Chapter 12

CALIX

Few words were exchanged between the three of them on the carriage ride. The unspoken sat heavy in the air, but not as much as Aubrey’s dire words back at the baths. They rattled through Calix’s mind like marbles. He couldn’t keep his fingers out of the tassels of his scarf, the silky threads slipping between his fingers as he combed through them. Ethaniel kept his hands in his lap, fingers laced together tightly, his head bowed so his long, wavy brown hair fell across his face. Across from him and Ethaniel, Aubrey peered out the small window, his chin on his fist, jaw clenched tightly. Calix ached to say something, but no words could convey how he was feeling, and what he assumed the others were feeling as well.

The only clear thoughts he had were diametrically opposed in so many ways, including all manner of sense, but they sat firmly in his mind. On one hand there was Lawton, and Calix’s sheer anger at his friend and occasional lover. God, he’d been so blind. He’d known Lawton’s fickleness, his flitty sense of loyalty, first-hand but for some reason, Calix had never expected it to turn against him. How many times had Lawton said, “You’re the only one I can trust, Calix. Darling dearest. My one true friend.”

Yes, and how many times has he left you out in the cold? Left you at a club or a dinner to follow after a pretty set of eyes? Left your bed empty, so when you rolled over in the morning, the weight of how alone you were sat like an anvil on your chest? How long were you going to trust that, no matter what, Lawton would always be there for a laugh, for a good time?

How many times were you going to let him touch you, kiss you, fuck you against a wall or in your bed and leave you breathless and still yearning for more? How many times were you going to let him crush you and then come back as though nothing had happened but a good time?

When were you going to be stronger than that?

When his eyes burned and tears threatened, Calix didn’t try to hide how he wiped them away with the back of his hand. Nor did he try to hide his sad smile when Ethaniel put a gentle hand on his knee and when Aubrey looked at him with concern before silently handing over a handkerchief.

“Thank you,” Calix said quietly. “I’m simply feeling sorry for myself. It will pass. We have work to do.” He shook his head. “I have work to do.”

Instead of the rebuke he was expecting, Aubrey said, “What did you have in mind?”

Calix leaned back against the seat, glad for the both of them. Lawton was no real threat, Calix was certain of that. But whatever this Golden Order was, Aubrey had certainly been worried, but had refused to speak on it further until they were safely at his townhome. They would drop Ethaniel off at his home (“It’s plenty warded, Aubrey, so you needn’t worry so much”), and then he and Aubrey would cross town to The Village to prepare for whatever might walk through the front door at midnight. He needed to stop at home as well, to check in with Richard and grab his mother’s diary.

Calix had an idea, one that had coalesced in a bright moment, steeling his fear into anger like a blacksmith might turn a lump of iron into a sword. It had happened when he’d seen Ethaniel’s magic on full display, beautiful and powerful and dizzyingly breathtaking. Ethaniel hadn’t been afraid of who he was, what he was, and he hadn’t hesitated. Suddenly, Calix had known his part in all of this mess. It had meant saying out loud a truth he’d buried for so long, and that terrified him.

But he could do this. He had to do this.

Calix cleared his throat and said, “With a bit of time and a few simple items, I might be able to divine what Lawton’s planning and if he’s going to betray his own word.”

Aubrey’s eyebrows couldn’t arch higher, and Ethaniel’s hand on Calix’s knee tightened. “I thought your visions were unpredictable,” Ethaniel said.

“They are,” Calix conceded.

Aubrey’s expression couldn’t be more serious as he said, “Except?”

Calix gave him a weak smile. “I can try to tap into the power. It’s tricky, and it doesn’t work most of the time.”

“But it’s worked in the past?” Ethaniel looked utterly bewildered and Calix couldn’t help but think how adorable he was in the moment.

“A few times.” Calix couldn’t bring himself to say what lay on his tongue.

“More importantly,” Aubrey said quietly as he leaned forward and braced his elbows on his knees, long fingers interlocking under his chin, “was what you divined in those times correct?”

Calix nodded. “Twice. Out of a dozen or so attempts. Many of them were…rushed due to circumstances.”

For all Aubrey was staring at him like a specimen under a microscope, those glass-colored eyes fixed in interest and wonder, Calix saw sympathy written in the lines of that sharply-featured face. “And?”

“Aubrey.” Ethaniel’s reprimand was gentle and it made Aubrey blink. Calix was still understanding their dynamic, but it was impossible to hide how that one utterance made Aubrey pull back a little. The man was so intense, Calix feared his hair might catch on fire, and he was thankful for Ethaniel’s ability to balance Aubrey out. He understood their dynamic at least that much.

