Chapter 14

“Are you meeting with Urgg?” Kal asked as he reached around me to grab a platter from the food dispenser.

Managing not to flinch, I shook my head. “They’re busy today. Are you seeing Pintimzol?”

“Yes, I also have a meeting with Talvax. We’re approaching the first sanctioned planet on our route home. She wants to trade and allow shore leave. We’ll probably stay there for about a week.” He set the platter on the table before sitting on one of the woven mats.

As I placed Lucy’s food on the ground, her tail wiggled, vibrating with happiness. I sat across from Kal and put some fruit, meat, and bread on my plate—the usual fare for drakcol. I loved the red berries called tuo. They were sweet and had a nice snap to them.

“Did you want to get our afternoon meal in the promenade today?” Kal asked as he played with his food, claws scraping against the plate. He was usually a single-minded eater, consuming way more than me or any human I’d ever met.

My first instinct was to say yes, but I swallowed it, and actually thought about it. Did I want to go? “That sounds fun.”

“Truly?”

“Yeah.”

“I’ll come get you after I meet with Talvax.”

“We can stop by the experience place afterward if you want,” I offered.

“I would enjoy that.”

“Cool,” I said, which made him blink. That word never translated well. “I mean, awesome.”

After we’d made our plans, he returned to his single-minded eating. I watched him, mind blank. It was nice, this moment. Petting Lucy. Watching Kal. Eating. Something I could get used to. This life he offered could be this simple, which had the potential to be wonderful. On the flip side, saying yes would take me from everything I’d ever known.

“My Seth?” he asked, lowering a piece of fruit. “Are you alright?”

“Yeah.”

“Not that I mind, but you’re staring at me.”

With a slight chuckle, I took a drink of water. “I am.”

“Is there a reason why?”

I shrugged, not trying to formulate a response. The words would be impossible to find, so why bother?

“You are a confusing being,” Kal remarked.

His words stabbed a needle into my chest. My grandparents’ voices invaded my mind, calling me odd, impossible, annoying, stupid, and all other manner of words.

A soft touch drew me out of the past and to the present. Kal asked, “Did I say something wrong?”

“No.” I moved my hand out from beneath his. “It’s all fine.”

“You know you can speak freely with me, correct?”

“I know.”

When the door closed behind Kal, I moved to the couch and threw the ball for Lucy. She scrambled after it and brought it back. Over and over again, I tossed the squishy ball with glitter strands as my thoughts circled Kal’s words. Soon his words were joined by my grandparents’. They had called me many names—none pleasant.

“NAID,” I said, needing a distraction.

“Seth, are you ill? Do you require medical attention?”

“N-no. Why?”

“You are a shade paler than normal and your heart rate is elevated.”

I had no response. I wasn’t sick in the traditional sense. In a way, I was homesick, not for Earth, but for a place that no longer existed. A time before my grandparents or any of the hurtful things in my life. The glow of my mother and the minuscule apartment kitchen.

“Wyn, the drakcol I consulted about my name, has been asking about my selection process,” she said randomly.

“And?”

“I don’t have one. I haven’t found any parameters to narrow the search. How can I? There are many names with beautiful meanings. Dr. Qinlin and the other scientists haven’t given their opinions, but they keep asking questions.”

“Like what?” I asked, pulling a knee up and folding it under me.

“What I am feeling or thinking. They will summon me at the most random times and ask. Most of the time I don’t know how to respond. How do you know what you’re feeling?”

“I usually don’t.”

“So this is normal?”

“As normal as being alive is.”

She beamed. “So I’m like everyone else?”

“Yep.”

“It’s confusing why that makes me happy yet makes me feel insulted at the same time. How am I to understand emotions if they are like this?”

“Welcome to being alive.”

I stepped into the atrium and took a deep lungful of clean air. Plants were the most peaceful things in the universe. Winding among the paths, I searched for Pimtimzol and found him near the hull in a secluded corner on the second floor. His shears clipped the ever-growing vines, and he placed the cuttings in a basket along with some wilted blooms.

