44. Chapter 44

Chapter 44

A family visit, and I’m crying. Again.

I stared at the tablet, but my message to Tinlorray had gone unanswered. I’d sent her four messages since I’d returned to the palace. She’d ignored each one. When I’d tried to call her with Fyn’s touchstone, Tinlorray hadn’t answered. I was hurting her—my literal existence was hurting her.

This was worse than grief. Her brother's body was alive, but Yolkeltod was gone. I hadn’t had any more choice in this than her, but my heart ached for Tinlorray. I knew she was grieving, and I couldn’t do anything to help. I couldn’t watch over her like Yolkeltod had asked me to.

Someone sat behind me, and my wings flared out. Fyn grunted, and I immediately cringed. “I’m sorry, Sunshine.”

“It’s alright,” he said, helping my wings curl up, which sent shards down my spine. Fyn kissed the back of my neck before nuzzling me.

It wasn’t, none of this was. I tried to breathe through it, but the curling emotion remained deep in my gut. Fyn rubbed his forehead on the nape of my neck. The scent of him grew stronger and stronger by the second. I gripped one of his arms, focusing on how securely he held me.

“Softer, Mate,” he said.

I jerked away. “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to, Sunshine. I’m so big now. I don’t know what to do. I keep messing up.”

He nipped my neck, and I groaned in pleasure while part of me recoiled from the pressure of his teeth and the wetness of his mouth.

“You are not messing up, Caleb. You are learning.”

At one point in my life, actually all of my life and afterlife, I’d loved learning, but now entering my second life, I couldn’t say I enjoyed it. I would rather have everything go back to how it was. I didn’t want to struggle, but that was the price of being alive.

Fyn didn’t say anything more as he cuddled me. I looked down at my tablet, or more accurately Fyn’s tablet—I hadn’t been added to the Drakcon system yet. My sudden appropriation of Yolkeltod’s body had caused a slight uproar. It had been four days since I came to the palace, but word about me had spread. The Ranks had shared my new soul testing as proof as well as the fact I was Zoltilvoxfyn’s soulmate.

The Council of Seekers had already appealed to study me as well as Fyn. They were curious if what happened to me could be replicated. The Ranks were curious as to why the Crystal had drawn me all the way from Earth to here. There was also a small subset of people who were angry. A drakcol prince had gotten his dead soulmate, but Yolkeltod hadn’t been returned to his body. Yolkeltod had been as popular as Tinlorray had hinted, and his friends were less than pleased.

I hadn’t told anyone about me speaking to Yolkeltod, and neither had Fyn or Tinlorray, as far as I was aware, which was probably for the best. If the general populace knew Yolkeltod had hung around after his accident, they would demand to know why the Crystal hadn’t returned him to his body.

I wanted to know that as well. Why me? It was the same question I’d asked when I died, and I had no more answer now than I did then. I was alive and Yolkeltod wasn’t. It wasn’t fair; it wasn’t right.

For now, the emperor and empress had asked Fyn and I to remain on the palace grounds. They were afraid someone might harm us or that we might further enrage the public about me—a human, inside Yolkeltod’s body. Fyn was fine with their request… and I felt a little like a caged bird.

The bell rang, and Fyn stood, tail brushing my arm; I followed suit, heart rate picking up. Seth and Kal were on the other side, and Fyn waved them in; whereas, I stayed back, tail around my leg and wings hugging my shoulders. I was barefoot, unable to tolerate shoes, preferring the chill of the floor in comparison. The wind wafted in from the open windows and ruffled my hair, making me flinch. I might have to cut off the long locks, though that felt disrespectful. Yolkeltod had long hair. Clearly, he’d liked it. This was his body. How could I cut his hair?

I wrapped my arms around my waist, swallowing more tears. I refused to cry again.

“How are you?” Seth asked, startling me. He’d moved in front of me without me noticing.

I shrugged, then winced. Shit. Yolkeltod’s body twinged at the slightest movements.

He patted my shoulder, stretching to reach it. I was tall, like humongous. I was taller than Seth, taller than Kal, and even taller than Fyn. I’d always been the shortest person around, and now I was the tallest.

“I’m glad you’re back,” he said. “I’m not the only human anymore.”