Calix held up a hand. He might as well spit it out. “The first time it was right, I was under my mother’s strict supervision. She prepared the ritual, taking days to cleanse the house and ensure our timing was exact with the rising of the moon. I was fifteen and home for holiday break. I focused on something small, the health of one of the horses who had suddenly taken ill. I saw her…” He cleared his throat, the memory rising not like the moon had that night, but like spark in dry tinder. “I saw her die, in agony. But it didn’t show me the stable catching on fire from a lantern that she’d kicked over.”

He couldn’t meet their eyes now. Not Aubrey’s penetrating gaze or Ethaniel’s steady stare. Empathy rolled off them both in waves, threatening to pull him under. Calix focused on his hands and waited for the inevitable question about the second time he’d forced a vision. Not even Lawton knew about that horrible truth.

Ethaniel was the one to break the silence. “You don’t have to tell us, Calix.”

“I think he does,” Aubrey said, making Calix jolt upright, an indignant reply already metal-sharp in his mouth. “While it may be the polite thing to do, Ethaniel, we need to know. I need to know what we’re walking into.”

As the carriage rumbled to a stop, Aubrey leaned into Calix’s space and tipped his head up with two fingers. His touch was gentle, more a suggestion than anything else, but it went through Calix like lightning. He was sucked into the whirlpool of Aubrey’s gaze, helpless in that grasp.

Calix reveled in succumbing to it..

“The second time you saw something, it was another death, wasn’t it?” Aubrey asked softly.

“My mother’s.” The reply was dragged from him but not unwillingly. Calix let the words go. Holding them for so long, for a decade of pain he’d avoided, finally felt wrong. He should say more out loud, should speak up even when it hurt. He shouldn’t let others take and take and take and never give him back the things he so desperately needed and deserved.

Aubrey didn’t pull the words from him. He gave Calix the space to let them go.

A bit dazed, Calix let out a shaky breath. He let Aubrey give a slow nod of understanding and he let Ethaniel pull him close, the tailor’s strong body warm against him in that dim space of the carriage. He wasn’t judged for what he’d seen and what he had done, and they didn’t ask for the sordid details.

They both let Calix breathe until his head cleared and he was able to open the carriage door.

“We’re going to figure this out,” Ethaniel said in his ear before he exited. “Both of you, please be cautious.”

“We will,” he and Aubrey said it at the same time and it made Ethaniel laugh.

“Well, since you’re both on the same page…” Ethaniel gave Aubrey, then Calix, a canny look and, smirking, leaned in to swiftly kiss Aubrey on the lips.

Then he turned to Calix, eyebrows raised in anticipation.

“Oh.” Calix swallowed hard, then nodded. Ethaniel took it as permission to place a soft kiss at the corner of Calix’s mouth. It left Calix tingling all over, and the only thing he could do was sit back and let Ethaniel close the door. Leaving him and Aubrey alone in the carriage.

Their ride rattled around a corner, the cushioned interior of the carriage muffling the street noise just beyond their fragile shell. Calix forced himself to look up at Aubrey, only to find the other man cheekily smiling at him.

“You knew he’d do that,” Calix said, flustered and blushing.

“I did.” Aubrey’s smile grew and it only made the man more infuriatingly handsome. Calix’s heart beat harder. “That was our little plan in the bath house, you know. Before we were so rudely interrupted.”

“The plan?”

As graceful as anything, Aubrey slipped from his seat to take up the spot at Calix’s left, leaning back with his long legs elegantly crossed at the ankle. Calix suddenly found himself obsessed with Aubrey’s ankles and legs and everything they attached to. And that gaze sucked him in once more.

“We were interested in sussing out your interest,” Aubrey said softly, his words practically curling at the edges inside Calix’s mind. He knew logically that Aubrey was talking about intimacy and physicality, but Calix couldn’t help but be charmed at Aubrey’s gentle approach. It was clear the man wanted, like Ethaniel wanted, but no one had said the words outright.

Maybe he should. Just to be absolutely certain.

You are braver than you know. Even if thinking about…sex right now is impractical. We could all be harmed grievously doing this. I don’t want to have missed out on a moment in the here and now.

“My interest?” Calix reached out until he could put his hand on Aubrey’s bicep. Aubrey made the tiniest sound but didn’t pull away. “In…both of you?”

