Chapter 24

TWENTY-FOUR

Angelo

Sabella's apology rings in my ears as I speed over the gravel road to the old house. What do I do with that?

It changes so much.

It changes everything.

I can't hate her even as I love her any longer. Then again, I haven't hated her for a long time now. No. The naked, raw truth? I never hated her. I only chose to project my hurt on her.

So what the fuck do I do with this?

I have no idea.

Because she's still going to betray me.

The notions are two warring entities in my chest. Two opposites. Redemption and betrayal. She apologized for something she's not guilty of, and she's scheming against me. On the one hand, she acknowledged my feelings and thereby showed me she cared. On the other, she's plotting my arrest to guarantee her own freedom. I have no clue how to reconcile the two. There's a very good reason for that. It's impossible. The question of what I'm going to do about it remains. As always, the answer is the same. Keep her in isolation. Cut her out of parts of my life. Which leaves us right where we are, trapped in this fucked-up circle.

But she apologized.

She said she was fucking sorry.

And I believe her. She meant it. Her honesty was too pure. She left herself too vulnerable to have been faking it.

But I don't have a solution.

In the end, that's what takes its toll. I'm not just tired. I'm exhausted. I can't think about it anymore, so I do what I always do. I turn my thoughts elsewhere.

The road is uneven. Sabella's body was knocked around during the drive to the new house. I need to have the potholes filled and the road tarred. I have to brief the lawyer on finalizing the contract for Powell to sign. A shitload of paperwork waits on my desk. The report from the guards watching my cousins sits unopened on my phone. Lavigne has to be dealt with. The children's future has to be decided, their school secured. The gardens require work for spring, pruning and transplants. I focus on the shitload of tasks on my list until I arrive home.

The children are in the kitchen with Heidi. I hear the chaos from the front door. Frustration laces my steps as I make my way there, but my despondent state has nothing to do with the boys yelling and running around the table. Only Sophie is seated with Beatrice on her lap, talking to the doll as if the disorder around her doesn't exist. A cake lies turned over on the counter. Icing sugar runs over the edge and drips on the floor. Heidi chases after the boys with a wooden spoon, much to their entertainment. After everything that's just happened, my patience is thin.

My voice thunders through the room. "Enough."

The boys freeze. Heidi shoots me a helpless look. Sophie doesn't react. She carries on talking to Beatrice. The rest of us may as well be transparent.

"Where are the guards?" I ask, not bothering to conceal my anger.

"I didn't think their presence was necessary." Heidi's lips pull into a wry smile. "My mistake."

I take a step into the room. "Sit down."

None of the boys move.

"Sit down or it's military school for the lot of you," I order through gritted teeth.

This threat gets through to them. One by one, they flop down on the chairs.

"Not you," I tell Johan just as he's about to take a seat. "You clean up that mess on the counter."

His mouth twists into a frown. "Why me?"

"You're the oldest. You should've taken responsibility and stopped this." I walk to the table, pinning him with a stare. "And I don't need a reason."

"That's fucking unfair," he mutters.

I get into his personal space. I'm not his frail great-grandfather. I hope he takes me on, because I'd love to teach him his place. "What did you say?"

He sneers. "Nothing."

"They're uncontrollable," Heidi says, looking miserable.

"I've got it from here." I indicate the door with a flick of my head. "You can take care of your other duties."

She looks between me and the children. After a moment's hesitation, she leaves the room.

I motion at the ruined cake. "Who did this?"

The three of them all point at each other as they say in unison, "Him."

"Fine." I narrow my eyes. "All of you are punished."

Sophie jerks her head up. "I didn't do anything."

Johan steps up, putting himself between me and his sister. "It's true." He puffs out his chest. "It's our fault. She didn't join the food fight."

"Sophie," I say. "Go to Heidi."

She hops from her chair with Beatrice in her hands, but she doesn't budge.

"I said go to Heidi," I repeat in a stern but gentle tone.

"Are you going to hurt them?" she asks in a small voice.

The question throws me off kilter. Is that what she thinks? My father was strict, but he never laid a hand on me. "Of course not."

I only realize how much she trusts me in that moment, when she nods and walks with a bowed head from the room. I follow her with my gaze, the severity of her confidence in me sinking in. It's vital that I never betray her trust lest she loses faith in me.

Johan lifts his chin. "How are you going to punish us?" His dark eyes simmer with contempt as he bravely stands his ground. "The cane or the whip?"

"What?" I look at him, even more taken aback. "Neither."

I'd never do that to a child. But I was ready to do that to my wife. I did it to her. I punished her for things she hadn't done and things she's yet to do to me, and that makes me worse than a monster.

Johan's lip curls. "What then? Your fists? You think I'm scared?"

I can't listen to this any longer. "You're all grounded. You'll stay in the guards' quarters until after the weekend."

"Without going out?" the youngest, Guillaume exclaims.

I take in his unruly auburn curls. The color reminds me so much of my mother and Adeline's hair that my chest caves, trapping a painful breath in my lungs. "You're limited to the yard, but more mischief from any of you and even the yard will be off limits to everyone."

"You can't do that," étienne, the middle brother, says with his arms pressed tightly at his sides.

