Chapter 15

FIFTEEN

Sabella

The house is strangely quiet. The clang when I drop my mom's car key on the table in the entrance sounds unnaturally loud. A smell of apple pie wafts from the kitchen, but the delicious aroma of home baking doesn't warm me inside and welcome me like it usually does.

Something changed. I don't feel at home in the house any longer. Angelo destroyed my haven with his despicable betrayal. I'm like a stranger in the place I grew up in. The walls close in on me, but I don't feel safe outside either. Angelo's words repeat in my head, that someone will always be watching me. That he'll always come back for me. But I don't want to think about him. I can't. Not now. I have to push those disturbing thoughts aside and do what has to be done.

Taking my phone from my bag that still lies on the floor next to the door, I send a text message to Colin to tell him I won't be over tonight, making up a feeble excuse of being tired.

Mattie exits from the kitchen as I shove my phone in my pocket.

"There you are." She scrutinizes me, studying me more closely than usual, and says in a manner much friendlier than her norm, "We're having dinner in ten minutes. Go wash up quickly."

Picking at a cuticle, I glance down the hallway. "Where are they?"

"In the study."

I nod and swallow.

"Are you all right?" she asks, phrasing it as if I shouldn't be.

I'm not, but I nod again.

"Okay." She brushes down her skirt. "I'm helping Doris with the final touches to the dinner. Come give us a hand to set the table when you're done."

When she goes back to the kitchen, I walk with leaden steps to the study. I stop in the doorframe. My mom sits on the sofa, her eyes unfocussed as she sips amber liquor from a tumbler. Ryan leans against the windowsill with one hand in his pocket and a glass of the same liquor in his other. My dad sits behind his desk, staring into space, his drink standing untouched in front of him.

All three of them turn their gazes to me. As always, Ryan's face is impassive and his expression neutral. My mom's jaw is set into a hard line, her brown eyes glittering with something akin to helpless anger. My dad appears tired and dejected, and it sends a jolt of panic through me, because Dad is invincible. I've never seen him looking so beaten.

My mom clears her throat. She's the first to speak, always taking charge of the difficult conversations like the birds and the bees and lessons in morals. "Did Mattie bring you up to speed?"

"Yes." I avert my gaze, unable to look them in the eyes. "It was me."

Silence falls over the room.

When I raise my head, my mom is sitting up straighter, staring at me with colorless cheeks.

"I'm sorry," I say, my tongue tripping over the words. "I didn't know. I didn't know?—"

The glass makes a sharp clink as my mom puts it down on the table. "What did you say?"

I glance between them, from the shock on Mom's face and the sorrow on Dad's to the nothingness on Ryan's. "I deactivated the cameras and the alarm. It was me."

Mom stands, her arms stiff at her sides. "Why would you do something like that?"

I fix my gaze on a spot on the carpet. "To let Angelo inside the house."

Another stretch of silence follows, tying my stomach in knots. I wish someone would say something. The quiet judgment is worse than the verbal lashing I deserve. When I dare to lift my head again, my parents are observing me with disappointment. Incomprehension. Even Ryan's habitual emotionless face shows pity.

"Why?" Mom exclaims, the word no more than a whisper.

"He wanted to wish me a happy birthday." I wring my hands. "I didn't know he planned on taking the book."

Mom balls her hands into fists. "You brought him into our house? Into your room?"

"Nothing happened," I say quickly. "I swear. He sent me a message to say he was outside. He came all the way to say happy birthday in person." I pause. "So, I let him in."

My dad's voice is hard. "What happened, Sabella?"

"Nothing. We just talked. I fell asleep. When I woke up, he was gone. I thought he'd left, but he came back, saying he'd been to the bathroom. Then he said goodbye, and I let him out." I shrug, feeling miserable and stupid and small. "That's all."

My mom pulls back her shoulders and walks to the door without sparing me a glance.

"Mom," I say, my tone pleading.

When she all but shoves past me, I don't have a choice but to step out of the way.

I bite my lip, turning to my dad. "I'm sorry." My voice breaks as the tears I'm trying to hold back slip free and roll over my cheeks. "I'm really, really sorry, Dad." Sobs wrack my shoulders. "I didn't know. I didn't know he was only using me to steal your book."

Blowing out a heavy sigh, my dad gets to his feet and rounds his desk. I'm a slobbering mess when he puts his arms around me and hugs me close. I nearly collapse with relief in his embrace, taking the comfort he offers.