“How goes your mating, Kalvoxrencol?”

The last few days had been steadily improving. Though Seth remained distant, a flickering flame of hope burned in my chest. I lowered to the ground and vines squished against my back. “It’s going.”

“Bonding often does that. Sometimes it’s joyous, others sad, and a large portion is simply existing. Are you two simply existing?”

“We’re forming a routine, which is pleasant, but I want more.” My thoughts flashed to the way Seth had turned from me this morning. “I keep upsetting him, I believe. He won’t open up to me, so I don’t know for certain.”

“Patience and time. You have no idea what he has lived through, just as he has no knowledge of your past. Give him time to trust you. At the moment, you are at an advantage. This is your world, not his. As for more, have you spoken to him about it?” he asked, turning from his work to sit across from me, his tail leisurely swishing.

“No.”

“Then how can you expect more? A discussion of permissions must be had.”

My head thumped against the vines. “I can’t get the words out, and he doesn’t seem to need such a talk. Maybe his species courts differently?”

“Are you learning about his world?”

“I’m trying.” I’d learned several things like nodding and blushing, and what they meant. “Most of the time, I’d rather talk or spend time with Seth.”

“You can’t expect him to do all the work. You need to learn about his planet as much as he needs to learn about ours.”

“I am.”

He raised his eyebrows at my rough tone but did not remark.

Our bonding was more frustrating than I would’ve possibly guessed. When I’d appealed to the Crystal for my soulmate, I’d had a dream of what would happen when I retrieved Seth. It involved romance, kissing, and us falling into bed together. None of this awkward transitional phase.

“Thinking of giving up?” Pintimzol asked in a hard voice.

I growled as light blazed beneath my scales. “No. Seth is mine.”

“This will not be easy, simply because he’s your mate. I had to court my mate for well over a cycle before she chose me back. Other species don’t share our same trust in the Crystal or our connection to it. Unlike me, you have a deadline.”

Six months. Actually, not even six months, just under five now. I didn’t have much time to secure his affection. And I wanted it. I wanted this life with him desperately. He was my mate, and I would not give him up.

“How did you court your mate?” I asked.

“It doesn’t matter how I did it, because my mate is not your Seth. Get to know him and what he likes and needs. That’s how to court him. Reveal yourself and your soul to him.”

My arms crossed. I didn’t want to reveal myself. What if he didn’t like what he saw? Seth was too important to risk that. “I can’t do that.”

“The choice is yours, Kalvoxrencol, but don’t expect Seth to open up to you if you won’t be open with him.”

As the middle hour approached, I returned to me and mine’s quarters and spied Seth stretched out on the couch, throwing a ball for Lucy. She would race to catch it, then bring it back to Seth, who would throw it again. She seemed impossible to exhaust, but we tried.

Seth. I wanted to kiss him, taste him, and hear him groan. But more than that, I wanted him to trust me and want me as much as I desired him.

Seth smiled, broad and happy, and made my soul skitter. “Time for lunch already?”

“If you still want to go?” I hoped he hadn’t changed his mind, but either way, we would spend time together, which was all that mattered.

“Yeah, I’m hungry,” he said, lifting and lowering his shoulders. That motion meant nothing to me—another thing I needed to research—but I loved his assertion of being hungry. The first few days he’d been here, he’d eaten almost nothing.

Lucy dropped her ball at my feet, tail shaking. She was an odd creature, but she was growing on me. I grabbed the toy. Lucy stared at me with her wide, round eyes that seemed a tad insane. I tried to pet her, but she shifted away and chittered.

“She wants you to throw it,” Seth said from right behind me, which made my tail twitch.

I tossed the ball, and Lucy took off after it. She grabbed the toy and raced back toward us, dropping it at my feet.

“We are leaving,” I told her, picking the ball up.

Lucy squeaked.

“No, we’re leaving,” I repeated, and she squeaked again.

My mouth opened to tell her yet again, but laughter erupted from behind me.

“She doesn’t understand you, Kal. Besides, Lucy will play until she literally drops.”