Aubrey was so still and that made Calix’s heart pound beneath his ribs. “Admittedly, Ethaniel and I are just finding our footing again, but if you’re amenable…”

Calix didn’t give himself time to think, to question if it was wise or right. Every single thing that he’d held close or hid away, every bit of pain and stress of the last few weeks, every thought of Lawton using him once again for his own ends, came crashing down on Calix’s head.

People like him, like Aubrey, like Ethaniel…they made connections quickly, fell in with people of similar inclinations at a pace that would defy all social norms. They had to, because it could all be stripped away by a street preacher as easily as the stroke of a mayor or governor”s pen.

He wanted, and it burned so hot he couldn’t bear it any longer.

Aubrey was so much taller than him but Calix didn’t let those long legs or broad shoulders get in his way. He climbed into Aubrey’s lap, planted his hands on the carriage seat, and kissed Aubrey hard. Immediately, there were palms sliding down his back, holding his quivering body still in that calm, collected way Aubrey had about him.

The man’s kiss, however, was pure fire. Aubrey met Calix’s flame with one of his own and Calix clung to that warmth. He welcomed Aubrey’s tongue into his mouth, let Aubrey mold his body with his touch, and when he tipped his head back to breathe, Aubrey didn’t relinquish his hold. He pursued Calix with such beautiful tenacity and needy lips against his jaw, his neck.

Calix didn’t shiver because he was cold. No, now he understood how to properly burn, blazing like a wildfire that couldn’t be put out.

The carriage jolted to a stop just as Aubrey reached up to cup Calix’s face between his hands. “You are a constant surprise,” Aubrey whispered in the growing warmth of the cabin. “And you’d best kiss Ethaniel like that or he’ll be sorely put out that you kissed me first.”

Calix fought not to smile and lost. His entire body tingled, and he felt alive on a level like he’d never experienced before. Maybe kissing is supposed to feel like this, he thought as he stared down at the stunning symmetry of Aubrey’s face.

“I kissed you first because I thought you’d be the higher hurdle,” he replied, not trying to sass the man but…he sort of wanted to.

“Is that so?”

The sudden twist of darkness in Aubrey’s voice made something squirm deliciously deep in Calix’s belly. “Perhaps,” he teased.

Aubrey rumbled something that sounded like wordless consideration, his gaze heavy on Calix now. Calix felt studied once more, but this time, it was with a level of care he’d only seen directed at Ethaniel. “Shall I come inside with you?”

“Are you worried about me?”

“Even if you hadn’t just kissed me as though your life depended on it, I would be,” Aubrey conceded. “Be quick. I’ll tell the driver to wait.”

Calix bit back on the urge to say Yes, sir, and carefully slipped off Aubrey’s lap and stepped outside.

“Take this.” Aubrey’s hand appeared out the window, a velvet drawstring bag dangling from his fingers. “Just in case. Check your doorways in and out of the house with it.”

Calix took the bag and opened it to find a small set of spectacles, the half-moon kind that sat low on the bridge of one’s nose. “Do I need to do anything with them?”

Aubrey chuckled, the sound low and deep as it rattled through Calix. “Other than wear them and look over your doors? No. If there’s any errant magic, you’ll see runes or a glow.”

“All right. Thank you, Aubrey.” Calix smiled up at where Aubrey’s face was just visible through the carriage’s curtains. “Give me ten minutes.”

“Not a moment over, or I’ll be forced to come in and rescue you.” Aubrey’s tone was serious but Calix heard a bit of amusement buried within.

“Well, we wouldn’t want that,” Calix replied. “Ten minutes.”

With that, he hurried around the side of his building, fumbling with the tiny spectacles. Calix paused before the back entrance he sometimes used, scanning the doorway. It was nothing but seafoam green paint chipping on the old wood, and the heavy black door Richard hated because it would swell and stick to the doorframe when summer came along.

Calix shook his head, smiling fondly, and took the stairs up to the main level of his townhome. “Richard?” he called out as he paused in the small foyer, his hand immediately going to the table on which a picture of his mother sat, the silver frame glinting in the late afternoon sun.

Thunderous steps heralded Richard’s approach, and Calix was blindsided by a hug so forceful it threatened his lungs. “Oh, thank God,” Richard said as he squeezed Calix tightly. “I’ve been looking everywhere for you.”

Calix was startled by the physical affection for only a second before he let Richard cling to him. “I’m so sorry,” he replied, meaning every word tenfold. “It’s been a hellish few days but I’m safe.”