"I just did." I add before walking from the room, "When I return, this kitchen better be spotless."

A great deal of grumbling follows, but they don't protest further.

On my way to the study, I call the guardhouse and summon a man to watch the boys in case they get it into their heads to run away.

Heidi and Sophie wait in the hallway.

"Didn't you take her to her new bedroom?" I ask my housekeeper.

Heidi's smile is apologetic. "I did, but she insists on having a word with you."

My niece regards me with a serious expression, the doll pressed against her stomach.

I raise a brow. I'm curious about what she wants to talk to me about that's put that look on her face.

"You better come in then," I say, smiling to put her at ease.

"By the way, the doctor came," Heidi says. "He examined the children. Except for malnutrition, they're healthy. Johan and étienne have cavities in their teeth. You'll have to make an appointment at the dentist."

"How tall are you going to grow?" I ask Sophie.

She sucks her bottom lip into her mouth.

I frown. Not so long ago, she was excited about learning that fact.

"I'll be in the laundry room if you need me," Heidi says with a sigh.

Sophie enters my study ahead of me, looking around the space. I can't help but notice how lost she looks in the big room.

"What is it, Sophie?"

She turns to me. "I want to go home."

Something inside me tightens in protest. "You are home, darling. Don't you like your new room?"

Fabien went to a great deal of trouble to make it even prettier than the temporary one in the new house. I thought she'd like the doll's house that's structured like an artificial cave and the fairy garden in the bay window, but what do I know about what little girls want?

She averts her gaze and drills the toe of her sneaker into the rug. "It's nice, but I want to go home to Sabella." A note of uncertainty slips into her slight voice. "You promised."

Yes, I did, and I also made myself a promise earlier in the kitchen not to break her trust.

Going to my desk, I take the parcel that I got from Bastia and carry it back to her. "I have something for you."

She stares at the gift wrapped in pink paper and tied with a big white bow. Isn't she excited or curious? I thought she'd jump on it. It just goes to show how little I understand her and how much I still have to learn.

"Take it," I say with another encouraging smile.

She slowly untangles her grip on Beatrice and puts the stick doll on the sofa before taking the parcel. She glances at me as if she expects a vile surprise. Her actions are unenthusiastic when she peels off the paper to reveal a white box with pink hearts. The white and pink remind me of Sabella's sixteenth birthday party. The colors transport me back to the time when I first saw her. I remember with startling clarity how I felt—the pleasant discovery of her beauty, the instant possessiveness, the overwhelming jealousy, and most of all, the inappropriate desire. I shake off the memory and force myself back to the present moment, to the little girl who stares at the closed lid of the box.

"Open it," I urge gently.

She wiggles the lid and pulls it free. A porcelain doll with blond curls and an exquisite dress of anglaise embroidery rests on a cushion of velvet. The blue eyes are made of glass. Her face is delicately painted. The toy is a work of art. I watch Sophie intently, waiting for her reaction.

"It's very pretty," she says, handing me the box.

I frown internally but manage another smile. "She's yours. It's a gift. You can keep her."

She lowers her arm reluctantly.

I crouch in front of her. "What's the matter, darling? Don't you like the doll?"

She bites her lip and looks away, clearly sad instead of happy.

Fuck. What did I get wrong? "Is the dress not the right color?"

She shakes her head and meets my gaze again before saying in a trembling voice, "I want to go home, back to Sabella."

Blowing out a silent sigh, I consider how to approach this. I can't lie to her. That will definitely betray her trust. I did however promise I'd take her back today.

"Sophie," I start carefully, brushing a hand over her short hair. "Do you remember when we talked about your room at Sabella's house being temporary and that you'd eventually live here?"

She shakes her head more vehemently and says with more volume, "I want to see Sabella."

"And you will. I'll take you back in a moment."

Tilting her head, she considers me with a pleated forehead. "Really?"

"That's what I said back at the—" I catch myself, not being able to say that word out loud. "Back on the hill."

"Can we go now?"

"Yes." I straighten with an audible sigh this time. "Of course. If that's what you want."

She holds the box out to me. "Thanks anyway. She's very nice."

My heart softens. This scrap of a girl is going to wrap me around her little finger. Correction. She's already won me over tenfold. "As I said, it's yours. You can take it with you." I don't want to tell her my intention for giving her a real doll was to replace the stick one. I'm not as sure as I was when I bought the doll that the gesture will be welcome.

"Really?" she asks again.

"That's what a gift means. You can do with it as you please."

"All right." She looks with closer attention at the doll. "I'll have to ask Beatrice first. Maybe Beatrice won't like her."

"If Beatrice doesn't like her, she can stay here."

"Okay," she says, wrapping her small hand around mine.

When I close my fingers around hers, I'm a goner. I already love her like she's my own. "Shall we go?"

"Yes." She sounds relieved. "Please."

After letting Heidi know I'm taking Sophie to the new house, I load my niece and both her dolls in the car. I'm buckling Sophie in on the backseat when Toma pulls up. He gets out of his car and walks to me with a hesitant stride. I test the hold and the stretch of the seatbelt while he stops two steps away and hovers there with an air of uncertainty.

