Chapter 19

CHAPTER 19

T homas knocked over the snifter of brandy. If there was anything left in it, he would have been pissed. There had to be more somewhere. He made his way out of his study and down the hallway. He knew where his feet were taking him, but he didn't want to acknowledge it. The library.

He hadn't been in there since he dismissed Frances in the parlor last week. He walked into the library and, despite closing the window that day, the smell of vanilla still hung in the air.

Thomas walked over to the bar and looked underneath. "Ah. There you are, you cheeky bastard. C'mere."

Thomas pulled out a full snifter of brandy and poured a splash in a glass… then a little more. Looking between the glass and the bottle, he pushed away the glass and drank from the bottle.

"If this the life of a duke, count me in."

Thomas looked up to see his old friend Jonathan standing in the doorway. Why are there three Jonathans? Thomas shook his head to clear his vision.

"What the hell are you doing here?" Thomas slumped into a chair, impressed his words weren't slurred.

"Your sister sent for me." Jonathan walked in and lounged on the sofa next to the fireplace. "Now, I understand why I don't see you as much. I thought it was because of all those responsibilities you like to yammer on about. But if I lived here, I wouldn't want to leave either. Damn, this is comfortable."

Thomas grunted and took another swig of brandy.

"I see your manners are as polished as ever. When will my gracious host offer me refreshment?"

"Sod off."

"Tsk. Is that any way to greet your oldest and dearest friend." Jonathan raised a hand to his chest in mock offense.

"I'm afraid my brother has no need for manners lately." Jenny's prim voice grated from the doorway.

"Jenny, leave us. I am in no mood for your candor." Thomas rubbed his face in his hands.

Jenny didn't acknowledge the sentiment and knocked Jonathan's feet off the sofa, so she could sit. "You're in no mood for anything. You're acting like a foxed lout. It's no wonder she turned you down."

Thomas sank further down into his chair while Jonathan sprang up. "Oh ho! What was that? Our Tommy boy proposed marriage to someone? Was it the girl he fought over?"

"He fought over Frannie?" Jenny's high-pitched voice rang in Thomas' head, causing him to whimper.

"Ah, the elusive Frances."

"Miss Ambrose to you," Thomas grounded out while he pointed the bottle at Jonathan.

Jonathan ignored Thomas and leaned closer to Jenny as if they were two young schoolgirls gossiping. "Oh yes. Just over a week ago at Smith's, down by your old store, we ran into the Michelson twins."

Jenny groaned at the mention of the twins. "Ugh. Those are two people I'm glad I never have to see again."

"Well, Sean was the typical ass and made a comment about Thomas' fair maiden, Frances, er, sorry , Miss Ambrose, and Thomas went after him." Jonathan sighed back into the sofa and placed his hands behind his head. "It was like the good ole days. It was fun, actually."

Jenny shook her head. "I'll never understand men. You do the most idiotic things."

Jonathan eyed the bar cart and sauntered over to it. "We're simple creatures, really. If we see something we like, we get it." He held a bottle of whiskey. "If we can't get it, we fight for it. If we lose, we move on. If we win, we're happy. Simple as that." He popped the stopper off the bottle and poured himself a glass. "It's when we give up before fighting that we're idiots."

Thomas felt as if his head was going to explode. "Will you stop? You have no idea what you're talking about."

"Usually I'd agree with you, but even I can see what an ass you're making of yourself in this situation."

"What do you both want from me? It's not a secret what I did with Frances. When I tried to correct our mistake and offered her marriage, she turned me down. There is nothing I can do."

"Wow. I have heard bits and pieces but not laid out like that." Jenny nodded slowly. "There is only one thing I can say, and it pains me to have to say it." She looked remorsefully at Thomas before turning to Jonathan.

Finally, someone gets it.

"I agree with Jonathan. You are an ass."

"What?!" Both men snapped. Jonathan out of glee, and Thomas out of disgust.

" That's how you proposed marriage to someone you care about? I'm surprised she didn't have you thrown out with the mornings rubbish," Jenny tsked.

Thomas tore at his hair. "There's nothing more I could have done. I was trying to fix it."

Jonathan returned to his seat beside Jenny. "Please don't tell me you told the girl that what you did with her was a mistake."

Thomas reeled back in offense. "Of course not! I apologized for my role in her ruination and offered her marriage to make it right."

Jenny and Jonathan sat, staring at him as if he had completely lost his mind.

"My God, it's worse than you said."

Jenny nodded, "I told you."

Thomas was starting to think he actually did lose his mind. His eyes bounced between them. "What are you two talking about?"

Jonathan turned to Jenny, "Jenny, love? Will you give me a moment with your brother?"

Jenny raised her eyebrow at the term of endearment and excused herself, closing the door behind her.

Thomas began to speak when Jonathan cut him off. "Stop. My God man, just stop." Thomas took in Jonathan's worried stance. His voice held more emotion than Thomas was used to hearing from his normally carefree friend.

"Why do you do this to yourself? You always keep everyone at arm's length, and even when you're trying to do the right thing, you still keep your walls up." Jonathan shook his head, defeated. "You're a damn fortress. You make it so hard to care for you, and the one person who was able to get through your defenses, you treat the worse of all."

