8. Chapter 8

Chapter 8

Aaron

L ucy's been quiet the whole way home. She came back from the bathroom shaking. I asked her what happened, and she just smiled in return, ignoring the question and asking the nearest waiter for a stiff whiskey. Something happened, though. I could tell by the way she wouldn't meet my eyes.

The drinking later into the night turned out to be a good thing. Murphy loosened up, and I did too. We finally got to have that conversation about the Bears. Sure, I didn't get him to admit he traffics women, but I did get a minute alone with his date which was long enough for me to slip her my card in case she needs help.

Murphy loosened up during after-dinner cocktails and dancing, but I didn't like the way he looked at Lucy. He looked like he knew her intimately or wants to, not like a cousin should look at his cousin's wife. Lucy looked away from him whenever she could, and I was able to not let it get to me as the bar ran out of alcohol. Both of us drank more than we should, and I probably shouldn't have driven back to her house. By the time I realized that I should have called us an Uber, we were almost home.

I walk her to the front porch, and she opens the door wide behind her in a silent invitation. Unsure of what she's willing to do inside her house, I follow in silence, my hands in my pockets and waiting for her to make a move on me or indicate she wants to be physical. It's not like we don't do stuff at the club, and we're familiar with each other's sex tells.

She drops her purse and keys on a small table in her entryway before hobbling to the refrigerator, opening the door, and pulling out a bottle of wine I recognize from my own shopping at Trader Joe's. She kicks off her heels in the kitchen and sighs. "I'm so fucking tired of painful shoes."

I walk to the kitchen entryway and casually lean against it. "I don't know how you wear the ones you wear at work. You have my respect for walking in those things."

She opens the twist cap on the wine, takes a drink, and holds the bottle out to me. I take a sip and let the dry red fill my mouth. More alcohol. This will sit well with the whiskey and beer I've already consumed. Hopefully, the kids aren't too wild tomorrow morning since the overnight sitter only lasts until eight.

She takes the bottle back from me, takes a swig, and sets it on the counter. She leans on her elbows and her tits about fall out of the dress, but it's not meant to seduce. She's just leaning forward. "You like the shoes, don't you?" she asks in a whisper.

"I like the shoes, Lucy," I whisper back, pushing off the doorframe and leaning against the other side of her counter so we're across from each other. "I like a lot of things about you."

"Still?"

"Always."

The silence between us is deafening, and the air practically crackles between us. I burn to touch her, and her shoulders tense in restraint like she wants to touch me. We're locked in a game of sex chicken, but I'm not sure if the first to touch will lose or win.

"Be with me tonight. Your bed. Like we used to be." I lose the chicken game. I don't care. I'm going to lay my cards out and fall first.

Lucy looks down. "No, Aaron."

The room spins a little as I push off the counter, laughing like a maniac. Lucy stiffens further and circles the counter. "I think you should go."

"Why did you let me follow you inside? Hand me wine? You have to know I want you, Lucy!" I yell. I don't mean to. Something about the alcohol and my frustration combine into an uncontrollable pitch. I clear my throat and reach for her. When I tuck her hair behind her ear, she gently pushes my hand away, and my skin burns where her fingers touched me.

"I don't know why I invited you in, Aaron. I guess I'm still codependent and don't want to be alone all the time. I'm broken, Aaron. I'm so fucking broken."

"No, you're not. You're beautiful and strong. How many women would have survived what Beck put you through?"

She looks up at me, and her eyes darken. It's not sexual, though. It's…mean. "I've had to be strong." She nudges her chin toward the door. "What happens at the club doesn't necessarily happen in my home."

"So, now you only fuck around with me when you get paid for it?" I pat my pants pockets like I'm looking for something. "I think I have a twenty here somewhere."

The slap comes before I can block it. Her hand moves faster than my eyes. I have police reflexes, but I don't see it coming since my guard is always down with Lucy. At that moment, I know I've had way too much to drink. I really should have seen that coming.

Because I deserved it.

Her handprint burns on my face, and I instinctively touch my cheek before she can straighten from the follow-through. Even her hair moved with the strike, a lone lock of auburn hair flopping over her forehead with the force of her movement. She has one hell of a right arm.

She backs into the wall behind her, shaking her head. Her eyes are wide like she thinks I'll come for her, and that's typical for a battered woman. I'm actually shocked she got violent with me. "I'll call you a ride. I'm sorry, Aaron. I shouldn't have hit you…" Her voice trails off and her face crinkles like she's about to cry.