A vicious knife plunged into my gut, making my wings sprawl. I wasn’t human. Not anymore.

Kal was at Seth’s side in an instant. He drew his mate behind him, lips curling. I shied back. Why was Kal mad? Fyn slid in front of me and growled at Kal. What the fuck was happening? The first tear slid out as I trembled. One of the new planters with a seedling rattled before crashing to the floor, making me leap, which, in turn, forced a yelp out of my lips.

“Stop,” Seth ordered, moving to Kal's side. “Everything’s fine. Caleb is not threatening me.”

Why would I threaten Seth?

I huddled behind Fyn, tears sliding down my cheeks. What was going on with me? I hardly ever cried, but now, I was bawling at the drop of the hat. I hated it, but I didn’t know how to stop it or the tension radiating through me.

The thought that this wasn’t my body and it didn’t belong to me kept circling my thoughts. I needed out, but that was ungrateful. Yolkeltod hadn’t had a second chance, and here I was in his body, squandering it.

A few breaths passed before Kal relaxed, and once he did, Fyn did. My Sunshine waved to the couch. Seth plopped down, pulling Kal with him, while Fyn and I settled on the rug. Legs crossed, I pressed against his side and seized his hand. He wiggled in my grasp, and I loosened my hold.

I kept hurting him.

Seth glanced at Kal, biting his lip. Seth didn’t do well in the quiet or with new people. Was I a new person? We’d spoken through Sunshine a few times. But now I was in a new body. Oh my god, I was a new person. He probably didn’t like me anymore. All I’d wanted since I saw him for the first time was to be his friend, and now, we had to start over.

“Breathe, Mate.”

I took a heaving gasp, lungs burning. How the fuck did I keep forgetting to breathe?

Kal crossed his arms, and I blinked. Maybe Seth wasn’t nervous about me, but rather, they were having a silent conversation again. They did that often, though I didn’t know how much they could communicate like that. No one had properly explained it yet.

Eventually, Kal said, “Seth and I would like to invite you and Zoltilvoxfyn to the beach for an outing.”

This plan was definitely Seth’s idea, and I wasn’t sure why Kal was so resistant to me. He’d liked me before. I squished against Fyn, tail curling around his leg. It hurt the sensitive appendage, but I liked it better than wrapping around my own leg. Something about it calmed me.

“Today?” Fyn asked. “You know Father and Mother told us not to leave.”

“I cleared it with them, but no, not today. I was thinking about next week. We’ll go somewhere private; it should be fine,” Kal answered. “Serlotminden is willing to take us, or we can take a different shuttle, so everyone can go.”

A family outing. Part of me bounced to say yes. I liked spending time with people, but the thought of the ocean with its constant breezes, the sand, the noise, and everything else was too much. Unbidden, I tightened my tail around Fyn’s calf, somehow terrified I would lose him all over again. What if a wave took him? Or some kind of creature I didn’t know anything about?

An urge to rub all over him struck me again, and I couldn’t control it. I nuzzled his shoulder, and my floral fragrance grew. I couldn’t remember what I smelled like when I was human, and I didn’t hate how I smelled now… but it was new.

He brushed my cheek, and I shivered. Looking at Kal and Seth, he said, “Caleb has to see the doctor first.”

Seth asked, “Are you alright?”

“Yolkeltod was in a shuttle accident.”

His eyes flicked to the wicked scar on the side of my head. My fingers twitched as I resisted the urge to cover it. Yolkeltod’s hair and scales hadn’t grown back, much like spots on his side.

Fyn drew me closer, arm around my waist. A flash of longing went through me. What would this have been like if I was still human? As Yolkeltod, I was broader and taller than Sunshine. As a human, I’d been much smaller. Would he have been warm or cold against my skin? How would his scales have felt?

As a drakcol, I liked how he felt (when I wasn’t freaking out). He was the same temperature as me, our scales would scrape delightfully, and the solidness of him against me was wonderful. My dick perked up, and I stared down in horror as the front of my trousers tented. I shifted to hide the obvious bulge. A glance at Seth’s red face assured me I hadn’t acted fast enough.

