Chapter 5

FIVE

Sabella

Iwake up warm and comfortable, not cold and shivering like…

Like when?

Caught between a deep, dreamless sleep and wakefulness, I stretch under the blanket that covers me. No, not a blanket. A throw. Not a bed. A sofa. In my father's study. Wait. This is his office. I'm lying on the sofa in his staff room.

And then it all rushes back—the nightmare. I'm relieved it was just a dream. At the same time, the most horrible fear that it's real cripples me.

When I sit up and plant my feet on the floor, it feels real, but that's how dreams are. You believe they're true until you wake up. You're trapped in the dream, dreaming you're awake.

I'm no longer warm and cozy. I'm frozen to my core.

Pulling the throw around my shoulders, I stand. I'm wearing my socks. My sneakers stand next to my bag on the floor.

I pad through the room and enter the reception area. The light is on. It's dark outside. I can't tell the time because it gets dark early in winter, already around five-thirty.

My legs carry me up the stairs and down the hallway under the canopies of industrial lampshades. Every step takes me deeper into the dream. My heartbeats fall out of rhythm, each thud hurting my chest.

I clutch the ends of the throw not because of the cold but because I need to hold on to something. My mind screams at me to stop. I don't want to go farther, but I have to know.

A shadow falls over the threshold of my dad's office and bleeds into the hallway. Petrified, I freeze. I'm terrified the owner of that shadow is Angelo. I'm praying he won't appear like a scary vision from my dream. I'm praying the man attached to that shadow is my dad, that he'll give me a delighted smile and a hug before asking what I'm doing here.

Please, wake up.

Ryan exits the office, wearing his habitual weekend attire of jeans and a sweater, but the way the clothes sit on his frame is wrong. Askew. His face is pale and his hair disheveled. The unsettled look in his eyes is out of place. It doesn't fit his stoic disposition.

He steps over the spilled food littering the floor and stops short when he notices me. "Jesus, Bella." The words gush from his mouth. "You're alive." Quickening his steps, he closes the distance and fastens his hands on my arms. "Sweet Jesus." He hugs me tightly. "You're all right."

That's when it hits me. The truth crashes into me when I realize I'm alive but not all right. When I admit that it's not a dream, reality settles like the aftermath of a violent storm, cold and cruel.

I try to move forward, but my brother holds me back.

His voice is firm. "No, Bella."

"Ryan."

"Shh." He rubs my back. "You're alive. That's what matters."

It's not what matters. I pull away and lock my hands in his sweater. "I saw him. Them. Angelo and his father. They… It was them. I saw it." From a distant corner of my mind, I register that I sound hysterical. "We have to call the police."

"No." He curls his fingers around my biceps and catches my gaze. "You have to forget what you saw." His manner is steady, forcing calm. "It's a suicide."

"It's not. Ryan, we have to call the police. He couldn't have gone far. The airport. They have to hold the flights."

"Listen to me, Bella." Ryan tightens his hold on my arms. "We can't call the police."

"What are you talking about?"

"Dad was involved in a murder. A double murder."

Dad was involved in a murder.

I hear the words, but I don't understand. "What? You're not making sense."

His expression is sympathetic. No, it's pitying. "Dad ordered the hit that killed Angelo's sister and his mother."

It can't be. Not my dad. That's not who he is. Was. I slip out of my brother's touch and back up. "You're lying."

"Bella, listen to me." He spears his fingers through his hair. Frustration and urgency lace his tone. "Dad paid someone in Santino's employ to cut the brake cables on Santino's car. Santino was the target, not Teresa and Adeline. The fact that Teresa drove her husband's car that day was a sad and unforeseen twist of circumstances."

I take another step away. "I don't believe it." My voice is shaky. "Dad would never do something like that."

Angelo's words whisper through my mind.

It was justice for my mother and sister.

"No." I shake my head, retreating farther. "It's not true."

Ryan looks me straight in the eyes, showing me the truth with his steadfast stare as he declares solemnly, "I was there when he commissioned the job, Bella. I made the transfer for the payment."