"Shh." He rubs my back. "It's not your fault."

"At least now we know how he got his hands on it." Ryan utters a wry chuckle as he sips his drink. "He didn't hire someone to break in, which means the alarm system is still foolproof." His smile is cynical. "I suppose that's something."

I pull back with a hiccup. "Aren't you mad at me?"

Dad's face hardens. "Angelo Russo is a vile creature. He used you as a pawn in this nasty scheme of his. How can I be angry with you when he's the one to blame?"

"Thank you." I wrap my arms around him. "You have no idea how scared I was to tell you."

"You did the right thing."

I step away, searching his eyes. "What's going to happen?"

My dad and Ryan exchange a look.

I turn to Ryan. "Why did he take the book? What is he going to do with it?"

In my peripheral vision, Dad clenches his jaw.

Ryan pushes off the windowsill. His tone is calm, as if none of what happened affects him. "He wanted shares in the business." He twirls the glass. "Instead of only taking a cut of the profit, he also wanted power."

"Is it true?" I ask my Dad. "About the bribes?"

Dad's smile is drawn. "A necessary evil."

I take his hand, brushing my thumb over the onyx wedding ring on his finger, tracing the square stone like I used to do when I was little and Dad held my hand. "Isn't there another way?"

Dad checks his watch. "Your mother is waiting for us. We better have dinner."

"I'm sorry." I squeeze his hand. "I'm sorry I didn't listen to you." Fresh tears build behind my eyes. "It'll never happen again."

"I know, darling." Dad pauses. "You only saw him this once? If there were other times, you have to come clean about them now."

"Only last night."

Dad considers me for another beat, and then he nods. "Go clean up your face. The food is getting cold."

My shoulders sag as I walk to the bathroom and wash my face. My father lost shares in his business, and it's my fault. Because of me, he had to give a part of his hard-earned company to the Russo family. If Angelo used the bribing to blackmail my father into signing over a part of his business, then Angelo is condoning the bribing too.

It's a bitter pill to swallow. A part of me wishes I never learned the truth. I don't like to think this house and everything else was bought with dishonest means. Dad has never involved us in his business. I've never understood much about it because he's gone to such great pains to keep his private and professional lives apart.

I've always put him on a pedestal. He's always been my hero, and today made a dent in the image I upheld for so long, proving that even my strong, successful, and invincible dad is only human. That he has faults. I suppose he feels the same about me, realizing that his little girl isn't so perfect or obedient after all.

After drying my face, I go downstairs. Ryan stays for dinner. Mattie keeps on stealing glimpses at me during the meal. I'm sure Ryan told her what happened. Mom stares at her plate, saying nothing. Dad is equally quiet. I'm relieved when the ordeal finally comes to an end.

Mom wants Ryan to sleep over, seeing how late it is, but he prefers to get back to Celeste. After saying goodbye to my brother, I can finally escape to my room.

I lie awake for most of the night, finding comfort in petting Pirate. When dawn breaks, I send Colin a message to say I'm not going class. He asks if I'm sick, so I think up another lie and tell him I'm having my period. The cramps and headaches are often so bad that Mom lets me stay at home instead of going to school. It's a feasible excuse.

Dad has already left for the office by the time I go downstairs. Mom isn't surprised when I tell her I'm not going to class. She meets the news with an uncharacteristically indifferent attitude.

I'm not hungry, but I force myself to eat peanut butter and banana toast. Then I pull on my bathing suit, grab my beach bag, and slip past Mattie who's having her breakfast on the veranda while talking to Jared on the phone. She's no doubt updating him on yesterday's events, telling him what I've done. The way everyone is tiptoeing around me only makes my guilt worse. I feel dumb and humiliated. Awful. I just have to get out of the house.

I use the footpath to climb down the dune and jog to the beach. It's peak holiday season, but the nearest umbrellas are planted on the other side of the lagoon. Thanks to being private, our beach is always quiet.

Grateful for not having to face people, I leave my bag in the cave and take out Angelo's phone. There are two new messages, one from last night and one from this morning. I delete them without reading either. I should've told Dad about the phone, but I couldn't bring myself to hurt him more than I already have.

