21. Chapter 21

Chapter 21

My life, my mate, my choice.

Joy pulsed through me as my thoughts circled on Caleb. While he called me Sunshine, he was truly the sun in my life. He brought a tenderness and light I’d never experienced before. So little time had passed since he’d entered my life, and yet, I couldn’t imagine it without him. He was precious to me in an indescribable way. It was like my entire universe circled him and him alone.

“You are not listening to me, Zoltilvoxfyn,” Kalvoxrencol said, swatting the back of my legs with his tail.

“I am not.”

“You have been smiling a lot of late.”

“Is there something wrong with that?”

“No. Hallonnixmin and Monqilcolnen both remarked on it as well. Is everything well?”

In the past, I’d often been used as a means to get information from Kalvoxrencol when he was causing problems or hiding from us, but the same could be said about him concerning me. When I was lost in the ebbs and flows of my mind, the rest of my brothers unleashed Kalvoxrencol on me. Like he was with me, I kept no secrets from him—we were the closest of friends.

“Yes,” I said stiffly and turned to the ferns outside of my greenhouse. The seedlings were ready to be transplanted. I had spliced this hybrid together so it was hardier than either of the originals, required less water, and produced more oxygen.

I was going to present it to the Council of Seekers for use on long-haul ships once I’d proven the longevity and ease of care for the hybrid species. The ferns were also a most pleasing shade of purple, which wasn’t important, but I quite liked the color, as did Caleb. He hoped the black spots of one of the parent plants would grow on the underside of the leaves as the seedlings aged—I wasn’t sure, but I was excited to find out.

Kalvoxrencol stared at me, and I ignored him. I wasn’t going to tell him about Caleb, because I feared his response. He wouldn’t judge the two of us for caring for each other, but Kalvoxrencol would worry about me and mine’s future. I didn’t. Caleb was mine as surely as Seth was Kalvoxrencol’s. I knew it. I felt it.

Though as much as I told myself that, a niggling weed of doubt wouldn’t leave me be. It made me question whether I was the best thing for Caleb, whether it was safe for him to remain, or whether it would be better if he left me behind.

“You didn’t meet with Doctor Jalnin.”

I snapped, “That is none of your concern.”

He tilted his head to the side and offered me his throat, and I turned away, head lowered and tail slashing. Kalvoxrencol rarely did that. It was hard for him to concede anything to us, even when he was in the wrong.

Guilt surfaced, and with it, self-loathing. I didn’t like injuring him, but whether I saw my doctor or not was my personal affair. I had missed the appointment because I was with Caleb. Besides, lying to my doctor was counterproductive to my mental health, but I couldn’t tell him about Caleb, and all I wanted to do was talk about my mate.

“I care about you, and I want to make sure you’re not neglecting yourself,” he said.

“I know, Pest. I didn’t mean to bite.” I moved several empty pots off the electric trolly before sending the cart away. I planned to create another hybrid for Seth. He’d shown me images of a flower called a rose on his planet, and I planned to recreate the flower here. No samples had been taken from Earth when Kalvoxrencol went to claim his Crystal-chosen mate, a shame in my opinion, but I had the genetic structure, once Seth had requested NAID send it to me, and believed synthesizing something similar was possible.

“I know I have been occupied with Seth and I was gone for an entire cycle, but you can still speak to me about anything.”

“I know, Pest,” I repeated. I wrapped my tail around his briefly. “I don’t begrudge you wanting to spend time with your mate. I like Seth. I’m fine. I swear on the Crystal's light.”

“You are more than fine. You’re always smiling.”

Without my permission, another smile stretched over my face. Caleb had asked to spend time together tonight when he returned. I hated him wandering the city without me by his side because something might happen and I wouldn’t be there to protect him. While I wanted to keep him within my sights at all times, I recognized he’d been on his own for over twenty cycles. He was perfectly capable of taking care of himself. Being with one another all the time wasn’t healthy either; regardless of that fact, my instincts demanded I stay beside him for every moment of every day.

Kalvoxrencol stared at me, tail flicking. All of a sudden, a sly grin quirked on his lips. “You met someone.”

“What?” I squeaked, then cleared my throat. “What do you mean?”

“You met someone. Who is it?”

I turned my back to him. I wouldn’t dishonor Caleb by lying, but I wasn’t ready to speak about us.

Chuckling, he said, “I’m right. You have that presence of a new relationship about you. Who is it?” When I kept quiet and continued rearranging the pots, Kalvoxrencol asked, “Is it someone in the palace? You rarely leave. You’ve been spending copious amounts of time with the scientists studying NAID.”

He paused and swerved in front of me. “It’s Ensign Wyn, isn’t it? I cannot fault your taste; he is quite lovely. I was actually jealous of him spending time with Seth when I first met him.”

“It’s not Ensign Wyn.”

“But it is someone.”

I groaned. “Leave me alone, Pest.”

“Tell me who it is.”

I wouldn’t lie and say there was no one, for there was, but how would Kalvoxrencol react to Caleb being the choice of my soul? Not well was my assumption.

“Why won’t you tell me? Did I do something wrong?”

The hurt was obvious in his voice, and it sent waves of guilt crashing around me, even stronger than before. I’d never kept a secret from Kalvoxrencol before. We were each other’s confidants. When he was returning with Seth from Earth, Kalvoxrencol had confessed his every doubt and issue between him and Seth to me.

He’d trusted me, and now it was my turn.

I took a deep breath, my soul pounding against my ribcage. “It’s Caleb. We are together.”

“What?”

“Caleb and I are courting.”

He looked as if he was about to speak further when he stopped and stared at me.