Calix pulled back to give Richard a once-over. As usual, not a black hair was out of place and his suit was perfectly pressed. The only hint of something amiss was the flush in Richard’s pale face, making his freckles stand out. “Are you all right?” he asked, heart pounding.

Richard nodded. “I’m fine now that I know you’re whole. What happened? Where have you been?”

Someone not accustomed to his relationship with Richard might have been aghast at a “servant” speaking to Calix thusly. But Richard was family, like a brother to him, and Calix had no trouble speaking plainly to the man. Except for now — the knowledge he had, the things he’d seen and experienced over the last few days? It could put Richard in harm’s way.

“I can’t explain fully,” Calix said slowly, stepping back so they could both take a much-needed breath and he could safely return Aubrey’s spectacles to their bag. “And before you argue, I’m saying this because there’s a…few shady personages roaming about and I don’t want you involved. The less you know, the better.”

Calix motioned for Richard to follow as he took the stairs to the second floor library. The library was across the hall from Calix’s quarters, so he asked Richard to fetch his suitcase and a valise while he gathered a few objects from his desk. Richard came back with the luggage moments later, a question clearly written on his face.

Calix huffed out a sigh as he sat down at his desk. “I have to be quick, I’ve a carriage and a friend waiting outside. But it’s imperative you do two things for me, Richard.”

“Anything,” Richard replied with the kind of earnest loyalty Calix would never, ever betray.

Calix gently ran his hands under the lip of the desk, fingers searching for the button that would pop open its secret compartment. With a click, the desk’s left drawer opened, then with a whirl of enchanted gears, the drawer grew twice in size. It was an old pattern of his mother’s and now, more than ever, he needed her secrets stored within.

Once his mother’s diary, pattern book, and ritual grimoire were in his possession, Calix tucked them all away in the valise and came to stand before Richard. He put his hands on his old friend’s shoulders and said, “One, I need a few bits of clothing thrown into that suitcase while I retrieve a few more things. Enough for two or three days, it doesn’t matter what you pick out.”

Richard nodded after swallowing hard. “All right. And two?”

“Pay yourself and Marie for the rest of the month, and send word to the estate that we need to open Rosehill early. You’re welcome to go there, but I’d prefer you take a nice visit to go see your family in Rhode Island or….anywhere not here.”

The concern that wrote itself across Richard’s face could have filled a novel’s worth of dramatic speeches. “Calix, what in the bloody hell is going on?”

Calix shook his head. “Nothing good. And it involves Lawton, so if you see him, stay far, far away. Please. Promise me you’ll do this.”

“Yes, of course, but—”

“The questions you want answers to? I can’t give them now. Just….please leave the city. You will be welcome at Rosehill if you wish, but I would never ask that of you. I know you hate those hills the carriage has to traverse.”

Richard looked down at his shoes, cheeks going even more red. “I don’t know what you’re talking about.”

“You do and you know it, but I won’t tease.” Calix gripped Richard’s shoulders tighter now, looking him dead in the eyes. “Get out of the city by tonight. And take this.” He dug in his pocket for his billfold, but as he pulled it out, the knuckle of his right index finger caught on something that scraped across his skin. Calix hissed and yanked his hand free to see a tiny scratch already welling with a thin line of blood.

He took your blood, boy

The blood he took it

Why don’t we let him reap the harvest

Harvest the blood

No not yet

We’ve waited for so long

Oracle

The voice he’d heard, the voice of that blasted book, now grew inside Calix’s mind, echoes upon echoes of a vast chorus that never stopped. It would surely drive him to madness if it didn’t stop the damn ringing, over and over and over again like the most beautiful bell and the most terrifying dirge and it kept ringing

Over and over and over and over again again again

Somewhere, in some other time or on a distant island, Calix heard his own screams. They rose and fell in line so quickly with the chorus of voices that had somehow become one and yet never ever stopped—

He was on the floor now, voice gone hoarse from the screaming, and Richard was trying to fight off an irate Aubrey who was insisting—

“—I KNOW HIM. I was waiting outside in the carriage, now let me through—”

“You bloody will not touch him!”

Calix looked up, head still ringing and eyes watering as if he’d been at a funeral, to see Richard and Aubrey grappling with each other, Aubrey looking deeply annoyed and concerned at the same time while Richard was huffing and puffing for all his worth.

“Stop, both of you,” he croaked. “Richard, I know Aubrey. Let him pass.”