I drop the phone in the bag with the underwater camera that I clip to a utility belt around my waist and step out into the sun. The heavy ring on my thumb catches the light. I grit my teeth as I look at it, wishing I could throw it into the sea, but Angelo said he'd know if I'm not wearing it. His threat is still too fresh in my mind. The seriousness of his actions told me he wasn't joking. He wouldn't think twice about branding me like an animal. How could I have been so wrong about him? I must be a bad judge of character. Like Dad warned me, Angelo isn't the man I thought he was.

Is Roch here now, watching me? I look around as a shiver crawls down my spine. The dunes and the beach are deserted. I should've told Dad and Ryan about that too, but I don't want to spook them unnecessarily. I've done enough damage. Surely, now that Angelo got what he wanted, he'll leave me alone. I'll wait a few weeks and do a test by going to town without wearing the ring. If nothing happens, I'll throw it in the trash. For now, there's no one here to witness my actions.

With that thought somewhat soothing me, I take the ring off and chuck it inside the cave. It's a pity there's no one around to steal it. From time to time, people cross the river at low tide and walk along the beach toward Glentana. Whenever that happens, Mom calls the police and lodges complaints of trespassing. Sometimes, youngsters from the island drive their jet skis and motorboats up and down the surf of our beach just to piss her off.

Today, the sea is flat and quiet. I walk in, embracing the coolness, and dive under the waves until I reach the swell. From there, I swim with strong breaststrokes deeper into the sea.

Despite the stillness of the water, the currents running under the surface are strong. They're especially treacherous where the river runs into the sea. Almost every year, an unsuspecting holidaymaker drowns here. Since the lagoon became popular with day visitors as well as people camping in the nearby caravan park, the municipality put lifeguards in place. That doesn't prevent the tragic accidents from happening every summer.

I swim until my arms ache and my legs cramp. It's too far. I know it. But I want to punish myself. I want to purge myself of Angelo Russo. I never want to hear his name or see his face again, not in my thoughts or in my dreams.

When I'm too tired and too cold, I drift on my back for a while. From this distance, our house is a small white beacon on a green hill, framed by a sandy dune. The colorful umbrellas and towels on the left are pinpoints on the pearly sand. I fit the new scuba mask Colin gave me, suck in a lungful of air, and sink under the water, but I find no joy in the quietness today.

A school of sardines torpedoes past on my left, their movements staccato and synchronized. They change direction, heading like one body toward the beach. When they behave like this, it's because they have a predator on their tail. Maybe it's a tuna or swordfish. I turn in a circle under the water, and then I see it. Not even five meters away, a great white shark of at least ten meters glides through the water. I've never seen such a big one, and never in the sea. My only acquaintance with great whites was at the aquarium.

My pulse spikes. The beat of my heart thrums in my temples. I forget that I need air. I forget everything but the sight in front of me. Unzipping the bag on my belt, I take out the camera and activate the video. The majestic hunter passes a few meters in front of me. The visibility is good, the light that pierces the dark blue water making the gray body and white underbelly shimmer. As my hands are occupied, I have to pedal with my feet to turn, following the predator as it circles me.

The blood pumping through my body gushes in my ears. The shark swims away, turns, and heads with full speed straight at me. I try to remember what I read. Don't swim away. Don't behave like prey. The best defense is a fist on the gills, not on the nose.

I take in the eyes, glassy like marbles, and the half-open jaw studded with spiky teeth that oddly resembles a smile. It's so close I can make out the sandpapery surface of its skin. I brace myself for the impact. I don't know how much it weighs, but I have no doubt a collision will do damage, if not knock me unconscious.

At the last minute, it changes direction, zipping to the right. It's probably sniffed me and figured out I'm not a snack it's familiar with. Great whites aren't aggressive by nature like Zambezi sharks. Most accidents happen because they mistake surfers for seals.

The shark turns around and circles me again. I'm calmer now. I think it knows I'm not food. The adrenaline coursing through my body is more from a rush of excitement than fear. The predator passes me slowly, and then it shoots away, disappearing into the same direction as the sardines.

Desperate for air, I kick up and break the surface. For long seconds, I do nothing but drag oxygen into my lungs. When my breathing settles, I switch off the video, making sure to save it. I'm high from the experience, my body and brain fueled by the incredible beauty and grace I witnessed. I just hang there in the water, savoring it for a while.

I don't feel cold any longer, but when I start to shiver, it's my cue to turn back. Before I swim for the shore, I do what I came here for. I take Angelo's phone from the bag and let it drop to the bottom of the ocean.