Kal and Fyn didn’t visibly react, but Sunshine did rub his fingers over my spine, sending electric shocks to my dick. I swallowed, fighting the instinct to tackle him and rub all over him, taste him, and hear him call my name, though, at the same time, I recoiled from such touches—so new and strong.

My head was a confusing place to be.

“Next week, though?” Kal asked. “It would be nice to do something as a family.” His gaze lingered on me. “The whole family.”

I grinned, bouncing my knees, then hissed from the sharp sting.

“Are you well, Mate?” Fyn asked, voice turning sharp as he whipped toward me.

I nodded, but the worry in his expression didn’t fade.

“When are you two making it official?” Seth asked.

That’s right. We had to be bound, and then reaffirm the bond in front of the Crystal. “I don’t know.”

Fyn’s arm tightened around me. “Not yet.”

I blinked back tears. Was he going to break up with me? Had I scared him off? I couldn’t handle that. Everything was too much, and Zoltilvoxfyn was the glue keeping me together. If he wasn’t here, I would shatter.

Kal laughed. “You hate the thought of being separated from the time you agree to bond and when the ceremony actually takes place.”

“If I don’t outright agree, then we can stay together,” he said.

The hurt vanished in an instant. “What?”

Seth explained, “You’re not allowed to see each other in between. I don’t know why.”

“It’s a leftover tradition from when we were warring clans. It was so the fated mate wouldn’t run away when they saw who the Crystal had chosen. It’s the same reason why the genetic link exists and doesn’t allow us to travel too far apart from each other. Though the distance has increased from what it used to be,” Fyn commented. “But I shall stay right here, beside you, for the foreseeable future.”

Something feral roiled inside of me, and without thought, I grabbed his cheeks to haul him closer to me, kissing him. Fyn started, but he didn’t pull away. Our lips molded together as a gentle symphony started in my chest, growing louder and louder, drowning everything else out.

I forced my tongue into his mouth, swiping his, and he groaned into me. Fuck. Nothing was better than that sound. My movements grew more frantic, desperate. He tasted so damn sweet. His scaled tongue curled around mine as he slid a hand beneath my shirt, tracing the line of my back all the way from the top of my tail to my wings, which made me moan.

Someone cleared their throat, and I jerked back, breath jagged.

Seth was cherry-red, and Kal was shaking his head, but he was grinning.

I wiggled, embarrassed. “Sorry.”

“Instinct,” Kal said, sliding his fingers over Seth’s neck. “You can’t help but desire your mate.”

“I suppose,” I replied, and Fyn raised his eyebrows. “Yes,” I begrudgingly added, crossing my arms.

He pressed a kiss to my cheek before tugging me into his arms. I settled partly on his lap and marveled at how large I was. I didn’t suffer from issues with my center of gravity. Yolkeltod’s body was used to this size. I wasn’t. I expected things and people to be taller and I smaller. My different size was throwing me off.

A strong panic seeped into me. I tried to breathe through it. I didn’t understand the fear or the urge to move away, even though I liked Fyn touching me. How did I want to be touched and not touched at the same time?

Tail flicking, I smothered a growl growing in my chest. I growled now. God, everything was so different. My wings started to slide through the slits in the back of my sleeveless tunic, but one got caught on the light fabric, succeeding in dragging a snarl from my lips as I turned around pointlessly.

Calm hands rested on my shoulders, and I stilled. Fyn’s earthy scent enveloped me, soothing the tension. “It’s alright,” he said. Carefully, he directed my wing out of the slit. Immediately, I hugged myself.

Shame burned me as I glanced at Seth and Kal who watched me. The first tear escaped, and I scoffed. I was fucking crying again, like a giant, pathetic baby. I needed to get a hold of myself.

“Maybe we should go?” Seth offered.

“We’ll see you both later,” Fyn said.

The moment the door closed behind them, Sunshine helped me lay down on the rug before rolling me onto my side. His arms came about me as he hooked a leg over my hip and curled his tail up my calf. The instant I was surrounded by him, I felt better.

Breathing in his perfect fragrance, I nuzzled his neck. The tears wouldn’t stop falling, and I had no idea why. I wrapped my tail around Fyn while I continued to nuzzle him, almost frantically.