisting into a snarl that only made Calix’s heart beat faster. Of course Aubrey would be beautiful even while doing something so intimate.

And Aubrey’s little chuckle at Calix’s desperation only made the need under his skin beat a heavier, more urgent tattoo. As did the hardness that pressed up against his backside, and the way Ethaniel’s movements mimicked those of his hand.

“You’re exquisite,” he heard Aubrey say, and the revelation of it made Calix tremble.

Calix lost himself in the hazy blur of it — the rawness of his nerves, his skin, the way Ethaniel crooned breathlessly in his ear, and how intensely Aubrey focused on Calix while pulling himself off. At one point, when Ethaniel pressed another kiss into his skin, Calix swore he felt that kiss’s twin ghost over his cheek, as if Aubrey were on his other side.

But Aubrey…for fuck’s sake, the man was glorious. Sweat beaded at his temples and he’d spread his legs even wider, heels ground into the floor. Aubrey looked as lost to it all as Calix felt, and the urgency between them seemed to find the right tempo. As Ethaniel stroked him, from tip to root and back, Aubrey followed. Some wild part of Calix’s mind understood they were both being conducted by Ethaniel, but he didn’t care who was leading so long as the fire in his skin was abated, and soon.

“Ethaniel…fuck, god, please,” Calix said, not caring how desperately he was begging.

“I think you’ll wait,” Ethaniel said in his ear, “until Aubrey’s found his release.”

The power play of it, knowing he was safe and being cared for, only made Calix push back against Ethaniel’s little thrusts, making Ethaniel swear. It had never been like this…ever. Calix wanted to drown in the trust and the pleasure being shared. He wanted to roll around in it and never leave.

“Wait,” Ethaniel whispered when Calix shuddered against him. Ethaniel’s hand stilled on Calix as Aubrey looked up at them.

“Let yourself go, Aubrey,” Ethaniel said before curling his tongue against Calix’s jaw. “Let it take you under. It’s only us here. Let go, darling. We want to watch you.”

And Calix watched as that stubborn, stalwart, intelligent man fell apart with a rattling groan and a full-body quiver. He was gorgeous in his destruction, and Calix found himself enraptured by the sight.

“He’s beautiful,” Ethaniel said in his ear, “and so are you.”

Ethaniel stroked him quickly now, both of them full of the sight and sound of Aubrey’s shivering from aftershocks and softly groaning as he slumped against the bed, spent and flushed but looking directly at them. Ethaniel used the downstroke to press his thumb against Calix’s cockhead, seeming to delight in how Calix keened as he shook through his release.

Calix lost track of everything except how light he felt in the moments after orgasm, but he did register Ethaniel’s gasp as he spilled over his hand. It seemed Ethaniel had enjoyed himself as well from the way he was panting in Calix’s ear, so Calix shelved daydreams of dropping to his knees and putting his mouth to good use on Ethaniel’s overheated flesh.

Calix’s slow rise to the surface made him realize how exhausted he was, and one look at Ethaniel and Aubrey told the same story. Calix fell face-first into the bed the moment after he’d cleaned up, lost to the sensation of loose-limbed relaxation and the sounds of the others washing and changing.

The bed dipped to his right, so Calix turned on his side to come face-to-face with a smiling Aubrey.

“Sleep,” Aubrey said before leaning in for a kiss. “Ethaniel will be here in a moment.”

When the bed dipped again, Calix let himself be moved until the others were comfortable, leaving their limbs tangled together and Ethaniel’s breath warm on his neck.