The payment. Ryan and Dad. They paid someone to kill Santino. I can't wrap my mind around that. But then an image of Ryan and Dad at Ryan's birthday party springs into my head. I remember the message Dad read on his phone and how he looked at Ryan, how that scared me.

There are a million things I could ask, but the question that slips from my lips is, "Who? Who did you pay?"

"You don't need to burden yourself with the details. There's no risk of him talking." He dips his head, measuring my reaction. "The Russo family executed him."

The storm his words unleash is trapped in my chest. It tears me apart, uprooting who I am and every foundation I built my life on. Not finding a way out, it wreaks havoc with every part of my being.

"How?" I've gone from hysterical to eerily calm, the storm now living inside me. "How do you know this?"

"Angelo informed me when he sent me a text to tell me they'd taken their vengeance." He swallows. "Of where to find you and…"

Dad.

"I wish I didn't have to tell you," Ryan continues. "Now you understand why we can't go to the police."

"No." The world tilts beneath me. I grab the rail to support my weight. "We can't let them get away with this."

Ryan raises his hands. "If this comes out, everything comes out. Think about Mom, about how the scandal will ruin her life. Think about Mattie and the baby. Celeste and me. Brad."

The rational part of me understands his logic. The rest of me battles to process what's happening. What happened.

"Why?" I whisper-cry. "This isn't—" I swallow a sob. "This wasn't Dad."

He drops his arms at his sides. "There are parts of the business you don't understand. Illegal parts. If any of this comes to light, we're all fucked, Bella. Do you understand?"

Slowly, like muck drifting to the bottom of a muddy river, the truth sinks deeper. The bribes weren't the only unscrupulous dealings in the business. That nasty, unsavory bit of reality was only the tip of the iceberg. I shudder thinking what lies beneath.

Ryan advances cautiously. "I'm going to call an ambulance. You have to be strong now. Understand?" His gaze drills into mine. "You came here to surprise Dad. Instead, you discovered the body." His speech is steady and grounding. Like me, he's carrying his storm inside. "You fainted. Blacked out or something. The shock can do that to a person, especially someone as young and sensitive as you. It's believable. When you didn't call Mom as agreed to let her know you arrived safely, she got worried. She called you and Dad, but neither of you answered your phones."

This part must be true. The missed calls will be registered on our phones.

He stops short of me, cupping my shoulders in his palms. "Mom called me. I came looking for you. I found you here, disorientated and in shock. Then I called an ambulance."

He waits, searching my eyes for agreement or understanding.

I'm not sure I can do this.

He gives me a shake. "Think about the family, Bella. This is bigger than us. You have no idea just how big. It goes all the way to the government and higher. The media will have a field day with the truth. It'll ruin every one of us and any future our children can ever hope to have. Dad made a call that destroyed Angelo's family. Angelo did the same to us. It can end here. Be over. Or we can go down a path that will be a thousand times worse than what happened today. You may as well put a gun against our heads and pull the trigger. Can you live with that? Can you live with doing that to Mom and Brad and Mattie's baby?"

I'm trembling by the time he's done. "What's wrong with us, Ryan?" I point toward the office. "We're talking as if Dad isn't lying dead in there."

"Nothing is wrong with you, Bella." He wraps his arms around me and pulls me close. "Dad tried to protect you from this. It's us. Me. The guilt is mine."

No. If I lie, the guilt is just as much mine.

"You've got this." He holds me at arm's length. "You're strong enough."

I'm not.

"Dad made sacrifices for us you can't begin to comprehend." He squeezes my shoulders. "Don't let it be for nothing." Letting me go slowly, he takes his phone from his pocket. "I'm calling, all right?"

I open my mouth, but there's only silence. The havoc is stuck inside.

"I have to call now, Bella. We've taken too long already. You can do this."

It's a lie. Everything is a lie. There's only one truth here.

Dad is dead.

Oh my God.

Dad is dead.

The circles of light sway in my path. Their brightness isn't enough to expel the darkness that steals over me. The floor gives way, and then I fall into a blissful night where monsters don't exist.