I hold up my hands, trying to signal I won't hurt her. I want to pull her into my arms and apologize, but I don't want to scare her. Truth be told, I've never seen Lucy slap a mosquito, and my heart pounds in shock that she hit me, even as I want to comfort her. Something has crawled under her skin.

"Don't call a car. I shouldn't have said that. Fuck," I whine, running my hands through my hair in anguish. "I'm so sorry, sweetheart. I didn't mean that. It just came out. Something obviously has you rattled, and you're not talking about it. I want to keep you safe. I'll sleep on your couch tonight. I will never touch you again, but let me keep you safe tonight. I just…" My voice trails off, and I lean against the wall opposite from her.

"I'm sorry, Aaron. I just so fucking angry all the time now."

I step toward her, and she cowers against the wall, one step up from curling into a ball. "Hit me," I whisper.

"Wh-what?" she stammers.

"Hit me again." I hold my arms out wide. "You've got some rage. You have some issues with men after what he did to you. Hit me again, Lucy! I'll take it if it'll make you feel less broken. Less battered. More powerful. I want you to take your power back. I want you to be Lucy again."

She shakes her head but her stance straightens. She's not cowering anymore at least.

"I won't."

"I'm giving you a pass. Beat the shit out of me. I'll take it. I'll take it from you. For you."

"I'd never hurt you like that, and I'm sorry I slapped you, Aaron." Her eyes dart around the room. "I guess I do have some issues with men, but I'm pretty sure they're valid."

"Lucy, you've got a lot on your plate, and I really wish I could take those words back. I would do anything to take them back," I plead, looking at the floor. "I don't think of you as my whore."

She tilts her head as a tear rolls down her cheek. I see it and wince. I put my hand over my heart because it feels like it's going to crawl out of my chest that I made her cry.

"What do you want, Aaron?" she asks in a tired voice with a weak smile. "And don't tell me to beat you up."

My chest heaves, and I walk to her, boxing her in and putting my elbows on either side of her face. If she doesn't want me here, she can bring her knee up and nail me in the balls, but she looks up at me as I tentatively run my hand through her hair.

That soft hair. I'm so psycho for this woman that I'd take a lock of her hair to sleep with under my pillow if she ever said she wouldn't talk to me again.

"I want you, Lucy. No club. No me having to pay for a blow job to feel close to you."

"Is that why you do it?"

"Yes," I say without a moment of hesitation. "It's not physical. I mean…some of it is. It feels nice." She smiles a small grin. "But you between my legs and licking the most hidden part of me makes me feel close to you. That's all I want. I want to feel close to you, but you keep pushing me away. I think about you all day. I think about how I can't wait to see you. I think of ways to talk to you. My fingers hover over my phone because I want to message you about something silly my kids said or something funny my dog did. Do you think I just want you to suck my dick?"

"I don't know what to think. About anything."

"I tried to stay cool around you at the club and act like it was no big deal. It was a big deal to me. Any time you put your hands or mouth on me, it's a big deal. It's special. I'm sorry if I ever acted like it wasn't or was disrespectful to you. Hell, I know I've disrespected you."

I bury my head in her neck, but she pushes me away. Tears burn at my eyes now as she scowls. "Did you just ask me to be your date tonight to be your date? It wasn't about Murphy, was it?"

"I want you on my arm all the time, Lucy."

She looks at the floor. "I can't be with you the way you want, Aaron. We live in different worlds now. I'm not the same person I was. You deserve better. You deserve someone like Cynthia who can be a role model to your girls."

"That's not even close to true."

"It is true, and you know it! This will always be a cloud over my head, Aaron." She pushes me away and holds her hand over her head like it's a storm cloud. "This will always be a thing between us. You'll always be able to throw it in my face that I sucked your dick for your money! You will always be tainted by what I've done."

"What have you done, Lucy?" My voice is as loud as hers, and she stiffens at the question. "You haven't done anything but try to support yourself. If something happens between us, it will never be an issue. I will never throw it in your face."

"Except you just did, Aaron."

She's right, and shame roils in my stomach. I blow out a breath and step to the doorway again. "I'm so sorry I made you feel like a whore. It will never happen again, and I'm ashamed of myself. But I'm going to go get a blanket and sleep on that IKEA wonder in there," I say, pointing to the couch in her adjoining living room. "I'll be gone before you wake so we can have some space to think, and we'll talk about this more later."

I turn and walk away as she wipes a tear from her face.