Thomas sat flabbergasted. "I'm sorry, maybe it's the drink, but what the hell are you talking about?"

Jonathan began to pace and held up a finger. "Your mother dies, you help your father with raising Jenny and running the store." He held up another finger. "He dies, leaving you in charge of everything. You begin develop this…" Jonathan waved his hands trying to conjure up the right word. "… shell around you. Your walls. You probably use it as protection, but — and I can attest to this being your best friend…"

"Soon to be former," Thomas interjected.

"As I was saying, as your best friend, those walls are darn frustrating. Even in our best times, as soon as the moment is over, your walls come back up, and it's business as usual. I had some hope for you when I heard about this woman. I thought perhaps someone would be able to break through and make you a human. Instead, we get this. "

Thomas looked down at his disheveled appearance. When was the last time I changed my clothing?

"I asked her to marry me. She said no."

Jonathan pointed his finger at Thomas. "Ah! You asked her to marry you. Why?"

"Because I ruined her." The words stabbed his heart. The thought of Frances hurting because he couldn't control himself around her was the cross he'd bear for the rest of his life.

"No, no, no." Jonathan shook his head fervently. " Why did you ask her to marry you?"

Thomas looked quizzically. "Because it is the right thing to do. Jonathan, really, how much have you had to drink?"

Jonathan let out an exasperated groan.

"Let's start over. Do you care for Frances?"

"Yes."

"Do you love her?"

"No."

Jonathan stood with his hands on his hips, staring disapprovingly.

"What? I don't." Thomas shook off the odd feeling that settled in his gut when he spoke the words. "This is preposterous. I care for the woman, obviously. She has been a good friend to Jenny and to myself. But she is clearly just a friend."

Friend. That word felt like a knife slicing through his chest. That's the word Frances used yesterday when describing their relationship.

"Just a friend? We're friends. I don't remember you and I ever copulating," Jonathan said off-handedly.

"That's low brow. Plus, you know what I mean."

Jonathan shook his head. "I don't. Explain it to me because I feel I am missing a big part of the picture."

"She's from this world, but I'm not. This…" Thomas opened his arms. "This is all a show to me. The people are fake and pretentious, and I don't belong in it. She deserves someone who understands this world and plays the part perfectly. That's not me."

"Is she fake and pretentious?"

Thomas looked aghast. "Not at all. She's the most genuine, intelligent, spirited woman I've ever known. In fact, she may be the only person I know who is true to herself and her values."

"Present company excluded, of course," Jonathan added.

Thomas rolled his eyes in response.

"She's her own person," Thomas continued. "She plays the part society wants her to, but she does it on her own terms. It's something I've always admired about her."

"So, if you don't think you fit into this world of pomp and circumstance, and she doesn't behave like she wants to be a part of said group of pomp and circumstance, why is it you can't be with her?"

"Because…" The words trailed off. Jonathan was right. She always criticized the world she was brought up in, so why couldn't she be a good match for him? He knew there was another reason. Wasn't there?

"Becaaaauuuuse…?" Jonathan prompted.

Thomas replayed his proposal to Frances in his head. There was something he was missing.

"Just wait. I have to think."

Jonathan sighed and sat on the sofa.

"Ah! I remember now. It's because she is a baron's daughter, and I am a duke." He paused. "Which is just ridiculous. I would love her if she were a fisherman's daughter. Why would I care about class or who is appropriate for me to marry" he murmured to himself.

Jonathan sat with a victorious smile on his face. "My god, Thomas, are you that blitzed you don't realize what you just said?"

"Hmm? What? Oh, that I don't care that she's a baron's daughter?"

Jonathan held out his hand, urging Thomas to continue, "…and?"

"And that I would lov— ohhh! "

Jonathan snapped his fingers. "There it is."

"I love her." The words sounded foreign yet familiar falling off his tongue. Bloody hell, he loved the woman. "I love her, and I made her think I wanted to marry her out of duty." He rubbed his face again. "You're right, I am an ass."

"See? I knew you could figure it out. So, what are you going to do?"

Thomas wandered over to the window with the woodruff just outside of it. He placed his hands on the pane and pulled up. He expected a fight, but the pane released, and it opened easily. The smell of vanilla wrapped around him like a warm blanket. "I have to fight."

Jonathan jumped up on a holler. "Hot damn! Thomas and Jonathan fighting together again. I'm in. How can I help?"

Thomas took another deep breath of the vanilla wafting in on the summer breeze. "I'm afraid I need more of a feminine touch with this one."

"I thought you'd never ask."

Jenny's head popped back through a crack in the door.

"Jenny, you little minx, have you been listening to my conversation with your brother this entire time?"

Jenny smiled. "Of course. I wasn't going to miss the chance to hear it from the ass himself regarding his feelings for Frances."

Thomas stood with his hands on his hips. "I'm getting really tired of people calling me an ass."

Jenny and Jonathan exchanged a wink. "How can we help you, dear brother? I'm ready to have another woman around here. There's way too much male ego in here."

Thomas took a deep breath. He had no idea where to begin, but he never cared what society thought of him, and he wasn't going to start now. And he would be damned if society stood in the way between him and the woman he loved.