“What do you suggest?” I shifted my weight to my heels and bumped into Seth’s chest. He tensed but didn’t shy away. His arm came around me and took the ball from my fingers.

His mouth was practically against my neck as he said, “Drop the ball, and she’ll get it.” Seth let the ball go, and Lucy poked it before she began to lick her paw. “See.”

I shifted until I pressed against him, pleased that Seth’s arm remained around me. Moments passed, but slowly, he relaxed and his forehead dropped to my shoulder. I leaned my head against his, nuzzling him, and Seth released a long breath.

The combination of his breath against my neck plus the tangy citrus of his scent stoked my desire, making my cock harden, but I ignored it. This closeness was enough for me. I wanted to remain like this forever; food could wait. Except, Seth was hungry, and he was my responsibility to care for.

“We should eat.” I truly did not want to shift in the slightest.

“Hmm.”

His face pressed tighter against my neck, which made my soul quicken. I slid my fingers along the arm around my waist until I reached his hand. With another long breath, he wrapped his other arm around me, cradling me snugly to his chest.

“Kal,” Seth said, though it came out as more of a groan.

“My Seth,” I whispered, rubbing my palm along his arm.

“I don’t understand.”

“What?”

“I don’t know.”

I squeezed his arm, trying to encourage him to speak, but Seth hissed and moved away. I tried to touch him, but he jerked back.

“What’s wrong?”

“You squeezed my bruise.”

“I didn’t mean to harm you.” I nudged up his chin with my tail. “I’m sorry.”

Seth smiled, but it was tight. “It’s fine.”

“Did you still want to go eat?”

“Yeah.”

With my tail, I stroked his cheek. “Thank you.”

His brow furrowed. “For what?”

“Being you.”

His mouth fell open before he snapped it closed. “Sure.”

I stayed by Seth’s side with my tail curled around his ankle. Seth seemed calm enough, though tense, as he peered at the crowd without a hint of anger about my earlier blunder. I truly hadn’t intended to hurt him. I would never hurt him.

I let go of his ankle to stroke his arm. Seth’s eyebrows raised in a clear question, and I smiled at him, making sure not to show my canines.

Seth bumped into me yet again, a tad paler than usual. At his nervous expression, anger surged up my spine. Swallowing a growl, I scoured the crowd, ready to rip whoever was scaring him apart, but I found nothing.

The mass of people had grown, though I didn’t see anything out of the ordinary. The promenade wasn’t even close to full capacity, as this had been a rushed departure going to the outer realms. The ship could hold more than ten thousand passengers.

As people edged toward us, Seth pressed against my side. My eyes moved from him to the crowd, and suddenly, I understood. He’d mentioned something about social anxiety, and while I didn’t truly comprehend the words, I now grasped part of their meaning.

My Seth did not care for swarms of people.

I tugged him closer with my tail in an attempt to comfort him, all the while suppressing the powerful instincts that called for me to drag him into my embrace.

“I have a question,” Seth said.

“What is it?”

“Do you normally hold tails?”

“What?” I stopped to look directly at him, but he wouldn’t meet my gaze.

He gestured toward a drakcol couple whose tails were entwined. “If you’d mated a drakcol, would you hold tails?”

“Our parents hold our tails when we’re young, but couples do as well. In mixed couples like us, the drakcol partner usually holds their partner”s ankle or wrist. I assume your culture does something different, as you don’t have a tail?” I cast a glance at his well-formed backside. Tail or not, it was lovely.

“We hold hands.”

Before I could ask, he took my hand and our fingers interlaced. The words died in my throat. His skin was so much cooler than my scales, and it was impossibly soft. I could feel the thrum of his pulse against mine. I swallowed, unable to rip my eyes away from the sight of his smaller hand in mine.

When Seth started to draw away, I tightened my grasp on him and choked, “This works.”

He stared at our joined fingers. “Yeah.”

My tail curled around his ankle and I kept my hand in his as I led him to the restaurant. The small flame of hope in my chest turned into a blazing inferno.