The words hadn’t hardly left Calix’s mouth before Aubrey spun neatly out of Richard’s flailing grasp and dropped to his knees beside Calix. “What happened?” Aubrey asked, his fingers gentle on Calix’s face and neck.

“That damn book again,” Calix said, coughing as something caught in his throat. “It was like a fit came over me.”

Richard looked utterly baffled and helpless, but he did pause as Calix spoke. “After you cut yourself. This happened after you took your hand out of your pocket.”

“Let me,” Aubrey said, and Calix held out his right hand to show the small cut on his finger. “How did this happen?”

“I was reaching into my pocket for my billfold and something scratched me.”

Aubrey motioned to Richard. “Help me get his jacket off.”

Calix tried to move but any twist of his neck made him nauseated, so he let Richard and Aubrey move him around like some kind of ragdoll. Aubrey carefully turned the right pocket inside-out, bringing the material up to his face to better examine it. He squinted, then frowned. “Here,” he said. “There’s something metallic stuck in the lining.”

Calix watched as Aubrey pushed on the fabric until a thin gold pin dropped to the floor.

“Is that a needle?” Richard asked, leaning down for a better look.

“We call them stingers,” Aubrey said quietly, his expression gone sour. “Needles like this, long and made from precious metals, are used ritualistically. Cunning folk use them to draw blood, of course, but they have symbolistic meaning, too.”

Something akin to horror was slowly blooming on Aubrey’s face, and Calix felt its twin spreading over his own. There was only one person who had handled his clothing and who had tried to insert himself into Calix’s personal life. Who had tried to seduce him.

“Do you think Lawton paid that attendant, Basil, to do this?” Calix said, his words shaky as he tried to breathe.

“It doesn’t matter anymore,” Aubrey said as he plucked up the needle with a handkerchief. “They got what they wanted. Blood is used in many spells, but I can only think that someone meant to find you. And whatever they did opened you up to…it.”

“Then you need to leave here, and do it now.” Richard was on his feet instantly, picking up Calix’s suitcase and holding his free hand out to Calix. Calix felt a wash of gratitude as his friend and valet helped him up while Aubrey tucked away the needle into one of his many pockets. “I’ll be downstairs with your suitcase in two minutes.”.

“Thank you,” Calix said. Words beyond those seemed too difficult, too complex for his lips to form, but Richard seemed to understand, nodding before stepping across the hall to Calix’s room.

“We need to get you somewhere safe,” Aubrey said in his ear as he guided Calix down the stairs. “If Lawton or someone from the Order did this, they’ll be on their way here now. I’ve no doubt.”

“But the book’s at the Collectio, so they’d only find me.” They rounded the last few stairs in silence, but it was a silence that weighed heavier with each second. “Aubrey?”

“The book is not at the Collectio.”

Calix stared at Aubrey, aghast. Aubrey’s face was ashen and as he reached down to pick up the valise and cane he seemed to always carry, his hands shook. Calix’s head had been spinning so much that he hadn’t noticed Lawton’s gray satchel looped over Aubrey’s long torso.

“You were upstairs and I felt something…like thunder rock the carriage. I think it must have been the same time you were pricked by the stinger.” Aubrey’s grip on the satchel’s soft gray leather could have dented steel. “The book doesn’t want to be out of your company, it seems.”

Richard clattered down the stairs and immediately looped an arm around Calix’s waist, for which Calix was grateful. “We’ll call a carriage from the servant’s entrance. No need to attract attention.”

“Smart man.” Aubrey straightened and rolled his shoulders back, as though the weight of the valise was greater than his own. When Calix reached for the satchel, Aubrey shook his head. “I’ve a feeling you will be handling the albatross in the very near future, so let me bear it for now.”

Calix nodded. He wanted to embrace Aubrey, or perhaps kiss him once more, in an attempt to soothe the bubbling tar in the bottom of his stomach. Everything was wrong, and even more so, that Lawton was involved and willing to throw away years upon years of friendship and companionship.

But was that really what they had? How many times had Lawton used him, gave him glimpses of bliss, only to snatch them away when something prettier crossed his path? How many times had he willingly played the fool?

Maybe it was the stress of everything that had taken place. Maybe it was the question of that damnable book. Or perhaps it was simple heartbreak. But as Calix leaned back on the velvet seat of the fine coach Richard had called for them, he was left to wonder if this chaos was permanent, or if it would live only in these moments, bright and terrible, and yet still capable of so much damage.