I take my time to double-check that Sophie is secure before straightening and acknowledging him. "Toma."

"Angelo." He shifts his weight. "I came to apologize for taking a piss."

Pinning him with a stare, I say, "You mean for not doing your job."

He scratches his head and looks away. "Yeah. That's what I meant."

"It's not a difficult job, is it?"

His nostrils flare. "No."

"Then don't give me the impression that you're an idiot."

He clenches his fingers into balls at his sides. "It won't happen again."

"It better not." I get into the car. "I don't suffer fools gladly. If you don't have what it takes to be a part of this business, I can always find you something else to do. Maybe you're more suited for filing paperwork in the vault."

His face turns red, but he's wise enough not to answer. I shut the door on his indignant expression and step on the gas. The moment I clear the gates, Toma is forgotten. As always, Sabella and our problems crowd my mind. How do I handle the situation with Sophie? How do I wean her off my wife?

With Sophie in the car, I'm extra careful not to drive recklessly or to exceed the speed limit.

I'm not sure what to expect when we arrive and Sabella opens the door. Fortunately, Sophie runs up the path and throws herself into Sabella's arms, preventing me from having to face a situation I have no idea how to handle. If I'm at a loss of how to act, it's because of how I left Sabella. It's what happened. It's what's changing between us. I want it. Badly. More than ever. I can almost taste the longing on my tongue. But I still don't have answers, and being caught in this hostile limbo leaves me weary to the bone.

Sabella hugs the little girl tightly before lowering her to her feet. "What do you have there?"

"Look." Sophie thrusts the box with the new doll at Sabella. "Angelo said I can keep her." She adds hastily, "If Beatrice likes her."

"Wow." Sabella goes down on her haunches and studies the doll. "A friend for Beatrice. I bet Beatrice is going to be very happy to have the company."

"I think she will," Sophie says with a big smile, for the first time sounding excited about the gift.

What is Sabella doing right that I'm doing wrong? She always knows exactly what to say and what to do where the kids are concerned.

I hover on the threshold, feeling out of place and oddly like I'm trespassing as the women talk about naming the doll. Sabella suggests that Beatrice should have an input. Sophie decides the doll is from the city, not like Beatrice who's from the valley.

I'm enraptured as I watch their exchange. I can't help but admire my wife's skills with the child. Sabella is protective of Sophie. She'll do anything to keep her safe. She'll always put the little girl before herself. She'll be no different with her own children. She'll be an amazing mother.

"Why don't you make our new friend at home in the kitchen?" Sabella says, pulling Sophie inside. "I'll fix you something to eat."

She catches my gaze as I close the door, a question burning in her eyes. Am I staying? I don't reply, because I don't have an answer. When a beat passes and I don't move, Sabella ushers Sophie from the lounge, leaving me to my own devices.

My choice.

My decision.

A feeling of loneliness descends on me. Exclusion. A deep, painful longing beats under my breastbone. I want what Sabella has with Sophie. I've always wanted a family of my own. It goes deeper than needing an heir. It's the desire to be a father. It's the sweet notion of putting a baby in Sabella's belly. My baby.

And just like that, I make my decision. As I stand on the doorstep of a house I'll never live in, I know it's time. I know what my choice will be. It's not the solution that will break the vicious circle of my warped relationship with my wife, but it's all I have. There's only one thing that will prevent her from running from me, only one situation I can exploit to make her stay. It's not a foolproof plan. It's not an ideal arrangement. It won't give me guaranteed insurance that she'll never betray me, because she may still try, but it'll make escaping me considerably tougher.

Yes.

It's wrong.

But.

Sometimes, a man has to do what a man has to do.

She can't say I wasn't honest about my intentions. She can't accuse me of not warning her.

In any event, this will serve to achieve the purpose of our marriage. Or that's what I tell myself as I climb the stairs and enter the bedroom. However, I don't look at myself in the mirror as I pull open the drawer and remove the packet of birth control pills. Even before Fabien installed the cameras, I knew where she hid them. It's not a very clever hiding place, but my wife is young and inexperienced when it comes to deceiving seasoned criminals like me.

I hesitate for a second. There's no coming back from this. But it's always been this way between Sabella and me. Full sail ahead. Act first and think later. Do what needs to be done and deal with the consequences in the aftermath of the wreckage.

Fuck.

I brace my palms on the vanity and drop my head between my shoulders when I take a moment to think about how she'll feel.

She'll come around.

She has to.

Once it's too late, I'll soothe her. I'll give her all the bling her heart desires. When there are children, she'll be tied to me in a different way. She won't be able to leave the country without my consent, not with a child. And she won't leave her children behind. After seeing her dynamic with Sophie, I'm certain of it. She'll stay, and she'll see them on weekends. Yes. We'll operate like a divorced couple, like I envisioned before.

All that remains is to get rid of Lavigne. It can't hurt to remove the temptation. It doesn't mean there won't be others who'll be willing to aid her. I'll just have to eliminate them all.

Steeling my heart, I straighten. My jaw locks with determination. Before I have time to change my mind and be a better man, I pop the pills out of their casings and wash them down the drain.

TO BE CONTINUED