A cloud began to gather inside of me as the words from my past came to haunt me like spirits that would never depart. Liar. Freak. Attention seeker. I averted my gaze. My hands trembled as I lifted one of the empty pots to my workstation. My emotions deadened when an all-encompassing numbness descended, filling every fiber of my being. I was courting a spirit, and my brother, my dearest friend, didn’t understand. If he didn’t, no one would.

“Now you know why I did not say anything,” I remarked, voice hard. Stars, why was I the odd one of the family? My inner fire, my emotions, and now my romance. I didn’t regret Caleb, but I yearned to be normal—I longed for us to be normal mates who were together with no judgment.

“He’s a spirit, Zoltilvoxfyn.”

A sharp knife forged of ice plunged into my soul. “I am aware.”

“You two cannot be together.”

“Why not?” I demanded, wings sliding out the back of my shirt. “He is mine, and no one shall take him from me.”

Light pooled under his scales, and Kalvoxrencol’s wings spread from my aggression, but he didn’t move toward me. Though younger and shorter, Kalvoxrencol would win should this end in an official challenge or physical altercation. His soul type might be a creator to my warrior, but he’d spent every day honing his body into a weapon.

He took a deep breath, and his wings dropped to a neutral position. “Did he agree to be yours?”

“Yes. Do you think I would take advantage of him?” I snapped.

“Does he understand what it means?”

“Yes.” Caleb had readily agreed to be mine, without hesitation.

Slowly, Kalvoxrencol grabbed my arm, and I bristled but didn’t shake him off. “I do not say these things to hurt you,” he said. “I like Caleb, as does Seth. But you don’t know humans like I do, Zoltilvoxfyn. They are different from us. Does your Caleb truly understand what it means when you say he is yours? Does he understand that you are to be his mate and that this is permanent for you?”

Mollified by Caleb being called mine, I actually contemplated my little brother’s words. Did Caleb understand? I had told him I would never give him up. He hadn’t acted upset. In fact, he’d seemed to like it. But we hadn’t known each other long or well, and humans were different from drakcol. He might not have understood what I truly meant.

“I don’t know,” I finally admitted.

“You need to speak with him. Humans don’t mate only once like we do. Caleb might not understand our desire to claim one person.”

“I will.”

His grip on my arm tightened. “Are you sure this is what you want?”

I brushed him off. “He is mine, Pest. I knew it from almost the instant I saw him.”

“I believe you, but he is a spirit, Zoltilvoxfyn.”

“So?”

“You yourself told me that spirits cannot linger here because of the threat of disappearing. Permanently. Is it fair to make him stay?”

I’d had much the same thought. “I’m not forcing him. Caleb is choosing to stay. Besides, he has been dead for a long time.”

“Please,” Kalvoxrencol said, “read what the other mediums had to say again in case you missed something, and please guard your soul until you know he can stay with you.”

It was too late for that. Caleb was mine, and I would have no other. “Did you guard your emotions from Seth until he decided to stay?”

His aspect darkened. “That was different.”

“Why? Because the Crystal revealed him as your soulmate?”

“Yes, the second I made the choice to seek the Crystal, my fate was sealed. I went into it knowing I could never have another. This is different, Bloom.”

“Caleb is as much mine as Seth is yours. I will not waste time or energy protecting myself from him on the slight chance he might decide to move on. I will cherish what we have right now.”

Wrapping his tail around mine, he said, “I understand. I will help you however I can.”

“Thank you.”

“I don’t want you to be hurt.”

“Like I once told you, if he does decide to move on, I will allow all of you to hold me together until I can stand by myself.”

After several moments of strained silence, Kalvoxrencol asked, hip against my workstation, “Is there anything you want to know? I know you don’t have access to the human database we took from Earth yet. Hopefully, the Council of Seekers will release it, or you can tell Mother and Father of your connection to Caleb, and you will be granted access.”

That wasn’t going to happen. “There are things I would like to know.”

“So ask.”

“What does it mean when he bobs his head?”

He laughed. “That confused me as well.”

I listened intently as he explained nodding, shrugging, blushing, which Caleb had never done—he might not be able to—and all manner of other human oddities. I seamlessly transplanted the fern seedlings while Kalvoxrencol spoke. He even told me of things like Seth marking when he sucked and nibbled on his skin. A hickey, Kalvoxrencol called it. I would have no opportunity to use such knowledge with Caleb, but I enjoyed knowing that and things like their soft, smooth skin, which was cooler than ours, how soft their pink tongues were, and how amazing it was to be inside of them.

As Kalvoxrencol talked, a shot of longing went through me. Sex and physical love would never exist in our relationship. I would still choose Caleb, though, in spite of everything.

Eventually, my little brother fell silent, eyes distant. Was he speaking with Seth? I didn’t know how far they could mind-speak or if they even understood each other, as neither spoke the other’s language. I was surprised they even could mind-speak as Crystal-bound drakcol mates did. It was rare for another species to be able to; humans had to be more compatible than we had thought.

“Seth is the best thing that ever happened to me,” he said.

I had never seen Kalvoxrencol as happy as he was now, so I readily believed it. “I'm grateful he chose you, Pest.”

“As am I. I cannot live without him.”

“I feel the same about Caleb,” I said, not looking at him.

Kalvoxrencol shifted until his shoulder bumped into me. “I believe you.”

“Thank you.”

“I will give you the same advice that countless people gave me when I was courting Seth: talk to him.”

“I will.”

Kalvoxrencol stayed with me until Seth wandered into the garden. The second Kalvoxrencol saw his mate, he raced off, scales glowing. I shook my head when he seized a blushing Seth about the waist and took to the air, heading in the direction of their quarters.